Dating : Have you ever been turned off by how busy someone is when you're trying to get to know them?

Question

You're the more available one and they're so busy. Is that worth ending trying to get know them or is that something you could tolerate?

Aerissa_Jade · Accepted Answer

OMG, totally turned off. I go out of my way to make time and he was so busy all the time. Yet if I mentioned, your so busy... he would say "not really" and act like he isn't a very busy person.

So that to me meant he either didn't see himself as being ultra busy at all and that was his norm, or he didn't see me as a priority to make time for me, like I did for him.

Then it gets worse, cause I'd make all kinds of time or be available for weeks on end... then when I'd get busy for a week or two at work, SUDDENLY he had all this free time and then would be like, oh well don't worry about it, we'll catch up later.

Made me wonder if he did it intentionally, knowing full well I was too busy to do anything but that way he could throw some times out where he was available as if to say it isn't always his fault.

I had a serious talk with him about it, said this isn't working out and suddenly he got more involved for awhile. I think he thought he could drag me along like that forever but when I protested it was like, I'm going to lose her.

Keep in mind this was in the first two to three months of just trying to date, get to know him and see where things would go... I eventually gave up at the end of month three. By then we had only been on maybe 7 or 8 dates in 90 days. Half of them were rushed, he'd be like... I only have two hours, lets grab a quick dinner. Three months, and maybe only 15-20 hours total spent together.

Giving up suddenly made him have tons of free time, as I suddenly didn't have any time for him as I moved on to other guys.

Really makes you wonder if they do it subconsciously or if they are really doing it intentionally. At least in this case, I felt like he didn't care but I don't think he did it on purpose, I just wasn't a priority to him as long as I was pushing him. He thought he was safe, thinking he'd have time later and I wasn't going anywhere... but it changed too fast for him.

Sorry about the long winded thing.

Blackcupcake · Accepted Answer

I could tolerate it but it also depends on them…
I can respect the fact that he’s busy and he has a lot going on, and as long as he does make time for me when he is less busy and actually shows me that he’s interested and he cares then it will never be an issue. if it feels like he’s never bothering to make time for me and that he’s doing other things every time he’s free instead of spending quality time with me, then it would be a turn off because he’s not showing any interest or putting any effort

TheLoneTerran · Accepted Answer

Uuf. When she almost never looks up from her phone. I tried to be engaging, I asked her questions about herself since people tend to like others taking an interest in them. The food was good, she said I looked great, blah blah. Yeah, turns out I was just there to make another guy jealous. Supposedly all the messaging was her and her friends to get the guy to show up. I mean, I wasn't exactly in a hurry to get home either and the waitress took an interest in our table. My "date" barely noticed her. I got up to pay, and took her home.

When she wasn't on her phone she was disarmingly charming, clearly put effort into speaking with confidence and, iunno what you call it other than it was also obvious she was intelligent. And knew how to make what she wore... work? Iunno, stuff I'd never had thought of working but she tied it together.

Walked her from the car, past the building entrance, and to her apartment door. In a very welcome and refreshingly straight forward manner she invited me in for sex and to stay the night. I declined. Wasn't feeling too well connected with her for some reason... Plus her massive ex she wanted to make jealous, if he drunkenly barged in, he'd've fucking wiped the floor with me. I've been dropping weight and adding some muscle but had nothing on him. She said I'd been a real gentleman and a good sport. ... yaaaay. So I we shook hands and I left. There was a phone number on the back of my receipt from dinner so I googled the number. Gave it a call since it didn't look like a personal number, plus no one's given me their number like that before. Nobody has either to this day lol. It was an awful quality pre-recorded thing talking about how I needed to 'man up' and become a real manly man.

I can't say I was thrilled with how things went, being a pawn in some jealousy scheme, waitress turned out to be a weirdo too. So went home, showered and went to bed. Work was like in 5 hours anyways.

ohshee · Accepted Answer

I haven't been in a relationship for a year-and-a-half now close to two years I have so much passion I have so much desire I want to be in a relationship so bad but there's one thing that's holding me back besides myself and that is I've taken on so much work and I do not think it's fair for me to get into a relationship knowing that I've already committed myself to these jobs I did not be there for her I've done that once before I will never do it again it's just wrong and I would put that on anybody it is a big turn-off even for the guy that's doing it because no matter what you do it's not going to be right it's not going to be good enough at least in my eyes and I would never want to put a girl through that again

OlderAndWiser · Answer

In 2015, I met a girl who was in her last year of college. I understood she was busy with finals, graduation, etc. I had a full-time legal practice and was busy with volunteer activities but I made time for her. After graduation, she didn't make the same effort for me so I dumped her.

jennifer_bloom · Answer

I’m an easy going person so positive connections and validated interest is all I require to feel good, he does not have to spend half his life talking to me if he is busy.

gabby100 · Answer

I know where you are coming from. I got friendly with a guy , so we went out on a date, most of the time, he was on his phone. The date was not very good , he was so busy on his phone he hardly ate anything or chatted. So i left him to his phone.
Following day he rings me saying why i was so upset. I told him about his phone. He said oh its just work,
So we had another date , and we actually got through the meal without his phone ringing. But it he was on it shortly after.
I SAID GOOD BYE, dont ring me..

Nawlins34 · Answer

Yes and I dropped them.

People can be busy and we shouldn't dismiss or discount the things they have going on, but understand that people make time for what they value and if it isn't you, then leave.

If you're being "rescheduled" constantly, it is because you choose to continue being rescheduled.

If they want more of your time, they will have to show through their actions via making more time for you, if they don't, they confirmed what you already suspected.

WalterBlack · Answer

Myself and the woman I'm currently "talking" to have schedules that are constantly in conflict. It is extremely frustrating. In the past I've given up on trying to date certain women when it has been this difficult. I'm lonely though. I've got to take what I can get.

crossdressingrihno · Answer

If they're not going to have enough time for you during a date there definitely not going to have enough time for you during the rest of your relationship either and if they're not going to have enough time for you for your relationship then what's the point in even attempting to have a relationship in the first place

Anonymous · Answer

Yes, that's why I focus on quality, not quantity. I don't mind if you only have 10 minutes with me so long as you make it apprent to me you're present for those 10 minutes.

Anonymous · Answer

Not because of them being busy.. if one is busy but still prioritise me highly, want to schedule plans with me in good time, see me spontaneosly when possible, then it works fine.
I mostly have trouble with people who are unorganised, changes plans, don't want to settle for plans..

laurieluvsit · Answer

100%! Especially when you know it will get even worse once they are settled in with you in a relationship and think you should tolerate it. Get away from that situation ASAP is my advice!

Squaresquirrel · Answer

Eh, not worth it. If he is that busy, I will not fit into his life or I will have to "beg" for some time together. No, thanks. (assuming he is really busy, and not just trying to blow me off)

Avicenna · Answer

Yeah, either it is because she's talking to and going out on dates with lots of people and therefore I'm just a number or she doesn't know how to prioritize her time. And I would move on in either case.

TrueConfection · Answer

That depends. If one person is in school or working or both and the other person is available nearly 24 hours a day, the more available person might be expecting more time than is reasonable.

exitseven · Answer

I dated somebody that worked nights and sometimes weekends. She was a bartender and it was a challenge to spend time together. A few times we met for breakfast. Lots of times I would hang out and drink where she used to work.

Random18x · Answer

Yes very. Especially when you guys are dating n they become extremely busy for 2 months straight. Makes you pull back & lose interest.

Flower7 · Answer

Yes, when this happens, I usually get the impression that they’re not very interested in me.

melanieeeB · Answer

Yeah! I understand with my friends that it takes us mooonths to meet up but not with a partner

bowenw · Answer

Yes. A girl I dated was studying medicine and by no fault of her own never had time for much else including me.

Crankor · Answer

Ofcourse. If they don't have time for a relationship we'll that's how it is. I get everyone can be busy but also you make time for things that are important to you.

SilverRain92 · Answer

Yes, it's one of the main reasons. If a person seems to be too busy or uninterested then dating doesn't have any sense, lol

bamesjond0069 · Answer

Too busy is a huge red flag. There is no such thing and if there is they are a legit workaholic or have some kind of ocd with their planner. Stay away.

talka20 · Answer

Not in dating sense but yes i do get pissed bec of that sometimes.-.

msc545 · Answer

After a while, you realize that "busy" means "I don't want to see you".

Fromdusktilldawn · Answer

Yea when you try like for 4 month to meet up but she never "has time" I quit

jasco · Answer

Yes, but I am trying to get over that because everyone has their own life

chulo1992 · Answer

Ohhhhh yeah!!! I kill the interest of that person off immediately. I have NO TIME for that.

KrakenAttackin · Answer

You mean they have a life that doesn't center around you, so you eject them.

Waldoe · Answer

yes, if they do NOT have time for me... why even bother...

007kingifrit · Answer

yea it's a big deal breaker in a woman. i prefer a girl with a job she isn't married to

AFretiredTXn · Answer

I'm having that problem right now with a lady I'm trying to get to know better.

Anonymous · Answer

Yes it sucks but life can be busy if you have to work a lot. So you have to be understanding of the situation.

Slim57 · Answer

Oh for sure, if they aren't willing to make any time whatsoever apart from a busy schedule every now and then I'm out

ArrowheadSW · Answer

Yes that actually has happened. I just let it go.

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

The right person is free when they are busy.

Wise4myage · Answer

Yeah, and its a real turn off too.

Staximus · Answer

If they give a shit, they will make time for you.

lovebigwomen19 · Answer

That happened to my marriage

EaterPeter · Answer

Oh yeah

UpdateGloomyNights_ · Answer

Yes sometimes

Dating : Have you ever been turned off by how busy someone is when you're trying to get to know them?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

Dating : Have you ever been turned off by how busy someone is when you're trying to get to know them?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

We're glad to see you liked this post.