Am I just being paranoid? Or is something really off?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship. We make it work and having been dating for over a year now. But sometimes I get really jealous of his relationship with his female cousin, which to be exact, is really the sister of his cousin's wife. So, no, they are not blood-related. Their bond is super close. They text, call, facetime, hangout, you name it, a lot. Sometime when I ask him why he doesn't spend time with me like that, he says that it's because I'm not there. But is that really why? Does he just not feel like trying for me? He has shown me their texts and I can tell that he cares so much for her. It's usually him initiating the conversation, asking her to hangout, talk, telling her he misses her, loves her, and stuff like that. Sometimes, I feel like I come second to her. I hate feeling that way. I don't want to be jealous of their relationship, but I just can't get rid of the feeling. I feel like he cares for her more than me. They see each other everyday but it's like they can't seem to get enough of each other. And whenever we have an argument, he always runs to her for comfort. I hate it. Please give me advice. I'm losing my mind. (maybe literally)
Ever since I became a child of infidelity, my trust issues have gone haywire. Life is crazy. Send me some help please.

[TommyMountainFigure]

I can advise you, but you're not going to like it.

This relationship might be the best in the world from your perspective, you might worship the ground he walks on. You could want to spend your life with him, in fact you could have all those things, BUT I have (just like everyone else who reads your question) the ability to be able to step back and view your relationship without rose coloured glasses.
By that, I mean I can see you have no choice but to break things off with him, because you sure as heck cannot demand he tones things down with her and expect him to do just that, and you've made it clear you can't go on the way things are for the sake of your sanity.

Let's look at this situation with pragmatism for a second. If you look after your health and eat well, you can realistically hope to live until in your 90's. You aren't even 18 yet, so if you end things. What have you really lost? The built up history of a year with a guy you've never even met?
Now offset that until you're say 95, and that is a year wasted as opposed to over 75 you'll be wasting if you stay.
My advice is to break things off with him and find someone who treat you as if you are the centre of their world, not just some small island somewhere on the outskirts.

[Asker]

Thank you, I really appreciate you taking the time to read my question and give me advice.
The thing is, it's hard for me to let go once I've set my heart on something. And to be honest, I'm attached to him. I'm not sure if breaking up is an option. He's the best thing that has happened to me in a really long time. In the beginning of our relationship, everything felt so right and we were the happiest. A few months passed, then we found out about my mom's affair. My world came crashing down and I felt so lost. He was there with me through of all it. I think part of the reason why I'm so attached to him is because I depended on him so much during that time. It was to the point where I felt like I couldn't breathe without him. He became my entire world. Our relationship became really unhealthy. I would lash out at him when I was having really bad days. Sometimes, I would say and do things that hurt him without meaning to. I became this mean person. I hated myself, but I couldn't stop. I lost trust in everyone, including myself. I didn't know who I was anymore. I couldn't take it anymore so I decided to take a break from the relationship. Once I was ready, I would talk to him again, in which we both agreed to do. Then, I did that when I felt ready to for the relationship. We are better now, but last night I asked him to share his screen with me and he showed me his messages with her. That's when I had another episode.
Another thing, I am close with her. We do share a close bond too, and it can be compared to her relationship with my boyfriend. But ever since my break with him, she's been acting off. I saw that all throughout our break, they've been hanging out almost everyday, texting and calling every night. I think that's a bit much.
They are both good people and I don't want to lose either of them. But sighhhhhhh

[TommyMountainFigure]

I'm going to share something with you I've not shared with anyone before, and the reason for it is it is pertinent to your situation.
About 15 years ago I found myself in a relationship with this girl, she was great at first but she became more and more demanding. I never knew at the time but she was addicted to heroine. She became dependant on me for everything, she would phone me at work and my job involves driving so I couldn't always answer the phone. I would accused of alsorts despite my constantly putting her mind at rest. She would scream at me break up with me, then make up. This went on for too long but I didn't have the heart to end it. It weighed so heavily on me. You mentioned the word 'unhealthy' in your response to me, and there lies the key. I stayed in that relationship for as long as she needed me, but I couldn't wait to get out of it. As much as I hate to say this and I really hate to say it but.. OK I think you know where I'm going here. Apart from the drugs with my EX, does a lot sound familiar with your relationship? I get the feeling he spends time with her because he wants time away from walking around on eggshells.
I know I know. and I am truly sorry if I overstepped with any comparisons, but that was a very unhealthy relationship. and I am sad to say I think yours is too.
I know how badly you need this guy, how much you depend on him, but truthfully, now you are in a stronger and better place, consider what might be better for you.. both of you..

[wa1t1ngFuture]

I'm sad to see you after reading your story... it feels like emotional writing every word... (I know it's hard because I've been in a long distance relationship too) and I finally decided to leave him. ... before leaving I gave him a lot of messages, advice, things he didn't know about me... we've never met him, he's Russian I'm Irish imagine how far from the island in the west... England to the east of Europe

[wa1t1ngFuture]

she's a 19 year old girl i mistyped not he but she

[Anonymous]

What you have is not dating. That is your first mistake.

[TenkRealist]

You need to get over it yourself or talk it out.

[Iron_Man]

How do you date through a computer screen