Why Do Intelligent People Have A Hard Time Dating?

Question

BeMuse · Accepted Answer

Intelligent people have very active creative minds that are constantly curiously seeking out new ideas. Most people just aren’t all that interesting or stimulating. Most people are average and relatively simple. You play with them for a little bit and figure them out, but there just isn't enough substance to keep you coming back over and over again. You could interpret that as having higher standards, being picky, having a big ego, etc. but ultimately it’s really just being unfulfilled, bored, maybe neglected. The right person will keep them interested, but most people just don’t have it in them. All the bullshit about smart people not understanding emotions and always operating based on logic is bogus. Smart people are often very passionate. They can be intense. They can be infamously mean spirited and blunt to some people which often gets interpreted as anger or unhappiness by dumb people. They can be a total sweetheart to others and be highly romantic. Smart people will read your emotions, charm the hell out of you with fast witted humor, and have you wrapped around their little finger if they want and can easily manipulate you if they feel it’s worth their time. Smart people often speak on many different levels to adapt to their audience. You think people that study everything in the world, just stop when it comes to studying people? Don’t make me laugh. Next, being smart doesn’t make you weak, shy, anxious, or timid. That is just dumb people wishfully hoping that people that outsmart them have some sort of flaw. People that exercise tend to do better on IQ tests, perform better in school, and earn higher grades. Ask yourself if it’s logical that dumb people would do better in school and IQ tests when they get fit and strong, but people that perform exceptional well would show the opposite tend and become weak and feeble. That’s just idiotic.

razelove · Accepted Answer

I only did in my first relationship. It was a manipulative shit show where I got cheated on a lot, saw hundreds of thousands of dollars evaporate into drugs, and, yeah. After that I embraced the anger and need for control in me, stopped being a simp, released the sadist in me, and everything has been smooth sailing from there.

I mean in an overall way, sure, there are bumps in every relationship, but I offer compromise, if it's rejected, then I offer a new compromise, same as the last one, my way or get out of my life. Some people can't handle it, but most can. Maybe I simply attract subs, but it works out fine.

Your problem may be that you're overthinking or holding on to image or shame. You do what you do to be yourself and be happy. You find someone else to be happy with and don't try to change who they are. You can tell them what to do, but not how to be. If they try to tell you how to be, tell them to hit the road unless it's to move around more and eat less because you're prediabetic or something. That's a smart move.

shaysh87 · Accepted Answer

Socially intelligent people don't have a hard time dating. Its the academically intelligent ones that have a harder time dating.

academically intelligent people tend to focus much of their time doing solitary activities such as studying, robotics, chess, reading. Stupid people tend to focus most of their activities on socializing at bars, watching tv / netflix, PlayStation , xbox, hookups. This is the same reason why academically intelligent people tend to be less socially skilled than dumber people.

Academically intelligent people also do not tend to get along with just absolutely any random person on the street. Intelligent people don't tend to get along with dummies or average intellect. Of course exceptions exist but thats not the general rule. Intelligent people tend to seek out folks with above average intelligence. And folks with above average intellect may be harder to find.

amandat94132 · Accepted Answer

Yes because the interests are so different Intelligent people love to learn and explore
My friend told me a funny story about college friends , they went on vacation to Vegas, the curious smart people didn't want to party or be involved in small talk

Instead of partying they slept at night and woke up to take a nature hike while the
party people were nursing hangovers

They took geology books with them and literally identified every rock in the Nevada desert :) Three marriages came from this , and the weddings were near the Griffith Park Observatory so they could learn about that after the wedding

The topics are so different :) Most people think about using the income for weekend partying , then they talk about it 24/7 More curious people are not interested in
gossip partying 24/7 or small talk

ManOnFire · Answer

If they are  emotionally  and intellectually intelligent - and I don't necessarily mean intellectually as in book smarts - they are generally going to have a harder time dating because their thought-processes are on a higher level than many other people and they take love and connections much more serious than the general population.

jennifer_bloom · Answer

They are more picky so must invest more into researching their prospects before making their selection.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

In what way do you think intelligent people have added difficulties in dating?

Desconhecida · Answer

Because they don't settle for less than they deserve.

ChrisMaster69 · Answer

Often can be more fussy, not as attracted to purely the physical.

Have recognised there is more to life than simply ‘beauty, physique’ etc and that things like being able to hold a conversation with someone is actually important.

Intelligent (depending how you classify it), often socialise with similar people, bringing a new partner into a social circle that talks about stuff other than sport, can be awkward.

finding partner that you can socialise with as well as get on with, can often reduce the available ‘stock’ of others to find someone from.

Leshen · Answer

I think it's more so intelligent women that have a hard time. Statistically, being a smart woman is less desirable than being a smart man. Mostly because intelligent women are often seen as harder to please due to their independence. Also, less likely to compromise or accept the bare minimum.

I wouldn't say this is a bad thing tho. It sucks when trying to find partners, but your partners will be more fulfilling when you do get them. Better to have a man that's not intimated by you and instead appreciates your intellect. Than one who is threatened by it.

I personally don't understand why any gender would want a dumber partner when they're supposed to be your equal 💀

genericname85 · Answer

because people tend to date people that are somewhat equal to them not just in the case of "intelligence" exclusively but for sure intelligence plays a role. so the issue is: the further away from the center you get from pretty much any bell curve that stratifies measures of success or personal qualities, the less people there are in a strata. so less people means logically, it's harder to find a mate that's equal to you. simply cause there is less of them. that goes for both directions that lead away from the center of the bell curve of course.

so like someone who's extremely cognitively impaired (let's say bottom 1%) will pretty much have equally bad chances of finding a mate as the top 1% highest IQ people. simply cause both have very few somewhat equal mates compared to if you're bang on in the middle like the perfect average person.

Kaneki05 · Answer

Because not average. In a average world, the average do better at dating the other averages. The average people do better at getting steady jobs, the average do better at conforming to things around them. Intelligent are not average they have much harder time doing those things.
And why myself does too.

ArtemisSilver · Answer

Well in my case it's because I'm trying to try out an alternative family unit based on logic. Male lead polyfidelity.

The pros being added wealth for everyone involved, optimised childcare, freedom to be a housewife or a career woman without giving up as much for either.

It's a valid solution to social mobility, the failing birth rate and the hostile economic conditions that are facing our generation.

Unfortunately, I basically have to do a PowerPoint to explain the concept to most people and most women just seem want to be men or a disney princess lol.

The usual response seems to be confused anger. But I'll keep on trying. The nice thing about being a dude is that I've got lots of time.

lucas262 · Answer

I don't know if it makes me smart or not but I see what a Lotta people are doing hooking up, saying the I love yous etc

And I see how many relationships fail today and I think it's because people always look for what they can get outta the relationship. Not many work and give to the other with out expectations. Which is love. A choice.

You can't be selfish and call it love. At some point you gotta be all in for the other person and if their worth it they will return that.

I think we would all give a lot for a partner like this

zagor · Answer

Perhaps too logical about things. And they may be harder to relate to. I worked briefly at a company with about a dozen people, of which only two others were male, and about half of whom were young single women 19-25. I used to go out to clubs with them sometimes. But I wouldn't have dated any of them even though most were attractive enough physically. They just were not very bright and I couldn't see myself in any kind of relationship there. One of the guys was the only one besides me with a college degree; I know a lot of bright people who don't have that paper but none of them worked there.

DenizLikesTennis · Answer

It is because we have too many details that we notice and way too many questions/possibilities in our mind (that we don't speak it out) instead moving super quickly forward to prevent perils. So they are way more cautious. It takes lots of time and patience.

slatyb · Answer

It's simple. They are searching the shallow end of the dating pool. People typically seek partners they can easily converse with, which means someone of approximately equal intelligence. Someone in the top 1% of intelligence (IQ 137) may only be interested in dating someone in the top 2-3% of intelligence. Of course, people of high intelligence tend to get together professionally or otherwise but if they fail to find a partner until 30 they will find relatively few of their peers are available.

Anonymous · Answer

By "people", you are obviously talking about women here, because "I have a hard time dating because I'm too intelligent" is not something any guy in the history of guys has ever said.

Now that we have that out of the way and we've established that we're talking about women, let's address the actual problem. Intelligent women don't have a hard time dating... undesirable women have a hard time dating, and the ones who think they are intelligent but really aren't blame their failures on their "intelligence".

Note that by undesirable I am not necessarily talking about physical attractiveness. Your intelligence will never make you undesirable to a good man, but other things may. Use your "intelligence" to figure out what those things are and fix them, if you care enough to. Use your "intelligence" to recognize that your starts are NOT what are keeping you from being successful with good, self-respecting men.

Anonymous · Answer

The problem people have with dating is not intelligence. Intelligence is extremely attractive to both men and women. Some of the most amazingly desirable women I know are very intelligent. And some of the most undesirable women I know are also very intelligent.

The problem women have is their personality, their attitude toward men and relationships, their priorities and their inability to treat a man well. Unfortunately, they blame their failures with men on being a "strong and intelligent" woman, and by doing so they completely miss the real problem.

Aerissa_Jade · Answer

Personal experience here, they tend to be socially awkward. At least the ones I've met, are super intelligent but have social skills ranging from 3 or under out of 10. If they were homeschooled many graduated from high school and college before 18. You can imagine that puts a bit of a damper on their social skills.

JohannaSm · Answer

They sometimes have priorities that aren't dating. Especially true for women - women in countries where they don't have access to higher level schooling often get married and have children at a young age. But women in countries where we can go to college and pursue a career wait much longer on average to have children because of priorities like education and work

LaFemmeFatale_1 · Answer

I remember there was that cute super Intelligent guy, he talked to me about Math problems and while it was pretty interesting, I don’t think that’s the best topic to talk about with a girl you like :P

Otherwise, give me the intelligent people, I love intelligence.

KelleyNice · Answer

Perhaps it is because dating is not easy regardless of person's IQ. Dating may be easy for college educated men and much harder for college educated women. That is because colleges are about 60% women and women don't like to date below their educational level.

Novacane · Answer

Because they are intelligent for a reason these people tend to stick to the books and are very good at doing things on their own at least formulating ideas on their own. But that would mean that they are lacking in social skills, which you find most intelligent people struggle with and knowing how to talk to people is a skill of its own

lightbulb27 · Answer

Dating is an emotional and relational thing. Maybe they aren’t as adept in those areas at that time. As well… opinions can Create barriers emotionally.

I see lots of intelligent people dated and married but your scale may be different than mine. Einstein did fine…

Guy13 · Answer

That’s garbage. Intelligence means smarter and wiser than the date…which means I know how to manipulate her in the way she wants to be manipulated. I have a wife consortium of Tools from which to choose.
If we’re on a Date then all the chatting one another up has occurred. Date is a good time.

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

Because we only want other intelligent people, ones who are sexually stunning and who share all of our hobbies, preferences, interests, etc.

Smart people don't settle, because we aren't dumb enough to think that we can change people, or that major personality and hobby differences won't result in divorce.

cth96190 · Answer

Yes.
I have an IQ in the genius range. I have found interactions with females to be extremely difficult.
Women, as a collective, wanted knuckle dragging sociopathic bad boys.
I was of no interest, until females hit the wall and began to look for a Beta Bucks who could give them a white picket fence and a retirement plan.

Juxtapose · Answer

Men's side: Because the jacked up neanderthal who has the temperament of a roid rage pitbull is more appealing to a lot of women.

Women's side: Said jacked up neanderthal with the temperament of a roid rage pitbull is not very stimulating for intellectual conversations.

Snsl153 · Answer

Because our standards are high, and we won't just settle for any schmuck who comes along. We want someone who actually has a brain, and doesn't just talk about crap like sport or celebrity gossip.

Reaper1985 · Answer

Some might over think things and/or require the person their dating to be roughly equal to them.

Studies so males are 50% more likely to date someone. Who’s equal or below them in multiple factors. But also show females are 50% more likely to date someone. Who’s equal or above them in those same factors.

Things like income or wealth, intelligent’s, social status, age, etc.

TexasRed95 · Answer

Our brains won't stop. I have extremely bad social anxiety and mind mind races as I want to make everything perfect. It all has to be planned out in my head and if anything doesn't go how I thought it would I panic. My mind is active to the point that I can't sleep more than about 4 hours a day.

Wade12345 · Answer

Because DUMB people actually think they are the smart ones. Intelligent people are not popular, nor do they want to be popular. Intelligent people don't spend their weekend and holidays getting drunk or high either.

Anonymous · Answer

People who are intelligent have an easier time dating than people who aren't intelligent. Let that one sink in for a moment.

People try to use the fact they think they are intelligent as an excuse to explain their failures with the opposite sex. And I'm sorry to say it but some of us women are the worst about it.

Anonymous · Answer

I'm not saying I am very intelligent, far from it, but majority of the people even less intelligent, if you want to date someone, you either lower your expecations to have stimulating conversations, give up and wait for a miracle, or get a dog or cat.

5carpileup · Answer

Because everyone else is stupid? Lol. Okay… maybe not stupid, but intelligent people talk about ideas, unintelligent people talk about other people. So if you want to talk about ideas, then you’re going to be disappointed when they just want to talk about people.

JohnSmileton · Answer

Because we have higher standards. We don't want just anyone. We get bored if the other person talks about pop culture bs. We want someone who wants to talk about ideas.

Flower7 · Answer

The people they try to date would often think they are boring. Intelligent people can have a hard time having things in common with the average person.

boldlyblu · Answer

Because they don't fit the norm.
They're of high intelligence and whatever they're smart in general or a specific thing. We can not relate or we know nothing about, which causes a struggle for both parties involved.

Apple1996 · Answer

They think with logic instead of emotion. And there isn't much logic in love. It's very messy and unpredictable so I assume smart people don't know how to deal with that aspect of it.

Bizcota77 · Answer

Intelligent people typically have a voice inside of their brain. This special voice guides their thoughts and these types of people step down from reality. Disconnecting from reality and living in a "man-cave" is just such a pleasure for some like me. The 'voice' already entertains us all and we don't seek companionship because our 'best friend' is already in us. We feel full-filled.

jshm2 · Answer

They don't. So called intelligent people tend to have their head so far up their ass, people just can't see them in the face.  Real intelligent people don't need to tell you they are intelligent.

ohshee · Answer

Because the moment that they have a chance to have sex to start calculating it in their head and within one to two minutes to shoot their load and they say damn it I'm wrong again

AviatorTom · Answer

Intelligent people sometimes overthink things, rather than just go for it. Dating works best when you just go for it.

Anonymous · Answer

Because it is painful to talk with people who are social media and/or pop culture obsessed. Intelligent people are more visionary than the general population, as a result there is little overlap.

I remember reading a theory stating that when people have a 30 point difference in IQ there is little possibility of any connection.

Msputiton · Answer

Most self proclaimed intelligent people, are usually dumber than most people.  They are to egotistical and dumb to realize it. And all the stupid actions makes it hard to date.

EssenceOfLight · Answer

Majority of smart asses are autistic, not generally intelligent. They have often huge deficits in social intelligence, that is very important to sustain high social status among other individuals.

TommyMountainFigure · Answer

All these years I've mistakenly believed I was intelligent then, because I don't have problems getting dates!

IveGotNoName · Answer

I dont actually think that's true... I have older siblings who I consider to be very intelligent and yes, they did start dating a little late, but they are all happily married.

Impalitteri · Answer

I think they do because conversation doesn't flow as easily, people can't follow or just aren't on the same wave length.

NathanDavis · Answer

I never had an issue with it... but I made it a point to develop my emotional intelligence way further than my intellect

blondfrog · Answer

Intellect equals better jobs and more money and that also equals them having more options thus leading them to having more higher standards. If you had 100 different options vs only maybe 30 which person do you think is going to be more picky?

Avicenna · Answer

Higher expectations and communication problems with people much less intelligent than them.

dustybiker · Answer

The need to find someone who can challenge them. To keep it fresh.

2log10x · Answer

I don't think they do. Geeky people do. Most intelligent people are not geeks.

MagicCarpet1 · Answer

A woman will never say anything interesting to a smart man, I promise you that.

Lionman95 · Answer

Because smart people have a harder time building up social skills with other people in general.

one1wild00 · Answer

Probably because their thought process and interests aren't on the same level as most of the people around them, so most potential dates think they are too different and pass them by..

CAPTAIN-OBVIOUS · Answer

We have a hard time relating to others. For example I am a genius and it is not likely I will meet another genius that is a girl anytime soon. We are rare breed and it’s just nature.

DermalPunch · Answer

Because people lacking substance make my eyes fall inward.

Jltakk · Answer

Certain cognitive functions are not ideal for dating. INFJs for example will have a tougher time than ESFPs. High Ni is just you being in your own head and exploring, and having a hell of a time trying to explain why you came to certain conclusions.

Straight2thepoint · Answer

The lack of communication and comprehension, and over analysis of the other persons ability to respond towards the conversation.

IsoUser · Answer

Because we tend to look for girls who are intelligent, have a sense of humor and very easy on the eyes in other words as close to a perfect 10 as you can get 😊🤗😉😷

Why Do Intelligent People Have A Hard Time Dating?

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