Hey, everyone. I need advice. I'm interested in a girl (seriously interested), and I want to date her. (Or "court" or whatever you call it.). She likes me (or tolerates me) and she enjoys talking to me.
But she's smitten by another man. She fell for him over a year before she met me. He likes her, too, but he isn't doing anything about it. So she's still completely single and just waiting and twiddling her thumbs (as is he, apparently).
Objectively, he's a better catch than I am. And she's already attracted to him. (Whereas she hasn't met me yet.). However, I don't really know what his character is or what his relationship skills would be, so I may in fact have an edge on him there. Because I'm pretty confident that I am a good person, and I would care for her well.
At this point, what would be the best course of action for me to take? Should I go ahead and make a "pitch" and tell her why I think I would be good for her? Or should I keep my mouth shut and just let the situation play out and see what happens with the other dude and see if he ever makes a move (which could be 4 or 5 years; who knows)?
She's a great person, and she has pretty much all the qualities I'm looking for in a partner. It would be a shame to lose her. But I'm a good sport and I understand that no one is entitled to anyone else, and if she ends up with the other guy... well then that's just the way things were meant to be.
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Thanks everyone for your responses. I really appreciate it. A lot of good analysis and good questions.
Well I go for obvious straight forward approach with out all mind twisting anxiety, and sack up and act like a man by straight up asking her out. there's no strategy to be played here heterosexual women like confident men who still remember where their balls are.
I always do better with women I don't know at all. I am not into this let's be friends, as if you need a relationship with someone before wanting a relationship with them.
Here is my understanding of the rather uncomplicated situation that you have gotten yourself into. Bassed upon all your jibber jabber up top, you have probably already screwed it all up. With I want to date her or court her crap. You might already have put yourself into the friend zone without even knowing or even understanding the piont I just made with all yhr find your balls talk.
What we have her is a single women. Who likes a ballless wonder of a guy, and then there's you who hasn't maned because of some lack self confidence to make a move.. now on here asking for advice like you have trick her into dating you. Like yoy know you he can't compete for this womens attention as long the nutless wonder is in the picture. Your screwed my man.
You should stop all this courtship crap and ask her out. But I get the feeling that since you know so much about how she likes this other guy, that you have probably already lost your chance. If your at the level that she is telling you that she likes this other guy... well your in the friend zone bud, and its all your fault.
All you can do is be bold and tell straight up you want take her out. Be honest about being physically attracted to her. That's key, she needs see you as a man not as some guy friend. Be prepared she's going say something like i don't think of you like that... and know that's not her fault because you did it to yourself.
If she say no then deal with it, be a man and move on. If she says yes, act like a man. Don't court her, just date her and make your intentions clear without being too heavy handed or getting too serious with the I like you a lot talk. Hold together and play it cool.. No strategy or games required. You man that wants date a women, and she's women without a man. Let things move forward at natural pace, don't rush it, but don't be a pansy either. Your man that into man shit, so make a move. And quit this mind screw jigger jabber.
I know I sound mean, but its call tough love. You need to man up and start acting like you know how to talk to an treat women right, without being her friend... because no man knows how to talk to women. But guys like me do better than most because we don't do bullshit stuff like this. We just ask girls out and date them, for man reasons and we don't play games or beat about bush. If they no to use we move to next women like any real man would and should. The ones that say no you just cut them lose and move on to someone who knows what a real man is and how to treat them right.
"Here is my understanding of the rather uncomplicated situation that you have gotten yourself into. Bassed upon all your jibber jabber up top, you have probably already screwed it all up." Yeah, probably. LOL 😂😆
"... well your in the friend zone bud, and its all your fault." I was her friend from the very beginning, dude. That's not a new development. So if I am in fact currently in the Friend Zone, it's not because I got a demotion.
Cool, cool... well courting is when you wine and dine women like your trying set yourself up for this serious, committed long-term term relationship from day 1.
dating id like your just into seeing her and hanging out, and eventually having regular sex with her. And maybe if things work out you never know.
To men being in the freind zone, or being friends with a girl for a while, then trying to date her or advance the relationship, its near impossible. I know they do it in the movies, but in real life its near impossible. Once got women thinking your just her freind... well thats how she is going just think about you as her friend. Then you try to cross that line of friendship she feels likr you betrayed the friend. Best you can do here is live and learn and never fall into the friend zone trap again.
So you can't get demoted from the friend zone, because guys that like to have sex with women, the friend zone is rock bottom. Some stranger walking down the street right now, probably has a better chance of getting with this girl than you do right now.
Next time you meet a girl that you find attractive, do not try to be her friend, don't court her, just date her and make it clear that dating is what you want.
"To men being in the friend zone, or being friends with a girl for a while, then trying to date her or advance the relationship, its near impossible." Then why does everyone tell us to be friends first? I mean, that's popular advice that you hear from every single direction. That's what the "experts" say.
"Then you try to cross that line of friendship she feels like you betrayed the friend.". Nah. She doesn't feel betrayed. She knows I like her, and she's not freaked out about it.
Its a hottly debated subject... some people really think being friends first is important. I mean its not like you're not trying to be a women's friend when your dating her. You very much are trying to be her friend and more and your remain very focused and oriented on the more... once you lose momentum toward achieving more... then your stuck in the friend zone. So you break it off before that happens, and maybe them come around later or never, but you never get stuck or hung up over her, because you tried, failed and are done with it, and maybe you can try again or never.
How did you get into the Friend Zone? Well you gave up your most valuable commodity for free... your friendship. Now she gets all the emotion support and things she wants, and you get a friend that just happens to be a women. Which is nice but frustrating when you want more, her needs are being served and yours are wanting. Thats the freind zone trap.
These women will keep you around as there freind knowing you want more, and they never intent to make it more. Like they know they have a fish on the bite, maybe even hooked, but they just tugging on the pool and never reeling in, or just catching and releasing because its fulfilling and they can act like its not really hurting the fish.
Get over this girl my man, move on to some that really wants to date you. I mean seriously just ask her out, if it no then move on.
Any way I'd straight ask her out, and make some serious moves in dating her. If she says no, the get some separation time and space and start dating someone else
I agree… if I talk to my guy friend about another guy I like… he is friend zoned… If my guy friend isn’t saying anything about likening me… I would think he is not interested and or gay… Once he says he likes me … I disappeared…
You have nothing to lose… the sooner you know the quicker you can decide if you have a chance or time to make room for Ms. Right. Talking over a year is a friend zone in my book. Do not under estimate womens intuition. They know what (who) they want. And are not afraid to show it… that’s exactly what she is telling/showing you.
@Jamie05rhs. Congrats, Jamie. You and she didn't disappear, so I gave good advice. If had disappeared I'd of said I told so... so its a win, win, win... you win, I win and she wins. @midnightmoon05 is right as well the piont straight coming out about was the only obvious choice... but there's no doubt in my mind that you weren't friend zoned... so keep us posted.
I think there are a lot of factors that haven't been talked about like how long you've been talking, how you started started, etc.
From what I know, I don't know about making a pitch but you should definitely try to meet her and if possible, let her know then that you're interested if you still are but don't show that you're completely sold. You haven't met her yet so there's really no reason for you to be sold as of this moment. Don't do anything mushy gushy like I love you so much that I can't imagine life without you lol. Just something lighthearted and playful is best in my opinion. Don't make her feel pressured to make a decision and be cool with her decision. If you get a yes, good, don't say something to make her doubt it. If you get a maybe, you're open to trying again. If it's a no, then depending on how hard the no is, you can try again or not.
So wait? your seriously interested in someone that you haven't met yet?
"Objectively, he's a better catch than I am. " don't think this way, that is self defeating.
You do not know what she thinks, besides there is the whole big picture package too. Usually we cannot know that until we get to know someone really well.
Go talk to her and get to know her, become friends and maybe ask her out for a cup of of coffee or a regular date. That way you can see where things go and you might find that she could be interested in you too.
Only one way to find out, but you gotta make a move. At the same time, if you do and it doesn't work you might end up with a friend who might know someone else to suggest setting you up with.
Real world social networking is how I met a lot of people.
Okay. I want to meet her sometime, but it's complicated. Because if I ask to meet up too soon, then I'll scare her away and she'll stop talking to me. If I wait for her to ask, then I can just meet up when she's ready. I don't mind waiting. I'm a laid back person and I like to take things slow anyway.
Okay. I just don't want to bore her to death in the meantime. She said before that she doesn't know if we have chemistry. And I agreed with that; she was absolutely right. Because I have been purposely holding back my emotions and trying to just treat her "professionaly.". If that makes sense.
What your doing is good if she was with the other guy, but since she isn't, make that move. Be respectful about it and if it doesn't work, leave it at that. At least then she'll know you are interested and you know you gave it a shot and won't be wondering what could of been down the road.
Think of it, as throwing the ball into her court... see if she wants to play or leave it there. If your on good terms, she should stay on good terms as long as you don't get stupid, which I know you won't. By pushy and pressuring.
Making a move one time, usually won't cause any issues. Then you can move on either direction.
In my personal opinion if your going to ask in person do it more as a private thing than in public if there anything like me she will feel pressured to say yes in a group
She's into someone else, but still single? You'll never know if you have a chance with her unless you take a chance... She may say she's not interested, she may be interested... Only one way to really find out...
here is how I see it... if you really liked her and wanted to be her, then you would definitely go and try for her without any doubt whatsoever
so, this makes me think that maybe you're not as confident as you are, at least not assertive or determined... or it could also be that you're just feeling competitive or in the mood of "going for something you cannot have" which is some sort of excuse for inaction, some people do that... it is a way to sabotage ourselves
the way you said it, there's a few things unresolved and unclear... things that are important and things that are worth require for us to put the effort and for us to be resolute
"I seriously am interested on her and want her... but I could also wait five years" this is a contradiction, and it doesn't make any sense... I think you're setting yourself up for some trap in here, and that's not nice... clear your mind, be honest with yourself and decide what you really want for yourself, once you decide then do everything that is possible for you to do... without being inconsiderate to others of course, because this is about others as well, not just you
I'll admit that there is a part of me that is still not 100% sure. I usually venture into relationships VERY carefully. I like to keep my eyes open the entire time. I want to be able to abort mission if necessary if I feel that something is "off."
yes, but being 100% sure of something is extremely rare... and not necessarily because of the people involved, but just life and how life can be, complicated and complex as well
@NathanDavis So let me ask you this. (Serious honest question):. What level percentage of assuredness should you have before you decide to actually pursue someone?
I do like to be extremely careful about these things. Because girls don't like to be jerked around; it's rude and hurtful.
Experience is definitely a deciding factor here, and I would never be so sure or unsure without having previous experiences, at this point of my life, I have had four different relationships that went very well and they were a bit different from one another, mostly because they happened at different points of my life and because obviously, they were with different women
so part of how sure we are on ourselves and if we can actually have a good relationship with someone will come from actual experience, to think that we are good people is not always enough, because good people make mistakes too, and good people can also lack true experience
the second part I think it would, how actually well do you know this person you are trying to pursue, and how well they know you too... if it has been weeks, or months, or years since the two of you met for the first time, you should have a very good idea about how well do you actually know each other
so you need to clarify with yourself in which position do you stand with her now... in pursuing her, what is your goal? will you pursue her in order for the two of you to get to know one another, or to know one another better?
or are you past that stage already... are you going to pursue her to present yourself as a better choice for her? and will actively try to "win her" and make her fall for you? I think this second scenario is a more difficult one, because if it didn't already happened "naturally" then you will definitely have to work harder and make much more of an effort to make it happen
and finally... have you ever seen any sign or indication, that she is attracted in any way to you, or has an interest in you, or that she likes you in any way? something that could tell you that she has considered more than being acquainted with you.. because if you have not noticed any of this, then you will not be able to force it by pursuing her... but if you have noticed some things then yes, there might be a working change
are you so sure of yourself because you already have great relationships before?
or are you so sure of yourself because you just think you would be a great catch?
those are two very different kinds of "being sure of oneself"
and besides that...
most of the times, and more often than not, the main reason why are unsure and not able to trust others, it is because of our own insecurities, those insecurities and uncertainty that we have within ourselves
"will you pursue her in order for the two of you to get to know one another, or to know one another better?". I mean, yeah; isn't that the general point?
"are you going to pursue her to present yourself as a better choice for her? and will actively try to "win her" and make her fall for you? I think this second scenario is a more difficult one, because if it didn't already happened "naturally" then you will definitely have to work harder and make much more of an effort to make it happen"
Well, the ultimate plan (as it would be with any woman) is to meet her and then see what she thinks of me after meeting me in person. If she seems attracted and interested, then I would proceed to continue trying to build something with her. But if I get "ugh" vibes, then I will take the hint and phase out contact.
"have you ever seen any sign or indication, that she is attracted in any way to you, or has an interest in you, or that she likes you in any way?". Yeah. There's definitely something there.
"most of the times, and more often than not, the main reason why are unsure and not able to trust others, it is because of our own insecurities, those insecurities and uncertainty that we have within ourselves" I can see that. Because part of trust means believing that the other person will accept you.
But as far as me trusting other people, it has more to do with their character and personal beliefs, as well as their demeanor.
first, I think there is a pertinent question here because it really matters...
the two of you have never met in person before, why is this? do the two of you live in the same town, same city? same region? and if that is the case, what's the reason for the two of you not meeting in a year
do the two of you leave in different cities, different states, different countries? if this is the casse, it could makese sense why the two of you have not met in person, however... that raises another concern, what if the two of you meet and you hit it off really well, in that case you will have a very different obstacle on your way, will you have a long distance relationship? will you move and relocate, if yes... who is going to do that, her? you? because liking each other is not the only thing needed for a relationship to be healthier and succesful or possible in the first place
the second thing I do notice is that, you do not have experience with relationships yet you see to see yourself as "the boss" and to be clearly honest with you, this is a VERY immature and naive answer, because it is a very clear indication that you just have no idea of why this matters in the first place, and that lack of experience is going to be a big big problem
to illustrate how it can go... there were a lot of Russian generals and commanders that went to invade Ukraine thinking they were THE BOSS with their superior weapons and numbers of soldiers, and yeah they were the "bosses" in the Russian armies but when it comes to actual and real, proven experience... we all know how ended up after just two months, not good
and third... you are putting a lot of value on this first meeting and how he SEES you and how she FEELS about you, so this makes me think that, maybe she has never seen you in pictures or video either? so you're not sure if she will like you physically? it is either that... or you are not sure of the vibes that come from your actual personality, because yes... how we carry ourselves in person it can be really really different to how we carry ourselves online, that can be an incredible contrast in some people
@NathanDavis Not the same state, but neighboring states. Within a half-day's journey.
We didn't meet before because there was no reason to meet. We were complete strangers. And just friendly acquaintances. So, in other words, the subject has never come up. Because it wasn't relevant.
"will you have a long distance relationship? will you move and relocate, if yes... who is going to do that, her? you?". I don't want to make an absolute statement as far as that is concerned. But I would rather just let it happen organically if things get to that point. There is no rush. But I am completely flexible. My job is transferrable.
"she has never seen you in pictures or video either? so you're not sure if she will like you physically?" Pictures are one thing. But they're no substitute for seeing someone in person.
well alright... in this case there is no need for any certainty really
because you're just in a very very early stage of a situation... so basically, it is no risk, no gain...
my suggestion would be to suggest the idea to her, of possibly meeting to see how that works out, maybe ask her to meet so they two of you can hang out and get to know one another first
do not mention for this to be a date with the intention of possibly "moving if things go well in the future"
now if she asks if this would be a plan for a date, then just go with a maybe it could be... then just try to see how she feels about it, if more positively or more wary about the idea of dating you
"my suggestion would be to suggest the idea to her, of possibly meeting to see how that works out, maybe ask her to meet so they two of you can hang out and get to know one another first" Yeah; that's what I want to do.
"do not mention for this to be a date with the intention of possibly "moving if things go well in the future" " Oh, of course. Like I said, I am not rushing anything. I have no intention of moving anytime soon at all.
"now if she asks if this would be a plan for a date, then just go with a maybe it could be... then just try to see how she feels about it, if more positively or more wary about the idea of dating you" Hmmm. I'm not completely sure about that one. I'm conflicted. Because if I call it a date, then she might say no, because she's interested in the other guy. But if I don't call it a date, she might think that I don't take her seriously.
well, this is the risk... the last part, because if she asks for certainty in a more serious way in order to decide yes or no... or if she asks for certainty is this a date or not, in a more playful way hinting into a yes she wants it
this is something you should able to see and notice, based on experience, this is why actual experience is valuable
but at some point, you will have to risk one way or another, with any person you ever try for a relationship with
so be aware, that it might happen at some point and then weigh the risk and take it... do not just back track and quit it, otherwise you will be quitting on every attempt you try to get into a relationship
"because if she asks for certainty in a more serious way in order to decide yes or no... or if she asks for certainty is this a date or not, in a more playful way hinting into a yes she wants it this is something you should able to see and notice, based on experience, this is why actual experience is valuable" F*ck... You're right on that point! I will concede that, sir.
"so be aware, that it might happen at some point and then weigh the risk and take it... do not just back track and quit it, otherwise you will be quitting on every attempt you try to get into a relationship"
"Do not back track and quit it." What do you mean by this part?
Here's the thing, You're using more logic than she is.
Logic didn't get a woman to like a guy more than you and is now single and waiting. Nor will it convince her that you're the better option.
You even confirmed, he's a better catch. You're wasting your own time here.
You don't need to "pitch" to her, she's been showing you all this time; either you're not paying attention or you disagree with the answer to the point that you won't acknowledge it.
You're waiting for words, she's telling you with her actions - she's not interested. Don't mistake her kindness for acceptance.
If a man who isn't even present has more pull than you do in front of her, she isn't interested in you.
I also fear that you're leaning too much on "she hasn't met me yet" thinking that will be a huge momentum swing in your favor. Going by your own words, she "fell for him over a year before meeting" vs. your "she enjoys talking to me".
Furthermore, I would argue due to you signaling to her you're the type of guy that'll wait, she doesn't HAVE to make a move. I'm not saying she likes you more than a friend, but she knows you aren't going anywhere.
She'll never see your value until YOU see your value and value your time. In my opinion, your value goes up when you leave her alone and she has to come looking for you and at that point, you let her know your time is precious and if this isn't moving forward in a specific direction, then you won't entertain it.
That's my advice because she's showing you she values most what she has the least of: his attention. If that's true, a guy giving her unlimited access isn't worth a lot to her.
@Nawlins34 Well, speaking of logic, I just need to point out that you made a logical error in your assessment: He's more present in her life than I am. They have actually interacted on a personal basis. I have not.
"She might not like that other guy as much as you think.". Then why does she go on and on about him so much? He's obviously living in her head rent-free.
That may very well be true. But if you really like her, you should still ask her out. Who knows, you two might hit it off. She might decide that you're a great guy. Maybe the reason she thinks about that other guy is because she hasn't had anyone since. She could always change her mind if she finds someone better. And if you don't try, you'll never know. I don't see what you have to lose.
One thing for certain is, it makes no sense to wait around for years to see if she gets over the guy. You'd just be wasting you time.
At least if you ask her out and she refuses, you can move on. If she does agree to go out with you, it will give the two of you a chance to talk. Again, you might click. But if she's still hung up on that guy, at least you'll know for sure.
Then again, sometimes continuing to show your interest lets a woman that you're truly serious. It shows that you go after what you want and are not quitter. I know of many instances in which a woman turned a guy down more than once until his persistence payed off and they eventually got married. So sometimes tenacity pays off.
But again, doing nothing is sure to get you nothing.
Asked her does she want to have lunch or dinner and go for a walk afterwards. Get to know each other more and see what happens. Women to be honest eventually we get tired of waiting, and when a guy does the first move that shows he's both bold and pretty damn confident especially within himself. Just ask her if she would like to grab a bite to eat and go for a nice little walk around the park or nature trail and see what happens. Wish you all the luck and you can do this☺️
Dpo not sell yourself short. Wayne Gretsky said that" you miss 100% of the shots you don't take. " I really liked this girl for a couple of years and I think she liked me too. When I finally decided I would make a play for her I she had already found somebody else and the next thing I knew she was married.
you said that it wasn't a real thing. You should hang out with her a little and aske her out to something she will like. Be the best you can be. Make a grand gesture.
okay- I met my future wife at the beach one weekend. She wanted nothing to do with me. She would not tell me her name. She did however tell me the town she lived in and that she just graduated from college. I went to the college and got the yearbook and went page by page until I found her picture. Then i went to the library in the town she lived in and looked up her phone number. Sjhe was so impressed that she changed her mind about me.
@exitseven I've heard you tell that story before. It's a great story. Unfortunately that kind of thing wouldn't work in 2022. It's not socially acceptable!
(But we already have each other's contact information, so it's irrelevant in my case. Either one of us could show up and surprise the other person if we wanted to. But I won't. Because that's f*cking weird and creepy.)
I would, first of all, throw away the other guy if someone liked me the way you like her 😍😭. But it’s hard, I know. You can though, try to make her feel, whatever it is that he is making her feel. Does he tease, flirt or like how does he court her. Girls have a tendency to fall for guys who act like they don’t like them, and you’re girl sounds sooo familiar because she’s similar to me. Court her the way he does, and then, when she starts liking you, you start showing your true interest level (your love for her) hehe❤️
Trust me, any girl that chooses a player over a nice guy, has a LOT of healing to do. Guys like you, who have genuine interest, DESERVE girls who are loving, nurturing and loyal ❤️
However, in this case, the other guy isn't a player. He's just skittish about relationships because he's been cheated on before. (Assuming he's telling the truth, of course.)
Omg. He is playing her for gods sake. Please get this girl out of that situation, I JUST got out of a sink situation. He is going to drag her along for as long as he can.
I'd just tell her: "If he isn't gonna make a move, consider me your Plan B. I don't have any better options than you right now."
Then, make yourself indisposable to her, if you can help it. She'll get frustrated that he's so useless, and feel obligated to you.
If that's still not enough to win her over, and she'd rather self-sabotage to blow you off than give you a fair chance, then she doesn't deserve you. Women have told me before that they regretted not giving me a chance.
sounds tiring.. he likes her but isn't going after her for whatever reason.. she likes him and you, but see she's waiting around for him to make a move...
you're doing almost the same thing by waiting. seriously... there's another guy who likes her and isn't making a move. If she is worth it for 'you', like you say, take a chance.
sometimes it takes certain things, to open someones eyes. also, look... she may be thinking the same thing about you... by 'he likes me too and isn't making a move.. 'both guys like me'
How do you know her? Why haven't you met up with her yet? I'd try to do that first. Whatever you do, don't ask her what she wants to do for a date. You pick the time and place and don't make it too big of a deal. Something casual. You never want a girl to make a choice when she's feeling bad about something. Spread positivity, stay away from negativity but don't forcefully keep saying positive stuff cuz that's weird. And you mentioned your pitch but don't come off as selling yourself. Don't brag. Do be genuine. Do smell nice. Don't overuse cologne. Do hug. Do dress in well fitting clothing.
Though I don't exactly agree with "picking the time and place.". Because I'm a feminist, so I don't believe in making decisions for a woman. I think that's rude and condescending.
Ohh the picking time and place thing is not rude for most girls, and I can assure you that. In fact, it's like doing her a service. People are literally paid to plan events, and you're doing it for free. If you really feel against it, I wouldn't say it like "Be here at this time" but after saying the time and place, "How does that sound?" or say you have these specific time slots and when is best for her and have cool location options and see if she has a preference. Don't have more than 5 options though. In fact, the less the better. She doesn't know what your budget is, she doesn't wanna be the bitch that picks the most expensive place, she doesn't wanna choose the worst option especially if she has no idea where these places are. Now if she really likes you already then you have some flexibility with what you can do but if she only is kinda interested, you don't have that leverage.
Oh by feeling bad, I meant like if you make it too much of a big thing, she could feel a sense of pressure and anxiety. But really it's always best for a girl to decide when she's happy about anything and specifically happy about you.
@Jamie05rhs What I meant by that was when used as a means of control. The key is asking if it’s okay with the other person or asking if they have suggestions. It shows you care what they think. Everything goes more smoothly when you can talk with one another. Half the questions on GaG are “What are they thinking?” Ask.
I'll answer the question in the form of an anecdote that happened.
I stopped off at a piano bar one night after work. I just wanted to unwind, have a drink and listen to the music. And of course, I wanted to people watch. I like people watching and studying their body language.
I noticed a girl sitting back in the corner of the room. All the guys were checking her out, but none of them made a move. Finally this guy who was probably twice her age or older, approached her. Her face lit up, and he took her by the hand and led her to the dance floor. After the slow dance was over, he took her by the hand and led her upstairs to his hotel room. All the rest of the guys were staring in disbelief with their jaws dropped. Not fair!! lol
The asker asked if he should wait for 4 years to see if it pans out. That reminded me of a T-shirt I saw. I was in a sporting goods store and saw a T-shirt. It had two buzzards looking down from their tree branch. It said:
"Patience my ass, I wanna kill something." lol I bet that older gentleman was shy & patient when he was younger, but he saw where that got him.
Joke:
There were two bulls on a hill, and they were looking down in the valley at all the hot looking cows.
Young bull: Hey, lets run down the hill and fuck a cow! Old bull: Son, why don't we just walk down the hill and fuck 'em all.
@Jamie05rhs The story wasn't about just wanting sex, it was about the squeaky wheel getting the oil.
I worked with this really lazy guy. He did absolutely nothing. He got two pay raises, and I got none. I asked him how he keeps getting pay raises. He said: "Because I ask for them, don't you?" lol
Squeak Squeak. I'm not telling you I'm a brave person, I just gave you my best advice.
Well for starters don’t go about it by doing nothing or you’ll forsure lose her to him or someone else. Also if she hasn’t even met you yet start there and take it slow. She already has more of a connection with this other guy and nothing with you so you definitely won’t just sweep her off her feet. Have her get to know you and charm her as best you can. Constantly hang out with her if she’s down. Talk to her daily that will forsure have her thinking of you daily. Just don’t come on too strong. Be smooth about it all. Show her you clearly have an internet in her but be aloof about it. Don’t make it obvious you’re trying to get her to catch feelings for you. And lastly, be confident. Not cocky. Confident. Know what you can provide and what you can offer. Know that you look good enough for her or better. Good luck
Well, she already likes to talk to me daily. But I've tried to pull back a bit. Because there's not much to talk about when the relationship is a dead end and we're not going anywhere. If she said that she liked me and wanted to explore a relationship, then that would change things. That would blow a breeze of new life into our dynamic. But right now Im kind of worried about talking to her too much, because she might get used to the current thing and identify that as a pattern for how our chemistry would be like. Which isn't accurate at all, because I'm holding everything back at the moment, out of respect for her feelings for the other guy. So, in other words, I don't want to reinforce the pattern and expectation of me being "boring."
Play ball my brother, I understand the dilemma, I've been there Iade the wrong choice and just let things happen, secure on my self confidence. yeah if you can handle the rejection (just in case) then make your pitch, if you don't and she goes with him, years later, when you've accidently run over him with a cement truck, she'll look up at you with her tears slowly trailing down her cheeks and say"well I didn't know, why didn't you say something. Which ever way you choose, all the best luck.
I been in this situation and it never ends good infact if she's so head over heels for a guy who don't want her that should be a red flag, you can date her but you will see for yourself if she is seeing you cause she is bored or wanting to make the guy jealous or actually interested. In the process i ended up just smashing her and deleting her. Then she hit me up months later saying the realtionship she got in was bad and wishes she would have never treated me 2nd. I blocked her cause i already hit and she has nothing else to offer.
@Fuentes I wasn't the one who gave you the downvote. I did appreciate you sharing your take here; your opinions are always welcome. But I do disagree with having sex with a girl and then rejecting her.
Bro i know lol i got enemigos on here hahahaha you see how people follow and stalk me everywhere haaha and my thing is why put all this important time into a chick who was never interested and at the end she still might choose the wrong guy so your better off at least getting something out of it haha
This already sounds like there are some problems associated with it. Since you know that she is enamored of this other guy does that mean she's told you this in a friendly way? If so it means you have been friendzoned and even if she doesn't wind up with the other guy she also will not wind up with you because there is no real way out of the friend zone. I think think that doing anything at this point like telling her that you are interested in her is going to make things worse and not better. Perhaps the safest and most effective thing you can do right now is just simply watchful waiting. I also think that you should consider other women and not be fixated on her the way she is fixated on this guy who is apparently unattainable. Things will change over time and hopefully you'll get what you want but I suggest that you look around.
There's only one way to find out. You can ask her out on a date.
That being said, the other guy is ultimately irrelevant. What is relevant in this case is how she feels about you. Has she *ever* hinted that she's attracted to you?
@Aakash_Hangargi I have been talking to her intermittently since 2020. But I have been talking to her continuously since I believe late March or early April.
i immediately stopped reading after you said “or tolerates me” that’s some really low self esteem shit that i can tell you right now if that’s how you view yourself it really turns girls off. Either she’s into you and attracted to you or she’s not and will use you for attention if you pursue her. It may be a tough pill to swallow but you should move onto another girl and don’t look back.
You're probably going to have to move on. Honestly the only way you're going to have a chance w/ this girl is by using a social proof trick, but if you're this nervous about talking to one girl then its unlikely you'll be able to pull it off.
@Jamie05rhs Sounds like it's your mindset that has you struggling. I said social media tirck and you focused on the trick part. Now you have somehow convinced yourself that understanding women is "diabolical" All these things are coming from a man who wrote a post admitting that another man was a better catch for a women he himself has never met. You even go as far to write "She tolerates me" Reality is your weak and lack self confidence. which is a clear beta male trait. Whether you like it or not, women don't like beta males. If I were you, I wouldn't spend any time focused on women rn. I would dedicate myself to a 90 day life plan that includes fitness, education, and career escalation. Only after completing that will you have a chance to interact with women on a high level. Hope this helps.
@Jamie05rhs Throughout our correspondence. You literally said you are willing to remain single vs become what you loathe. Based on the fact you have been provided w/ information to help women become attracted to you common sense would say what you loathe is having women attracted to you. I've heard a lot of average guys have given up finding women so I can understand your frustration and it is probably not a bad choice for someone like yourself.
"Based on the fact you have been provided w/ information to help women become attracted to you" @Vegasrunner You haven't provided shit. You mentioned something about a "social proof trick," and I asked you what it was, and you declined to answer the question.
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