Is it weird that I want my crush/girlfriend to like me but I dont realy care if she is happy?

[Anonymous]

This has been a thing all my life not only in the dating world but in friendships and other relationships. For instance if a friend asked for help with something i can do i would agree but only for the sole purpose that they will/might help me when i call for their help.
The outcome is the same so i dont know if its just a different way to look at things or if im sociopathic. I feel like it might be impacting my relationships because as of now i have never really dated anyone, i have had a bunch of first dates but never second or third.

I dont think its super extreme like i dont force people to do things i want them to do, or at least i dont think i force them.
My way of thinking goes like this:
Ok i like this girl, so i must do whatever will make her like me.
When we go out i will take her to a place she mentioned she liked, not so i can make her happy but so that she likes me for taking her there.
Or if i am to give her a gift i will do it because she will like me more if i give her something she likes. (And no i dont give a lot of gifts i dont think i have ever gifted someone anything ever just if i am to gift something i will do it for that reason).

My core thought process is like this: I am happy if she likes me, if she is happy or not does not matter as long as she likes me. I will do things that make her "happy" in a way but not because i want her to be happy.

[WinterWaves]

Usually people who aren't happy themselves are the ones who dont care whether others are happy or not

I get that you dont actually love her you are just addicted to her love and attention

So you are in this ME centric relationship where you are not really in a relationship with her and getting to know her better doesn't concern you

You are just using her to have your needs met, which in this case is attention and approval of you.

[Asker]

I talked to a friend about this and he said the same thing, and its kind of true i am not happy, so its probably because of that.
As for the second part, i dont really know what love means, and if i think about it i dont think i have ever loved anyone.
Everything else you said is also quite true, but to clear things up im not dating anyone and this is probably the main reason why i can't get past the first date.

[WinterWaves]

Dont try to figure out love
Everyone will come up with different meanings for love
But I am pretty sure at least once in your life you must have felt "joy"

could be external joys such as outings with friends or internal joys such as the sensation you get from watching a good movie or playing a good video game

Whatever gives you joy... at the moment you are fully focused on something... so much so that there is a steady influx of joy and of all the things that you could be doing this is the only thing you would rather do for as long as the joy lasts

That is the feeling you are looking for... a feeling of true joy and appreciation for something or someone

Don't you have things you keep carefully? Like a collection or sorts? Maybe a collection of ties or video games or any other treasured possession that you have... The appreciation you feel when you look at it and the want and the need to take good care of it... maybe even if you had a pet you can understand what that feels like

That joy and appreciation that makes u focus on that ONE THING you are really interested in doing over all the other things you could be doing

That Is what I believe is how love should feel like... any other time you are upset at someone... u r probably not in love at the moment... you can move in and out of love... thats completely normal... but try to be in the state of joy more often than not and you'll be in a state of love more often than not

[Little_Bumblebee]

I'm not sure about the correct psychology of this, but it sounds psychopathic.
Definite lack of empathy, and you not even caring about them...

[Asker]

I dont know if i lack empathy, i have cried over romance/drama movies and anime but IRL i think differently

[IsoUser]

you're being very weird, why wouldn't you care if your Supposed date was a interested?

[Asker]

I care if she is interested, if she isn't she won't like me, won't want to go out with me. I will do things that make her happy i just dont care if she is happy. If she wanted the new iphone 12 and we have been "dating" for about 3-6 mounts i will try to get it for her but not so i can make her happy, i will do it only because if i dont she won't like me and might stop dating me.

[Straight2thepoint]

That's a condition bro. Sound like u needed therapy.