I’m probably the rebound girl. How do I handle this?

[Anonymous]

I was dating this guy for a month or so, and things were going extremely well until he started distancing himself the last week. I confronted him about it and asked him whether’s still interested in seeing how this goes.

His message back was ‘I definitely had fun with you, and I’m sorry you got mixed signals. I was so interested in seeing how this was going, but I have a huge problem right now. I didn’t tell you everything about me. I had a relationship that ended in Jan, and I thought I’ve moved on and everything was okay. Yet I still remember that person, and still miss them. And recently it’s been affecting me that I cry when I remember what happened between us cause it makes me feel bad about myself. I wanted to talk to you first to tell you more details, but last week was all midterms and we didn’t talk for some reason. I don’t want to lose you ever, you’re a great person and I’m glad I know you and I hope this doesn’t make you hate me.’

I don’t know how to handle this at all, or how to respond. I was thinking of asking about his intentions since I don’t mind casually dating him or taking it slowly for awhile, especially since I’m dating other people as well, but I don’t wanna be a doormat either. Does he sound sincere, or is he just being manipulative?

[Anonymous]

Sounds very sincere. Manipulative people don't go into so much detail generally lol. It's sad (but understandable in today's society) that women question when a guy is actually honest and sincere with them. Now, he doesn't have "intentions" now because he's realized he's not ready. So no need to ask that. Yours though matter a lot. And how you feel about him. "Taking it slowly" isn't really an option as again, he's telling you he's not ready to date yet, period. BUT, you can still stay in touch and start to develop a friendship and see what happens down the road. And if that's what you want, simply be honest and tell him that. You'd like to remain friends (if he's interested), and if/when the time comes and he's interested in dating, you might be open to that still (and wording it like that doesn't make you look "desperate" if that's your fear, this shows honesty and how you feel).

[Opinion Owner]

And you'd only be the "rebound girl" if he realized this and continued to date you. He's not doing that.

[Asker]

Is ‘I don’t think we can date while you’re still emotionally unavailable to be honest. So I’d rather keep some distance for now while you take your time to heal.’ a good way to phrase it?

My intentions are leaving him be for a month or so, and then get back in contact and see how that goes.

[Opinion Owner]

Yes that's ok to phrase it that way, but he's already ended it hasn't he? Like he's not asking to continue seeing you. That was the impression I got. It was you that wanted to?

[Anonymous]

So you don't mind sharing eh. To each his (or in this case "her") own I guess. Personally I'd have more respect for myself than that. But you're not a guy so...

[Nads111]

Oof.. I'm literally in the same situation as u but this guy didn't become distant.. he just gave me the whole I'm still in love with my ex story and I don't know what to do with that information either.. I told him we can be friends until he is ready to date again but he ain't happy about it.. not sure if I should just cut ties or see where it goes.. let me know what you decide to do.

[Asker]

The only reason I’m considering not cutting ties is because I feel like his confession made my feelings cool off, and because I’m dating other people so I know I’m not that attached. If you feel like you’re gonna get emotionally invested in a way, then I suggest you cut ties tbh. And sure, I’ll let you know! You do too

[Nads111]

Yep am dating other people as well.. but I like him the most so far so it kinda sucked when he said that.. I think I'm gonna keep it on a friendship basis until he decides he is fully over his ex for now I guess.. well thats until it's too late and another guy swoops me off my feet lol.. I guess we will see what happens.

[Nads111]

Just to add more context he was like yes I love my ex.. And then got angry raised his voice with a crack in his voice n said "u can't judge me for still loving my ex" .. and then "but it won't affect our relationship and I wanna see u." So that had me questioning a lot too.

[FlaffyCheez]

Don't try to wait it out, don't try to fix it, let that one go. You are going to end up getting hurt.

[Nads111]

Yeah I think so too.

[spartan55]

Manipulative... how?

[Asker]

Sweet talking me into being his rebound. ‘I don’t wanna lose you ever, you’re a great person’

[rachel776]

go find a better guy