Should a trans woman (post-op) write on her dating profile that she is trans or should she tell the guy individually?

Question

Such an iffy topic I know. Probably no right or wrong answers here. On one hand, it’s quite a personal information and not everyone has to know your medical history but on the other hand, it can be a dealbreaker for some guys no matter how beautiful you look or how great your personality is. What’s your opinion? Thank you so much 🙏

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

That is an interesting question.
Well there is a lot of dating fraud. And this is a set up for a guaranteed let down. I thought trans where all about being their true self so I personally would expect one of them to be more open, brave and honest. With all that said I can't tell you what one should do. But seems to be a wiser choice to be forward. There are people who are looking for trans.

Telling the guy individually would depend on when that info came out in the dialog. Does not matter if trans, woman, or guy I would hope any important reveal would be early. If rejected, would want a hasty retreat instead of an explosion for wasting their time. If you are going to be rejected get it over quick.

As for rejection this is why you want it over quick. Rejection is nothing. I ask a girl out and she says no. so what happened? Nothing. Nothing changed. I am right where I started. So since rejection is nothing you are going no where. Get that over quick. Or spend a long time going nowhere.

Puppystarfish23 · Accepted Answer

Personally think someone if they haven't already should make a LGBT dating app that's a safe place for lGBT people can meet and feel comfortable and honest with who they with people who can except them for who they are. The only thing that worries me is if that kind of thing getting out to the wrong people. People who want to hurt the LGBT people for example. It's already extremely dangerous for them out there especially trans people. I've read some heart braking stories. I really do support the trans lifes matters movement even though it's not the one the media cares about it's gone on for too long and these people deserve to feel just as safe as everyone else does

Screenwriter · Accepted Answer

I don't think, in general, that a man needs to know immediately that you are a post op transwoman. What if the date goes South and you never see each other again? Then what was the point of revealing such personal information.

Ultimately, it is up to you. If you want it out there for everyone to know, then post it. If you'd rather wait a date or two, which I think is completely appropriate, then do that.

I think it's similar to waiting to tell someone you have young children. If the two of you don't have a connection, what's the point of revealing such personal matters immediately. If someone doesn't understand this, you were never going to click anyway.

Mikelito · Answer

1000% Hell Yes!
Who cares what you look like when you are NOT what someone signed up to date on a dating app?
Would you spend $300K on a Ferrari, because you wanted one, and find out after you put a down payment that it was a Toyota Supra, with a Replica kit that made it look like a Ferrari? NO ONE in their right mind would. Now, if you were told that is a replica and you were to pay $150K for it, at least you know what you are getting yourself into.
When a man is looking for a naturally born biological female, that is what he is hoping to find, NOTHING else! We are assuming he is Heterosexual and NOT into experimenting.
If he was looking for a Trans woman, I am SURE he can figure out where to find that too... but this non sense needs to stop lol! Who cares if people's feelings were hurt? Toughen up and accept that Life is full of judgment from the apples and eggs that you buy at the store, to who you want to date etc.
Regardless, NOT disclosing being a Trans is asking for trouble, either way... If you can't be transparent and proud of who you are up front, then you are a a coward and not a confident person to start with, and who the heck wants that?
There should be an App that is designed for Gender focused dating, where everyone who happens to want to be involved with anyone from that community, can simply go there and feel safe and comfortable being surrounded with that energy.
Leave the traditional dating apps alone. It is already challenging enough to meet what people ARE actually looking for on there, let alone make it more confusing and misleading!

OpenClose · Answer

Hmm. Hard to say.

Like personally I have little issue dating a trans woman who is post-op, but she would have to be post-op. In fact, I'd say I'm probably bisexual in everything but the genitals. So knowing if she is pre-op or post-op would be important.

So ideally, she would just have her op status posted on her profile directly. But I know that's a very personal thing to just splatter across your dating profile, and probably invites a lot of unsavory messages.

So sorry if it isn't a defined answer. Just giving a perspective as someone open to dating trans people.

ChrisMaster69 · Answer

My view on this often depends on the context and when the actual information will be told.

there is no reason to put it in a profile if the plan is to tell an individual who you get chatting to.

At some point it does need to be covered off, the sooner you do that with an individual the better.

what you need to avoid is the shock side of things, irrespective of what is being said in places here, guys look at a lot of trans and see a feminine girl, basically they see tits n an ass, there is that physical attraction. They will then be shocked (at varying levels) when they find out the tits n ass belong to a trans, it’s that level of shock that needs managing.

i was out at weekend and my friend (trans) had two of her trans friends with her, other guys in the pub flirted with both girls.

short version, profile no, however bring it up soon as possible to reduce shock, as it’s shock that causes that big burst of anger.

SlothySlob · Answer

In my mind is a very weird situation for everyone involved. On one hand, like you said, it's a personal thing, so she doesn't have a reason to publicly expose herself as a post-op woman. On the other hand, the guy is a variable, since we can't know if he's ok with her not having a female reproductive system, or if he's more traditional. The other problem is, how long would she take to tell him? On the first date, because some people have the need to fuck on the first date? Or the third, because it's almost expected for some reason? Would it be brought up only before sex?

Personally I'd like it if I knew beforehand. I somewhat see it as a sexual orientation.

Smoke-n-Growls · Answer

I'd just tell them at the first date.

I plan to tell anyone I date on the first date that I'm childfree and bisexual.

If that freaks someone out enough to not date me, I'd rather get it outta the way on the first date. Save both our time.

I wouldn't suggest putting it on a dating profile, though. I also won't put bi on mine. It attracts fetishists, homophobes, and TERFs.

TheMajesticKing777 · Answer

I guess If someone feels like it's a personal topic then I guess they don't have to be forced to announce it publicly but as long as the person knows before things get serious, I think it should be mentioned on the introduction tho so neither one wastes their time, because if the guy doesn't feel comfortable he wastes his time and it will most likely end which will waste the other person's time as well, it's best to mention it somewhere in the beginning

Lliam · Answer

She should definitely disclose it on her dating profile. That way, she can attract guys who are okay with trans-women. It will limit her potential pool of suitors, but it will increase her chances of finding a suitable one. And it will prevent some very awkward and even dangerous encounters.

It seems really unfair to string guys along who are in no way into trans-women. Some guys would feel like they had been tricked.

The thing is, trans-women are not women and they need to be honest about that with themselves and others. They should feel good about themselves, but they should also respect others and only pursue relationships with like-minded guys.

For me, a woman's personality would never make up for the fact that she wasn't a genuine female.

A gay guy has no right to think straight guys are obligated to be open to a homosexual encounter, and a trans-women has no right to expect a guy to think of her as female.

DarkWinterNights · Answer

I would suggest either putting it in the dating profile or at least bringing it up in the initial conversation. I don’t know how easy or difficult dating is as trans, and it’s an awkward conversation for sure, but there is realistically no up-side to waiting until someone is either invested or it’s gotten to an intimate level that could become a dangerous situation.

Reaper1985 · Answer

ideally it would be helpful to know the person was trans early on. so if they rather not add it to their profile then wise to talk about it when they meetup. since not many guys would be happy to find that out afterwards. even more so if their looking for a partner to start a family with in the future.

but due to talking with some trans-women in person. many can be more feminine and/or more traditionally ladylike then many modern cis girls I've meet. likely because they understand how the average male brain works better for what they desire in a partner.

could also explain why many of the homosexual male couples I've talked to barely fight or breakup.

libsaretards · Answer

Needs to be on the profile. Any other answer IS wrong. If a man is trying to live as a woman, that should be known upfront so no time is wasted. Straight men do not want to date other men and it is a deception to hide this fact and let ANY time get invested. Yes, this may narrow down your options, but those would be your real options and the guys who are not cool with a trans would be very angry and possibly even violent if they have to find out after investing any time into a relationship. ALL relationships thrive on honesty and get destroyed by deception.

Aerissa_Jade · Answer

Disclosing individually I'd say is fine, as least before he goes to meet her in person. Doesn't need to be on the page for all to see, but he still might think he wasted a bunch of time to get to the point of talking and however long that takes to deciding to meet before she tells him.

The sooner the better I'd say, even if not on the page for all to see.

snackthatsmilesback · Answer

Either one works. If someone just really doesn't wanna share that info early on then they could maybe ask the other person what their dealbreakers are, to see if being trans would be one of them. I think most people who aren't okay with it would say it's a deal breaker if questioned, or if it comes up would be very clear about their stance, even without knowing they are talking to a trans person.

Guardian45 · Answer

I've accidentally hit on tgirls. I suggest not putting it on your profile, but recommend you tell him early on to avoid disappointment after you've invested youe time and energy. If he's not interested, he'll be OK if you tell him early.

theothersider · Answer

you know you wouldn't be the first transsexual beaten to death by some one who was suprized by the chick that just sucked his dick was actually a dude. At least being up front you are not potentially setting your self up for failure... or even worse. violence. While I might not agree with trans-gals playing female sports I don't want to see any of you get hurt either, so use your head.

HighValue · Answer

Tell up front on the profile so nobody wastes their time if it would be a deal breaker for them.

Avicenna · Answer

That is the sort of thing that should be made crystal clear in a profile. Some people might not react too gently to being deceived like that and those who are OK with such a thing won’t be deterred, so there’s no reason not to be upfront about it. It’s best to filter out those who aren’t OK with it.

Nawlins34 · Answer

For the sake of safety and not wasting someone's time, be upfront - place it in the profile so single people know upfront.

Better yet, if they haven't already - do you know how you can select the gender on those dating sites/apps before you search? They should make a 3rd/4th gender option for trans men/women specifically, so that way it's clear because you're searching for them.

Just my take.

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

Yes, it should be on the profile, because whoever you date will find out regardless when you meet, and straight men aren't going to want a guy who had surgery to look like a girl.

You aren't going to have situations where you tell a straight guy that you are trans and he doesn't lose interest. it's considerate to be upfront about who you are and not waste people's time who are looking for something that you aren't.

Red-Blaze · Answer

I feel that if it dose have an effect (like there is parts that someone may assume are there and are not or the outher way) it shuld be on the profile
If it has no effect beside the history depends on them and what they want to share as then it only effects if someone care about the past not the current

England4eva · Answer

Trans or not, ALWAYS meet in a public place, NEVER go at night and DO consider bringing a friend, and let people in your household know where you are going.
Online stuff creeps me out, could be absolutely anyone.

EyeKnowMeNahYou · Answer

The guy deserves to know so that he can choose, not telling him Robs him of choice. Many may think otherwise but not making one aware definitely can have consequences. If it's something you must omit or keep quiet perhaps you shouldn't commit to it anyways

Smashingdoozy · Answer

I don't think you should have to tell anyone if you're not comfortable doing so.

genericname85 · Answer

well that depends on what sort of relationship they're going for. they want a fake ass relationship full of lies? don't bother to tell. but if they're looking for something serious and meaningful, they should be honest. cause "post op trans genitalia" is not "a vagina" and i think most guys would want a "vagina". i know this truth may hurt someones feelings but it is what it is.

htmndg183 · Answer

Beat to write. It will save both parties a lot of time and the matches you will get will be from those who are ok with you being you.

RuthlessAggression · Answer

I feel as though it should be upfront. I know it's scary to admit that you are one because of what people will think but, I think the person has a right to know, right away. That way they can say yes or no. And yes, I realize that means they'd be making a judgment based solely on that but, we do it all the time with other things, like race too, right? So why is this any different

slatyb · Answer

Online dating? It should be on your profile. You know that it will be a deal-breaker for many men. Why waste their time and yours?

Also there's the possibility that someone may be angered to the point of violence. Why risk that?

Anonymous · Answer

I would say yes, absolutely.

For her safety and also to save her time and whoever she matches with their time as well. You want the best partner for yourself, so you absolutely should be transparent with your sexuality and any other potential deal breakers. Especially with cis men.

alice55 · Answer

Not sure putting in the bio can lead to harassment and hate comment but not putting in bio and telling them in private message can lead the guy to be violent and insult you so there's not really a good answer to it.

KrisPW · Answer

I think it should be upfront in the profile. Why waste time with someone if they aren't okay with that? Personally, I am hoping to have kids naturally with my partner and that would be a dealbreaker right away.

Anonymous · Answer

Write it on the dating profile. Dont want someone's time.

"On one hand, it's not everyone business..." hard disagree. Someone can't consent to making out/having sex with you if you are dishonest about who you are. They didn't consent to the act of having sex with a transwoman, they thought they consented to having sex with a biological woman. Not revealing the fact that you're transgender is sexual assualt/rape by deceit.

JustinTheGreat · Answer

It doesn’t have to be on their public profile, but I think it’s something they should tell them individually before they even go on a date

TacosRAwesome · Answer

I don't think you need to tell on your profile but you should tell during the first conversation with someone.

ShadezMcgee · Answer

Doing it off the bat in the profile is the best choice. Then they are at least upfront about it to those who are not about that and helps them find those that would be okay or tolerate that.

dustybiker · Answer

Absolutely share. Hiding something like that might get abusive. Some men can be very reactive when comes to sexuality.

melanieeeB · Answer

Should? No, you can do whatever feels right to you individually  But I think it would be helpful tho and save the person a lot of unnecessary conversations

Asu926 · Answer

I'd at least mention it in a message before meeting. Not for nothing but some guys are asses and might throw a punch if they weren't happy about it if you told them in person.

jshm2 · Answer

... or a transguy - as it's the same thing.

People seem to forget that other people have dealbreakers too. You could identify as an apache attack helicopter, for all it matters to you.

But the other people need to know you're nuts.

Panzer21 · Answer

She should at least let him know before meeting him. Ideally in the first few messages.

clemdenim · Answer

Have a meet in person predate type thing, tell it there

XXblack88 · Answer

I think trans should be put on the profile if dating or at less tell them through private message. Don't wait till you get to wherever you're supposed to meet up with them at.

___EenMens · Answer

Unless you're blind, in the vast majority of cases it is quite obvious. We can totally tell a woman from a man who thinks he's a woman. Not only men, but every single human being can (children included). So there's no reason for you to clarify unless you want to.

Twalli · Answer

I would say tell people in person. You're a woman now, it shouldn't matter that you weren't always one.

Berethor · Answer

I want to know about it as soon as possible, I don't date people who was born as a male.

zagor · Answer

Definitely put it on the profile. If not wanting to do that, then at very least before you meet in person. To do otherwise could be physically dangerous.

msc545 · Answer

Put it on your profile - saves a lot of time and keeps you safer. You do not want a guy to discover this on his own or have to tell him the first time you see him in person.

AsunderingNova · Answer

I think it is important to be honest and share that detail.

Th3ft · Answer

I vote yes. I don’t like surprises especially when the business is going the wrong direction…

Sour-rose · Answer

Nah. mainly because it can be a dealbreaker... and a grave digger. Literally. :c

Anonymous · Answer

It is a deal-breaker for most guys. I think to not post it would be to ask for a hostile response later. Fortunately I think MOST Trans people realize this and do just that.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

Obviously disclose that. The assumption should be that a man seeking a woman is seeking a biological woman.

JohnK123 · Answer

I think she should say it on her page so that the guy knows who he’s gonna meet before he finds out in person

Caunsos · Answer

I feel if the site allows to set your self as trans you should

Anonymous · Answer

Tricking someone to get them to date you is a crime when a man does it to a woman (ex pretending to be rich) so if a person pretends to be the opposite sex to get you they are tricking you and it should be a crime as well.

MountAverage · Answer

They do. Why would trans people want to attract people who don't want to date trans people? They obviously want to avoid that.

Anonymous · Answer

Anyone suffering from this Gender Dysphoric type of mental illness definitely needs to disclose this important information to any potential boyfriend or girlfriend... whether it's on their profile or in person

NYCQuestions1976 · Answer

You should always be honest and upfront well before ever planning to meet someone.

KostasKouvalis · Answer

That's significant information that he should know ahead of time

007kingifrit · Answer

he should not be trans at all as it is living a lie. but if you're going to lie to yourself at least never lie to others. put it on the profile

In_Trance · Answer

if you were the one viewing the profile, wouldn't you wanna know?

lofii · Answer

Yeah you should.  Being a tranny whos disingenuous could get you killed if the wrong guy finds out you're lying.

Should a trans woman (post-op) write on her dating profile that she is trans or should she tell the guy individually?

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Should a trans woman (post-op) write on her dating profile that she is trans or should she tell the guy individually?

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