I've been very passive most of my life, often keeping my differing opinion to myself when in a group setting such as in a classroom, but if someone asked me directly, I'd have little hesitation stating my differing opinion.
For instance, back in high school, a girl was complaining about getting a detention for using her phone during class earlier in the day. I didn't say anything but when she said my name, looked at me and said "right"? As if to ask me to vouch for her seeing as how I was there as well, but to her surprise, I said "well, you've been using your phone in class for quite some time and she's told you multiple times to stop but you continued, so yeah you got a detention for it".
This angered her as expected and seemed to shock her as she's a big figure in the "popular crowd" and likely was used to people affirming her but I threw a curveball she didn't expect.
Over the years, I've become more passive aggressive and about a year ago when a slight change to my medication for anger management, depression and ADHD, I've now become more assertive than passive. I take absolutely no issue inserting my opinion into a discussion when it's contrary to the popular one. Even when there's a good chance someone may get offended by what I say.
While I also take no issue in acknowledging the limitations I have in regards to topics I know little about, like cars and such, in those cases, I make my unfamiliarity clear and delegate to those who are familiar. I also tend to probe others opinions when stated in a general manner, wanting to know what led them to their conclusion.
I'd call this a positive development for me and my girlfriend of 2 years seems to like this development as well. I wouldn't consider myself confident nor self loathing, just realistic and abel to acknowledge that there's nothing special about me.
I am curious how others view this though, do you find it attractive if someone is outspoken and isn't afraid to offend others?
Great job! The ability to know your exact social role and staying true to your current situation is probably the most working outcome that won't obstacle you from growing more and becoming more confident in general later. If you were plagued by the typical male competition you wouldn't accept yourself and go in denial, delaying your growth. I voted for "yes" but this has limitations. "Yes", because generally someone who is confident is more charming (male or female), but that can turn against attraction if being "outspoken" means being a pr**k, a tyrant who enjoys humiliating others, or a random idiot who just loves refilling their dripping ego by attacking others under the excuse of "honesty". When it's clear the person is being "outspoken" as an excuse to assert dominance or any other thing that means "feeling superior", then the charm can fade off, especially on the eyes of more sophisticated people. While for others, even displaying aggression looks like "power" and can't see the crying baby behind that, so they could still find those things attractive. To me it feels often ridiculous, I cringe when I see someone trying to showoff their "ability to be honest" (and have "different" opinions), making sure you notice them. I got this mostly from GenX men, honestly. But I get along with people who are straightforward and never sugar coat things (which instead irritates me a lot - my mother does that all the time, I hate it and get rude sometimes, in response). About your episode at school, consider that if the person was a guy, probably the reaction to your reply would have been different. Girls, for what I noticed, give a very much higher priority to gather alliance and make sure to be "supported", rather than the truth of the contents, or rather than the importance of having a genuine opinion. Guys tend to give more priority to this instead of alliance. So that girl wasn't asking your rational opinion for real and wasn't even considering this aspect, but you replied like if she worked more like a guy, who would have expected your "real" opinion instead, with the same "Right?" question.
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Anonymous
(18-24)
1 y
Honestly? Attraction doesn't really factor in at all for me when someone's outspoken. Instead it's more so the level of respect I have for that person.
If they disagree, but provide good reasoning and are able to articulate themselves without being condescending, then heck yeah. I more so feel like, "dang, I should totally get advice from them in similar situations"
That being said, there's sometimes a time and a place. When emotions are more strongly linked to the situation, or the listener has weight, even if you're being reasonable, there may be times where it may be smarter to say nothing. Not to imply that you would or wouldn't, I just personally think it's just good to exercise caution sometimes.
You mentioned in your post you don't push the limits, and try to explain stuff you don't know. Which is absolutely a thumbs up, though again, really just in terms of respect.
People are either gonna come looking for your opinions since honesty's refreshing, or avoid you since they can't really take what you're giving. Either way, you've got a good filter for surrounding yourself with people that would appreciate you.
It depends. If you're physically attractive, then yes. If you're physically unattractive, then no.
So, in other words, no, it isn't attractive to be outspoken. It's attractive, to be physically attractive. I'm VERY outspoken. But I'm also short and overweight, too. Women aren't flocking to me because I'm unafraid to tell the truth or criticize things others won't.
Ultimately, most people are sheep and sheep don't stray from the flock.
With that said though, congratulations on finding your balls. Continue to be that man. Don't do it just because some women might find it attractive (most will not). Do it because you're not a pushover and there's enough BS in this world already.
Also bro, if you’re only about having 100s of girls flocking over you who you think you are the King of Babylon? I had to wait 10 years with NOBODY to find the girl of my dreams, I say I just had to wait for her, but the girl I got will keep me happy my whole life. I went on one date in 10 years didn’t work out girl for the better, never really found a girl I was into and when I did it seem there was always another guy there and it just drove me crazy. I had my time in high school but after had a bad relationship that ruined me for a good while. After that I didn’t want nobody, I chose escorts, maybe tbh it kept me from killing myself out of sexual frustration but I always felt more depressed leaving than when I came. It’s over. And it’s never coming back unless you come back with that cash.
I'm not sure that "attractive" is necessarily the right term - I don't think many women say "he's so OUTGOING - that's hot!" Rather, CONFIDENCE is attractive, and outgoing people are far more likely to meet more people (because they are more likely to approach and strike up conversations).
So, the latter means that a very common barrier for a lot of people isn't (nearly as likely to be) present for an outgoing person, and removing a major barrier is understandably going to increase the chances of success. And the confidence also helps a lot.
I don't think "outspoken" is the right word for it. I think that you are the type of person who is probably a bit shy, avoids confrontation at all costs, lack confidence to stand up to others, you're probably not the guy who enjoys public speaking, don't want to disturb the waves, go with the flow type of dude. From my experience, these types do not tend to reach top leadership positions, likely prone to being bullied, never stand out from the crowd, rarely popular.
Its attractive to be outspoken because it demands respect. People respect those who respect themselves. Its those who don't take BS that people respect. It is those who have a voice that people pay attention to and respect. Sociable people are liked more than introverts.
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Asker
1 y
I don't concern myself with what those around me think since I consider most people as beneath me. I only consider my girlfriend my equal or superior
other people are not outspoken. Its just that you lack a backbone. I know your type. Being passive is not good. It just means you're insecure, unconfident. The way you described yourself in your question was just a nicer way of describing it.
And if you don't see anyone else as an equal to you , other than your girlfriend. It likely shows that you have some emotional issues. Because normal sane people wouldn't think that way.
To be contrarian for the sake of being contrarian is actually really annoying to me.
But in general I don't think that attraction comes into the discussion of being outspoken. Whether you like speaking your mind or not doesn't really have an impact on my attraction to you... unless its about topics that I also care about.
It's important to be somewhat outspoken and not be afraid to share your opinions but you should keep your opinion to yourself if it might really hurt someone. Although you were right to call out that popular girl back in high school because she was being disrespectful to the teacher.
I sincerely think you’ve done great progresses in your life and you achieved very good results managing your issues and your fears. Honestly I think it’s preferable of someone to say his opinion directly maybe resulting unpleasant than being fake and hiding its opinion! Sure you can give the impression of a guy that will say what he thinks about every thing, so in my opinion its a very trusting and good achievement.
No it's not attractive. It shows immaturity and the need to be confrontational for the sake of it. Its important to know when to express an unpopular opinion and when to show respect and not mouth off because you want to feel like a big man. You need others in life and it's stupid to burn bridges by acting like a dickhead.
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Asker
New1 y
I don't think you're a good judge of maturity and being a dickhead. It's like going to a 3 year old for help with rocket science
I remember when Henry Cavill used to be more outspoken. I liked that about him. Once, he even told the photographers to get naked. So, yes I like slightly more frank guys. It shows how brave he is to speak his mind. It also means he is more honest.
“Ind” is on the map too! What would a mythical Army based on Indian culture get? I’m thinking elephants, nagas, monkeys, flying birds n shit what else?
No sorry if it’s racist it’s just a game, they have a faction based off china, their lords transform into dragons, South America some dinosaurs, Africa is orcs, and then there is the faith steel and gunpowder of Sigmar or the Holy Roman Empire
To a moderate extent. You're likely to speak your mind, but what about when someone says something you disagree with? Or when it comes to conversations, will you cut people off?
