How can I stop being an incel?

[bojfdc]

So when I was in high school, I was often bullied for my appearance. And this somewhat made sense. At the time I was indeed overweight. I concluded that the only way to attract girls was to get in shape. I started working really hard and lost a lot of weight to the point where some woman even commented I was a bit too skinny. Nevertheless, some people even complimented on how I look good. I’m 6’3, so I’m pretty tall. However, I was expecting to be much more successful with woman after I lost weight, but this wasn’t the case. My friends, parents, therapists said it was great that I lost weight but the reason that I am not getting woman is not because of my appearance but because of my very negative mindset. As of 2 years ago I became entrenched in incel forums and the blackpill theory of how all that matters for relationships Is looks. I kept thinking how woman only want “chads” guys with six pack and and chiseled jawlines. And that average looking guys are doomed because of how feminism has allowed woman to pick the best guys to sleep with. My therapists say this is not the case. Indeed, when I go outside in the real world I frequently see average or below average guys often in relationships, sometimes even with very good looking woman. This goes against my incel mindset. However, whenever I see even the slightest indication that the theories of incels are true I go back to thinking like that. People are saying that my toxic mindset is preventing me from getting woman and having interactions. How can I work on eradicating this mindset?

[Smoke-n-Growls]

Work with your therapist on this. And just... Try to make female and non-incel male friends. Don't expect anything other than casual friendship, and don't try to be with any of the women.

Just practice making normal, healthy friends of all genders.

Cut yourself off from all incel spaces. If you had places you'd go, uninstall the apps or put on blockers.

Join irl clubs and groups where you are around other people in real life.

It's easy to become disconnected from reality - not just incels, but nice guys/girls, extremist rhetoric, and conspieacy theories too - when we don't interact with the real world.

Read books - especially books from women (Margaret Atwood is a wonderful and award winning author whose books also have a philosophical bend) and books about how we think (Malcom Gladwell has phenomenal books on this).

Keep exercising, maybe join a fitness or sport club. Do group classes and try to make friends. Rock climbing is a really wonderful sport for both individual challenge and community involvement.

Changing your mindset is very possible, but very difficult and it comes with significant effort. But it is very worthwhile.

[jennifer_bloom]

I think confidence and grace attract women and being tall and fit is just one factor

[bojfdc]

So being tall and skinny is not enough by itself to get women

[jennifer_bloom]

It’s not even totally necessary but it can increase attractiveness if you have confidence

[reelteen]

Buddy, I have news for you: women who are worth keeping around DO NOT CARE about you having the body of a roman god. I'm 6'3 and 171lbs. I am getting married in a few weeks. Your mindset is absolutely preventing you from finding a woman that wants to be with you. My advice? Quit actively looking for a relationship. Do what makes you happy, whatever hobby that may be. It will pull you out of your negativity if you let it, and it will also introduce you to women (or men, if you find yourself interested in that) that actually want to be around you. Work on yourself first before trying to date someone, because then, they will have to try to fix you, and it will cause serious relationship problems.

[WindAtMyBack]

You are bringing up two opposite points of view. You have to decide which is reality.

"I frequently see average or below average guys often in relationships, sometimes even with very good looking woman"

Believe your own eyes. Even if you don't listen to what others say, at least believe your own eyes.

Don't confuse preferences with reality. Preferences are a wish list, no more than a dream to go to sleep to at night. The only preference that really matters is to find someone to love and to be loved back. When that person comes along, most of those preferences go out the window.

[Rockstarrrrr]

Dude you're 6'3 and in good shape and you call other guys " Chads "? Lol... Plus.. " when I go outside in the real world I frequently see average or below average guys often in relationships, sometimes even with very good looking woman. This goes against my incel mindset "... See? I think if you don't wanna be an incel you just need to stop antagonizing women.. That's it... Women are the gatekeepers of love, yes.. But just like men.. they're people lol.. That means So many different types and personalities with different mindsets and tastes in men... you just need to embrace yourself... from what I see it seems like girls are into all types of guys except one... They guy who try so hard to be someone he's not

[whiskeyontherocks]

Ok if this in real I’m sorry…
Not the answer you’re looking for but you should find some healthy male role model that promote self improvement self growth and focus on that. Get out of the negative space that others use to self sabotaging there own romantic chances.
Build self worth not your self confidence. Be healthy be strong.
Finally ask good men for advice that respect both sex’s or all individuals.
It sounds like you have a lot of social growth opportunities
As time goes buy women will notice and you will have the communication skills necessary to have not just sex but a meaningful relationship once you do find the right person.

[Part2603]

Huh? What does your incel mindset have to do with it? You either learn to do game or you don't.

Newsflash:

The incels are more or less right about everything. Doesn't mean that you can't manage to learn some skills and achieve some level competency.

[slatyb]

Mostly you need to learn to have a conversation with a woman without worrying about bedding her.

Keep seeing your therapist, and start saying hello to people. When you have about twenty women that you greet by name when you see them, suddenly dating will be easy.

[Marianna546]

I dont know what to reply because i dislike incels and dont know what in the world can even change them.

[Agagagagaga]

So you believe some people are intrinsically better than others.

[Blackcosmo]

It can be hard to change such a negative mindset so I suggest consulting a therapist.
I'm also very negative so I can understand how you feel,

[Jamie05rhs]

Just learn to smile more and be more approachable.

[Anonymous]

How much time do you spend int your house?

[Agape93]

Get a hooker

[RandomGuy1030]

That was funny bro