Am I handling this situation properly? he’s never asked me out on a date?

[kylee2437]

So basically I’ve been talking to this guy for sometime and I’ve been giving him hints that I’m interested, but not just some hoe he can toy around with. I’ve told him I’ve been celibate for about 6 months. We didn’t really go into depth about it but I’m not going to just smash someone that is going to treat me like a cheap hoe, I want to be treated like a human. He invited me to a concert coming up this weekend but all our other hang outs have been in his car (3 times) . Last Friday he asked to hang out last minute , which I already had plans so I declined but I told him I’m free to hang out this week. He has yet to ask me to hang out for this week and isn’t that responsive but we do text back and fourth throughout the day here and there. I’m just laying low until he pretty much texts back about plans. Advice on how to go about this situation?

[nachosaresexy]

I think it's cool you were up front with him about your expectations sexually, and it's understandable you had plans the weekend he asked if you could hang, but adding it all up he might think you're not that interested. If you're feeling any decent vibes about the dude I'd be more patient and/or proactive to give it a chance.

[TheMajesticKing777]

Just be cautious, be aware and read him, pay attention to how he treats you and what he speaks about, you'll pick up whatever vibes he gives off, just don't give it up, I'm sure you'll know when the right time is

[kylee2437]

I’ve been reading his vibes and honestly if I wasn’t going to this concert with him, he would’ve been left on read already lol I can’t stand confusing mind games

[TheMajesticKing777]

Mind games are just not worth the time and effort, either ways I wish you best of luck with your situation 😆💯

[spartan55]

You don't seem intersted in him at all the way you are acting.

[kylee2437]

I want to be interested but I don’t understand his intentions and that’s what is kind of making me distant

[spartan55]

Does he understand your intentions?

[kylee2437]

I mean if I initiated the kisses, if I have asked him to hang out , if I constantly text him and put in effort to make discussions, I have told him I’m celibate ( Meaning I am not just fucking anyone, which is why I’ve been celibate for 6 months). I’ve tried to open discussion multiple times regarding this

[kylee2437]

He’s also never really asked me what I’m looking for since it’s obvious I’m not looking for just sex

[spartan55]

You've also blown him off a couple times, right?

[spartan55]

But you haven't told him what you are looking for either, right?

[kylee2437]

@spartan55 I’ve blown him off that Friday because technically I already had plans and would’ve said no to him and Sunday I blew him off because there was a chance of me having Covid and I literally stayed in my house that day. I haven’t told him what I am looking for simply whenever I do bring up a topic , very little is asked or said. I feel like a man that is truly interested will ask questions when I make statements especially about my celibacy.

[spartan55]

Don't expect him to 'reveal his intentions' when you aren't. That's not how it works. He doesn't really sound interested tbh.

[kylee2437]

@spartan55 you don’t really know him to assume his feelings. I am interested but to you I also don’t seem interested so which is it?

[spartan55]

@kylee2437
Of course I don't know him. I only know what you have wrote about him in this post. He isn't acting like a guy who is interested. Is there a reason your first three dates have been in his car? You didn't say what that was about.

[kylee2437]

@spartan55 first time I got out of work late, second time he went to a funeral and got out late, third time he had his cousins first birthday I guess

[spartan55]

@kylee2437
Oookay... so why does that mean you sit in his car... I don't get it.

[kylee2437]

I don't know 🤷🏻‍♀️ lol ask him that

[AviatorTom]

Why wait for him to plan something? If you're interested in him, invite him to meet you for something that you plan.

[varan69]

I think u are doing good, being up front then waiting for his moves because u did ur part and he is not getting it. So just keep being you give hints lets see if he get them if not well thank you next

[kylee2437]

Nah I cut him off already lol he pulled some fucked up shit at that concert

[varan69]

What did he do?

[kylee2437]

Ignored me the whole concert to the point where I went off and partied with other people. Even his friends were calling him an asshole

[varan69]

What the hell. Why did he do that, was he trying for you to do the whole lovey dovey thing or be looking for him? Dick move

[kylee2437]

I don't know what it was but it was enough for me to never talk to him again unless if he pulls some magical shit

[varan69]

Hahaha. Well good job im glad u did what u had to do. Ull find a better one maybe after 1 or 2 but it be better everytime

[Jamie05rhs]

There may have been some confusion. Make sure he knows that you're actually really wanting to hang out with him.

[Jamie05rhs]

Omg - that's the same guy?

[kylee2437]

Yepppp lol

[Jamie05rhs]

Damn. I'm sorry!

[es20490446e]

How does this guy usually treat people in other contexts?

[kylee2437]

Not sure because I don’t know him that well which is why I wanted to do other things besides sit in a car. I have hinted this to him that we should do something so until he makes the move , I’m pretty much sitting back.

[kylee2437]

Besides I pretty much already made the move to kiss him and everything first.

[es20490446e]

I think that's what dating is for, for getting to know the other person.

[kylee2437]

The way he is moving is just weird lol he invited me to a concert but has yet actually taking me anywhere else. We text kind of frequent and he hasn’t texted much today really.

[es20490446e]

Many strange things that people do when dating can simply be attributed to own shyness.

[kylee2437]

It’s awkward though because when we were talking before we first met, he suggested trying different things and such and had yet to take me to those places?

[es20490446e]

Compared with girls, boys are naturally bad at reading other people.

Sometimes you will need to help the guy, and communicate explicitly your wants, for him to understand.

[kylee2437]

I’ve been communicating my wants. Lol I’ve told him I’ve been celibate for 6 months, I’ve told him I’ve always found him attractive, I’ve kissed him first, I’ve told him we should try a restaurant I went to the other day etc. I’ve told him I rejected the last guy I talked to because he was rushing to date me. I just feel like he hasn’t been 100% transparent with me

[es20490446e]

When you told him you wanted to go to the restaurant, what was his answer?

[kylee2437]

He said “we should definitely try it” I just feel like he isn’t properly pursuing me / not making me a priority which is a turn off and makes me want to open up less

[kylee2437]

Or isn’t being honest about his intentions lol I’m just confused as to why he invited me to a Concert if he just wanted to smash

[es20490446e]

The most probable answer: he doesn't know how to approach it.

[kylee2437]

@es20490446e my issue is I don’t know how to approach it either. I think I’ve been pretty transparent about my intentions

[es20490446e]

If I was in that situation I would ask for a definitive date, time and place.

[BarryLiverstone]

Are you going to the concert with him? That sounds like more than hanging out in his car

[kylee2437]

Yes BUT we have been talking for about over a month and there’s only been 3 car hang outs plus the concert. Nothing in between.

[BarryLiverstone]

I mean that’s better than talking for a month and never meeting irl. Do you feel like he’s attracted to you? What kinda date would be your preference?

[kylee2437]

Honestly I am not sure if he’s attracted to me lol like there’s certain times he will show his attraction but he’s never really expressed how he feels. I’ve told him we should try a restaurant I went to the other day. He has suggested we try some stuff, but he’s never really initiated a proper date. It’s always last minute. He tried to make plans last minute with me this past Friday but I already had plans with girlfriends and declined

[BarryLiverstone]

Gotcha so you are used to guys asking you out with a few days notice and planning a meal and activity. I mean if you all have kissed he probably has some attraction towards you. Do you get the sense he is just moving slowly or isn’t very confident himself?

[kylee2437]

I can’t tell lol he has yet to answer me today at all, which I guess is fine since we have been texting everyday for the past month? Lol but I’m not quite sure what he’s doing. I sensed he isn’t very confident though. He was shy to make moves on me and wouldn’t try to make moves on me until last minute of our hang outs. It’s just weird because he only asks me what I am doing the day he wants to see me as if I’m a last minute plan?

[BarryLiverstone]

Well I mean you said you wanted to be treated like a human and I can understand why you don’t wanna be treated like a last minute consolation prize. If he’s only making moves last minute that must leave you feeling frustrated. But would you like to start leading and initiating plans with him or want him to step up and pursue you more?

[kylee2437]

@BarryLiverstone I want both lol but I feel like that’s on him to do. The way someone moves is on them personally. It just bothers me that I planned to go to this concert with him because honestly if I wasn’t going I would be done talking to him

[BarryLiverstone]

lol that’s what was confusing to me and I’m glad you admitted it. You feel guilty for agreeing to go to the concert cuz you really are not into him. I’d say bring a friend with you to the concert so at least you and her can have fun lol

[kylee2437]

I would be into him if he made moves lol but honestly the amount of anxiety he has been causing me is not worth it. My past 2 weeks have been unpeaceful because he isn’t matching the energy that he was persuading it to be when he was dming me

[BarryLiverstone]

Ya you sound bored and over him. You know that you are attractive and you want a guy to pursue you and make you a priority, not a last second afterthought. Now that he hasn’t messaged you today you realize he is just a placeholder and you miss the thought of a guy wanting you. I get it. What will you do about him?

[kylee2437]

I guess go to this concert, see how he moves from there? I think I’m more so just disappointed because I feel like his lack of interest isn’t my fault when he has only presented me car hang outs late at night? Lol

[BarryLiverstone]

Well that’s disappointing cuz you are settling. Guess if you don’t have a lot of other options that’s all you can do. But you know he isn’t going to flip a switch after the concert. by the way why 6 months of celibacy?

[kylee2437]

Honestly I wouldn’t be settling if my Fourth of July wasn’t revolves around this concert 😭 if he doesn’t then we can part ways and that’s it. Maybe he is less interested because he now understands I’m a human being and not just a cheap hoe 😭 and 6 months of celibacy because the next person I would like to have sex with needs to be an important person to me. We need to have a bond, he needs to fit the standards I want

[BarryLiverstone]

Oh, you think that he is less into you because you told him about not wanting sex. Well sorta makes sense if he just wanted to bang. What standards do you want?

[kylee2437]

Well I am not sure if that’s the reason but I did tell him I was 6 months celibate yesterday and he hasn’t really replied since so maybe that scared him? Lol he tried to mess around with me in the past when I lacked standards, lacked boundaries and let anyone smash. I want him to take me out on dates and create a natural bond. I think it’s difficult to create a bond via car hang outs

[BarryLiverstone]

Yes if you told him that yesterday it’s why he stopped messaging you. Does that make sense?

[kylee2437]

It does, but then he answered a Facebook comment post that he commented on last night , today? It’s just one ball of confusion. Do you see why I’m confused af?

[BarryLiverstone]

Nope it sounds fairly clear

[kylee2437]

So why invite me to a concert if the goal is to only smash? Lol 🤷🏻‍♀️

[BarryLiverstone]

It’s not

[kylee2437]

Then what’s the goal lol

[BarryLiverstone]

He wants to feel happy

[kylee2437]

Never mind I misunderstood what you said lol but yup confused af and I’m over it. Honestly makes me miss the guy that I talked to back in February. He was at least more direct but was just pushing for things too quickly

[kylee2437]

I want to feel happy too but I’ve been feeling anxious af and it makes me not want to put effort into my side because I feel like I already put in so much effort

[BarryLiverstone]

Ya I told you that you are over it. Then reach out to that guy and ask him out

[kylee2437]

Ehhh the issue is, both of those guys are cool with each other lol the guy back in February ghosted me because I was being passive to his pursuing. Honestly don’t have much interest in talking to him either but appreciate his effort a lot more.

[BarryLiverstone]

Ha ha the drama.

[kylee2437]

Big drama lol I hate dating.

[BarryLiverstone]

You seem fun to talk to, these guys will be missing out. anyway think I fully answered your q. Cheers

[BarryLiverstone]

I’m off to get tacos :)

[kylee2437]

I try to be as open minded as possible lol people don’t appreciate that 😭

[BarryLiverstone]

I appreciated it tho

[BarryLiverstone]

32 messages on here is proof lol

[dragoblack]

The problem is that you are hinting instead of just being honest and upfront. Just ask him "would you like to date me?"

[Wise4myage]

Stick with your plan and wait for him to contact you.

[lofii]

You should ditch that zero and get with a hero 💪😤

[kastra]

Try asking him out, see how it works out, if you don't like it/that then maybe it's time to move on.

[slatyb]

Stop wasting time on a man who can’t plan a date.

[FilmGuy93]

Why wouldn't you just ask him out?

[kylee2437]

Because I already insinuated we should hang out the beginning of last week and he chose to ask me Friday last minute at 7 pm and presented it with “I am going to the gym and then doing nothing”

[FilmGuy93]

You insinuated it, but you didn't ever actually ask him. If you want to hangout with the guy; you should actually ask him.

[kylee2437]

The reason why I didn’t is because he said “ I will be busy this week, I will let you know” so I left it up to him to let me know. He asked me last minute when I had plans already so of course I chose my other plans. Then I got sick on Sunday another time we were supposed to hang out , and he said he can hang out when I feel better… he hasn’t texted me back, will I sound desperate if I ask to hang out even though he hasn’t texted back?

[FilmGuy93]

You won't sound desperate, no. I'm not faulting you for not asking him, I'm just telling you how a guy would look at this situation. You said you felt sick during the last time you were supposed to hang out with him. He said that he wanted to wait until you felt better before hanging out. From his perspective, he's waiting on you to tell him when you feel better so y'all can hang out.

[kylee2437]

I get it. But I did text him this morning a different convo and he hasn’t even answered all day

[kylee2437]

Should I wait until he texts back or maybe give the texting a break for a day or two and then ask him?

[FilmGuy93]

Well what did you text him?

[kylee2437]

We just have an on going convo of nonsense lol he hasn’t answered it so I almost feel desperate asking him after he hasn’t answered me all day

[FilmGuy93]

lmao if it's a conversation of general nonsense, then it's not like you gave him anything to respond to. Just shoot him a text in the next couple days to see if he wants to hang out.

[kylee2437]

I mean that’s been our convo for the past month is nonsense lol so I figured that’s the vibe and everything, so I didn’t think one day he would disappear from it? Lol I don't know I get your point though I kind of blew him off twice so of course why would he answer me back when I haven’t gave him a relevant day on the next time we are seeing each other

[FilmGuy93]

Exactly! The ball is in your court. You have to be the one to start dribbling.

[kylee2437]

Understandable lol just ugh I don’t want to come off desperate after he hasn’t answered a single text message

[spartan55]

@kylee2437
STOP THINKING YOU WILL LOOK DESPERATE. You won't, trust me on this.

[kylee2437]

@spartan55 well he has been left on delivered since he hasn’t texted me all day. It’s the lack of communication that’s bothering me. If I’m talking about deep shit like my celibacy it kind of makes me seem like he’s not interested when he doesn’t ask about it. If someone I was talking to was celibate I would want to know why. He didn’t even question it

[spartan55]

I'm sure you aren't saying everything he wants to hear either. I mean, if it's this much of a hassle for you, why bother?

[kylee2437]

@spartan55 of course I’m not because I’m not about to let my guard down more than I already have. I’ve literally initiated our hugs and kisses and everything. I’m the one that did it. Actually the next time me and him hang out I’m going to tell him I’ve been kind of distant because the actions going on are rather confusing and putting me in a state of anxiety more than anything

[kylee2437]

@spartan55 why bother? Because I do like him, I just don’t want to be broken and in a one sided relationship again

[CAPTAIN-OBVIOUS]

He is definitely talking to other girls.

[kylee2437]

Agreed. And I can tell he is. If he wants to do that, that’s okay because if he isn’t giving me what I want, then I ain’t giving him what he wants lol

[CAPTAIN-OBVIOUS]

He is missing out because you are literally perfect 10/10

[CAPTAIN-OBVIOUS]

I would have been really patient with you if I were him

[kylee2437]

Lol I feel like once I give my full efforts to someone they disappoint me. Maybe I just need to come off less aggressive and not answer back for a day or two when he decides to text me. Seems like he was more interested when I was less invested

[CAPTAIN-OBVIOUS]

You have to create a balance because giving too much attention will turn them away. Not enough attention or playing too hard then they just move on to someone easier to talk to

[kylee2437]

Very true. I just feel like I’m playing hard to get because I’m not seeing qualities in him that I want in my next partner. I told him last week that we should hang out some time and he waited until Friday at 7 pm to ask me to hang out and presented me with “I am going to the gym and then doing nothing” like why not ask me to go to the movies? Go to dinner? Sit at the beach late night? I am not into me having to pick out the plans even though I suggested we hang out and do something in the beginning of the week

[CAPTAIN-OBVIOUS]

I’m sorry for you coming across such a lame guy. Let me make it up to you, here is a drink and pizza.
🥤🍕
But yes, I’ve been looking for the one too. Unfortunately, you gotta sort through a bunch of people just wasting time playing games

[Ironic_Method]

Have you asked HIM out?

[RuthlessAggression]

Sounds a little wishy washy to me. The both of you

[kylee2437]

Yeah makes me feel like I need to initiate a hang out but he hasn’t texted me back all day so I don’t want to sound desperate. I haven’t been meaning to be wishy washy. He asked me to hang out last minute when I had plans and I’m not about to blow off my friends for plans. Sunday when we were supposed to hang out, I had possible Covid. He hasn’t really asked me how I’m feeling, although I did go to the gym yesterday maybe he thinks I’m trying to not hang out with him and maybe he’s becoming less interested? Should I ask him to hang out tomorrow even though he hasn’t texted me all day?

[RuthlessAggression]

You put your friends over a man? yikes

[kylee2437]

A man that I’ve been talking to for a month? Absolutely lol friends always come before a man especially when that man doesn’t try to make plans with me until 7 on a Friday when I asked him to hang out that Monday. I have a life , I have friends and I am not going to wait around and not have fun with my friends because he can’t let me know before that night of

[RuthlessAggression]

So you expect him to revolve around you, but you can't do the same?

[kylee2437]

I expect me to not be a last option when I 100% didn’t make him a last option in the beginning of the week. I clearly stated “we should hang out sometime this week” he said “okay I’ll let you know since I’ll be busy this week” okay him the whole week until Friday “….” Him on a Friday at 7 pm “hey wyd right now I’m going to the gym and then doing nothing” me “I might have a girls night out with my friends, But they aren’t answering” “they finally answer and I go to my original plans” asks him if he wants to hang out Sunday, I ended up being super sick on Sunday so I cut plans until I got a Covid test back negative. I know it looks kind of wishy washy on my part but it honestly started with him not asking me to do something with him until it was too late

[RuthlessAggression]

Yeah, so he said "im available", why couldn't you make yourself available

He told you he might not be during the beginning. But THINGS HAPPEN

[kylee2437]

Because if I have other plans what kind of person do I look like ditching plans for someone that didn’t even hit me up until 7 pm on a Friday? If I say I have plans, I have plans.

[RuthlessAggression]

Because you can always change plans

UNLESS ITS AN EMERGENCY

Hanging with your friends, is NOT AN EMERGENCY

[kylee2437]

You can also flip that and say what if I had plans with him and I chose to ditch him for my friends? In what way is that correct? Why am I going to open myself to be available but that person doesn’t make themselves available until the night time when I most likely will have plans? I would never expect him to change his plans over for me if I hit him up last minute on a Friday to hang out.

[RuthlessAggression]

Hun, things change

It would have been wrong

LIFE HAPPENS

[kylee2437]

I disagree. If a person has plans and they ditch them to be with you, that’s desperate as hell and a way for him to lack boundaries and not him ever planning things with me ahead of time because I will just ditch my plans to be with him when he wants. That’s not how life works. I guess I was wishy washy on my side, but it all started with him honestly

[RuthlessAggression]

Well then we agree to disagree, but good luck finding a man, at this point

[RuthlessAggression]

BYE!

[Twalli]

Hints don't work on guys.