Why can't guys get laid in 2022? Are dating apps and social media to blame?

[coachTanthony]

[Weapon77]

To answer the 1st question, they definitely can, but there are several complicating factors. To answer the 2nd question, datung apps and social media are only partly to blame.

Our culture started changing right before when Seinfeld and Friends aired. Clearly, these shows didn't cause what happened, and social media and dating apps didn't exist then, so none of the above are to blame for it. These shows just observed and portrayed what was happening in our culture at the time.

Seinfeld even satirized what was happening--people were starting to get attention deficit, overly picky, and more focused on quantity over quality in their sexual lives. Seinfeld made fun of this in a few ways but one was how several of the main characters would breakup with someone they'd been dating over stupid reasons, or they would STAY with them just for sex or another ulterior motive despite having good reason to want to breakup.

Since then, we got progressively worse. Friends shows this trend in Joey since he often has one night stands and never calls the girls. It's not exactly evil, but it's a dick move. Some women would actually do simular things too.

Starting back then, our culture has slowly changed over the past few decades to have the following attitude: if your first couple attempts at love end with heartbreak, having sex with a new person ASAP is the best remedy (even though this is unhealthy since it doensn't allow proper grieving). Our culture has also progressively gotten more accepting of casual sex even though it's risky. I'm not saying only have sex in marriage, but havign sex with a different person every month or even more frequently is pushing what's reasonable.

It's not that hard to take a few months off from dating to recover from the last relationship, but our culture is obsessed with the idea of the REBOUND either as a way to avoid the pain of the breakup or to show the ex that they are replaceable. Neither allows proper healing, and neither is healthy.

And since people have become so nonchalant about playing other people to feel better about themselves and their own feelings, they are more willing to ghost or cheat or break trust when they realize they've made a mistake. We're left with far too many guys and girls blaming an entire sex for what a handful of people did to them, so they act out, usually by trying to play everyone they date or go out with. It's become about "winning" the game instead of finding connection, which is depressing.

We're also left with millions of guys and girls who have body counts so high that any future partners who might fall in love with them are often either yurned off by the high number or fear they will cheat on them. And others still think people with high body counts are only good for sexual exploitation and take advantage of their emotions.

So many young people now only find personal value in whoever they are dating, how successful and experienced they've been sexually, and "clout" from social media. We end up having 80% of women hooking up with the top 20% of guys because the top 20% of men usually use the middle 60% of women as hookups in between their actual relationships with the top 20% of girls. The middle 60% of girls think this means they deserve the caliber of the top 20% of men (not realizing they're just being used), and end up ignoring or turning down the middle 20% of guys for the most part. This makes average guys mad, so they often end up giving up on relationships and just do hookups. This leads to the middle 60% of girls eventually getting tired of not having a relationship and trying to settle down, not realizing that their high body counts and/or several kids by other men makes the middle 60% of guys see them as only good for sex. It's a terrible, knotted web leads to awful cycles.

Obviously, this is not 100% of what's happening. There are plenty of exceptions. But this is the general trend.

[Lookingforthetruth]

So the question becomes why can't men in 2022 can't get laid? Well the reason for that is multifactorial.

1. Women are opting not to look for LTR with a guy comparable with them. Instead, many women prefer to be part of a harem for a desirable male and desperately tries to use sex and sexual availability/openness to convince said male to partake in a LTR for them; this is the female version of the friendzone.

2. Simp culture and men promoting it has also ruined it for men. Too many men feel the need to post some horny comment online whenever it concerns a woman and instead of being shamed for it, they are encourage by other men. It's this need that men have to worship women is what has lead to many average girls making bank on sites such as twitch, onlyfans, instagram etc.

3. Social media. Many women get blasted on their online profile by men and women all telling her how perfect she is and how she deserve the best. If we also factor in that desirable males are willing to sleep with less attractive women for easy sex then its quite easy to see why so many of these women think they are more attractive than they actual are. Hypergamy being a thing associated with women, and it is quite easy to see why girls who are 5/10 are scoffing at the thought of dating another 5. Hell, Kevin Samuel use to have some really ugly women on there who actual thought they above average.

4. Men aren't graduating college as much as women and don't have access to the desirable, high paying jobs for women to consider fucking them. While this comment make women sound like prostitutes, we have to realize that relationships (even romantic ones) are all transactional and sadly for men, women aren't that physically attracted to most average guys. Men often need to bring status and money into relationships for women to consider them for LTR options. It's for this reason that men who put in the work in their 20's often have higher dating power in their 30's.

This opinion is corroborated further when we look at past sexual studies like tinder/okcupid where women found the vast majority of males physically unattractive. In the 2018 study on sexual activity of men/women between the ages 18-44, it was found that 1 in 3 men below age 30 are considered sexless with researchers actual hypothesizing the lower college turnout for men being a factor.

5. Covid-19 restrictions. Many men tend to do better with getting women when they actually talk to them in real world. The problem is that due to covid this avenue is stifled and men must now compete online with a bunch of other thirsty guys to try and win a female over.

6. MGTOW/black and redpill philosophy. Many men are reading, observing or hearing of the horror stories that happen when you actually do manage to get into LTR with todays modern women and are choosing to opt out of the rate race of having to chase them to win their affection. Instead, these men will allocate their energy towards things they like and use porn and escorts to release their sexual tension.

7. Lack of physical fitness. A lot of men aren't masculine in personality and/or physically. Too many men let women walk all over them and try to be her ally both online and in person. In addition, a lot of guys choose not to go to the gym and are either scrawny, skinny fat or obese.

[alice55]

I would say dating app are a bit to blame since you can put all your criteria as much as you want and it would filter everything so if majority of women are into men with dark eyes, blue eyes over 6 ft then the others guys would have a lot less chance of getting message or anything really while this filter things is just the first step, most get wiped out just in the first step so yes it make it harder to date if you aren't in the standard of beauty.

Then there's pics so those that don't know how to take one also is disavantaged and then there's the conversation part if you'e bad then next and if you're good you still have the date to go well with lots of different rules for different people

You also need some money (to be able to afford a car or an uber and to at least pay for you part in the date though for most women the first date must be paid by the man so if you end up having lots of first date and not lots of second date it's gonna be extremely expensive in the long run).

SO yes dating app is not the best and the date part like American does isn't really that great of a system either (in france is it weirder though cause if you're friendless you have zero chance to get a partner since people only go out within their friends circle like 90 % of the time or their coworker).

[KlinkyCoder]

And yet people say that the sexes are more equal today?

[alice55]

@KlinkyCoder I think we were more equal before with the gender role cause people did what they were "programmed for" good for unlike now where everybody must do the same things no matter what.
Now we're in a very weird situation where men and women only want the advantage of traditional and modern relationship but refuse all the bad side.

[Smashingdoozy]

A conversation I had on a dating app.

Guy: "hello how are you?"
Me: "heya, I'm pretty good, how about yourself?"
Guy: "yeah great"
*Lists 10 questions which I answer*
Guy: "cool so what are you looking for exactly?"
Me: "long term dating or friendship whichever works out best"
Him: "oh I'm just looking to hook up, wanna?"
Me: " No thanks I'm not interested in that, you should really change your profile to say that, wouldn't have swiped right if I knew that"
Him: "you're ugly as fuck anyway"

🙃

[Still-alive]

Lmao 😂

[Rangers]

You're nor ugly at all, just lose the blue hair color, it makes you seem like a liberal which is a great repellant for any normal people, unless you like 52 pound, emotional soyboys

[Smashingdoozy]

@Rangers wow wait until you hear my thoughts and opinions. 😊

[coachTanthony]

Yep men these days have no skills and fragile egos

[Smashingdoozy]

Definitely, no respect either.

[Rangers]

Well if you're a liberal, you might as well give up on dating a man because no man will date someone who's life goal is to make innocent people suffer

[Still-alive]

@Rangers i knew i blocked you for a reason lol 😂

[Smashingdoozy]

@Rangers HAHAHAHAHAHAH you're SO FUNNY. LIBERALS MAKING PEOPLE SUFFER OMFG. What a hilarious joke.

[Rangers]

They raise prices of everything, drive wages down and inflation up, they lower quality of Healthcare, they lower supplies of everything, start wars constantly, let violent criminals go while prosecuting innocent people who defended themselves, they embezzle trillions of dollars in taxpayer money every year and send it to China (a country that openly uses child slave labor and tortures political opponents), defunding police during a crime surge caused by liberals rioting, they want to burn the bill of rights and every other amendment along with the constitution itself (they've been actively violating it since the birth of the country, they indoctrinate children and sanction farmers so they can't collect rainwater or grow food leading to water shortages and famine.

Literally every single problem the world has ever faced was caused by liberals so of course normal people want nothing to do with liberals

[Smashingdoozy]

@Rangers lmfao you're very wrong...

[Rangers]

You have no argument, you know I'm right. You guys are backwards, evil people who want rapists and murderers released on bond while executing people for simply defending themselves against such perpetrators

[Still-alive]

@Rangers wow just build the death camps already lol

[Smashingdoozy]

Price raises are called ✨ inflation ✨ I shouldn't have to explain how that works to you. Liberals are fighting for higher minimum wages. Fighting for affordable and accessable health care. Dunno who "started wars" wars have happened but they weren't started by liberals. I guess you're talking about releasing people early due to the pandemic which shows you know nothing about it and probably only read baited headlines. Nobody was released who was likely to re-offend. The system fails many people, I don't think political stance has much to do with it. Police don't prevent crime, talking about defending them doesn't change the crime stats. burn? More like change as it should be and was intended to be every 20 years because society changes.

[Smashingdoozy]

Defunding*

[God_of_Thunder]

I feel like if a guy can't get laid, then it's nobody's fault buy his own.

All these "incels" making excuses, blaming women, society, technology, whatever; and it's usually because they have no conversational skills, no confidence, or don't work on their own appearances.

They don't want to take responsibility for themselves, so they blame something, or someone, else. Well, fine, they can do that if they want to, but then nothing's gonna change. It's entitlement, really. They feel like they are "owed" sex, but for what?

What have they done to deserve sex? What do they bring to the table? What do they have, looks or personality, that would set them apart from some other guy? Why should a woman even give them a second glance?

Do something to be worth sex, rather than blaming othere, because you're not appealing to them. How is that anyone's fault, but your own?

If a 500 lb woman, who smells like feet, and doesn't talk to anyone, were to bitch about being a virgin, then nearly every single guy who whines about not getting laid would tell her it's cause she's fat, ugly, and shy. Essentially, it's her fault that guys aren't attracted to her.

Well... it kinda goes both ways, sorry.

[mobiusforniner]

You are spot on man. So many fairy anime gamer virgins in their moms basement wondering why a beautiful virtuous babe doesn't come knocking on the door.

And when they can't get laid, its somehow the "hot", money loaded "bad boys" who get all the girls, all girls are crap because they dont care for "nice guys"

A man isn't a failure until he blames someone else.

[God_of_Thunder]

@mobiusforniner "A man isn't a failure until he blames someone else."

Very well said, and thank you. 👍

[Finchie40]

I can’t say guys aren’t getting laid but I can definitely say that I feel that social media destroyed a lot of things in the dating and relationship world , if people actually put their phones down and looked at the world around them then they will eventually realize that social media is a bunch of fake garbage , Social media was designed as a money making tool to brainwash people into believing a lot of things to sell and make money , Lawyers and divorce attorneys want people to get divorced cuz it makes them money going to court etc. Why so many relationships don’t make it these days because apparently everyone is a cheater , everyone is a narcissist etc. The only way you can look good is if you wear this , or look like this , or you wear this , All girls are selfish sluts and all guys just think with their dicks , If people actually put their phones down and stopped secretly flirting with people behind their partners back they will realize how much of a moron they really are , Most people can’t accept the fact that they are wrong , it’s always someone else’s fault , Stop comparing your life to others and don’t feed into shit you see on social media because 95 percent of it is garbage, if you suspect your girlfriend or wife is cheating on you let her go , all we can do as humans is value our own self worth and surround ourselves with people that bring positiveness in our lives , This country is hell in a hand basket from all the dumb shit we are living with and it’s sad to see us people fall into this shit I can honestly say a lot of relationships are doomed unless people put their fucking phones down and focus on their partners instead of focusing on garbage they see on social media , if you are in a relationship with someone fix it don’t throw it away for nonsense

[raqui]

Guys can get laid. Girls can get "laid". Though it shouldn't be focused on so much.


I will say this. If you're my age (19- 24) and in school guys nowadays lack chivalry and/or masculinity in general. Girls are more promiscuous and/or act like lesbians. Yeah I wouldn't have sex with those people either. An endless cycle of why people should stop being on social media so much. But, give it 3-10ish years before my peers realize having sex isn't that important. We're not animals so stop acting like it. cheers 🥂☺️

[JDavid25]

🙌🙌🙌.

[Anonymous]

not necessary , i feel like this has been building for a long time , more of a combination of societal changes and cultural differences. things just aren't what they used to be decades ago and most guys there dating prospects have gone down significantly , like to be marriage material now would be incredibly different than what that meant in the 1940's or 50's

[coachTanthony]

I grew up in the 80's and 90's and I feel like it was easy back then.

[Opinion Owner]

thats what i mean its been getting worse gradually for some time now , in my town back in the 1920's everyone got married like it was no big deal , i saw the records at my library , there was endless marriages during the 20's of younger people in there 20's , almost like getting married back then was being instagram official now days

[ChrisMaster69]

Personally, it’s the not going out and actually socialising and learning to talk to people, never mind girls, just actually socialising with people.

Then there is this thing with dating apps where they are not dating apps, they are for hooking up.

i am fairly shit trying to chat on Apps and social media.

It removes the real me, you can really let your personality, your charm, your ability to flirt with your eyes, body, sense of humour etc really come out on social media.

It really is not hard meeting people in the real world, chatting to them and arranging a day or night out, just don’t rush the sex and don’t ask stupid fucking question like how much do you earn 🤦🤦

[Qdbrown]

Dating apps and social media is what is knocking so many guys out of dating or even hooking up.

Women gate on these apps. They filter out guys who don't have social proof. They can go over your content and number of likes.

They go over your dating profile and they are looking for tale-tell signs of what they are looking for. They want to see successful looking men, wearing successful looking clothes with hints of success sprinkled in pictures and the about me portioms of the profile.

The phenomna is so bad, that even fat ugly girls avoid the same guys who are not Mr. Right. Back in the day there was someone for everyone. Not anymore. A woman will go without or will take bad boyfriends that look good on paper to find success.

[Lionman95]

I think many guys are way too focused on sex and less focused improving themselves.

Like get some manners, have a good style of clothes, work out and learn how to communicate with women. Sure there are always women that ask a lot of you without wanting to invest themselves so avoid them. As a man you don´t have to get along with every girl coming around that feels entitled to your stuff just because she looks good.

Also have a different focus and maybe abstain from porn for some time and sex gets to be less the issue of your life.

I feel like if you put so much emphasize on what you don´t have you just increase your misery and will never be happy.

by the way I have never had sex and still have a good life with a nice circle of friends and a positive mindset.

[Puppystarfish23]

Porn is to blame. Guys don't make as much effort anymore because they are scared of real women. Women in porn don't regret the male and hurt his ego or make up false claims about him. Porn is like a comfort zone for men who are less confident. It's like getting sex like it's uber eats or something and they didn't have to go out into the big nasty scary world for it and they can have anyone women they like the looks of without having form a relationship first.

[Puppystarfish23]

fortunately it isn't the same for women because men in porn are usually obviously gay or extremely seedy looking and porn always focuses on the woman never the man.

[KlinkyCoder]

I think porn is an escapism because some girls will just say a guy is creepy if he doesn't "woo" her in money, status, and/or looks, whatever she is attracted to.

Not that all women are exactly the same, but most women are biologically or socially conditioned to desire these, some more than others.

[Midnight_Kiss]

Dating apps can't be entirely to blame, the guys (and girls) on there have to accept their own fate if they are going to message people with such forward, crude and in some cases down right disturbing opening lines.

The most obscene opening line I have received was from a guy who rather than your usual hi , hello or how are you instead sent "do you fancy a three way with me and my pitbull" to make it all the more disturbing he actually had a pitbull with him in his profile picture.


If guys (and girls) actually took the time to not only write their bios but also read the bios of other profiles rather than just swiping after looking at the photos maybe there would be a better chance of success, however as it is the whole modern day dating scene is just too vanity based with people who move on if something prettier catches their eye.

[RavVid]

Mating has always been a competitive business and I think we have to say that dating apps have taken that up a few notches.

There is quite good statistical evidence that girls want guys well over the average male height and are not that willing to compromise on that requirement. Which is bad news for average guys.

Not so sure it is just girls being demanding. There is also a lot of evidence guys prefer girls between 20 and 25.

Overall I'm pretty sure 90% of the population want to fuck 10% of the population and always have. Dating apps have increased the size of the pool way beyond that of the local bar so opportunities, expectations, and hopes have correspondingly amped up.

It is a firm yes on dating apps.

[Avicenna]

Thinking back to my teenage and young adult years, there were a number of guys that would now be termed incels and/or orbiters, so that is nothing new. That said, apps have given you some access to a larger number of people to go on dates with and have sex with, so that's bound to have some effect, although it's somewhat exaggerated.

Attractive men may go through periods of life in which they try to have sex with as many women as they can, but that gets old after awhile, you develop a bad rep, and there are lots of women you might have sex with but it's definitely not worth the risk of getting them pregnant or dealing with their foibles or problems. Attractive guys have access to women that they do want a long term relationship with, so that's usually what they end up doing.

[Chazmatazz269]

That’s a complex issue. I couldn’t do it justice if i tried. Instead, i’ll refer you to my #1 choice content creator on contemporary male-female relations.
His name is Alexander Grace and this general topic is his field of study and life’s work. It’s all he does, to my knowledge, and he always produces evidence to support his assertions. He’s educated and informed, not just a talking head.

https://youtu.be/xm4pEzkAgYw

He has dozens of videos available, maybe hundreds. Some of his videos can be hard to watch because sometimes the truth really is uncomfortable. But he’s as real as it gets. I think everyone should sample his content.

[KatherineJ]

I think because both guys and girls have gotten too dependent on everything being at our fingertips by cell phone/tablet/computer. A lot of us shop online. A lot of us have been working from home since the pandemic. And let’s face it, a lot of us have gotten too lazy to go out. And then you add dating websites. None of those things are helpful in really meeting and getting to know someone.

[Xrynx]

People put to much focus onto sex. As much as sex is important and Pleasurable, too many men (particularly) focus on getting laid.

Women are aware of this fact and many guys come off as to needy and perverted.

Many reasons people are not interested is because these things are so common and social media makes things easier for things like sex and lusting after women. People are to eqsily caught up in the reward and punishment cycle of going after sex and getting rejected and hooked on the temporary stimulation of the flesh rather than self improvement.

[kikissss]

So true!

[Anonymous]

ROFL. I stopped by a pharmacy on the way home to say hello to a friend (the owner).

As I am walking a guy comes charging out of an aisle, looks right at me, and proceeds to cut me off. A REAL man would've paused and let me go ahead. It's called manners.

Most, not all but a large majority, of men around my age wouldn't know manners if hit in the face with a dictionary. They're oftentimes ignorant, etc. and generally undesirable.

That is why they typically can only land prostitute wannabes.

[hIopinionated_]

Or rape women because at that point they hate women and can’t handle rejection like a real person

[Vegasrunner]

Interesting question. in my opinion the 2022 part is unnecessary. Most men have struggled to get laid throughout the course of human history as women have always competed for the top 20% of men. The only difference now is because of social media and dating apps to provide data to validate these claims combined w/ growing online communities of young virgin men expressing their frustration. These men existed 20-30-40 etc years ago they just didn't have the same platforms to vent. Reality is getting laid isn't that hard as long as you get yourself in the top 10-20% and have some basic attraction skills. One other reason so many guys aren't gettong laid is because the majority of "dating" information strategy is skewed toward women. The actual dating strategies that work for men are usually met w/ shame, ignorance and vitriol.

[KlinkyCoder]

You should write a MyTake or at least a DM detailing the kind of strategies your talking about that work.

[Vegasrunner]

@KlinkyCoder Thanks. Honestly I'm reluctant to do so because I dont think I have the time to consistently write my takes.

[lilyanony1]

I don't go on these apps to hook up.
The guy I'm seeing sad that he slept with someone 2weeks ago.
That's fine, maybe he can call her again.
As for me I'm not interested In being the person to satisfy those needs.
I want a partner so we can date the old school way or you can find your fillable hole!

[Kinkyhair]

Exactly, women aren’t just settling for sex. The only women that are, are women that don’t value their time and body.

[lilyanony1]

@Kinkyhair- it's boring. The routine of meeting a guy only to have him take you out expecting sex at the end of the night...
I'm worth more than a leg over.
If I want to make something of my life with someone I need a person that will conduct themselves like a worthwhile partner too.

[RandomGuy1030]

here's something for u to consider, getting deep into a relationship, is literally a second job. Maybe ure not hot enough to attract wealthy guys who can invest that extra money on u

[Kinkyhair]

@lilyanony1 I’m with u!

[Danny_dan92]

My perspective on this, is cause comparing today’s society vs. back then.


Is you could have a woman who is highly desirable today and with the technology of smart phones their apps etc. she knows all the men in her area that are DTF all at the press of a button.


Where as back in the day before smart phones, most women pretty much lived in a bubble. The chances of them coming across a man they deem better than their s/o was significantly less than today’s world. Thus making today much more likely for women to either cheat on the guy they’re dating or outright leave him for another man.

[Anonymous]

It’s complicated. Truth is I think a lot of guys have just given up. Unless your in the top 1% it takes so much effort for such little reward.

The hypergamy bullshit is very real by the way I was briefly in the top tier in my late 20s and early 30s I would say top 1% but definitely top 3% For a while I was getting more ass than a toilet seat. But a few things changed when I got in my mid 30s. Besides getting older I just fed up the whole “game” in general. I also noticed some women in their 30s actually get WORSE with their fickle and flaky bs.

Anyway I did get laid last week when a long time friends with benefits happened to visit me from out of town. Good timing on my bday too. But before her it had been over a year which sucked but I have found there is more to life than “your number.”

[bamesjond0069]

I do better than any other man im personally aware of off apps. That being said, i hate apps. 99% of the women are rude asf. And even though i get matches i still get OF girls, obese girls, weird girls, old women. One girl literally opened me and said some shit like "bow before your queen, you loser" seriously wtf? Or i do get a lot of the attention whores we talk and flirt and it goes really well then they just stop and keep trying to get me to chase them ie double text or call multiple times... like please, im a grown man, you can return a call or text i got better women to talk to if you're like that.

But at the end of the day its worth it. I score off there a lot with little effort. Im emotionally hard so i dont get upset or offended by these nut jobs on here. Its literally a numbers game and a new girl will always come along. Lol.