he is 15 years younger and we had a beautiful funny date , went for sex later on about 4 hours and various times. we had a pretty nice and fun time so I was not prepared for the ghosting afterwards. Do guys plan this before? And if it's post nut clarity , why is he coming 4 times before he gets clear? Or was his plan ,, let's get the most out of that girl and ghost her afterwards... ? Please help
My best guess, and you won't like this, is he was using you. He had planned all along to get what he wanted and move on. That is likely due to his age and immaturity. He sounds like a guy that just wants to have sex and not really interested in a relationship.
I would assume that he has done this before and will do it again. Sounds like at his age, that is his only goal and sexual conquests is what drives him, not the possibility of an actual relationship.
I am not going to say all guys are like that, but many younger guys don't much care about anything else once they get in your pants. Once that is over, they are bored and want something new. It is sad really, but often true.
I would chalk this up to a loss and an immature guy and just be weary next time. Don't let them have what they want right away. If they can't get sex in the beginning and that is all they want? they will get bored and impatient. You will know right away then what their intentions are/were.
So honestly I have never done it myself because once I started thinking about doing it I started feeling really bad about it. But some times you run across these older women that have a serious sexual vibe and hotness about them. Ture I am not attracted to most older women, but ever now an then you find one where you're like dang!
But you know that you would never date her long term, the age gap is too much. So to answer your question, yes some guys plan it out and go all in for a day or two then bail. I have seen it happen several times and I always ask my friends why they did that to her. They always say that it not like they meant to but, it was totally fun and alluring but afterwards they felt like it was wrong. I always said yeah what was wrong about it is that you knew from the start that you were never really interested in more than the sex, so after wards you started feeling guilty because you knew she was into you.
They act like they were interested in more than just the sex, but it was just something they did for fun ever thought any more of it until she started falling for them. AlI I ever got for answer was "live and learn, I guess my bad... did not meant hurt anyone just got carried away."
Guys in general get ran around by women so often, that they get in to this mode that they should hit it while they can when the opportunity is there. They get caught up in hurting a women's feelings, when she started catching feelings for him and for him he knew it was never about that for him.
Did he really ghost you or did he just not message you and then you also did not message him and then decided that 'he ghosted you'?
Maybe he is embarrassed about it?
Hard to say why anyone does anything, the best way is generally to ask the person.
But regarding this idea of 'hitting and quitting' ask yourself when was the last time you ordered food and thought, 'Wow, that was really good food, I will never eat here again'?
Maybe people do that but it makes no sense to me.
Some possibilities here:
1. He is a serial ghoster, and he wants to have sex with as many people as possible.
2. Someone else that he was sleeping with wanted to have a more exclusive relationship with him, and this was just how your relationship timing lined up with the rest of his life.
3. He is not interested in having a relationship with someone who is that much older than him.
4. You said or texted something alarming to him, and you do not even know it. It could have been before sex, during sex, after sex, whenever. If you said something that makes him feel uncomfortable, or set off an alarm in his head, then although he may have enjoyed his time with you, he will avoid you after.
5. It may simply take him longer to respond to you than you would expect, and if you attempted to contact him too many times, or sounded desperate, then you have fallen into category 4 (alarmed him).
That's everything that I can think of.
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In this case, it seems like that was probably his plan. You're a good bit older than he is, so there are maturity issues. But there could also be an issue with developing feelings. Either his feelings, or he is worried about your's. Sometimes immature guys would rather cut a woman off when she catches feelings than talk with her and process those feelings.
You're basically at COUGAR age (40 is the start of Cougar-Ville).
I've banged over 500+ and many were Cougars and MILFs. I think I've only stuck around once to bang more than one night, and she was super hot (slim, big tiits, she looked early 30s rather than 40s). But she was an exception being that hot.
So I'd assume you look your age average and not as hot as you did in your 20s. I'd have to see a pic to know, but trust me, if a guy thinks you're hot, he won't ghost right away. Send me a DM and I'll be BRUTALLY honest if that's the problem (which I'm 99% sure it is).
Hey 👋🏾 you must be feeling pretty crap right now.
People will make it about age but he would do this to someone his own age. There is nothing wrong for liking who you like.
A month of texting is nothing. He's also DMin in Snap, TikTok, Insta, FB you name it.
G@G loves to drag women as soon as they hit 24 but in the real world, all kinds of younger men are deeply in love with women 10, 15 and 20 years their senior.
And it's usually external forces meddling that break up those relationships. It's usually the younger guy who ends up more devasted.
If you are looking for a more serious connection you have to be upfront from the beginning and absolutely keep sex off the table with all men regardless of age.
40 year old men ghost too.
Lesson learned. But if he circles back, don't entertain him. They always do. It's the roster mentality these days in any age.
I'm not this type of guy to ghost, but people that do this are selfish 100% (not to mention cowardly, immature and disrespectful). But the selfish part is what you have to remember because they aren't thinking (or care) about your feelings AT ALL. They're only thinking about what they want. So my belief is yes and no. It's not "preplanned" per say to hurt you, but sex was likely all he was after to begin with, and that should've been established from the start. But he probably didn't tell you that because you may not have slept with him if he did? There also seems to be this "fad" or whatever right now with young guys sleeping with older women. Talked about a lot on this site lately.
He may have not thought the sex was as good as you did. He may have not considered you to be somebody he wanted to be with long term either. This is why I ALWAYS discuss what I am in to sexually with anyone I plan to be with before I get with them, and if the woman is the type that doesn't want to talk about sex at all, then I am done with her. I will not be spending months getting to know her just to find out we won't even match sexually. It's good to know what you are getting before you get it, that way if you won't run the risk of wasting each other's time. If we don't match sexually, I say we don't and let the woman find another person who does match her. Last thing I want to do is waste her time or my own. Just guessing as to the reasons he might have ghosted you. These are reasons I would ghost if I were not the type to find out before hand first. This way I don't have to ghost.
I guess he were attracted to you but didn't find the right emotions for the long run? Perhaps he saw it more like a flirt? It's hard to tell but it's absolutely not uncommon.
I have a colleague that date a lot of younger guys and this sound a lot like her stories.
This may not be what you want to hear, but often the single guys that go for older women are in it just for the sex and to leave them afterwards. If you want someone for an actual relationship, I'd suggest looking for someone around your own age that is a single father olready or someone that has no interest in having kids.
On my own behalf - I don't plan anything like that.
But...
your experience is one of the reasons why I personally avoid larger ''age gaps''.
''Them'' and ''us'' definitely have different visions about life.
I wish you better luck next time... :)
It's not like they're planning to ghost you personally. It's more of a philosophy for them that pertains to ALL women. So yes, it is intentional and premeditated. But it's more of a passive rejection than an active one. They're just looking for one-night-stands, period. So they'll say whatever they need to say to get that, and then they'll be gone.
Sorry you were one of the victims.
Harsh truth.. he probably found someone younger than him for the next lap. You can’t have expectations in a new regular relationship let alone with one that has that much age gap.
It's a possibility that he only went out on the date hoping to get some pussy. It worked and now he's on to the next challenge. Seeing who's panties he can get in next
Pulling a cougar is cool and all but I’d assume it would be odd to actually communicate considering the age gap I would probably ghost too.
I would be happy he didn’t plan on hanging around
Often after the older woman body count is it for the boys..,
He only wanted sex but didn't think you would be down for just sex, so he played the game, and moved on.
Some guys do. If he’s that much younger than you, you should be suspicious that he only wants sex, no matter what he says.
I mean he probably was just looking for a one night stand. Which would typically wallow with hosting.
Did you really say 'post nut clarity'? 😂 😂 😂 Oh my...
I don't know. When I have great sex I want it to happen again... but for some reason a lot of men ghost after having sex.
Wow that's not nice at all. That's a problem with a lot of younger guys. He just wanted you for sex and now he is done with you and has moved on to his next victim.
Sorry
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