Did he really mean those words or he was just angry about me deleting him from socials?

[Anonymous]

He said hurtful things while dumping me. Did he really mean it or he just wanted to hurt me?

We come from conservative culture and we were talking for months.

In June he cut things off with me. We had a argument while texting and he texted that he does’t want to continue to date me. I removed him from my instagram same day. After that I stupidly called him couple days later after I had removed him from instagram. I wanted closure. He brought it up right away in the phone call and said that he had noticed and it was ”drastic”.

He said that he’s looking for his soulmate and a good wife and that he doesn’t want to waste time. He said we are on different wavelenghts and don’t understand each other. He also said that when we started to talk he was looking for a wife and wanted to ”try” me wether I’m the right person.

he could’ve just said he’s not interested anymore. Why say all that….

[Anonymous]

I don’t think he was trying to hurt you on purpose with what he said the second time around when you were seeking closure, he was just being honest, and that can really sting. Sure he could’ve just made something up to spare you pain, but that wouldn’t have been the truth, you were already hurting and you would’ve been left still not understanding why things couldn’t work. You probably won’t want to here this, but with the majority of men you date, things aren’t going to work out, and accepting the reality of that will help so much more in the future. His approach to dating is very mature. He moves with the intention to find his wife, and even though he wasn’t quite sure there was that potential with you, he gave it a shot anyway for better or worse. It takes a lot to be truly honest with yourself let alone someone else, and telling you his feelings I’m sure he wanted to avoid during the break up. But he came clean in your last conversation, and even though it broke your heart you got the closure you wanted. So you have to heal now and move on. If you truly care for him then just wish him the best and let that situation go. Your right person will come eventually.

[Asker]

I don’t understand why he brought up me removing him from instagram in the beginning of the phone call

[Opinion Owner]

There wasn’t a real need to bring that up. In his mind he probably thought the way things ended was more amicable, so felt it was drastic for you to delete him. But at the end of the day, while I do think it was fair of him to be honest, he couldn’t have expected you to take that news well.

[Asker]

Lol it wasn’t amicable. During texting he lashed out with exlamation mark. Saying things like I can’t read your mind. That’s why I feel he said those things out of anger/frustration.

[Opinion Owner]

I’m absolutely sure it wasn’t amicable, but what I’m referring to is his perspective of how things ended. There’s some guys who will yell and cuss you out, but to them that’s normal and reasonable. I’m not saying it’s right or even sensible, but just that he likely doesn’t see anything wrong with how you ended. Unless you just didn’t mention it, then I’d say that likely why he wasn’t apologizing for how he broke up with you and instead dropping the news about finding his soulmate and wife. To be honest though that says a lot about his character, and how that’s not what you want. While I do think it was right for him to be honest, the presentation wasn’t the best and he didn’t apologize for his faults. Guys like that are usually narcissistic.

[Asker]

So you don’t think he was hurt and just wanted to get back at me? He even said when I called him” I wanted to call you but when I noticed that you had removed me from instagram I decided not to”

[Opinion Owner]

I don’t think he was hurt, because he wasn’t trying to reconcile. In some ways this man dumped you twice, because I’m sure the opportunity was there to make things right when you reached back out to him, but instead he drove the finality in deeper by saying he wanted to find his soulmate/wife. If anything, he was reaching out to apologize, maybe in a moment of humanity. Regardless, it’s probably best to just accept what it is so you can begin healing and move on. You can’t make progress by dwelling on the breakup and how things went.

[Asker]

People say all kinds of things if they’re mad/angry

[Opinion Owner]

I agree, but I don’t think that is the case here. If anyone should be hurt/mad, it’s going to be you because you’re the one that this was done to. He doesn’t have motive to be angry with you, maybe there’s other feelings like contrition. I think in your mind, you want him to feel bad and regretful, like he lost you and screwed up. You want this because it hurts you a lot not being his soulmate, and I understand, that would break any woman’s heart — that feeling is completely valid. But at some point rather than trying to make sense of this closure he gave you, that you move on.

[Opinion Owner]

My bigger question to you is why can’t you accept what he’s told you?

[Asker]

I was late on our first and also we were kinda arguing when textinh

[Opinion Owner]

Got it. So what would it take for you to begin moving on? Or what exactly do you need right now?

[Asker]

I just want him :/

[Opinion Owner]

I hear you girl, like I genuinely do. A big part of me feels like you’ve convinced yourself he was just mad, and saying what he said in order to hurt you and didn’t actually mean it. But by telling yourself that, you are only making it harder to accept what’s real, and you know this. I’m sure there were parts of your relationship that were amazing, just like I’m sure you loved him deeply and it hurts a lot to feel like it was all for nothing. But part of dating and being in relationships is understanding that sometimes things don’t work out. Sometimes we don’t get to reap the reward of all the work we put in, and another woman gets that better version of the man we helped create. It sucks a lot. But part of loving someone truly means letting them go and wishing them the best. That’s where you are right now. You’ve got to let the denial go.

[Jamie05rhs]

I understand that what he told you made you feel hurt. But you can't dwell on it. You have to take the loss and move on.
There will be other guys.
Focus on the future, not the past.

[Asker]

I don’t understand why he brought up me removing him from instagram

[Asker]

Also talking about wife and soulmate that was bit much…

[Jamie05rhs]

You can't let it get to you.

[IAteTwoFullHams]

Well, none of those are insults or even really inappropriate - he's just explaining where he's coming from - so, yeah, I'd guess that he meant exactly what he said.

[Asker]

Those sre harsh words considering we were chatting for months

[Asker]

Also I don’t understand why he brought up me removing him from instagram

[Anonymous]

Ugh another relationship drama & headache