This guy I’ve seen 4 times breath always smells like alcohol and every time we’re together he’s kinda handsy. I’m 26 and he’s 38. Can I cut him off?

[Anonymous]

[Curmudgeon]

I suggest you ask him how often he drinks, with the implication that he should cut back a bit. He might have a problem, or he might be so nervous that only that "liquid courage" can get him to approach you. Either way, you are likely doing him a favor.

[Asker]

Well once he told me “idk why but a lot of people think I do drugs or ask me if I do”. by the way he’s a lawyer and he used that for his rationale as why people think he’s on drugs.
I just noticed when we met his breath smelled like alcohol or something. But he didn’t like act super drunk.
Something just seems off. And I feel uneasy even though I can’t put a finger on it.

[kylee2437]

Disagree. You should not urge someone to change for you , but you should definitely cut them off if they don’t fit your standards. Urging him to change just shows there’s lack of compatibility and it’s not for her to tell him to cut back when he is a grown ass man and should know better

[Curmudgeon]

@kylee2437 Embrace the power of AND. Her confronting him on this issue is not only good for him, it is even better for HER. Setting boundaries and all that.

[kylee2437]

@Curmudgeon or could be dangerous for her to confront when she doesn’t fully know this man. If he is an alcoholic- there’s a chance he has an aggressive nature and that can get dangerous confronting. That’s not her job. She’s not his girlfriend /wife and isn’t obligated to confront him with problems he’s should be helping himself with at his age.

[Asker]

@kylee2437 girl you’re right. Thank you

[Curmudgeon]

@kylee2437 If he IS aggressive in that way, it is best for her to find that out NOW, before she gets in deeper. She's hesitant and uncertain. I say end the hesitancy and establish certainty.

"That’s not her job. She’s not his girlfriend /wife and isn’t obligated to confront him with problems he’s should be helping himself with at his age."

Actually it IS her job to get certainty and figure out what is best for her. If it ends up helping him, in the short OR the long run, even better. But ultimately, it is best for her to become certain rather than making decisions based upon insufficient data.

[Curmudgeon]

And, what @SocialEngineering wrote

[kylee2437]

@Curmudegon nah she doesn’t need to find out if he’s aggressive or not. I’ve dated an abusive alcoholic , as well as had drug addict family members and there’s no reason to confront someone without knowing if they can lash out on you at any time.

No it is not her job to do anything. She has no important ties to this guy. She has other options and she does not need to put herself in a dangerous situation to coax this 38 year old grown man to change. She’s smart, has a good head on her shoulders and deserves more. Your advice is shit.

[Curmudgeon]

@kylee2437 Did you not comprehend anything I wrote? It is best *for her* to get certainty. It is also best for him, but that is *incidental*. Ultimately, it's for her. That's not shitty advice at all, that's stating the same thing and pointing out that it's also better for everyone.

[kylee2437]

@Curmudgeon it is shit advice. You are giving her the option of confronting him , when there’s no reason to confront him. She saw red flags and that’s it. If a 38 year old man can’t help himself- no one can. That’s the point here. You shouldn’t be encouraging her to put herself in a potential dangerous situation.

[DiggyTao]

No. You must marry him. Everyone knows the fourth time is the lifetime... HA!
First off you can cut anyone out of your life anytime you wish. You don't need permission to take out the trash. You're 26, your life ahead of you. Why would you waste time with a 38 year old drunk? Clearly he is unhappy with himself and has piles of problems that you don't need. Be good to yourself before anyone else. If you continue on with this person you'll find much sooner than you think that you're 38, drinking too much and acting like a fool. CUT HIM OFF! NOW

[kylee2437]

There’s a reason why he’s 38 going for much younger and it’s most likely because he has a bigger issue going on that women his age will not put up with

[Asker]

Interesting. He also told me he doesn’t usually go for girls younger than 28 but that I’m more mature for my age.
Also, we don’t talk a ton when we go out. But he thinks I’m super hot. Maybe I’m just arm candy, I don't know.
Can I block him or is that mean? Because I haven’t told him I’m not interested.

[kylee2437]

Eh sounds like he’s lying to make you sound extra special. Maybe just let contact die down? I’m sure you are worth more than letting an alcoholic date you lol

[Asker]

Thanks girl. Yeah I have plenty better guys to go out with. Also I’m really successful for my age but he’ll mention other girls saying they’re crushing it at life.
Also, once he told me next time he sees me he’ll get me flowers but when he came, omg, he brought fucking drinks for himself and we hung out at my pool.

[kylee2437]

@Curmudgeon when someone mentions a big issue like being an alcoholic , he’s definitely dating younger because younger are usually too afraid to have standards for themselves

[kylee2437]

@asker yeah nah the moment a guy tells you he’s going to do something and the. He doesn’t, that’s when you cut him off because that means he’s just sugaring you up with words ( aka remember when you said he doesn’t usually go for younger women but you are just more mature for your age? )

[Asker]

@kylee2437 I just have so much going on right now at work and stuff and it’s stressful. I also tried talking to him about some stress at work and it’s like he doesn’t care much.
I can’t put my finger on it but I feel really unhappy around him, even though he like pays for dates and texts me every day. No like other BLARING red flags, but the ones I mentioned.

[kylee2437]

@asker if something feels off, then it’s probably off. Always go with your intuition. You should want someone that makes you feel happy and comfortable. Love shouldn’t make you feel nervous or anxious

[Asker]

Thank you. I just blocked him.

[Asker]

@kylee2437 would someone’s breath smell like that for other reasons than alcohol?

[kylee2437]

@asker most likely not. When someone’s an alcoholic , alcohol literally comes out of the pores

[Asker]

@kylee2437 he’s so weird. Once he was on a trip and told me when he’s coming back and goes “let’s make out when I’m back” 🤮 who tf says that to a girl they’re dating?

[TheFlak38]

Just another woman who knows how to pick the best men out of her ten thousand options.

[SocialEngineering]

You have no obligation to be near anyone that makes you uncomfortable. If you don't like it, there's nothing you owe this person. Do whats best for you, and be unapologetic about it.

[Asker]

Interesting. He also told me he doesn’t usually go for girls younger than 28 but that I’m more mature for my age.
Also, we don’t talk a ton when we go out. But he thinks I’m super hot. Maybe I’m just arm candy, I don't know.
Can I block him or is that mean? Because I haven’t told him I’m not interested.

[SocialEngineering]

If its purely physical appearances I can assure you its lust. If you just want to hook up with the dude, everyones entitled to do what they want, and not care what others think.

If he makes you uncomfortable, and you want to bail do so.

Be direct. Thats probably best. Women communicate indirectly, men are more direct.

[Asker]

He seems to want a relationship but what pisses me off is that he gets kinda handsy. On our 3rd date he took me to a really ritzy restaurant but toward the end he was like touching my ass and asked if I wanted to kiss. In this nice restaurant.
In exchange he doesn’t seem to care about my personality or goals a ton. I feel like when I talk about my accomplishments he cares and says the right things but it’s allll surfacey.

[SocialEngineering]

Sounds like you two are wanting to go different places. If he's 38, and you don't want to get intimate with him, then yes cut ties with him.

I don't know either persons motives, nor is it any of my business. But it sounds like both of you are having major compatibility clashes. I mean a 38 year old man sees a younger gal like you, and his libidos off to the moon. It doesn't seem like you want any of that.

My recommendation is you just cut him off. It may be best for both of you.

[Asker]

He asked me on our 4th date if I ever wanted to come sleep over sometime.
He seems really into me sexually and looks wise. Heart to heart deep talk isn’t there at all though and I feel empty around him.

[20yearsolder]

No, you are required to continue to date him It's the law, after 4 dates of you recognizing that he's a piece of shit you have to marry him

[FunkyMonkee]

It's your life!! Your choice! Why do you need permission?

[zagor]

As long as you're talking about severing the relationship (such as it is) and not his penis, yes of course you can.

[maximumpower]

You need permission from anonymous strangers on social media?
Wow.

[EarthRealm]

Do you have free Will?

[legalboxers]

walk away... and fast