Do guys agree with the "don't argue with your man," rule?

[Gloree]

I saw a quote that says:

"Don't argue with your man. Men don't like women who argue with them. You can suggest but don't argue."

I want to know how guys feel about this. Thanks.

[DaveJord]

Well honestly if its a two way street, so how often does he argue with you? I mean nobody likes arguments, but I always listen to what she had to say, but if a decision has to be made at some point you got to pull the trigger... so it all depends on what your talking about and if you think its worth arguing about.

I mean for me I hated it when my ex-wife would argue with me over finances or money... I mean I paid all the bills, I worked and she had no job and when she did work I still paid all the bills. If I wanted to buy something I would tell her that I am thinking of buying this or that. I would listen to what she had to say... but if I wanted it and decided to buy it then I did not expect any argument. She spent money on things and I never said a word... so the arguments usually ended like this,

"You buy things and I never say a word, so I expect to never hear a word about the things I buy for myself when I talk to you about it I am not looking for your permission, I am just giving you the courtesy so there is no argument later... so don't get it twisted." I would remind her that I pay all the bills, we have no debt, all the credit cards are paid, nobody is staving, the electricity has never been turned off, we got money in savings, you live in really nice home, you have nice stuff, so don't get it twisted I am not asking for permission, you protest in noted and I will decide for myself if I really want it or not. Truth 50/50 chance if I did it or not after just because I knew she would bitch and it wasn't worth it. Note I said ex-wife for a reason.

But when it came to things like what restaurant do you want to eat at then I just went with whatever she wanted... because it wasn't worth any further discussion about it to me. Of course we would go to where she wanted and she would still bitch and that pissed me off to because I just spent $80.00 on a meal and all I wanted to hear was a thank you.

But she is my ex-wife for a reason... so choose your arguments carefully. And if he is not consider your prospective or suggestions, then you got to ask your self how important is it to you, because over time it wears guys and I would assume women out.

[Thatgirlcvp]

Wow she was lucky to have you. Was she a submissive housewife? Because personally I prefer if the guy in my life is the leader/man of the house. I have had a sheltered life growing up where I don't know how to do most things when it comes to surviving as a couple. My husband would need to teach me and probably make most of the major decisions since I have a lack of knowledge related to it. I wouldn't even protest him, I would trust that he knew what he was doing. Also, did she not have a good paying job is that why you didn't have her pay some of the bills? Like me personally I'm getting my masters and I should have a really good paying job after. I would want my husband to let me pay half of the bills. I would want to contribute to something to lessen the stress/responsibilities on him.

[DaveJord]

@Thatgirlcvp You sound like a good women then, and I hope you find a guy that respects you and treats you right. My ex- wife had issues... I assume mental health related... I would not say she was submissive. But she was a looney toon toward the end, but it did not start like that. I was slow on the up take I guess, we go married and had kids young so I was ignorant of things I guess.

So when she worked I still paid everything and let her have her own separate accounts... basically because I didn't give a shit as long as didn't bitch to me about anything. I allowed for too much without argument and let her make arguing so miserable I got conditioned to just avoid arguments unless I was super strongly opposed. But that happened enough as well.

In the end I started out too young with this person and was stupid, and over time I was conditioned to belief that this was what it meant to be in a marriage. But let me tell you that is false... there will be disagreements but there should not be a lot of arguments and if there is don't get married. Because people change over time, so you both have to be able to grow together within a relationship and for us that was only a one way street for her, or she made my life miserable.

So for you I would say if you start dating a guy and are talking marriage move in together and live to together for at least a year or two... be very selective because after marriage some people let things go to their head and they start to take you for granted and you should never tolerate that either. If there is a lot of arguments when your are dating do no fool yourself into believing that it would be better in a marriage, because I would say it only get worse if they don't truly respect you.

Nobody likes arguments, but honestly if your both working as a good team and not against each other afford each other mutual respect then there should be much to argue about.

[Gloree]

You are very wise. Thank you. I'm learning a lot from you.

[Thatgirlcvp]

Thank you for the advise. It is definitely much needed as I barely dated and I'm inexperienced. But I am afraid to do cohabitation with a boyfriend. Because I am waiting for marriage and I wouldn't be comfortable with that unless he's like a saint and for sure he would be respectful and not try anything. I do think it is a good idea to live together before getting married. But I don't want to put myself in a bad situation or make things harder for him like say sexual desires/urges. I feel like I know the man won't put up with sharing a space with a woman who doesn't plan on doing anything sexual before marriage.

[DaveJord]

@Thatgirlcvp Definitely if you want to wait for sex until marriage, I would not think living together would be a good idea. But I have no experience in that so I can not give you an better advice then I already have.

[DaveJord]

@Gloree Thanks for the kind words.

[Gloree]

@Thatgirlcvp hi, please make this a rule. NO COHABITATION. Tie the knot before you move in with a guy, otherwise ur just shooting yourself in the foot. Make it legal. Get respect

[DaveJord]

ifstudies.org/.../counterintuitive-trends-in-the-link-between-premarital-sex-and-marital-stability

Less than 5% of women are still virgins at the time of their marriage. But there is a correlation between successful marriage and virginity.. less than 8% of virgins at marriage get divorced. But we are talking about a very small cohort of women, and usually women who wait for marriage to have sex, have a strong moral or religious commitment or belief in the institution of marriage. Who again are 10 time less likely to divorce or seek divorced regardless of their virgin status at the time of marriage.

And again, just 5% of women who are virgins at marriage, result in 92% of then never divorcing does speak to the quality of the marriage... when 60% of these women have strong religious beliefs that lead them to never seek or consider divorce in the first place.

[N192K001]

lol That depends on what "argue" means here.

I love argumentation! Bring in the premises, citations, and data, and topple logical-fallicies, so the truth (and/or truth-pieces in each others' points) is found!

But if "arguments" are personal attacks, then f— those underhanded tactics! But then again, they're declarations of defeat & admissions of 100%-depletion of any/all substantive-points to be offered.

With constructive, truth-seeking argumentation, plans & conclusions can be devised that take into account both sides' valid points & concerns, plus new options can be discovered, and even invalid concerns can be finally put to rest. But with meaningless "arguments" seeking domination regardless of the cost (truth included), life is better without such things, since nothing o value will be won by any party.

[DermalPunch]

Arguing is mostly a fruitless activity. Unless you just want to take out stress in someone which is inadvisable. I don't think suggestion is the best way. Mentioning is good. For example, Oh I see Tina is sending you heart emojis. What's that about? Then you can succinctly state how it makes you feel and request the action you would loke to see happen regarding Tina.

[Pinay_ako]

🤣 who said this? I’m laughing coz if I can’t argue or fight or hash about issues we have in our relationship to make it work, then stay single. It’s a two way street. I won’t stay silent for very long 😂

[Still-alive]

Excellent. 👍🏻😎

[dolemite89]

she’s never silent, arguing is central to a female’s existence 😛🤣

[Lionman95]

I´d say yes in a way that arguing often starts and ends with people attacking other. It´s not an exchange of facts but of emotions that often come across to a guy that he is talked down by her and make him feel like being an obstacle not a partner. It´s often the way of communication that´s the problem for us because it makes a guy feel like he´s an additional problem to her in such a situation but not part of the solution. When a woman talks loudly or screams at us that feels like an attack on who we are not only on what we did.
That´s why many guys rather avoid agruements because they make us get angry and feel like we need to ourselves.
What would be more helpful instead is a way that is less talking us down and that is also trying to find a solution right away so that we´re motivated to solve the problem and change our behavior.
I know that´s not easy especially since many people weren´t raised learning to discuss at home and it needs both partners to really talk about the problem and just their emotions but it´s still possible to try.

[BullShark]

Most guys would agree but as for me, I don't. Not particularly.

If I've made a mistake and I'm wrong about something, it's my partner's job to keep me level headed and look out for what's best for me so that I don't look like a fool. But that being said, I don't mean to straight up start calling me out if we're out together or with friends because that's really just embarrassing, which I'm afraid a lot of girls seem to forget and take it in a comedic sense when it really isn't. In the unlikely case, I'd appreciate it if she pulled me aside and excused us, and then we can discuss it together on when we're alone later.

And this goes both ways. If my S/O is doing something wrong as well, I'll discuss it later on in private instead of calling her out and embarrassing her in front of everyone. If you truly love your partner, you'll never deliberately embarrass them like this, regardless of your gender or orientation.

[ethanallen]

A woman will become more influential in my life if she is circumspect and offers counsel when asked and asks to offer counsel when she sees an opportunity to share insight that will aid in decision making. Ultimately, if a man is with a woman whom he doesn't value for her contribution, then it is a relationship that won't last because the woman will realize she is only to provide sex, cooking, housekeeping and a social calendar. Intelligent women want more than that. A man needs more than that.

[razelove]

I'd agree not to argue with each other in public period, it's bad to under cut each other. In private, you have to be able to communicate though, otherwise you get cheating, abuse, behavior that subverts each others efforts or the relationship, and eventually leads to a nasty break-up. You look back and realize you don't know a damned thing about each other.

That works fine in an NSA relationship, but not an actual relationship where you work together on goals, like trying to have a family, buy a house, retire, or even just wake up in the morning and support each other throughout the day and evening.

[God_of_Thunder]

Everyone argues in a relationship. It's just going to happen, at some point.

I don't want to be with someone who avoids arguing at all costs. Then she'd just be suppressing her own personality in exchange for keeping me happy. I don't want to be responsible for that, and it's not fair to her.

I think it's more important that both people know how to resolve arguments appropriately, and be able to move past them once they're resolved. Anything else is just unhealthy.

[Domanihatu]

I honestly think it comes down to whether the topic is worth arguing over or not. If it is a topic you feel strongly about, then sure, go to bat for your belief (because standing up for what you believe is a huge part of who you are)… But, I know there are a lot of people out there who are like me and thrive on debate, we enjoy playing devil’s advocate, we take joy in the struggle to make a point. And, it is that simple delight that has gotten me into trouble on more than one occasion. I have only recently learned the art of NOT engaging… Because when you like to debate, when you like to argue; it is a little too easy to push the argument too far and really upset the other person. In the past, I have managed to ultimately anger people who were lifelong friends (and I actually agreed with) to the point I had to come back and apologize because I took arguing the opposite point too far.

[Ill_made_Knight]

Argue... A woman needs to be able to voice her concerns and have input just as the man does.
I get that some ladies actually do prefer to leave the decisions and everything up to the man, but that's just not my style. I need a partner in life and I actually need the interaction to feel confident that all is well.
In my experience a partner that has gone silent is a worrisome thing.

[Chazmatazz269]

Unbelievable, really. I’ve only ever heard of the reverse rule. How many “Yes, dear” do you hear from men vs women. I’ve literally NEVER heard a woman say that, ever.
Personally, i’d say the most important rule is this, “Pick your battles large enough that they matter but small enough that you can win.”. If both men and women did this consistently, not only would we have less conflict and more natural compromise, EVERYONE would be happier!

[genericname85]

on the one hand side, i wanna say this is bullshit. of course you gonna argue about something in a relationship. you won't avoid problems by not letting her express the problems she has.

on the other hand side, i frequently experience women just being irrational and creating drama out of thin air. which obviously nobody likes. i would say neither men nor women should do that shit but i never saw men do that.

[BrownSugar00]

I think that's bull! So what you or some are saying is that it's ok for a man to say what he likes and how he feels, but a woman has a right to remain silent and take whatever he's saying to her? But about the arguing, people who love each other are going to argue.

[PamelaRivers]

exactly, arguing is going to happen. Saying a woman can't argue is stupid, If my guy says something I don't agree with I'm going to let him know. If he can't handle it, time to move on.

[Billlewis]

That's worth a follow right there -- well said!

[Lilas]

If you're in a relationship then you're mature enough for augments and discussions! You don't fix problems by avoiding then!

Both should be able to express their minds with respect and maturity, finding à healthy balance of understanding and listening is a must...

It's a relationship not a prison!

[PeteBy]

Is that a thing? I have learned through experience just to let her have her own way. It's not worth the hassle of making her angry lol

Women are masters at reverse psychology, I don't know how they do it but you end up doing what they wanted anyway.

[Bmories99]

I would much rather discuss and make decisions with my wife than without having her opinion in the matter. I will say sometimes it's a discussion other times it's an argument either way we both take our time to express our thoughts and opinions with put interrupting or disparaging each other. We then make a decision on the matter.

[Jamie05rhs]

Yes. Don't be a bitch. If you have an opinion, tell me what's on your heart. I care! Just don't yell at me and call me names and accuse me of shit.

[DaveJord]

Ikr? Sing it brother!

[Jamie05rhs]

@DaveJord Thanks

[Marshymallow]

I’m just gonna put this out there. Obviously I’m not a guy but ain’t no way you’ll spend so much time with someone and never argue about anything. It doesn’t have to be a heated argument just even little things. That’s just unrealistic

[ShadezMcgee]

It's not so much arguing that is the problem, it is the frequency of how much they argue and what the argument is about. Is the argument over a dispute of values, decisions, etc over something stupid like her wanting to start drama because she is bored? There is a huge difference between the two.

[monorprise]

Your welcome to argue provided you can argue and not simply insist you have your way.

[Anonymous]

I don't want to be in a relationship where there is no ability to work the hard things out, and that is typically through both calm conversation and arguing. My only rule is that out of respect for our privacy as a couple, we do not argue in public. Emphasis "we." It's no ones business unless we want to tell them what we're going through.

[pizzalovershouse]

Not always cuz some things have to be let out like you peed on floor an I had to clean it goes both ways cuz other wise we let anger build till we break up I'm not saying it it out in a non way try to be constructive when you say it like you dont say to a guy your getting fat you say let's work out together

[Dazed0N0Confused]

I can suggest, but don't argue? Um, no. I'll "suggest" & "push my suggestion" if it is a bigger deal, but if you're being a dick or doing something I disagree with morally, we might end up arguing.