He doesn't want to define us?

[Anonymous]

We started dating, he is in a very stressful time in life (final exams of a very stressful degree, first and most notorious year).. he lives two hours from me. We meet when we can. We slept together, more than once. Its not like he's running away after sex, he sleeps over and we spend the night cuddling. We have such good chemistry. I wanted to know where is this going.. is it only friends with benefits, is it more? He says defenitions ruin everything and just want us to flow. Do what we do. Enjoy with each other. I really dont know what to think about it.

[Truthatanycost]

If a man meets a woman he sees value in, respects, wants in his life long-term and cannot see his life without her in it, do you think he will say 'Lets just go with the flow'. Your issue is you are looking to words to define something that you should have done through your own boundaries. You are intimate with someone before even knowing what / who they truly are. This is the result. Understand what sex really is (not what society preaches) and then you will understand how a man sees you can change once you treated it like it's not really that special.

[Asker]

didn't understand what you're trying to say. Why are your comments so judgy

[Asker]

Sorry but saying that my issue is having sex with him before "knowing who he truly is" is a little funny. I mean people dont have sex only when they are together as couple. It is a little condescending to say that in my opinion..

[kylee2437]

@asker this is perfectly said advice. If you were coming here in hopes of people feeding into your fantasy, it’s not going to work. You are living in a fantasy of thinking he wants to be with you

[Asker]

@kylee2437 what a bi***
Take your frustrations out on someone else

[kylee2437]

The only one taking their frustrations out on everyone else is you. I have boundaries and respect myself, you obviously have no respect for yourself

[Truthatanycost]

I thought the same thing the other day when my sister told me something about my tendency to be impulsive. And if I'm honest, the reason why I felt this way about what she said is because there was an element of uncomfortable truth to it and it struck a nerve. If what is said to us has no truth at all, then it will not be perceived by us as being judgmental at all. I did not like what my sister told me because there was an element of truth to it... perhaps this also applies to you.

Ultimately, my comments are to help you find a better way and avoid these occurrences. But sometimes we aren't ready to dissect our own behavior. It took my sister about 7 years to do so with a similar relationship issue.

[kylee2437]

Things aren’t going to change. He’s making excuses as to why he doesn’t want to commit because he doesn’t want to commit. He’s most likely playing you and doing that same exact thing he’s doing to you, with other women as well. You need to take the relationship for what it is and if you don’t enjoy the way it is, you need to move on. Just because you gave him sex, doesn’t mean he owes you a relationship.

[Asker]

No one owes me anything
Chill why so mean

[kylee2437]

It’s not about being mean, it’s about giving honest feedback. You thought giving him sex, would change his mind when you literally just gave him what he wanted. And then on top of that , he’s getting relationship things without the title. It’s a life lesson for you as it is to every girl. I’ve been here before. If a man isn’t giving you what you want, you do not give him what he wants.

[LazerBean]

When a man meets a girl that he likes and wants, they do not have any trouble defining what they want and what they are. Since that is not the case for you, you are currently friends with benefits.