Why is my mom saying that she doesn’t want me to get hurt?

Question

She’s been telling me to stop being so attached to my boyfriend of over two years even though we only hang out twice a week so how is that being too attached lol? Do you think that she’s afraid that we’ll break up? We already plan to get married in the future. Also when I’m being too playful around him and making jokes she tells me to stop that he doesn’t like it or that he’ll get tired of it. I’m a bit tired of her and my dad telling me to stop being a certain way because he’ll get tired of me and it’s a bit embarrassing my dad even said “you haven’t lost him yet” he thinks that by me being too sweet to him he’ll get tired of me🤦🏽‍♀️. I’m myself that’s all I can be I’m sweet but im mischievous at times because im so happy to be with him that’s why I always slap his butt lol. I don’t know why my parents are basically telling me to not be myself.

VIVANT · Accepted Answer

It’s your relationship not hers snd with all due respect, I wouldn’t take relationship advice from EITHER of your parents.

if you see fake snd you guys stay together you’ll be miserable. If you are fake and break up you’ll regret being fake. At least if you are yourself you know you have it your all snd if you stay together you know the real you is who he really wants to be with. If your parents had been honest about who they were instead of trying to keep each other by being fake, well, they may have made better decisions.

as for attached she’s being moronic. You all live each other and plan to marry you emotionally are attached as can be and if you spend energy trying to feel differently & will just end up becoming fixated which just another bit ingesting kind of attachment.

this is the worst advice from them, honestly please just say thank you & be on with your day. 🤦🏻‍♀️

yes people get hurt in love, people get hurt in anything that takes work it’s all risk, but being fake hurts you in life not just in love, you have kept this going you and your boyfriend not your mom & dad, so please just give yourself & your boyfriend some credit for having the wisdom you need in this particular situation.

Our elders deserve respect for having struggled through life longer but they don’t always know what is best tho they can make suggestions and often have helpful wisdom to share but it’s not one size fits all & no advice is good advice if it negates the persons spirit, in my opinion. No one is made happy by shitting down their strengths and truth.

I also doubt either of them at 20 something would change behavior- just bc someone says to. giving orders and sharing people, It’s the way to ensure no one listens 🙄

Jay, One of the many things I have admired MOST about you since we met, is your unwavering authenticity, no matter what the risk to your ego or heart. That is a rare courage. You have a super power that those lacking can not understand & will subconsciously resent. Don’t give it up for anyone- even if they think they mean well 🦋🦋🦋

AmandaYVR · Accepted Answer

There's something not right about your mother. (I vaguely remember another q and that this behaviour of hers is definitely not an isolated incident or aspect. Or am I getting you mixed up with someone else? It's possible.)

I think you need to get out from under her/their thumb, as soon as you can. If financially that's not going to be possible for a while, try to detach somewhat, spend less time, walk away when they say things that seem rude, and open your world up so they are not the main influences in it anymore. There's lots of people in the world and you have the potential to learn from many of them. Often you'll find that they have differences of opinion, but are no less right. Your parents have taught you that their opinions are always the most right, and it's time to begin reversing that.

You could gently (not forcefully, not repeatedly, and not neurotically) ask your boyfriend about some of the specific things you do, and see if he wants to say that any of them bother him. But if he says no, take it for what it is (guys do not play as many emotional games that way - they prefer to say what they mean, and for their girls to as well), and just drop it, and be content. It's hard to know why some people create problems where there are none.

Projection
It annoys them themselves, do they think it will annoy others equally
Control
Attention-seeking
Wanting to seem wise, even when they're not

There's a small chance your parents know things about you that your boyfriend does not, but it's been over two years, so I think that one is unlikely.

BlueScorpio · Answer

Probably because your both young and they see how the dating world is these days with the younger folks. Your mom isn't entirely wrong, dating has changed a lot and people just aren't that serious anymore about relationships. Your parents where also your age once and have their own personal experiences. It just sounds like they are being protective cause they live you, it's just parents being a little worried wart.

Then again... do you know for fact if your parents really lije your boyfriend or not cause that could also be a factor. Anyway, try having your boyfriend grow a closer bond with your parents. Maybe that will ease their minds about him and your relationship.

Iron_Man · Answer

Just keep doing what you’re doing because that’s what you’re comfortable with being real nice and sweet, he’s lucky to have that in his life he could be by himself all alone so he should appreciate you. I believe in always appreciating loyalty and kindness because you may not find it again

RealMarek · Answer

Being sweet and playful are wonderful qualities that many men appreciate. You should be genuine and let the best aspects of yourself show without reservation. And if you want your relationship to go as far as marriage, it makes no sense to hold back or limit how much you care for him. Is there a risk of getting hurt? Sure, but there is a risk of ruining a great relationship by throwing distance into it.

20yearsolder · Answer

Ignore your mother, if you're in a relationship there's always the chance of heartache. If you're going to play the game of romance it can happen. That being said, if it works out it's well worth the risk. We live and we learn. Life's too short to sit back and watch other people experience love and romance. You have to get out there and play the game.

dolemite89 · Answer

they’re telling you to not get carried away cuz it sounds like you’re getting wrapped up in how u feel at the moment and ur only 21. People change and it may not seem like it but you guys will prob grow apart eventually 🤷‍♂️ i couldn’t imagine still being with a lot of the girls i dated at that age.

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Answer

Trust me he loves you and respects you. Your parents will feel your head of lies just go by how you and him get along also could be jealousy with mom and dad.

Aakash_Hangargi · Answer

How you doin by the way , lol last time you left is in suspense what happened with the pregnancy result or your bird was just misguiding you lol 😆.

Those birds are tricskters and very mean lol.

And yeah take your parents advise with hint of salt it was true during their time but you do you may be less PDA b4 your parents might help they might be getting jealous or worried they think you will be hurt all parents do it's their job to protect their children from outside world

Sandeeppingping · Answer

That's how parents are they expect the worst and don't want you to get hurt, but yea definitely don't listen to them just understand where they're coming from

CA4444 · Answer

Maybe you should worry of being too attached to your parents

Guardian45 · Answer

Clearly, they're projecting their ideas on to you. Sounds like there's nothing wrong in your relationship. You be you.

Glenn_lawrence · Answer

i would say stay sweet and don't listen to them. honestly i have talked to many guys on my podcast and most guys say that a lot of women they meet are not sweet as you describe yourself as

Berethor · Answer

You always slap his butt, is it BDSM or something? :)

Wise4myage · Answer

Because she cares for you?

saffoler · Answer

Your parents are supposed to worry about you.

Zolly99999 · Answer

Wow really. That's kinda mean

EffaMan · Answer

BDSM or something? :)

Why is my mom saying that she doesn’t want me to get hurt?

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