Is a 16-year age gap too big?

[Anonymous]

I know my family will have a hard time with it and people would judge me because he is wealthy but I'm considering dating a 43-year-old who lives in Bali for half the year since we have the same values and he is very adventurous in terms of spending time in the outdoors like I am.

He also already has biological children and I have a phobia of pregnancy and birth so I would prefer to adopt. I wouldn't jump into anything serious but we could create a lifestyle together that makes us both happy so I want to at least give it a chance.

If I did fall in love with him I don't think I would care as much about the judgment but I do look a lot younger than I am so it could make things awkward. I know in Hollywood it's normal for much older people to date much younger people but I feel like it's a bit less severe because full brain development is finished around 30 according to new research and I'm not that far off.

[kylee2437]

If you want my honest opinion, this sounds a bit of a naive situation. You are insisting you know his values but it takes time to generally know someone’s values beyond just the basics. You already assumed that he wanted more kids (adoption) when kids even adopted take lots of work and effort just as biological ones. The first thing you mentioned is he is wealthy, so are you ignoring possible red flags because he’s wealthy?

[Asker]

I already told him that I want to adopt and he said that's actually always been a dream of his too and now that his kids are older it's something he'd like to do.

I'm intending to take things super slow but I probably am naive.

[YourFavoriteFriend]

My only question would be to not allow other people destroy your life cause you're gonna regret is since your last day. It seems that you are a good match based on what you say, get to know him even better and start something and take it slow (but not slow enough to be annoying). If you end up matching and you (both of you) don't worry about the age at all, then you shouldn't worry about what others things. And this includes your friends and family as well. If they truly love you, they'll accept it even if they don't agree as long as it makes you happy! If they don't, then you remove these people from your life.

As for society, people are just jealous when they see someone else happy so you just learn to live by ignoring them! Good luck!

[YourFavoriteFriend]

*My only suggestion

OMG!!!

[Asker]

Yeah at the end of the day I just want to get to know him better and see if we fall in love. If we don't I won't pursue it further.

[YourFavoriteFriend]

I like the way you see it! In my opinion, that's how things were supposed to work! It doesn't hurt if you end up not matching in the end. At least you can say that you tried. And by the way, I just read another comment where you said that you are probably naive. Well, if you want my opinion on that one, we are all naive until the day we'll die as we always keep changing our opinions and views on the world. So don't worry about that ;)

[Massageman]

All of the usual trials and tribulations that "more-closely--aged" couples have will simply be compounded more. 27/43 turns into 49/65 very quickly! Spend some serious time together- not just mini-golf and movies- so you can get your priorities "on the same page", if you feel that is possible.

[Asker]

That's very true, thank you!

[TrueConfection]

He'll be pushing 50 when you're 30. Will your friends mind hanging out with an older dude or think it's creepy? Will you mind hanging out with older people? You'll be attending 40th Birthday parties while in your 20s.

[Jdjfjcjj]

His wealth will likely increase while everyone's looks decrease. Be careful he doesn't stop you on your current path, by promising long term financial support, and then he leave you and your left with no ability to support yourself

[Asker]

I would spend his money and save mine hahaha
But yeah I have to be cautious

[Berethor]

He old enough to be your dad but it not a bad idea to date a single dad if you fear pregnancy.

[Asker]

Yeah, and if I ended up liking his kids even better! I feel like it seems less weird to me because my parents are older. My mom was 37 when she had me.
My dad is 59 now (he's younger than my mom) so even then he's 16 years older than the guy I'm dating.

[EmmaMary]

He's wealthy = You're Gold Digging... Simples!

[Asker]

I mean I guess a broke guy fucked me over so I'm afraid of them now. I am physically and intellectually attracted to him though.

[curiousaboutthis]

(Assuming you are older) As long as you are healthy and she is happy! A little creepy to some though.

[curiousaboutthis]

I though you were a guy, sorry lol, just flip it around

[Summeroflove]

As long as you’re a adult and both in it for love. It’s your relationship not anyone else’s.

[CateM]

It's too big for me but it's you so go ahead

[joeldalton]

It's a pretty large age gap. When he's ready to retire, you'll only be 50.

[Asker]

Yeah... but then everyone says 27 is soooo old for a woman so I don't know
It doesn't feel like people's perceptions of aging are equal anyway and I'll always be at a disadvantage if I marry someone my own age... even if I look younger than they do *eyeroll*
Women are just held to a different standard unfortunately

[joeldalton]

Lol. Everyone is held to a standard.

[misogynistic_pig]

It's fine as long as the oldest is the man.

[Asker]

I'm not 29 but the top of my possible age range on here is 29 and 29-16 is 13 so uhhh.
Math is a thing.

[Anonymous]

How long have you two been dating?

[Asker]

one month

[Opinion Owner]

I wouldn't worry about a serious long term relationship right now. Just think about finding out if you two are compatible enough for that. If you are then start asking those questions again. If not, then you don't have to worry about it.

[shortster]

As long as you are both adults, no.

[Anonymous]

16 years is not much these days.

[In_Trance]

Too big for what?

[panamared1]

You can make it work