Is it a big deal or I'm overthinking?

[Rockstarrrrr]

So, I'm 26 in a few months and I'm inexperienced... I've never been in an actual relationship... Just a little short lived casual stuff but no boyfriend and girlfriend relationship where you have closeness and exclusivity.. Not even official dates... Why? It's complicated but very long story short... My family was.. not good.. and they gave me all kinds of issues and psychological traumas.. so, I kinda distanced myself from people basically thinking the only one who wouldn't disappoint me... is me... So, after years... my precious years 😟.. went by... A while ago.. I thought about stepping out of solo mode... I wanted to live a little... I wanted to have a girlfriend... Luckily I had opportunities as I attract a lot of girls and some of them approached me... But the thing is... Most of them are experienced or at least more than me... Everyone had at least one.. It's super hard to find someone like me... to make it even worse... Most of them assume I'm already experienced too even when I hint that I'm not maybe because I'm handsome and they see other girls already attracted to me... I remember waiting so long before finally telling the one girl I had strong feelings for that I really like her and I think she's special only for her to tell me how many girls I have said that too.. Ouch... So, I don't really know what to do... I can't find someone who's similar at my age to kick it off with them... I can't stand faking it and going with the flow if that's what people like... I also think being with someone who's not similar.. They're experienced and I'm not... I'm almost sure they would exploit it somehow sooner or later... I thought about just getting into my first one whatever the circumstances were and make it like a practice but I thought that's bad I don't want to use someone like that... so I think too much and I can't decide.. And the result is I'm still alone... Am I overthinking? What do you think? Is there anything that would help?

Updates

1 y

Maybe I'm just being a perfectionist about it... I want everything to be so great and authentic and smooth on the first try... Maybe I'm paranoid..

[CA4444]

It’s a very common situation for men I would say, in their late 20s or early 30s, basically coming from a tough upbringing that makes them thoughen up and very independent and capable (this is the upside that you shouldn’t forget!) but inside they are like young puppies and they run away from intimacy because it’s too much and don’t know how to handle it… it’s how I see it anyway… it’s very painful for the girl actually because girls want emotional closeness very early on, they need that. Girls are immature in other ways, they are less likely to be independent and manage well on their own, emotionally anyway, and will need a man to rely on but again the first thing they want is emotional security. You may attract or be attracted by needy girls on the opposite side of you. the solution is for the guy not to run away from closeness and experiment with baby steps out of his comfort zone, and handle his trust issues/fear of disappointment, and for the girl to take it easy and chill and start as friends ideally. Not easy. Hope I haven’t offended you with the ‘puppy’ comment this is not a bad thing at all again these men are usually very capable and independent and this is hugely attractive and it also comes with freedom which is priceless.

[Rockstarrrrr]

Although you didn't catch the main point but you read most of it right and gave me good advice about getting into relationship as a whole... Yes, I pretty much run away from intimacy lol.. it's a big issue... You're right.. I need to get out of my comfort zone when I need to if I wanted to fix anything... I keep saying that but when it happens I automatically shut it down... I need to change that...

[CA4444]

Yeah I know but I can’t really say anything about whether you should practice or give it a go with anyone that’s quite tricky, if that’s what you meant… I’d say yes it would probably be a good thing…also I’m not sure that the fact you were never in a relationship makes a huge difference, I don’t know what you meant by not going with the flow but the only thing you can do is start talking and see where things go you can’t really control her or what’s happening in a relationship you just enjoy someone else’s company before talking about commitments and serious stuff? I mean I don’t know all of this is very personal

[Rockstarrrrr]

👍👍

[kylee2437]

Having no experience is not a weakness, it’s thinking your no experience is a turn off is. Confidence is key and as long as you have a girl that is overall invested into you - no experience is not a turn off. Have you invested in therapy at all? I think you have some low confidence going on because of your family life which can definitely affect your ability to date.

[Rockstarrrrr]

Who said having no experience is a weakness? I'm mainly talking about compatibility here... And I don't think I need confidence that much as girls are still into me and they're the one who approaches I'm not even trying.. Yes I've been to a therapist but I think they're a scam.. Just generic common sense stuff you can find on Google.. And hello, yeah I just said that... My family ruined me psychologically big time...

[kylee2437]

@rockstarrrrr you mention no experience over and over again. Two girls are probably going up to you because of your looks but leaving because you are radiating lack of confidence which is highlighting your no experience. 3 thinking therapy is a scam is a major red flag and probably the reason why you still have major issues to dissect in your life

[Rockstarrrrr]

When did I say they're leaving? I'm the one who's pushing people away... Yeah lol.. I turned down 4 girls last month alone.. Many girls fall for my personality that's why I couldn't keep female friends... And lol " radiate lack of confidence"? Yeah that's probably what makes them like me because girls like that... Yeah I keep mentioning experience as it's the main subject I'm talking about compatibility.. Dude, you're trying to put words into my mouth or acting iamverysmart... but you're failing and just sound annoying and bitter...

[kylee2437]

The fact that you aren’t being open minded regarding peoples advice and feel personally attacked, yet asked for peoples advice is very telling. You have issues that you need to sit down with a therapist and figure out why you are 1. Pushing people away 2. Why you take things so personally. You are a walking red flag tbh.

[pers0n]

Confidence? That's a bigger issue for women. Guys always have trouble keeping their convex nature quiet and not becoming too confident.
By reading inexperienced I picture someone who is willing to keep relationships special, which is something most women also look for.
And I found that the weirder I try to behave to purposely unattract excess females, the more attracted they become for thinking for myself, that includes things similar to calling therapy a scam.

[kylee2437]

@pers0n from my experience with dating - lack of confidence within the guys tainted the hell out of our relationships. My current ex would go on and on about the past guys I dated and my original type.

[Rockstarrrrr]

Seriously hun... If there's someone who needs a therapist or even some fresh air.. It's you.. Lol personal attack? Lol she even got the language

[Rockstarrrrr]

Oh so this is what it's all about... Putting your experience on others lol

[kylee2437]

I need a therapist for being honest? Lmao you push people away and then wonder why you can’t find a solid relationship. Red flags everywhere.

[Rockstarrrrr]

Yes... Every guy is like the wiener you dated lol

[kylee2437]

Uhhh no I read your paragraph and put what you said into consideration and your family issues are affecting your overall dating life.

[pers0n]

Not pushing girls away sometimes results in the f boy syndrome.

[kylee2437]

You dated 4 girls and not one striked your interest into something more, you are the issue

[kylee2437]

@pers0n or he just possesses behaviors that don’t allow him to get vulnerable enough for a relationship. It’s not that uncommon of an issue amongst men but it’s literally because they avoid seeking help to digest why they have such a hard time being vulnerable

[Rockstarrrrr]

Oh, was it hard talking sense without projecting your experience with wiener guys? Now that's what people call advice lol

[pers0n]

Sometimes I get the urge to impregnate every coworker, starting with the one that gets me hard the fastest. Thoughts passing by of having multiple mothers for my children. Is this the "something more" you're talking about?

[kylee2437]

@rockstarrrr why can’t I involve my experience? What difference does it make to you? I’m trying to relate to you by my experience because I’m simply not a guy but I have dealt with guys with your same personality and it’s such a red flag when guys can’t be vulnerable and make moves to progress a talking stage into something more

[Rockstarrrrr]

Okay here's a thing that would help... Balance... Judging other people's personal life by specific people in your own personal life.. Doesn't help... Also being a passive aggressive and sensitive don't mix lol

[pers0n]

It's called guys who are picky. Better than the opposite of being picky syndrome.
There's no problem with sharing your experience, it only helps us understand your perspective as a whole. These guys you tall about had something missing from them because if they're in a relationship, they chose to be in it. So they chose you with your past and they got nothing to complain about. It doesn't look like rockstarrrr is the type of guy to blame someone for his own choice.

[kylee2437]

@rockstarrrrr it’s very hard not to judge when you think therapists are scams but have issues that you need help with to better yourself. And it’s not just specific people, I’ve dealt with multiple men that are just like you and it all came down to their family issues. I just used my ex as an example because he was first guy that came to mind. I haven’t been passive aggressive here, I’ve been pretty blunt about the issue I am seeing and it’s borederline the fact that you think therapy is a scam, therefore aren’t getting help that is well needed

[Rockstarrrrr]

Okay I'm done here... Thanks for nothing anyway

[kylee2437]

You are always going to think people being blunt with you is absolutely nothing. Have fun with your unavailable , emotionless self.

[Rockstarrrrr]

You know what.. You did help.. It's nice knowing that I'm not too screwed compared to other people lol

[kylee2437]

If you think I’m screwed up for being blunt, that’s a you problem and probably the reason why you have dating troubles in the first place lol you aren’t open minded to judgment about your own flaws , almost seems like you want people to be like “maybe the girls were just a problem” very typical.

[pers0n]

If you had met a good therapist, congrats. I never tried any therapy, either than a 10 minute visit to physio therapy where I ran out before anything has even begun because I know that their goal was to create more customers. Shit, their whole building looked like a disease factory. The same thing I imagine with therapy of this kind. During a psychology semester in high school, I taught my teacher so much, even that all presidents are trannies and their wives are men, that she ended up writing on my report card how life changing it is. Because they do the opposite of teaching us at schools, they dumb us down. So in short I know what type of therapy will spring out of these school curriculums. But I know through the internet that good therapists exist. (Or maybe no therapy is good, since the English spell casting language spells it the rapist)

It like saying the big pharma is good just because you can have success with natural remedies.

[Rockstarrrrr]

Damn, girl.. You're so entertaining lol... Your language is so on point

[kylee2437]

@pers0n as someone that is in school, I will agree that schools don’t prepare you for actual real life jobs because they are too focused on trying to fool you with pointless info however saying you don’t learn anything about yourself from therapists is a load of Bs

[kylee2437]

@rockstarrrrr whatever makes you feel like you don’t take things personally lol

[Rockstarrrrr]

Okay. More...

[kylee2437]

What’s more to say? Can’t help someone that doesn’t want help. Red flags

[Rockstarrrrr]

Mooore...

[pers0n]

It's up to you to decide whether you're overthinking or not. You may continue to make plans to try arranging something sooner, or to stop thinking about it and make up an excuse not to have a partner to deliberately brainwash yourself in a way that'll take the worry away. Religion helps this in various ways.

And you know you're not alone in this situation, we share a few things in common. We both were there to help choochoo solve the Hutchinson mystery you being the first person on gag that I saw do it.

I also get too many chicks to choose from with none being perfect enough. My solution is to do nothing, focus on work, all because I'm trying to avoid making some mistakes. And that may be a mistake itself.

[Rockstarrrrr]

Always appreciate your wisdom... It's not conventional lol.. But thanks man

[WhitneySnow]

You just need to get better at flirting

[Rockstarrrrr]

Lol, you didn't even read the question...

[WhitneySnow]

I did! You just need to get better at talking to girls. You are overthinking. You’re cute so you’re halfway there already.

[Rockstarrrrr]

You're missing the point.. and so many details...

[WhitneySnow]

Tl; dr lol. You’re cute and girls like you. Just don’t fuck it up the next time and you’ll get a girlfriend.

Bye!