Third date with a guy and I’ve planned them all even though he asked me on the dates? Am I right to be annoyed?

[Anonymous]

So this guy is from another county and he’s living in a town near me I’d say nearly a year now. He says he’s not familiar with the surrounding areas so always asks me to pick somewhere.

Not gunna lie I’m kinda annoyed at it and then to top it off I picked the place for the third date tomorrow and he even asked me to pick him up which I’m kinda annoyed over like shouldn’t he be picking me up?

I’m sorry but it’s a bit much no?

He literally lives 6 mins away from the place we’re going too

Am I right to be annoyed?

[SteveSmith1985]

Yea, I think you have a right to be annoyed. I certainly see where you're coming from. Him asking you to pick him up... on a third date... is pretty bad. And he should have realized that was inappropriate.

However, when it comes to the planning part, is it possible that he just has no idea that this bothers you? I can absolutely imagine a guy letting you pick not thinking for a moment that this might bother you. In fact, it's possible he thinks he's being 'gentlemanly' by deferring to your preference (not the right word, but you know what I mean).

If you've made it known to him that you do not like having to be the one to pick a place, then nevermind. But I'm guessing this is simply a dude oblivious to doing wrong (in the case of the planning).

I think you SHOULD make it known to him if you haven't already.

[Asker]

How can I make it known tho see I’m always used to the guy planning everything it’s what I prefer I like that I feel like I’m the man seeing this guy 🙃

[SteveSmith1985]

haha, yes, I certainly got the impression that's exactly where you were coming from. Now, there really is no subtle way to do this. There is a significant gap between your expectations, and the way this guy is choosing to act. Unfortunately no combination of hints is ever going to succeed in turning him into what you need him to be.

You kinda have to be straight-up and put your cards on the table. You need to basically TELL him that you don't like having to plan, that you're used to the guy doing the planning and blah blah blah.

That's really the ONLY chance that I can see to get a change. BUT the problem is, you're only going to get that change if this guy is 'naturally inclined' to take-charge in those ways, but has been 'holding back' for whatever reason.

Like if his interal reaction when you say this to him is: "Perfect! Thank god, I can just more be myself without fear of turning her off"

But... to be honest, I think the odds of that are fairly small.

My guess is that this guy is just not inclined to be the planner etc. If he's not... then he might be able to change in the way you need him to, but it's going to be only for awhile. If he's "not like that" in general, odds are he's not going to change all that easily.

Is this guy worth it?

[Asker]

Great advice! But I think this guy doesn’t know what he wants like first and second date talking about his ex girlfriend I’m like I didn’t even mention mine as I don’t want too lol ye know I just have a bad feeling about this guy he’s five years older than me too

[SteveSmith1985]

If you have a bad feeling about this, then listen to your gut. To me, the ONLY reason it would be worth it, would be if this guy was AWESOME aside from the things you mentioned here. If that's not the case, then I'd say move on. 🙂

[Guy13]

This is SO WRONG 😑. Run as fast as you possibly can 🏃🏼‍♀️ 🏃🏼‍♀️🏃🏼‍♀️🏃🏼‍♀️🏃🏼‍♀️🏃🏼‍♀️🏃🏼‍♀️🏃🏼‍♀️🏃🏼‍♀️🏃🏼‍♀️🏃🏼‍♀️🏃🏼‍♀️🏃🏼‍♀️🏃🏼‍♀️🏃🏼‍♀️🏃🏼‍♀️🏃🏼‍♀️🏃🏼‍♀️🏃🏼‍♀️🏃🏼‍♀️

You make a great Mommie. Are you ready for an adult child boyfriend

[Asker]

Ah Christ it’s that bad huh I feel like your right lol how do u cancel this date now omg

[Guy13]

🙏 to Christ for guidance and deliverance

😎

[Daniela1982]

Seriously? If this annoys you maybe you shouldn't be dating this guy and sit at home instead. People bitch over the most ridiculous things. You should be happy planning it. That way you get to go to the places you like instead of some greasy spoon , in a hole place to eat. You get to do things you think are fun instead of going to his mother's house. Some people just have no idea and may be socially crippled. But if it is all annoying, then stay home.

[AviatorTom]

Why are you annoyed? He's not making you plan the date, he's asking you, and some would consider that to be gentlemanly. As for picking him up, since you live farther away, it makes sense for you to pick him up.

[Jamie05rhs]

You just told us that he lives close to the place you're going to. So why should he be the one to pick you up? That's not efficient at all!

Also, give him a break. He's not from here. He's an alien on YOUR planet. You are the host. So be a gracious host.
If you were in his country it would be different.

[TheSpaceGnome]

I think it's really dumb to be annoyed over this. He gave you full control. let you pick everything you did on the dates, I could understand him being annoyed since his input was removed, but you? Nah, you were told "we can do whatever you want". Wtf is better than that?

[Anonymous]

So in the vast majority of cases the guy has to do the asking, plan the date, pick her up and pay for it. You're complaining you as a woman have to bear some of that responsibility? Take a step back and consider how entitled that makes you appear.

[Asker]

Sorry I should wipe his a$$ aswell thanks

[Opinion Owner]

Welcome to equality.

[Asker]

Where men rule the world

[Opinion Owner]

Apparently not when women whine having to to choose a restaurant.

[Asker]

As I said wiping his behind

[Opinion Owner]

www.mamamia.com.au/.../

[Anonymous]

Sorry but you sound so conceited. Just walk away if you don't like him. This isn't an arranged marriage. You can walk away.

[OddBeMe]

It sounds rather mundane what you’re annoyed about. You’re wanting more chivalry and such. But is there something deeper bothering you about him?

[TopTier]

you're absolutely wrong. Men have and still do all the things you're complaining about "having" to do a measly three times.

[chicosuave]

haha some guys are funny. good laugh

[RavVid]

Maybe he just isn't. You can just say you choose.