I Cheated, So Is This Justified?

[Anonymous]

I cheated on my boyfriend about 6 months ago. It was several things. A kiss, sexting online, and a fetish thing. As someone who’s been cheated on before, I understand how much it can really break someone and drive them to be extremely insecure/paranoid, but I hardly have a life anymore.

He goes through my phone whenever he gets the chance, goes through my laptop as well.
He constantly asks who I’m texting, even when I’m not actually texting anyone. But if I am, he has to know who and then he asks me to read him the messages
The other night I went outside to smoke, and he literally opened the window to listen... He gets sad and thinks I’m flirting with his friends, is convinced I’m gonna fall in love with someone else. He’s even gotten a friend of his to follow the same people I follow on instagram, to creep and see if I’ve liked or commented on any of their photos.

Today he told someone in the friend group that he’s paranoid of me flirting with one in particular. Which I haven’t, anything I’ve done is in a friendly manor. Him and his friends are going off a “vibe” that doesn’t exist. So now I’ll be uncomfortable and judged around the only somewhat friends I have.

I can hardly talk to people without getting drilled with questions or a “ohhh who is heee?” To be fair, he does try to refrain. But even if he doesn’t say anything he gets so visibly uncomfortable and I’m left feeling horrible. I don’t have a job right now, the only social life I have is through my boyfriend. He’s scared for me to get a job bc I’ll be around people, I’m scared to get a job because I know he’ll be stressed and I’ll be feeling guilty all the time. I obviously feel horrible so I refrain from doing things that stress him out. aka: I have 0 friends.

I don't know if anyone will actually read all that, but I feel so alone right now. Maybe I do deserve it for what I did, but I just want to have friends and be happy 🙁 it’s been so long since I did what I did, and things are only getting worse

[MystiKaL]

Your boyfriend was right in suspecting you might cheat on him, as you have already done that. I cannot condone that. But he is not right in invading your personal space. He is suffocating you and that is unacceptable, this is very unhealthy for both of you.

You need to make it clear that you do not want him invading your personal space, you do not want him stopping you from working and meeting people, and you do not want him to disrupt your life over his insecurities.

But to be honest, it sounds like you are not entirely happy with him and would prefer to move on. Which you should do if you cannot see a future with your boyfriend.

[Kamiljan1995]

You need to set boundaries with him as he’s clearly overstepping. I understand why he would feel self conscious but if he’s not able to move past it and is controlling then you’ll never be happy with him. You need to ask yourself if you’re actually happy being in a relationship with him or if you’re settling because you feel bad for what you did and it’s your way of repaying the debt

[Msputiton]

Naw.

What you did was wrong. Which you acknowledged.

But if you both are still together.

It should be you both moved past it and that's it.

But if he can't get past it you should not be together

[Aggon1998]

I think this is unfortunately a lost cause. I would always fight for a relationship, but cheating is the dealbreaker for me. Love, trust and devotion are the building stones of a strong relationship. I don't advice this often, but in this case it's better to let it go.
He will never fully trust you anymore, and you will collapse under your guilt if you continue

[inhua]

you crossed a line that shouldn't have been crossed and this is price you pay. whether you like it or not, he has no reason to trust you anymore because that trust has been broken like a glass window. it can't be restored but it can be replaced.

[YourFavoriteFriend]

Nah, it is not. There is no justification to cheating. You should move on and break up. That's the honest advice but of course you'll not gonna listen...

[Mangospacho]

He’s gotta get over it eventually. If the cheating was a one time thing, he’s got to start trusting you again eventually. If you’re going to cheat again, he’s not going to be able to stop you by going through your texts.

[BJP21]

The only thing its doing is escalating tensions. The both of you need couples therapy before this turns into War of the Roses.

[Grond21]

If you two can't rebuild trust and healthy relating, from either side, then end it.

[Anonymous]

wow he's a fucking psychopath you need to leave him pronto. look i been cheated on and it sucks you do get paranoid and afraid the person you love will leave you but in your situation that's extremely toxic you need to get out of that situation now

[Opinion Owner]

you wanna talk about fucked up situations the woman I deeply love is with another guy and i been wanting to redo those things to my left forearm and wrist again and I even put a pew pew sh oot er in my mouth to un alive myself but didn't pull the trigger (that was a few weeks ago) but even with all that I would NEVER resort to the fucked up tactics he's doing to you "he literally opened the window to listen" "He’s even gotten a friend of his to follow the same people I follow on instagram, to creep and see if I’ve liked or commented on any of their photos" That is extremely paranoid and fucked up shit You need to leave his ass pronto

[patguy2424]

If you apologize maybe he’ll understand, but you can’t blame him if he breaks up with u

[Asker]

I did, he’s so controlling now, I have no life and no friends anymore 🙁 I get why he’s being controlling he’s he’s insecure, but I feel like an animal in a cage at this point

[panamared1]

he never trusted you before and never will, so why trust him, time to move on

[LazerBean]

Yeah, it is. Really he should just move on though.

[jayhams]

Cheating is never justifiable

[Brando10222]

You made him that insecure