How do you deal with dating someone being asexual?

[UnknownGagsUser]

[SteveSmith1985]

Usually, I am very confident that I know what I'm talking about when I answer questions on GAG.

Let me be up-front in saying that I DON'T feel like I know what I'm talking about here. Do not take anything I say as anything other than 'speculating out-loud'.

I am not at all familiar with asexuality. I have a very hard time getting my head around the whole concept to be honest. It just doesn't 'compute' for me. I have trouble imagining what it might feel like to be asexual.

I have never thought about how someone who is asexual might 'date'. To be honest, I guess I never thought of someone who was asexual ever WANTING to date (as dating/relationships are hard for me to imagine without their sexual element... even if you're not having sex... the attraction is sexually charged).

So, please do correct me if I'm wrong. I am certainly open to learning more about this subject... but...

It seems to me, that the only way someone who was asexual could hope to have a relationship, would be to have that relationship with another asexual person.

Is that not the case?

My thinking is, that anybody who ISN'T asexual is going to need 'the sexual' as an indispensable part of a healthy relationship (a healthy relationship for anyone not asexual).

So if someone who ISN'T asexual attempted an exclusive romantic relationship with someone who is asexual... isn't the non-asexual partner forced to give-up what (for them) is an absolutely vital piece of any happy and healthy relationship?

Basically, I am unlikely to ever be convinced, that it's healthy or ok, for someone who is NOT asexual, to try and have a sex-less relationship with someone who is asexual. I don't think that denying/repressing one's own sexuality is healthy. Ever.

So it seems to me, that an asexual person, and a non-asexual person are inherently incompatable for a healthy relationship.

-The asexual partner cannot have a healthy relationship that includes sex
-The non-asexual partner cannot have a healthy relationship that DOES NOT include sex (or includes the 'sexual'. You don't need to be having sex.)

Therefore, I'm thinking... only two asexual people could possibly have a happy and healthy relationship. Am I wrong?

[DaisyM23]

I don't know that much about asexuality either but I'm pretty sure asexual people can still have sex with their partner or masturbate if they want to, but I think it's just the sexual attraction aspect that's not there? And for a non-asexual to date an asexual, I think you'd have to be really comfortable and okay with not having sex, which obviously isn't for everybody and vice versa, an asexual would have to be okay with having sex if they want to.
I've never met any ace people in real life I don't think, there was a time when I thought I was ace because dating just didn't appeal to me, so I don't have any evidence or anything but you can have a healthy relationship with asexual/non-asexual, if you want to make it work you can make it work?

[SteveSmith1985]

@DaisyM23 See, there you go. I'm basing this on a fundamental misunderstanding of the nature of being 'asexual'.

I was under the impression that someone who was 'asexual' had no interest whatsoever in sex. I was thinking someone who was asexual WOULDN"T masturbate (because they'd just never get an urge to).

See, I thought the WHOLE thing with being asexual was that they COULDN"T (or more accurately, would't ever actually really want to) have sex with their partner.

So in my mind, an asexual person having sex... was an inherently unhealthy thing (since it was sex that the asexual person necessarily didn't truly want)

Similarily, I don't think it's healthy for a non-asexual person to 'be really comfortable and ok with not having sex'. I still believe that. People have differing sex-drives and whatnot. But I still don't think 'regular sexual' people can be ok with this and that be healthy or ok. Sex is an important part of any non-asexual person's healthy relationship. I don't think repressing/supressing that is healthy.

I am FULLY open to the idea that you can have a healthy relationship between an asexual person and a 'sexual' person. Like I said, I really am not on firm-ground in my understanding of all of this. I am open to learning.

You just explained that I'm not-at-all clear on what exactly it means to be asexual, and what a person who is, might want, or not want.

So thanks for replying. And thanks for being so kind and patient about it. 🙂

[ArtemisSilver]

That's a tricky one. I've had feelings for someone like that before but I didn't know how to proceed.

I'd maybe suggest we try having sex a few times to see if a like for it can be learned. Sometimes you need to have the experience to program that part of the brain so to speak.

But if she really couldn't be into it at all then I think we'd just be friends. Sexual satisfaction is important to me and a lot of people.

I guess if they were just neutral to it but willing to meet my needs that would be fine too.

[Little_Bumblebee]

I would say you would have to figure out if it's something you can do at all. And talk with the person about what kind of asexual they are. Is it because they never ever want sex, or just very rarely? Are they open for you to have sex with someone else, or should it be monogamous? And then be honest with yourself, and what kind of relationship you want.

[JessicaEarl]

I would just ask what they’re willing to do to help you feel happy and satisfied in your relationship. If nothing, I’d go to counseling or say peace.

maybe just offer to try something simple and ask him if you can give him a blow job, where he can just sit and enjoy your lips and tongue without effort. See if he gets into it after some good orgasms

[Avicenna]

You don’t date them. There is a word for such a person: platonic friend.

[Anonymous]

The closest I’ve had to asexual is demisexual, which I suppose is on the asexual spectrum, and honestly being with someone who’s demisexual has been way better than straight, bi or pan people that I’ve been with in the past. I’m less worried about being cheated on and I know they’re not sexually attracted to anyone else. It’s even made me question my own sexuality, I’ve always labelled myself as pansexual but since meeting someone who’s Demi, I think I might also be demi. I don’t have sexual attraction to anyone unless I’m attracted to their personality.

[Kaneki05]

If your pan your pan. Demi wouldn't stop that as you can be demi aswell.
Pan is about what gender you would be with. Meanwhile demi is just a type of what makes you attracted.
An easier way to explain it is, you can be Straight and Demi. Same way you can be Straight but Asexual. Same way you can be Gay and Demi. Etc etc.

So you can't have Demi replace Pan because it's a separate thing. You can be both Pan and Demi though. Been demi does not decide attraction gender or sex wise.

[Opinion Owner]

I see, so I would be both. Thank you for informing me.

[Anonymous]

I dated a fellow asexual guy years ago. Was like we were brother and sister.

I'm dating a Hetrosexual guy now and the sex is nice but either way I don't care. Guys are easy pleased so I just let him f*ck me, or suck him off or let him jerk off over my boobies which doesn't take him long, I moan and talk a bit dirty to speed him up and then it'd cuddle time. I like my partner to desire me but the actual sex I've never been into and if I never had sex again I wouldn't care.

[Anonymous]

(of reproduction) not involving the fusion of gametes.

"each polyp is capable of budding new polyps though asexual reproduction in spring"


without sex or sexual organs.

"asexual parasites"
People are not asexual, they must have sex or artificial insemination to reproduce.

[Anonymous]

Strong sedatives added to their beverages helped me a lot. This wasn't rape, it was her idea. She knew I needed sex but she just couldn't handle it and the work around was for her to be there for me but at the same time not there. She always asked if I had fun so she cared.

It was also good because I could put it anywhere.

[kinggeorge007]

It's helpful. I'd say it's a unique situation. I wouldn't be into it right off the bat but yeah that could work too. Love it.

[Blackmoonsns]

Well I like to have an intimate emotional relationship so I would not date them I know at some point I'm going to want to be physically intimate with them and if they don't want that then they're not the person for me.

[Red_Arrow]

If you want sex in your relationship now or in the future, you do not date an asexual.

[Berethor]

I can date an asexual but only if she going to put out, sexless relationship is fairly pointless.

[Chazmatazz269]

There’s no such thing short of major brain damage or mental defect. That’s just some nonsense that kids say these days because it’s trendy.

[Lliam]

I could continue to be friends with them, but would cross them off my list of potential partners. I want someone who LOVES sex.

[RealMarek]

By not dating them. I want intimacy on all levels including physically.

[Kabluie]

Being poly, I think it's possible as an additional partner if we have an emotional connection.

[Kaneki05]

Would find it fairly easier I bet. But never been in such situation.

[Agape93]

I get sex elsewhere. I don't mind them being asexual.

[kinggeorge007]

You don't deal with them. You either accept it or leave it all together. Trying to deal with it wastes both of your time.

[Wiredone]

I didn't date or marry an asexual but I ended up with one

[Anonymous]

Im asexual but I still had sex for my partners sake and for the bonding experience sex isn’t just physical

[NathanDavis]

I never have, neither way

[RavVid]

I think you are about right.

[Sevenpointfive]

what's the point of dating an asexual?

[sheikalana]

Never been through that.

[TacosRAwesome]

I wouldn't bother.

[SlavicThor]

I wouldn't be dating them so I wouldn't know

[BJP21]

You dont if it goes against compatibility.

[LimitedBenefits101]

asexual=Useless.

[TotallyAlmost]

That would be a hard no.

[dinojames22]

Show them what they are missing

[Jamie05rhs]

Ya don't.

[Guardian45]

Easy-pezy. I DON'T!

[In_Trance]

not happening