In today's environment what kind of expectations do you have or how do you proceed with a new prospective dating person?

[Bricealan]

I ask, because I just separated from a long term 'friendship' on New Years Day, after finding that I had simply 'put up with, behavior from her that I found unacceptable almost from day one but did so because we DID ENJOY many of the same things. i. e., travel, dining, concerts, beach walks, and many other things. Problem is she has money, and simply refuses, or (maybe doesn't know how) to dress for certain events.

Over the time we have 'gone out" we have slept together ONE time, and that left me feeling 'left out" as she is very 'selfish' in bed. That was a big RED sign for me, but I chose to ignore it. in lieu of the other positive things we shared.

The coup de grace, was New Years, and we went to a concert at Segerstrom Center for Performing Arts. (This has happened many times, at similar events) She came dressed like a homeless person and I was really embarrassed as I did dress 'down" for her sake but did wear dress shoes, Levis, Cashmere sweater, scarf and black leather coat.

This may sound "trivial' to many readings it, but there are/were other issues involving our intimacy. We met as 'work associates" and just continued from there, and at work, she dressed in a very unconventional manner. Friends there 'warned' me and I chose to ignore it.

She has $$$ and lives in a two-story home on a golf course in Oceanside.

In my position, how would you proceed if you were me, as it is a weird feeling at this point.

I am not adverse to being alone and have a full life, other than the 'dress' problem, we had other issues to confront, which I will not elaborate on here.

Do you have 'expectations from your dating partner or PROSPECTIVE PARTNERS? I would appreciate serious suggestions, Please.

Updates

1 y

As an addendum, I want to add that my 'friend' could be very helpful and DID a lot of nice things, during our tenure, and could be very helpful/thoughtful, in many ways. I just feel that her lack of "social graces" and ineptitude, in dress, for special occasions, was an overriding concern for me, and have felt, that I may be appearing 'shallow' in this instance.

[XHopelessRomanticX]

I, personally, am always marriage-minded when dating or talking to prospective partners because that is my desire— to get married. So expectations are a little high, not unreasonable, but still high. If someone’s attitude, mannerisms, or beliefs rub me the wrong way, chances are they’ll become a bigger problem later on down the line. Are the things you’ve mentioned to be red flags things you’re willing to live with long term?

I would consider talking with your friends and family who warned you about her. These are the people who know you best. What about her makes them believe you two aren’t a good fit?

[Bricealan]

I think one of the main things, was her attitude, and the way she conducted herself in the office, around others, AND the rag-tag way she always dressed (Sweatpants in the office, and just the overall way she 'kept' herself) In the office we would go to lunch, which was always casual, and her mode of dress was not a major issue, for me then. My supervisor warned me and said: "Bruce, you can do better", but she did not go further than that. My brother did not approve of her just from her appearance. She could be attractive but chose to take the 'low road' it seemed.
Thank you for your thoughtful answer!

[Msputiton]

I don't date.

I know i am a horrible girlfriend and the last couple relationships i left the other person broken because of how much i neglected them.

I won't put anyone else through that. It's wrong besides i prefer being single. Not worrying about if my actions effect someone else's heart

[Bricealan]

@Msputiton At least you understand yourself and do not deliberately, hurt someone in the process. I too enjoy being single, and am never 'lonely', although, I am alone, I enjoy my own company. That is a good thing to recognize, and understand, your own feelings and how you relate to others. BTY, thanks for the "Follow"... I am flattered.

[Msputiton]

🥰🥰🥰

[Guy13]

Sounds like you are better off without her. I do not have a list but like you I know when it is not... The difference being that I listen to mu gut. Work on yourself a little too...

[Bricealan]

Thank you, and I understand my failings and try to improve my attitude overall. I appreciate your taking time to answer.

[Guy13]

Sure. Nice chatting and happy new year.

[CA4444]

Sounds like you are a good friend to her, but she’s also not treating you like she would treat a boyfriend and may not be willing to do much compromises or to change for you, she just does what she wants, she probably takes you for granted a little because it is friendship and thinks she can get away with many things basically. This is my own experience anyway… And yeah sex is out of the question and she would also not give you what she would give to a boyfriend ie she let herself be tempted once but didn’t want to give anything… that’s pretty much the friend zone of women

[Bricealan]

I appreciate your thoughtful answer, and what you suggest seems to be the situation I find myself in. I am not so put off by the sexual side of things, as I am by her slovenly appearance when we go out and that really angers and annoys me. I'm not really anxious to have sex with her, as I am not really sexually drawn to her, and as an addendum, when we did have the oral sex thing, I could not get an erection with her, and her suggestion was: "Go in the bathroom and do whatever you have to to 'get hard" In retrospect, THAT should have ended the 'friendship right there, and as you saw from the above, she did have good qualities otherwise. Thank you so much for your pleasant response. I suppose I should have awakened long ago.