Fresh start on failed situationship?

[gellyelly]

Hi!

So I was in a toxic marriage for 6 years. Divorced a couple of months ago. Prior to finalizing divorce, we separated for a couple of months. During that time we both dated other people. I was just looking for a distraction so I hooked up with a guy who had a crush on me for many years. We have sex every time we hang out (whether it’s a Netflix and chill thing or an actual date). He was obviously more interested than I was but tables turned and I began liking him and want more. Throughout the time of us talking, I was admittedly annoying/toxically clingy. Trash behavior that I learned from marriage. He said he is still interested but “isn’t available for me.” He wants to remain friends. I believe I pushed him away with my clingy behavior. I’ve been really working on unlearning things so that i can be in more healthy relationships in the future. Tbh, if I were dating me at that time, I would have ran away from me long before now lol. Is it possible to “restart” things with a healthier approach with this guy or should I let it go?

[caring__1]

We judge relationships (and potential relationships) by behavioral patterns, not words. You have shown him a pattern, and he doesn't see himself in a long-term relationship with anyone who shows that pattern. Patterns can change, but it takes consistency over time for people to let the past pattern fall by the wayside. After all, how many potential relationships have you passed on due to their past pattern of wearing diapers or drinking from a baby bottle? Be his friend (without sex). Show you are taking the feelings of others into consideration, without making it obvious you are only changing to get him to accept you. Do things that improve all aspects of your life, without drawing attention to your actions to gain acknowledgment. You'll probably find a new start with a new partner to be much easier (as there would be no history to overcome), but if you want this particular guy, be patient, considerate and understanding.

[PrettyPriya]

I mean, you can try to restart things if you want. No guarantee that it will work. I think best course if that is what you want to do is give some time and space and then start real casual... without the sex.

I wonder if he got what he wanted (sex) and now isn't interested anymore. I am not saying that is definitely the case but could be. You will have to trust him that he really isn't "available" and back off for a while.

Now, my opinion would be to just let it go. That is what I would do if it were me. I think the sex complicated the issue. That is moving super fast from a divorce and couple that with the clingy behaviour, he likely has formed his opinion and thinks that will happen again.

Take some time for you and to get over the divorce. Even if it was toxic, you need time to process that and get over it properly. There should be no rush to get back out there after a failed marriage. Give it some time and best of luck to you.

[gellyelly]

Thanks! I wasn’t looking to rush into things. I was just looking for a distraction after sex and this just kind of…happened. Could totally be that he was in it for sex and the novelty wore off after a couple of months. I really shouldn’t have engaged in any sort of relationship with anyone for a while. I wasn’t expecting this but we spent a lot of intimate time together (not just sex) so it developed into this. Thank you!

[PrettyPriya]

You are most welcome. This is one of those things that could go either way. Maybe he really isn't available. Maybe he was in it for the sex. Hard for me to guess. Either way, I would back off the situation for a while and see what happens.

You could end up circling back and things work out or maybe stumble on a great guy out of nowhere one of these days. Whatever happens, best of luck to you and hope things work out.

[KrakenAttackin]

Ha! You strung this guy along during your best years and now you want him to come running after you hit the wall!!😂😂. Of course he will fuck you but hopefully he is smart enough to do nothing more.

[gellyelly]

Only I didn’t string him along. He had a crush on me and it wasn’t reciprocated because I was dating someone at the time. We went our separate ways and had our own families. I didn’t run to him, he approached me.

[KrakenAttackin]

Of course he wanted to bang an old crush but if he is smart he won't take you seriously.

[Guy13]

Very hard to reboot a situationship

[boggboss]

Depends as they requires him to want to restart

[gellyelly]

I want him to want to restart; however, I don’t want to seem manipulative as I am very genuine in my intention to relearn healthy relationship habits. I want him to see me in a better light. I’ve been doing to work and I hate that our timing sucked

[boggboss]

Fair enough justvhave to hope he will want to give it another go and see what happens