Why is it so hard for women to like NICE GUYS?

Question

blueonblack22 · Accepted Answer

This is complex. The book “no more Mr. Nice Guy” really highlighted a lot of psychological issues with nice guys and why women reject them the way they do.

Here are the following problems going on:

Society and feminism is largely responsible for the “nice guy” pandemic. It’s a byproduct of toxic shame and toxic guilt. A man feels guilty for things he shouldn’t ever feel guilty about. He apologizes for things he should never say sorry for. This is only getting worse.
Female authority figures (mothers, teachers, etc) keep reinforcing that “nice guy” behavior is a “good thing”. Men take this feedback for face value and are taught to please women at an early age.
Many if not most nice guys had an unhealthy relationship with their mothers. There mothers were usually very controlling and/or abusive. They also had an absent or whipped father. Their mothers usually wore the pants. This has a HUGE impact on a young man’s perspective on women. But this is rarely talked about in society.
Women are attracted to challenge. They don’t like being mistreated but they don’t like having a man wrapped out his finger either.
Women keep saying they “like” nice guys in dating. It’s a well intended get damaging lie. They see nice guys as relatable and often feminine. They see the nice guy as more relatable as another woman vs. a viable real man. It’s the ugly truth.
A small minority of women like nice guys because they are extremely controlling and want a simp they know they can dominate.
Western women in general get their asses kissed by men. So a nice guy is just clockwork to them. A mysterious assholish guy stands out to them.

ManOnFire · Accepted Answer

In western culture, being 'nice' for a man is seen as weakness, softness, or unmasculine. There is even the idea that a man who smiles a lot is seen as somewhat feminine. These idiologies are relative to both men and women.

However, the issue with women is that they don't really want decent men. I've said this more than once. When they talk about not liking nice guys because nice guys "have ulterior motives," that they're just pretending to be nice, or they're not very confident, they know very well that there are plenty of 'nice' men out there who are not all of those simpy things. The problem is that a lot of women don't actually want decent or 'nice' men. A lot of them want men they think they can change or manipulate, not realizing how these kinds of guys end up playing them far more than the so-called "nice guy" these women say they avoid because they think they're players. So you get what you pay for.

We're all aware of the really annoying, simpy guys who always have to text first and always need to sit with the girl at lunch and are hoping all of it will get him laid, but women know well that not all 'nice guys' are not like that.

Aerissa_Jade · Accepted Answer

Many nice men, aren't all that nice... its a fake fake to appear to be that way. As a woman there is literally no way to know who is truly nice and who isn't.

At least bad boys you know exactly where you stand if you go that route, even if people are stupid and think they can change him.

At the same time, I never think of someone as a nice guy or a bad boy. Those thoughts never cross my mind, I see them as people and who I am attracted to the most and where to go from there.

I look for red flags, regardless of the person hope things work out.

If someone wants to eliminate anyone they consider a nice guy, then by all means they can exclude the majority of potential dates and then wonder why they can't find anyone.

If someone can't find anyone, it is their own fault (most the time) for being too restrictive on their choices.

Can't have a perfect match and then complain that that perfect match simply doesn't exist.

AmyHew1tt · Accepted Answer

We like actual nice guys, who are nice just because they are and not because of some ulterior motive. But they are often confused with simps and 'put women on pedestals' type, which yeah, are super hard to like. Hopefully, there's no need to explain that. Most women go through a bad boy faze. I did. But once you learn what they're actually like, which is either painfully contrived or abusive in some way or another, it's very natural to move into a place of appreciating good people.

But as to why for some women it might be harder, I think one big reason could be that nice guys are harder to read, in that they're nice to everyone, so you can't tell if he just likes you, or if he 'likes' you. That's something that comes into it for me.

WilliamPamer446 · Answer

The problem is "nice guys" and "bad boys" are both character achetypes you'd see in a movie and emulate the wrong stereotypes about men and people in general and human personality and human behavior

A "nice guy" is often synonymous with "pushover" and mixed in with "chivalry" and "morality."
While a "bad boy" is seen as rebellious and assertive, and is incorrectly associated with masculinity. So girls think that the bad boy is more desirable because they see masculine qualities in them.

Guys are told to suck up to women now. "Just be nice", "Let her be right," "Women are always right" "Be a good boy and listen to her" "Never tell her she's wrong" "Do what she tells you" and all that nonsense.

So its hard for women to like nice guys because they see them as weak and there irritated by that conciously or subconciously. They dont want to be able to bully them. They are irritated that the nice guy will let the girl disrespect them. Maybe it makes them feel weird. but they won't admit it. And its hard for women to like good guys because either they view them as weak or they see them as "boring" and "not fun." Its mind control tactics used the media to make us stereotype eachother by gender and not see individuals.

mobiusforniner · Answer

Because what many guys consider as "being nice" isn't in fact... nice. They try to appease women with the hope of receiving their affection in return. They believe courting a woman is a trade - I give you affection and niceness, I deserve your affection in return. Earning someone's love isn't a trade for services rendered.

Women aren't stupid and they can sniff out men who do this. What (good) women are looking for is a man who is genuinely a good person- and not just because he's wanting ass. This requires a man be sure of himself, confident and determined. He knows who he is and where he's going.

I know I'll get down votes for this. But many of my early questions on GAG some 12 years ago were centered on this same idea. I too, wondered why "being nice" couldn't land me any dates. Problem is, I didn't know who I was or what I wanted from my life. I had this short sighted fantasy that somehow being nice would get me a nice girl, we'd get married, have lots of kids and be happy.

Instead, I learned life is never that easy. It took many rejections, building myself, finding what made me "me" and genuinely being happy with this image of "me". This happiness permeated into my associations with friends and coworkers. Before long, the women issue just kind of happened and I found myself at the center of many women's attention.

So, we have options, right? Get rejected- whine, bitch and moan about how being a nice guy doesn't get us anywhere. OR accept it with grace, improve ourselves, and become better MEN.

Pretty obvious which one women will want.

AdithyaR · Answer

Generally the ones who are called nice guys aren't really that nice, they just put up a facade of being nice in hopes of getting favors in return and get all huffy and entitled when they don't get what they want.

Story time - i have a friend who works part time as a model. Back when she was first starting out, she had this friend in our college who was into photography. He'd offer to do photoshoots for her which she'd send to various groups who would call her for jobs if they liked it. Now she never insisted that this friend take shoots, he always initiated. Eventually after this one shoot, she offered to take him for coffee as a thank you. They began chatting and got to the topic of dating and he asked if she'd thought about dating anyone. She mentioned how she just got out of a bad relationship and wasn't planning on dating anytime soon. Mr. Nice Guy doesn't like this answer and basically just ups and leaves her there. Now this is nearly 10:30pm at night and the way back to her dorm is a shady path and she was genuinely scared while walking back.
Man just staright up abandoned her because he realised he had no chance of dating her.
This is generally what "nice guys" are like.
It's hard to like someone when you know that they're nice only with the goal of gatting into your pants.

Genuine good people do good things because they want to and not because they expect something in return. These people will often receive good responses from others because you can pick up on their genuineness.

Sorry if that ran a little long but this is a topic that personally triggers me. I've seen way too many nice guys to stay quiet about it.

Rockstarrrrr · Answer

Cuz " nice guys " are just wack... Actual nice guys are just guys ( or people lol ) who happens to be nice... They don't talk about it.. They don't think it's a factor in being attractive or not... They're not cringe... They don't make a whole personality out of it... When it doesn't go well with a woman, an actual nice guy would think, okay we must be incompatible.. We didn't have chemistry... Period.. While a " nice guy " would think, she wasn't even that attractive.. She's probably a slut who says yes for a Chad, women like Chads who treat them like crap they don't like decent guys... and over time he gets sucked into the " nice guy " wormhole and turns into an incel later who listens to guys like Andrew tits and stuff lol... " nice guys " are just insecure men who push the being extra nice thing as their safe bet to attract a woman that could also be used later as a scapegoat and a cover for whatever reasons they're not good with women 🤷‍♂️...

Gummy_Cluster · Answer

There's a really interesting Netflix series that's a lot like this question. A women is with a bad boy that's a complete asshole. But he knows how to ring her bells like no other.

So she marries a guy that most women would kill for. He's kind, carrying, a loving father, handsome, but he's not the bad boy. So she can't stop fantasizing about the bad boy. She was talking to her girlfriend about it, and her girlfriend told her to stop being stupid. She told her that she has 85% of what she wants, and most women don't even get close to that percentage. But the wife struggles and wonders if 85% is enough. So in the cliff hanger scene, she says to herself, nope, I need 100%. Then she goes to visit the bad boy.

GreenLanternI0I · Answer

I will give you a perfect analogy. Toyota Prius is a nice, safe, reliable, But boring car. Where Dodge Challenger Hellcat widebody, is Hot, dangerous, nowhere near to be reliable and yet it is Beyond exciting to drive this car around. You see, when you are young, you want to feel alive, you want to feel your adrenalin pumping, but when you reach a certain point in your life, you want to feel safe. That is the only reason why nice guys Always finish last. Women want bad boys to sleep around with and have their children in a short run and at the same time, they want nice guys help them to raise their children in a long run.

ShadezMcgee · Answer

Because they come off as pushover and nothing turns a woman off faster than a man who has no proverbial balls to stand up to her or has no assertiveness.

Nice guys usually lack confidence or are afraid to state what they feel authentically because they want to be accepted and not rock the boat by making people upset or mad. Women can sense weakness or anything like this like fucking bloodhounds and will test the hell out of him hoping he will stand up to her because if he can't stand up to her, he won't stand up for her.

That's why you want to be the good guy. Who is assertive, confident and masculine energy that will attract her and leave her wanting him more and more. He is evoking positive feelings and emotion from her because he is centered in who he is.

Women want to be in a love story and the good guy is the one who gives her that feeling, not the nice guy.

catiecatie · Answer

So for me there’s a difference between being nice and overly nice. The guy I like is nice and everything but currently not interested (fingers crossed he will be though). And then there is some of my guy friends. Nice but not my type. I told one of my friends who keeps telling me how much he is in love with me, but I told him the guy I want is into these things. I wasn’t being mean, but that’s what I want. Most of my life is about all those things and the guy I like has the same interests, but until he notices I’ll be trying the dating apps still.

Miristheiss · Answer

If nice means they are fearful and won't take charge and not make a move and to chit chat about stuff all rated PG, the weather and what not and he never flirts and does things to raise the sexual tension, if he is passive and wants to take 4 months to be her "friend" instead of being bold and making a move then the bold guys usually get the girl and the passive, do nothing guys do not.

Also, "nice" guys have a tendency to be too nice and kiss her but and agree with everything she says and let himself get walked over by always wanting to please her and give her, her own way all the time and he never stands up for himself and showers her with too much endless praise and compliments. That is a turn off after a while and women don't really like that (most that is).

The_Shadow_Dweller · Answer

I was talking with @lafemmefatale_1 regarding a similar topic to this. We reached a conclusion. If you are forgetting your independent existence and letting yourself be swayed by anyone or even your close ones. If you don't stay firm on your values and priorities. Keep yourself second on your own priority list. Then the other person is bound to leave you. You lose your independent character. You lose your existence in people's minds.

LiamJHayden · Answer

Because usually a "Nice Guy" is not actually nice, as demonstrated by his reaction as soon as she rejects him.

Real nice guys, on the other hand, might be rejected for being boring or pushovers.

Guys who are fun and interesting can still be cordial with others and not rejected.

Kori1236 · Answer

Because most of the time nice guys really aren’t nice at all. It’s a facade they put on until someone is invested enough that they won’t leave and then the mask drops revealing their true colours. A genuine nice guy though is adored and typically scooped up like a stray dog off the streets immediately.

Chazmatazz269 · Answer

I guess it depends on how you define “nice guy”. Some people are too “nice”. This suggests weakness more than kindness. Think “doormats”. Ell oh ell!
Men can’t afford to appear weak, ever.
That’s just the way it’s always been and that’s how it will always be.

Flower7 · Answer

Because they don’t usually have much going for themselves other than their self-proclaimed “niceness”. They lean on that too much. And often they want things in return for the “nice” things that they do. So in those cases, it doesn’t really count anyway.

electromagnetic · Answer

Because it’s been hard wired in us to love bad boys from a young age.

bamesjond0069 · Answer

Because nice guys are wimps. Where do you want to eat? I don't know where do you want to eat? Well wherever you want to eat ofc. What a coincidence, that's where I want to eat too.

Then they wonder why girls don't like them.

Nikki1989 · Answer

Come on, Coach, I thought you were smarter than this.

PinkRose24 · Answer

We like legit nice guys not incels claiming to be nice. A guy that's actually nice won't say it over and over a million times, he'll just show it in his actions. ✌️

Screenwriter · Answer

Has nothing to do with WOMEN. Has to do with SOME women.

There are women who like men to abuse them, or like men who are "bad boys." Something about men who are aloof and ignore them. WHo knows the root of such poor taste in men.

I like 'em funny and nice. Bad boys are only interesting in the movies.

Ms_Facesitter · Answer

Come now, anthony, you should know the answer to this :p

OfMiceandMen · Answer

If you're a nice guy and the girl rejects you for that, she's obviously not the kind of girl you want to put your time and effort into. Guys: Don't fall prey to the drama queens...

Anonymous · Answer

Aren’t you alpha males always saying that is biology that are men are stronger than women, women always want the biggest and strongest man to breed with, women are meant to be naturally submissive and all that stuff. So from a biological standpoint, why would a woman want someone that other men can crush? You have to remember humans are mammals, look at how other mammals operate. Look at how the animal kingdom is.

wafflemakerman69 · Answer

women want that rollercoaster of excitement from a man. Being nice and saying Yes all the time will dry that waffle up quick lol

MiamiMadness · Answer

Because back in the caveman days, the nice cavemen got all their things taken so it’s imbedded really deep?

Dargil · Answer

They want guys to be dynamic and exciting. Hard to do that when you are changing the oil in your car or mowing the lawn. Long ago, a Chinese girl complimented my industriousness and told me that women want men to be "useful" in life. That isn't "dynamic".

cth96190 · Answer

Because women, especially when they are young, are hard wired to want bad boys.
I tried to swim against the tide when I was younger, but I realised that resistance was futile (Borg reference).
I gave up and went my own way.
Women want bad boys who will use, abuse and hurt them?
Fine!
The bad boys can have the women.
They deserve each other.

Anonymous · Answer

Because generally "nice guys" are just yes-men and I can imagine they would be pretty annoying.

I think women are more attracted to the disagreeableness of men, as much as our current culture despises that trait. They want men who can stand up for that they believe in against all opposition and that is a great sign that he would make a great provider and protector of a family.

NathanDavis · Answer

I never had an issue with it... but, being nice and kind... is just two things on a very long list of other things I am...

Monalisa77 · Answer

I like nice guys... well I will only settle for a nice one. I have a jerk one at home so I ain't going out looking to be treated like shite outside.

sadgirl0210 · Answer

Because when a woman who been abused , sexual assault , raped , modlested , and everything else / hurt by a guy.. it is hard af to trust a guy especially a nice guy because all we think is ok ya he just wants me for sex I mean that how it is etc. We trust actions especially if they match to ur words

msmissydc · Answer

Are we talking about actual nice guys or "nice guys"? I dont think we have any problems linking genuinl nice guys. Why we dont like "nice guys" should be obvious.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

I think it's because less danger apparently translates to less exciting.

Blueeyes81 · Answer

You can't just use one trait (nice) to define someone. No one remembers a wallflower or wants to be around someone who is boring or smelly or annoying or rude or too nice, etc. Those that make the argument nice guys finish last are overlooking character failures in themselves and passing that buck onto others. Being nice is the bare minimum. If that is all you can really bring to interest someone then may god have mercy on your soul.

dolemite89 · Answer

to quote patrice o’neal,” every woman views her life as their own movie starring them, directed by them, edited by them. women don’t love men for who they are, they love you for the role you can play in their movie.” A nice guy just doesn’t add the drama and tension to their soap opera movie that they want.😂

Anonymous · Answer

It’s not any woman who’s a 4 or better can find a guy that will make her his queen. When I was young a single I was probably in 8/9 range so I swapped up a great guy because that’s as high as my value was gonna get so I was gonna play the field and shop around

Anonymous · Answer

Most women today have no idea what a decent man is today. It's not that they don't like guys who are nice. They just look at guys who come at them that way as weak. Young women would much rather have a man that she has to worry about him cheating on her or abusing her than one that is no challenge. Some grow out of this. Some never do and remain toxic and unfulfilled.

starsNstorms · Answer

I've noticed GIRLS have a hard time wanting the nice guy but women definitely prefer it. The jerk that never calls you back stops being cute when you've reached 20 at least. Well I'd hope so anyways. Because there are some really good guys out there that get friendzoned simply because they are nice or a gentleman.

CuriousMufuxka · Answer

Because they're boring! Women want a project. A man they can possibly change, but the bad boy thrill at the same time.

Msputiton · Answer

We like nice guys. But "nice guys" usually puttin on an act pretending to be overly nice in an obnoxious and obvious way. So yeah. It's fake

misogynistic_pig · Answer

The internet is full of women who claim that the reason they "don't give nice guys a chance" is that those "nice guys" aren't really "nice".

slatyb · Answer

They love truly nice guys. They don't like self-proclaimed "nice guys" who are really just passive-aggressive, inappropriately handing out gifts and favors hoping to get attention.

CateM · Answer

Because apparently being "nice" is thinking you're entitled to sex because "I'm such a nice guy, it's the least you can do!"

Anonymous · Answer

Women associate nice with boring, even with really nice guys. Young women generally have more options and they want fun than be tied down and behave properly. Women believe they will be riddled with responsibilities as they get older and married and eventually they must have to tie down a nice guy for marriage, so why not have fun with bad boys till they can.

This plan works out for some and backfires for some as they get older.

Anonymous · Answer

Because they are usually boring and bring nothing else to the table beyond their niceness. Most women don't want a bad boy or a nice guy, they want someone in between. Yes, being too nice is unattractive, sorry.

exitseven · Answer

I believe a guy can be nice and not be a pushover.

IHateBeingaMan · Answer

because its more important for a guy to have boundaries than it is for a woman, if a woman lacks boundaries, it won't really have an affect on a guys attraction towards her, but the reverse isn't true as much

HappyWoman34 · Answer

I like nice guys. I just don’t like boring men, who fade into the background.

Chthou95 · Answer

Because being nice is boring to women. Women want excitement and thrills and nice guys don't offer that. a lot of women chase thugs and men that are not the nicest of people but are offer that excitement

DesiUwU · Answer

after my ex, i will only seek out nice guys.

linka_pat307 · Answer

I feel being nice means pretending because everyone in ma life is nice and at the tunnel, they all wanted someone from mi

Kiran_Yagami · Answer

Because women subconsciously want a man who can protect them, and men who can protect are dangerous, not nice. Never listen what women say they want. Watch what they do.

FunkyMonkee · Answer

Any 7 year old boy can tell yo that! Girls are icky!!

Blackcupcake · Answer

who said it’s hard? A LOT of women appreciates a nice guy…

Pete671 · Answer

Because they can give themselves an excuse for moaning when the bad boys beat them up or are unfaithful,,,

AngryCarl2 · Answer

Being nice should be everybody's default. Women want something more besides that, and can you blame them?

Noah-z · Answer

Lets face it, we are feminine. you can be macho yet respect women and being nice all the time isn’t respect it’s gay

Hannajenky · Answer

Maybe stop whining about it because Jt’s not very attractive?

Blink2271 · Answer

I dont think it is! the problem is everyone understands “nice” as something else.

LemiaOfThunder · Answer

Nice guy doesn't always mean nice guy. Sometimes guys say they nice but are rotten to the core.

legalboxers · Answer

they like bad boys.

Why is it so hard for women to like NICE GUYS?

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Why is it so hard for women to like NICE GUYS?

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