How should I handle this? She was very into me, and suddenly she said she don’t know?

[Anonymous]

To keep it as short as possible. We met online, planned a date, had a great time and planned the next date the day after the first one… then I went away for a week and as soon as I came back we had our third date which ended with her staying over night and we were quite intimate. Next day she texted me in the middle of the night and asked to pick her up from town cause she wanted to come to me and cuddle before I was going away for another week. Everything was good, she gave the impression of really liking me and said things that sounded like she wanted a relationship with me in a near future.

Then I went away for another week and when trying to plan with her she said things like “maybe” “idk” cause she and I had our own plans since before… so I didn’t think much about it. But I felt that she was pulling away a little. So for the next time I was to come home I asked if she wanted to meet and when she said maybe I asked her to be honest and tell me if she even wanted at all.

She said she didn’t know what she wanted. She said that she felt that I wanted something serious and that she maybe didn’t want that. She said that she had a problem with falling in love fast and lose interest when it started getting serious and that cause she hasn’t come over that her ex was cheating on her and using her. We just texted about it a little bit and I said that I wanted to speak to her IRL.

but what should I say to her when we meet? I really like her but I also don’t want to hurt myself. Ofc tell her how I feel but should I be open for like a friends with benefits and secretly hope it will turn to something serious? or should I just say that I’m not looking for anything casual so she has to decide if she wants to be serious or not? How can I get her to be interested again? Show her support and prove that I am honest and trustworthy?
we both have traumas from our previous relationships but I have had more time to handle mine

[WaterIsland]

She probably got nervous about it moving too fast. I’d respect her needing some space, but continue to be honest and communicate with her. Tell her you like her, but respect her enough to give her the space to figure things out.


You can’t force a relationship. Just be chill, and just enjoy the time with her. It’s not a race.

[Asker]

The thing is that she has been the one moving it fast in the beginning. And saying things that indicates that she could see us in a relationship in a near future… and that was a little too early for me to really take in. And the last time we saw eachother was when she really wanted to see me one more time before I was going away for the second week and we said goodbye in a great mood… but suddenly like two days after that I noticed the difference in her comunication.

And when we spoke a little about it over text she said that she fall in love really fast and leading it towards a relationship and suddenly when it start getting serious she just loses it. And it must have to do with how her ex was treating her as she said herself.
I just want a way to make her get the feelings back.
Cause when she lost it it obviously wasn’t cause something specific in our dating like ”third date didn’t got intimate” or something like that cause she wanted to see me so badly after that.

And ofc I can’t force a relationship and I don’t want to do it either. But if I just can wake up those feelings again it isn’t going to be forced. The question is just how to wake them up

[WaterIsland]

Really overthinking things here. As I said, she probably got nervous. Just take a step back, and enjoy your time together. Get to know each other more. Show her you care, and are there for her, but also give her space.

Again you can’t force it. Just try to enjoy the moment and enjoy spending time together. Everything works out in the end and happens for a reason. All you can do is do the best you can and be open, patient, and give her the space she needs, while also showing you care about her.

To answer your last part tho. You can’t “wake up” feelings. Doesn’t work like that at all. That is forcing things right there. That won’t end well. Just stop forcing it.

[Ligerzzero]

Obviously you being out of town all the time, she wanted someone around more often.

If she went from dating, to all of a sudden oh I have plans now, she might be dating someone else, you only had a couple of dates.

[Asker]

I’ve been out of town about two work weeks for A work trip. And she knows it was just going to be those two weeks. And we have had contact during that time, so I know that she has basically just been at work, with her friends or alone at home

[Guy13]

She just lost interest because you move slow whether it is events or whatever. I am yawning reading about and i can't imagine what it is like to live it. Take charge woman...

[Asker]

I don’t think 3d date for sex is slow… within a week from when we met first time

[In_Trance]

Clearly your perception was wrong

[Asker]

She showed all the signs of wanting a serious relationship and she did it very early on, even before I were sure if I liked her or not…