Why does guy I’m dating take me to places his ex suggested they go to when they were together?

[Anonymous]

[TheSpaceGnome]

If his ex suggested going to them, either she liked them, or she knew he did, or they both did.

Why would a person not go to places they like?

[Asker]

His ex liked it. He’d never been before.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Odd.

[Asker]

Right!

[Asker]

Check out the girls reply here. What’re your thoughts on that…

[TheSpaceGnome]

I only see one of them because the other is blocked, but my thoughts are thats unlikely.

It is more likely that (based on what you just said), he is bringing you to places he thinks women like, because him refusing to go to those places ever with his ex, may have, at least in his mind, played a factor into why he lost her, and perhaps he thinks if he makes that mistake again, he loses you too.

When I still had feelings for my ex, I could not stand to be around anything that reminded me of her until that feeling faded away. If he still loves her, those places would be on his shit list. No one wants to be reminded of loss.

[Asker]

Yeah I’d be the same and want to avoid them. But I was with a guy who’d take me to places he’d go with his ex that reminded him of her and he was still not over his love for her.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Thats a thing crazy people do.

[Asker]

Plus if you jump straight into a new relationship do you really get to feel those feeling a of loss properly? It may not feel that bad if he dates soon after the breakup.

[Asker]

You’d be surprised, I think it’s possibly more common than you think.

[Asker]

It could be a way of trying to feel close to them if it didn’t end on bad terms.

[TheSpaceGnome]

I dunno.

I've never jumped straight into a new relationship, because the type of girl I like is rare, so finding a new one takes years :l

[Asker]

You’re just like me by the sounds of it.

[Asker]

Some people just don’t like being on their own though and look to rush things.

[Asker]

So you think he’s going there because he has no feelings for her.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Not unless you also play hard video games, draw, like science, sci-fi, fantasy, anime, nature docs, collectables, tech, bugs, cats, dinosaurs, and are an atheist who hates alcohol, smoking and all other drugs.

But at least in that one thing I'm like you. I'm still a virgin because of how hard it is to find a match. I can't even comprehend how people get into "rebound" relationships. The entire thing is just alien to me.

[TheSpaceGnome]

I'm not sure what he is thinking, but I do think I'd hate being reminded of an ex while single, and be over her while taken.

[TheSpaceGnome]

The thing is because I'm so picky, the next girl is usually more of an "upgrade" to the last one, so missing the old one makes no sense. Because with each time it doesn't work out, I take note of why, and I avoid that problem with the next while still aiming for the traits I liked. So each new relationship is objectively better than the last, until finally one is so good that she stays.

[TheSpaceGnome]

So if I went to those places, its cuz i liked them or wanted to try them and am over her.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Some guys stereotype though, and might think that girls just like those places, so I had the thought that he might do that too.

[Asker]

Guys say they have needs (sexual etc) so get involved for those reasons. I suppose once you get over your first, it gets easier. I get where you’re coming from more being a virgin.

[Asker]

I like something about everyone I’ve dated because I don’t make bad choices generally and they all have different qualities that you get to explore while together.

[TheSpaceGnome]

We do have sexual needs, really strong ones, but stds and pregnancy exist, so it's not like I can just go hump any attractive women I want (even when ignoring things like strong emotional attachment, which I do get, and most other guys get).

[TheSpaceGnome]

Plus being in a relationship with someone I can't relate to is hell lol

[TheSpaceGnome]

Ah, yeah I only get along with likeminded women, so they are all pretty much the same but with less negative traits each time.

[Asker]

Fair enough. I wish more men were like that tbh.

[Asker]

I’m not convinced guys get emotionally attracted after sex as much as girls though because it seems too easy for too many guys to walk away after. I’ve heard and seen it with others time and time again.

[Asker]

*attached

[Asker]

My own dad even warned me about it.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Women keep saying they wish more guys were like me, but it doesn't seem to increase my odds any for some reason, so I wonder if they actually mean that.

As for the other point, a lot of women do or say things that make the guy feel unloved.

If he feels it is becoming one sided, he will walk away. We have attachment, but a lot of women are pretty good at taking that away with how she acts and speaks to him.

You gotta treat us like we treat you, like just existing and having common interests, hobbies and views is enough. Many women treat men like we are a utility instead of a best friend. Thats enough to walk away.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Women also tend to separate sex and love, its way harder for a guy to do that, so when you think a guy is only wanting sex, to him, that is the highest teir of love, and when you treat him like "he only wants sex" it's the same as you telling him you don't love him, because why is sex a problem unless you don't love him and therfor don't want sex with him.

Women often expect men to do "nice things" for them, ie utility stuff, but we see that as shallow, wanting favors or money or a job done, its too much like bribery or being our boss but getting paid for it.

It's the sexual contact thats not shallow to us, so of course thats the first thing we think of.

[TheSpaceGnome]

But all it takes is for a woman to make us feel unappreciated, and we leave, so all you see, is a guy who had sex and left, and meanwhile he's feeling crushed and wishing she was different and that the sex with her never happened so he stops missing her, and so he either waits out of fear of stds , pregancy, or pickiness, or goes and fucks another woman, hoping this time she wil be different and love him for him.

[Asker]

Interesting. Thanks for sharing, I appreciate your insights.

[TheSpaceGnome]

👍👍

[NostalgiaSenpi]

Maybe he can't think of places to go on his own. The question is why did he bother mentioning it to you.

[Asker]

They posted it on social media knowing I’d see it.

[Anonymous]

because your dude still is in love with his ex. it's hard to realize that, but it's the truth. he is replicating his old relationship.

[Asker]

None of the guys here are saying this though even though what you say is what I’m also thinking…

[Opinion Owner]

just be open with him and mention it

[Asker]

I will

[Asker]

@thespacegnome

[SnowedIn]

Asked before and answered.

[Asker]

Huh? I’m lost. I’ve not asked this before.