Do you have high standards? And what do you define as high standards?

[melanieeeB]

Personally my family and some friends keep telling me I'm asking for too much lol
But honey, I'm not... like my criteria in a man is literally two things regarding the superficial look and everything else, yeah it's a lot, are characteristics and behavioral factors.
I ain't settling down for the minimum, just so I can have a man! I rather stay single, then be with someone just to be with someone lol

And like I would say, someone has high standards, when it's realistically not achievable and well my expectations are achievable but you have to get your ass up and act right

[MrOracle]

It's fine to have high standards... IF you can afford them. But, say, if you want a big house or a luxury car, those demand high prices, beyond what most people can afford. Clearly some people can afford them, but they are the exception, not the rule. As the person who wants the high value thing, you also don't get to decide what the "seller" demands in return - that's the seller's decision.

This also applies with relationships. I could want a supermodel, and feel I deserve one, but supermodels are in high demand and short supply, so they can afford to be demanding, and I'm not handsome or rich or famous or powerful enough to meet their demands - thus, if I hold out for a supermodel, it's incredibly likely that I will die alone.

I don't know anything about the asker, or what she wants, but I know that a LOT of women today feel that they can demand a highly sought after man, without even considering whether she meets the demands that a man like that is likely to have for a woman.

Part of the reason for this is because most (younger) women can use sex to get the attention of a high-value man who otherwise wouldn't pay attention to her - but those women don't seem to realize that those men don't take them seriously as relationship partners - they are just using her for casual sex, and would never commit to her. The fact that she gets his attention allows her to fool herself into believing that she is on the same level as the woman he would commit to - but that's pure delusion. Men have two very distinct categories, and most women who think they are in the "relationship" category are really in the "casual sex" category.

Bottom line is that if you over value yourself or demand more than you can afford, the world is going to give you that outcome: you will end up alone. That's true for everyone - men and women alike. Women have one additional concern, though - her YOUTH is a big part of her value to the opposite sex, so she has a limited window of time in order to get her best outcome, and that's between the age of about 18-28. That's not to say that she can't find a man after that, it means the men that will be available to her will be of lower value than the ones she had access to when she was younger.

Again, I don't know anything about the Asker or her situation beyond what she posted here - this is simply about how the world works.

[lightbulb27]

For behavior yes.

But when I had lower self worth, I had low standards and that would get me into a lot of trouble.

[melanieeeB]

I would say that low selfesteem generally brings you in not so great situations, cause you're more willing to accept the minimum thinking you "don't" deserve better... 🙃

[lightbulb27]

combine it with a "servant" heart, and I'd get pulled into "wounded birds"... male or female. Gotta have boundaries and standards for self... but starts with having a self:)!

good question.

[melanieeeB]

Yeah, I love what you said! Boundaries are very important, took me personally a few long years to learn this lesson

[DizzyDesii]

People think my standards are high but I refuse to settle with someone that I won’t enjoy in the longrun.

— The guy needs to range between 5’7-6’2, have a cute face, sweet smile, captivating voice, nice walk/posture, and have a slim toned to average body build (nothing buff/muscular).

— He should be close in age (0-3 year gap), goofy, nurturing, caring, humble, creative, courageous, sweet, respectful, passionate, ambitious, determined, patient for the most part, and a great talker/listener.

— I’d prefer he be a lonewolf who hardly drinks (or doesn't drink at all), is fluent in English (but also speaks a lot of slang), and often dresses casually in sporty/streetwear.

— Hopefully he has little to no facial hair and no chest hair. Preferably he has little to no tats (because I hate when it covers a full body part like a sleeve) and little to no piercings (unless its an eyebrow piercing which I love).

— I’d hope that he enjoys theme parks, l poetry, and movies/music of all genres.

— Its a dealbreaker if he doesn't believe in God, doesn't want kids (especially in his 20s), smokes ANYTHING (weed/hookah/vape/cigs included), or has slept with more than 5 people.

—If he constantly brings up politics and is a huge abortion supporter/gun toter, we probably won’t work. If his pets live indoors, we won’t work. (I don’t expect anyone to give up a pet for me. I just wouldn't date someone who has indoor pets specifically cats, dogs, hamsters, snakes, lizards).

Overall, this is a mix of must haves and preferences. I just really want someone who shares the majority of my morals, values and interests. But he should also be someone I find attractive in terms of looks and personality and vice versa. He needs to know what he wants and when he wants it because I know what I want and when. And he must have my back when it comes to outsiders because I’d have his.

I have met many guys who met the majority of standards but they were impatient when it came to holding out a few months for sex and stuff like that... Or they contained a dealbreaker like not wanting kids or not believing in God. I’m super picky about that. But I don’t think my standards are bad.

[MadAndBankrupt]

Damn, I’m the opposite of what you said😂
Hope you find your knight, sooner than later
Hope he’s rich too👀

[DizzyDesii]

@MadAndBankrupt i dont want a rich man. They’re controlling and think money cannbuy happiness

[MadAndBankrupt]

True

[Likes2drive]

25 years ago I would have been great match 😊

[DizzyDesii]

@Likes2drive i know you wouldve been 😍 And your love for cars is a plus

[melanieeeB]

Love this and especially your first sentence is excatly what I kinda meant haha

[DizzyDesii]

Haha thank you

[Likes2drive]

Thanks

[Vegasrunner]

@DizzyDesii I'm confused, if these are your standards, isn't it only relevant if you can actually find someone who meets these standards that wants to committ to you?

[es20490446e]

I'm a hairy atheist.

[Pinay_ako]

Yes. I only surround myself with quality people with good morals. Idc what you do for a living or what you look like. If I like you, I like you

[melanieeeB]

Agreed 🙏🏼

[DaveJord]

Do you have high standards? And what do you define as high standards?

I do not think I have high standards; I am looking for an average looking, kind and generous person... what I consider high standards is anything you expect in others, but you do not live up to in your own life for yourself.

You say, "like my criteria in a man is literally two things regarding the superficial look and everything else, yeah it's a lot, are characteristics and behavioral factors."

So literally what is it you are looking for, because everyone has characteristics and behavioral factors... including yourself. You literally said something without saying anything. The issue with having high standards is that you have to live up to those standards yourself and not just look for or expect them in other people.

At times in order to build something with someone, something strong and meaningful you have to look past your expectations and see the person. Every time I have dated a woman who sets expectations on herr future mate before even meeting them... well it never works out... because what expectation or controls do place on yourself?

Do you truly live up to the standards you set for other people, or do you look past the things you don't see or know about yourself, then expect others to do for you what you do not do for them?

If you do, then your standard is too high.

Thats is the issue with having high standards, because it prevents you from ever really getting close to someone or learn the things about yourself that you can't really learn unless you are willing to commit to a process in which you have to accept some degree of vulnerability.

[jennifer_bloom]

I have guys I’m interested in and if somebody outside my 2 interests wants to date me, they will have to be absolutely amazing and attractive beyond belief because I do not see the need to replace the guys I talk to online with new people. I am not a cheat since I’m not dating these guys but I’m interested and it will be near impossible to make my alter my interests.

[Guy13]

Yes I have high standards but my expectations are low knowing the human condition.

[dynamicyandere]

Personality-wise, I have very high standards.


Looks-wise, I’m quite flexible. Average or better is completely fine.


My reasoning for this is mainly 2 things.


One, I really put my heart and soul into a relationship. I give my all. Multiple exes have told me that nobody has treated them as well as I have. I really go all in when it comes to a serious relationship. So… I want to be with someone who will also put 100% into the relationship just like me. It’s not 50/50. It’s 100% and 100%. I go all in and I don’t keep score. I will take a bullet for them. So I need someone who is ride or die.


Two, for the looks department, I look into the future. Nobody is going to look their best at 80 years old. Outer beauty and youth will fade. Inner beauty will not. But, if one only has outer beauty but no inner beauty, when they grow old, they will have no beauty whatsoever.


Also, if they were to ever get into a freak accident or get a terminal illness, I want to stay by their side and never leave them.


But, for me to love someone like that, we really need to have some extraordinary chemistry and closeness. And love like that is not built on outer beauty. It’s the intertwining bond between souls.

[MaazHussain]

Having high standards in a relationship can mean different things to different people. Generally, it means having specific expectations and requirements for what you want in a partner, and not settling for less than what you deserve.

Superficial qualities, such as physical appearance, can be a factor in high standards for some people. However, it's important to prioritize deeper qualities like character, values, and behavior when evaluating a potential partner.

Money and wealth can also be a factor in high standards, as financial stability and security are important for many people. However, it's important to consider a potential partner's character and values beyond their financial situation, and not to prioritize money above other important qualities.

Ultimately, it's up to each individual to determine their own standards and what they are willing to accept in a relationship. It's important to be realistic about what is achievable, but also to not compromise on important qualities and values that are essential to a healthy and fulfilling relationship.

[EmbraceThePain]

If you're family and some of your friends are saying the same things then maybe it is in your best interest to take their advice to heart. When I say "best interest" I'm talking about the benefits to your life, well-being, and happiness. Take an honest look at what your standards are and then ask yourself why your family and some of your friends are saying your standards are too high. I think this can give you some important insight, as well as allow you to change your perspective to something potentially better.

A fact of life that I've accepted as truth as I get older is that if many people in my life are saying the same things about me then it is probably true or at least is worth looking into.

Sometimes, we think we'd be happier or better off with something but in actuality we will not.

As it relates to this question, sometimes we think we are settling for something that is not good and something that we'd do better without because we think we deserve more, but then we can realize it's all about perspective and that we had been thinking about things entirely wrong.

Family and some friends can help us realize that new perspective is right and more beneficial for us.

[melanieeeB]

Hell no! They can go fuck themselves, they just want me to be with anyone and it's not out of for my best lol and I'm not a woman to go and just entertain anyone, it has do be someone special.

[EmbraceThePain]

From talking to you, you do not seem like a reasonable person.

If you talk like that about friends and family, that's a red flag to me and should be to any quality man.

Honestly, it should also be a red flag to yourself.

Be better!

[melanieeeB]

Nah I think you just have a problem with me cause you can't force your views on me and that I'm a pretty modern woman lol

[EmbraceThePain]

I'm not forcing my views on anyone.

Either way, this entire convo is proof of what I'm talking about.

Again, just try to be better, have a good day!

[TheVigilantFox]

I have pretty high standards when it comes to people,


You have to be good looking,
Body wise not to thin as I don’t want a skeleton I also don’t want a fat person as that’s a massive turn off for me.


Hair colour/length: don’t care as long as you’ve got hair.


Age: over 30


Height: not to much taller or shorter.


You have to be smart to some degree you don’t have to be a genius but please don’t be a zombie going along with what the TV tells you as that’s a major no.


You definitely have to be funny, kind and caring, non controlling or violent.

[burlen]

When someone has high standards, it means that they hold themselves or others to a level of quality or excellence that is perceived to be above average or normal. This could refer to a variety of different areas, including personal behavior, work performance, relationships, and even material possessions.

Individuals with high standards may set lofty goals for themselves or expect others to meet certain expectations that are challenging to achieve. They may also be more discerning or critical when evaluating themselves or others based on their own internal or external criteria.

Having high standards can be a positive trait, as it often leads to a greater sense of achievement and personal fulfillment. However, it can also result in feelings of disappointment or frustration if the desired outcomes are not met, and may put pressure on oneself or others to constantly perform at a high level.

[D_Bone_Steak]

I don't want to talk about standards anymore. I get told I should lower mine, while I'm expected to become a billionaire and give it away to one of these chicks.

[HighValue]

My standards SHOULD be easy to meet, but apparently most people are immoral trash and that is why it is nearly impossible to find someone that matches.

No promiscuous past, no contact with any ex, no past of using drugs or heavy alcohol use, trustworthy, fair in expectations/not hypocritical, has no kids but wants some, at least a 5 + in looks and an 8 + in personality compatibility, not past 30, enjoys at least some things I do such as board games or video games, etc. No tattoos, no short or unnaturally colored hair or unusual piercings. That is what I have wanted since I was a teenager. It never changed.

That SHOULD be easy to find a normal person like that, but it's not.

[FreyaRed]

I don't want anything I can offer by myself... and it seems to be too much. Oh. by the way. I invested 3 years of my time in a guy who didn't play in my league, neither optically and financially. He wasted it because it's never enough.
I was quite naive with 16 and thought good deeds will be paid back with the same coin. Nope. There is always the one who takes and the fool who is obliged to give, there will be never a balance.

[mark000h]

High standards are ok, but they should be reasonable and realistic. If you're waiting for Mr. Perfect, you may be alone forever. My standards are a kind, caring, traditional thinking girl that hasn't had casual or friends with benefits and is family oriented rather than career oriented.

[Elozaa]

To me, they are goals that will not become true because of some obstacles. Even though there are certain obstacles, having high expectations. At this point maybe we can call them as just a dream. I don t have goals such that. They have potential to hurt relevant person.

[humanearth]

No, because If I would've enforced a standard. I wouldn't have dated my wife.

Having standards when dating, limits your options in the dating pool.

[melanieeeB]

Oh thanks for your input, that's a really cool view on that topic 🙏🏼

[NostalgiaSenpi]

I don't think so.

Lookswise, I just don't want a partner that is too fat. I like women of all ethnicities.

Personality - Loving, caring, respectful , responsible, communicative, honest, funny, loyal

I'd prefer someone I can do things with but also has her own interests that she regularly does.

[yucel_eden]

Yes I do…my girlfriend is beautifull speaks 6 languages has a great job and is very supportive and very close to her culture and she is a lovely person…

nothing wrong with having high standards if you can bring similar amounts to the table

[Jason0D]

Your not going to like my opinion but unless you want to be single forever then you have to take the good and the bad. So many women think men don't have to sacrifice or bring anything into a relationship and that is not true. Men get their value from what they achieve otherwise no one cares about them. It sounds like you have already determined that you are waiting for Mr. Perfect to come along just like the majority of women. He doesn't exist. You will never find a man who literally has no flaws. It's a fairy tale. But you can keep those high standards and expect men to not have any standards of their own if you want but just expect to never get married. All I would want is fit, feminine, friendly, young 18-24, loyal. The rest will come out of necessity. That would be mandatory for me for marriage with no exceptions. But I don't want to be married so it doesn't matter really. Everyone already knows what is expected of men so there is no reason for me to add that here.

[melanieeeB]

I never said anything based on that what you said lol

[Jason0D]

I don't know did you not? You said you were told you had high standards and wouldn't settle for less which is what all of the single women 30+ say. I'm just pointing out that you might want to tone it down some if marriage is your goal. Otherwise standards don't matter.

[JDavid25]

Nah, my standards are very realistic.. I just want a cute girl with a booty, some morals, and somewhat a sense of humor.. That's the simplified version but yeah.. And I agree with your definition of high standards..

[Kaneki05]

I want to say no but the universe has made it very clear to me that just looking for someone like myself is a very high standard. Statistically there will be girls who are like myself but that don't mean that I'll meet them.

[Wish4UrB00ty]

I do but I also don’t often let my standards become the issue. I am fine with being single at this point.