Are stalkers motivated by romance, revenge, or a desire for control?

Question

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

The above article says the following… “According to Michele Galietta, a clinician and psychology professor at City University of New York who focuses on therapeutic treatments for stalkers and other groups, “There’s no such thing as the typical stalker… According to a 2012 study published in the journal Aggression and Violent Behavior, “Motivations for stalking include a delusional belief in romantic destiny, a desire to reclaim a prior relationship, a sadistic urge to torment the victim, or a psychotic over-identification with the victim and the desire to replace him or her.” And stalkers can fall under a variety of diagnoses, including psychotic disorders; personality disorders, such as narcissistic personality disorder; and delusional disorders, such as erotomania—a belief that another person, often a prestigious person, is in love with you… One study [of stalkers] found that about half had a substance use disorder, and half had a personality disorder. Over a quarter, however, didn’t have any sort of personality, substance use, or other mental disorder… …stalkers are often men in their 30s, and their targets are frequently women in their late teens and early 20s…anger and insecurity, often stemming from childhood, are also common among stalkers, as is impulsiveness. [It’s been] observed that stalkers generally have “very narrow interests, very little leisure activity, variable other social interactions; so these tend to be their primary relationships.” …stalking behavior is often triggered by a life event that’s difficult to cope with, such as a breakup, firing, arrest, or rejection.”  The article directly above identifies 7 Types of Stalkers… 1. Domestic [former spouse or lover] stalker: This is the most prevalent kind of stalking. 2. Lust stalker: serial predators who stalk victim after victim. 3. Love-Scorned stalker 4. Celebrity stalker 5. Political [agreement/disagreement belief-motivated] stalker 6. Hit (murder for hire) stalker 7. Revenge [payback] stalker

Kaneki05 · Accepted Answer

If your talking about true stalkers it's motivated by what they can't have. The thrill and desire is in the chase. However in irony if they get what they want disinterest will soon come. They will find a different person to want, as the original gets thrown aside.
So if you wanted to stop them all you have to do is stop rejecting them.

A massive warning here though is someone may stalk but not because they are a stalker if that makes sense. In this case that method don't work and will most likely end up with you dating someone's who's controlling and abusive who will use you for whatever else.

So there is a major difference between someone who's a stalker because it's a feeling they get compared to who's a stalker because it's goal to something else. Someone who's stalking you for revenge or to keep you scared of them etc is not what a an actual stalker would do, they themselves would not want you to be scared.

A good comparison would be kleptomaniacs compared to someone who steals. There is massive difference. Kleptomaniacs do not steal for malicious intent just a feeling which they can't resist. Just the same way a real stalker can't resist their feelings of obsession but they aren't doing it to be malicious.
Yet there is plenty of people who do steal and stalk for malicious intent but these aren't stalkers or kleptomaniacs.

Aerissa_Jade · Accepted Answer

These days almost anything can be considered stalking, I had an ex who I merely occasionally watched what he did online as he posted everything publicly. No need to even follow him to see what he posted, yet if I mentioned something to him in person he would freak out, why you stalking me online?

Uh why don't you care about your privacy and I was curious to what you were up to but fine.

I never have stalked in person, never will... but I hardly call it stalking when someone openly posts things that anyone can see.

Why guys have stalked me, they were controlling and couldn't just move on. Somehow they thought if they stalked me enough I'd give them another chance.

Rosexøxø · Accepted Answer

I don't know, and I'm not a "pro."

My reasons for stalking were:

Sadness, Curiosity, and Justification (... of why they were cruel or dismissive/ why they were rude to me or others/ what I could use against them in arguments where they claimed to be right, but their actions or motives were wrong).

I (truly) think stalkers, of any degree, can be motivated by any one of those, or even all of those.

Finchie40 · Answer

A stalker is motivated to get what they want , their instinct is to make that person they are stalking to want them the same way they want them , it’s creepy shit , and yes it’s control, a stalker can have the relationship all to themselves because
They are obsessed with that person and will try to force that person to be what they want them to be , if the person doesn’t be what they want them to be , the stalker will eventually realize they have no control over them and possibly kill them or make there life a living hell because they don’t want anyone else having them. I experienced 2 stalker females in my lifetime to the point I was freaked the fuck out and had To call the cops and file a restraining order on them both, the one I hooked up with and had sex with before I knew she was crazy , she chased me with a knife and I had her arrested , these girls would not take No for an answer , no matter what I said to them they kept pursuing me and following me , showing up at places and spying on me , the other one was sending me letters and acting like nothing I told her mattered she was obsessed with me and just wanted to be with me , I had no attraction toward her what so ever , I tried killing her with kindness and it didn’t work, Then I blocked her , it didn’t work , I started being really mean to her and telling her she was ugly and that she needs To stay the fuck out of my life period , still didn’t matter , she was obsessed and it creeped
Me the fuck out , she was leaving pictures of herself in my mailbox and on my car and leaving letters telling me her life story on how important I am to her , It was sick , I gave the cops all the letters and pictures and they agreed she was psycho , So if you have a stalker file a restraining order on them as fast as possible cuz who knows what their real intentions are

OlderAndWiser · Answer

Every stalker is not alike and their motivations may vary, but I think most stalkers develop infantile obsessions and want to possess the object of their desire.

Bethany22 · Answer

Both control and romance. They feel as though they need to control in order to have romance be consistent for them.

Guy13 · Answer

Who knows but nothing a 90 day prison sentence will not cure because no piece of strange is worth your job and one’s general life flow.

Avicenna · Answer

Probably revenge and control

melanieeeB · Answer

I think it's always different but definitely not romance! Stalking has nothing to do with that in my personal eyes.
I had two stalkers in real life. I can't tell you the reasoning of the first, probably obsession? .. I just met him in a library, he asked for a coffee, I said no thanks, months later he by accident figured out where I worked and boom months of stalking... I quit the job and that's how it stopped.
And the second did it to gain back control over me and my mom, also trying to scare us and well threatening to murder us... he died, karma got him and that's how that stopped

burlen · Answer

Stalking behaviour can be motivated by a variety of factors, and it is important to note that each case is unique.

However, research suggests that stalkers are often motivated by a desire for control, rather than romance or revenge. This can manifest as an obsessive interest in the victim, a need to monitor and track their movements, and a desire to control their behaviours or relationships.

In some cases, stalkers may also have underlying mental health issues that contribute to their behavior. It is important to take stalking behaviour seriously and to seek help if you are being stalked or feel unsafe.

RavVid · Answer

Interesting question. As a non-stalker I have no idea but I think it could be usefully divided into stalking a romantic partner and stalking someone else.

I could imagine a partner who suspects infidelity stalking to find out the truth with revenge equally at the core.

Stalking a non partner is different. Famous actors/actresses get stalked occasionally. Aside from that I think sexual desire has to be a major motivator. Maybe proving how devoted they are however F'ed in the head that is. I could see morphing into control easily as they are interacting with their love object in some way.

With famous actors/actresses it could be a desire to be special by having a special, F'ed in the head relationship with some one famous. That could almost be romantic.

Don't know, they are my best guesses though.

Anonymous · Answer

It can be a mixture of all those things. From stalking a potential love interest or a crush to an ex and their new thing. Stalking happens for many reasons for different individuals. I stalked my exes new thing until I found out she was pregnant. Which I think they broke up and I don't know if he even knows he has another child. I really don’t care. I do like this one guy and I hope he comes around but I will look at his instagram from time to time but he’s on private and I can only see if he follows or unfollows someone.

Anonymous · Answer

Depends on the kind of stalking, but I will say that I social media stalked a girl that I knew wasn't any good for me, after I went ghost on her. Long story short, I met her towards the end of my last deployment, and we hit it off because she showed me love during a very dark time in my life. But, she was also going through a dark time, and I only later realized by paying more attention to her odd behavior. Once I figured out that she wasn't over her ex, which is ultimately what led her to me, I realized that we were just a trauma bond, and that we'd never last anyway so I ghosted her. I felt bad about it for about a year afterwards, and social media stalked her to give myself a false sense of closure, that essentially made it harder for me to stick to my decision and move on. That's why I did it. I don't know that it's the same for others, especially other kinds of stalking, but I imagine that the motivation is probably romantic based like mine was.

Guccigabbana18 · Answer

As in stalking in real life? Either obsession or control. Never love, people who love you respect your boundaries. Stalking (e. g., showing up at that person's location unannounced) is a total disrespect of that person's boundaries.

Online "stalking" is different. Most people who are romantically interested stalk that person online.

Bi4Life · Answer

It honestly depends on the stalker and the degree of stalking. For example, a stalker may stalk a person (subject) a lot because they want to control the other person, whereas a stalker may stalk the subject because the two of them met online and the stalker doesn’t know the other person very well in person and/or does not know the subject’s intentions. Taking the same example again, the stalking could also be out of curiosity.

Keyboardkat · Answer

I definitely feel it's a need to control. This can get dangerous, like someone might feel, "If I can't have you then I won't let anyone else have you, either," and then they can want to kill you! That of course would be the ultimate control. People like this need to be in a psychiatric hospital!

Bricealan · Answer

I confess, I was a 'stalker" when younger, and did not know what I was doing was wrong, but by today's standards I would have been classified as a 'stalker'. My motivation was none of the above, I just wanted to understand 'why" and try to mend whatever the cause of break up was. Not always so dark or deadly.

Anonymous · Answer

Well depends on the scenario.

But I did read a study that stalkers usually have abnormally low brain serotonin levels. They could be behaving this way out of depression. Not saying it’s right for them to do this but getting psychotherapy and/or SSRIs might cure some people from engaging in that unsavory behavior.

Mayo503 · Answer

I don’t know….  Really you need to study it to understand it all  What degree of stalking are you on about…?

strlb · Answer

Maybe just a desire to stalk with non of the above in mind. Typically speaking though, there is a motive just never know what sick minded people are driven by. This would be a good research project to ask current/former prisoners with a charge of stalking

electromagnetic · Answer

I’ve never stalked anyone before.
I’m guessing it’s their natural response to being attracted to someone. Or maybe their gravitational pull due to that person.
mom sure each instance is different though.

lightbulb27 · Answer

I know a young girl who stalks a bit, she does it because it's a "crush".

I did it once, it was because I was infatuated with my fantasy of that person. It's imagination. come to think of it, its same with the one above.

mstbooblover · Answer

You really ask such a question? Seems rather obvious to me that stalkers are craving for control and revenge. That's the logic of their nature: obsession for control...

rienna888 · Answer

I guess romance or revenge. Sometimes they love the person so much they want to always know what they’re doing. And sometimes the hate or love is so strong, they have wronged you so you seek vengeance

RockyHammock · Answer

Not sure if there is a set reason for every stalker, but I'd go with romance. My ex, for instance, hit me up nearly a decade after we moved past our relationship. I feel like her reasons stemmed more from loneliness and curiosity.

alice55 · Answer

I don't know I guess they're lonely and socially awkward, they don't know what's the correct ways to act and what's ok and not to do.

MementoMori777 · Answer

Could be one several, all or none, the reasons are limitless

Juneberry91 · Answer

Control, it’s a unhealthy obsession & fixation to possess someone. Its pushing your fantasy’s onto someone

Leopard23 · Answer

Could be any one of those, a combination of them or all of them. Rejection is a big motivator too espicially with women stalkers.

the_bruh · Answer

I think stalkers get a sense of accomplishment and power when they find out the ways of the person they stalk.

NostalgiaSenpi · Answer

That's something you would need to ask a professional. The thing is, there's a plethora of reasons which include all of what you mentioned. Some just get obsessed and have no other reasoning, their mind becomes sick.

grandpolp · Answer

A dillusional form of romance in their mind usually, but some times it's revenge sometimes it's control some times it's all 3 and sometimes it's the really dark option that's not listed

OddBeMe · Answer

All the above? Can depend. But controlling women, hatred for women perhaps, narcissm that never lets slights go. That kinda thing.

Amazon has a great knuckle knife that you can hold in your fist. And if cornered, go for the throat and eyes.

slatyb · Answer

Control. They can't handle rejection and will do anything to prevent it.

sixsixsix · Answer

I'd say motivated by sexual desire and lack of self control, and in some an ex or a lover that thinks you belong to them and some maybe because they get some kind of sick thrill from it so different reasons really

Dargil · Answer

Not by romance. They know they have forfeited that. So it becomes control or even instilling fear.

LindsayR07 · Answer

Yes... any of the above or it could just be obsession, delusion, or any other of a hundred reasons..

LovingJo · Answer

Control would be the leading aspect, but I think fantasy is also a huge part of it too, unfortunately.

summiter · Answer

It can be a combination of things but they all are wrong.

Staximus · Answer

They are motivated by insanity. You can't reason with crazy people or look for rational reasons to explain irrational behavior, because they are just fucking wing nuts.

virgincountryboy · Answer

I wouldn't know anything like that hell I need to find a control tutor to learn everything and help measure and different sizes adult things and help

chicosuave · Answer

It's mostly fear. They are afraid their significant other might leave them for someone else.

jshm2 · Answer

Neither. They are creatures of habit, you become their habit.

loveslongnails · Answer

Fear and insecurity are the underlying factors. They lead to all the other bad behaviors and desires.

Guardian45 · Answer

It could be any of the above. Romance stalking gets creepy real fast, although some may perceive it as flattering. Ther others are just flat-out criminal.

Fireguy17 · Answer

I think control. there is definitely something wrong with them, but I'm not an expert on it.

Anonymous · Answer

There are no real stalkers; for if they saw people as they truly are the obsession would disappear immediately.

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Answer

Anything can cause a stalker to stalk us, it all depends.

Ms_Facesitter · Answer

I think everything you mentioned but they don't know what to do with those feelings.

Anonymous · Answer

None of the above. It’s pure curiosity and obsession. It becomes a ritual. The person they’re stalking has at least one quality, the stalker wants. Whether that be finances, the attention they receive from other people, their spouse…etc

Danny_dan92 · Answer

Stalkers are just fucken weird. Like extraterrestrial beings

Justneedtokno · Answer

I honestly and of all Think about domestic violence victims

imfreeze95 · Answer

all of them in some combination or one of those reasons. A lot of them are delusional and psychologically untreated.

Anonymous · Answer

In my opinion all the reasons mentioned above.

Anonymous · Answer

i usually stalk my crushes or i just stalk random people when im bored 🫣

LiamJHayden · Answer

Real stalking can be any of those or a combination.

SahuShekhar · Answer

Watch out for clingy, annoying, persistent types. Stay away from them and take help.

Alex8736 · Answer

in legal terms they are considered as "sociopathic predators". where they have no conscience

ThomasDavid1989 · Answer

I'm not a psych. major, so I'm not the best one to ask. Better to ask them

scooogy · Answer

A friend's ex had stalked him and his new girlfriend because she couldn't let go.

Luckycharms12 · Answer

Nope once you are gone you are gone and didn't work out for a reason

Shiningtempest · Answer

Stalkers can be motivated by revenge, jealousy, or hatred.

Nominal · Answer

Could be that they are just lonely, and can't manage that?

Are stalkers motivated by romance, revenge, or a desire for control?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

Are stalkers motivated by romance, revenge, or a desire for control?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

We're glad to see you liked this post.