Unsure if I should date an older guy? thoughts welcomed?

[Daniellep1995]

So I met this guy at my Open House. Something unique clicked about him when we shook hands that day and he looked at
me the way no other guy has to be honest. Eventually we connected over the phone a couple times for work purposes and he made a bold move to ask me out. We went on a date and are planning to go on another. On the first date, I learned he is 12 or 13 years older than me. I’m 28 now and he’s 41. He has two kids 17 and 19. I’m a couple years into my career.

We did speak about values and other goals. He mentioned wanting to have another kid in the future. We definitely connected.

My concern now moving forward is age though. I don't know how I feel about dating someone that much older who has kids. I’m only like 9-10 years older than his kids and it doesn’t help that I have a youthful appearance and spirit. I guess I just wonder where to go from here. I have an interest in the guy but there are definitely concerns. Finally a decent guy seems interested in me and vice Versa but now it’s an age gap.

[lightbulb27]

I've seen this more than once, my wife and I... I'm +7 and she brought 2 kids, now teens. Other relative has 12 yr gap... he took on her teen kids. I've seen 15yr gap. All these are going well except the last ended in divorce, which wasn't due to age.

It can work well, but everything is work... change, adjustment. Being close to the teens is... a bit odd feeling since you project younger. There's an X in there to deal with, there's kids that need parented... his job, but you support.

Personally, I think it can be good because he should be more mature and settled, as you are. It's a question of whom you are and what that connection is. Attraction is sub conscious... explore your pasts, and see how the pieces fit.

If he's healthy and looks younger, should be ok for many years, as well as anything else. When he gets older, probably you are a widow, but you can get a good 30yrs+. There's no guarantees in life.

lots of fish in the sea, plenty of time... your call if it looks like a good connection. The age really kinda irrelevant compared to so many other potential "gotchas" that couples must address together.

[MaazHussain]

It's completely understandable to have concerns about dating someone who is significantly older and has kids, especially if you have a youthful appearance and spirit. It's important to think about the potential challenges and differences that may arise from the age gap, such as differing life experiences and goals, and potential social stigma from others.

However, if you feel a genuine connection with this person and share common values and goals, it may be worth exploring the relationship further. It's important to communicate openly and honestly with each other about your concerns and expectations for the relationship moving forward. You may also want to consider seeking advice from trusted friends and family members, or even a therapist or relationship counselor.

Ultimately, the decision to pursue a relationship with someone older is a personal one and depends on your own feelings and circumstances. It's important to prioritize your own emotional and mental well-being and make a decision that feels right for you.

[Guy13]

It is a risk as you two live in different worlds and relating to the other's world can be difficult and an impediment. j

[OlderAndWiser]

Will it be such a big deal when you are 48 and he is 61?

[Mangospacho]

It depends on the guy. It’s not that uncommon for guys to date and marry women 10-20 years younger. The only potential issue is that he will probably not want more children since he’s been parenting already for 20 years. He may not want to start with an infant all over again.

[bowenw]

A relationship where there is that kind of age difference can work. I suggest getting to know each other very well and see what happens. There will be some challenges to consider in a long-term relationship.

[BarryLiverstone]

You connected with him and you will go on another date. What you will need to do is communicate with him after that date and tell him how you feel. It’s ok to move forward dating him as long as you voice any concerns and sees how he reacts

[Guardian45]

It's ALL up to you! If you like him, and he respects and treats you well, then you have a chance.

The BIG test will be when you're NOT there. He's gonna ask his kids if they like you? If the answer is 'No' you're out the door!

[Mayo503]

Just go with your instincts how you feel and gut ….
Nothing wrong in it …..
Hope that helps you out

[Shy_Steve]

I don't think it will work out, He might be a great Guy, But it would end up being to hard or Complicated for You, Him or both of you.

[Alex8736]

age is only a number but maturity level is the priority

[riverrat3]

The age difference is only a problem if you let it be one

[ShiftingMonke]

Avoid it. I'd very strongly avoid it.

[NostalgiaSenpi]

If that bothers you that much, then don't.