The difference between "go out" and "hang out"?

[Anonymous]

Alright, so tomorrow I hope to gather some minuscule amount of courage together and ask a girl out. Its been nearly a year since the last relationship (which lasted a long time), and feel like taking a leap of faith. I am not sure if she likes me back or not as we are both relatively shy and quiet people - so I can't say for sure whether she does or not. But my biggest question is: is there a huge difference between using the phrase "Would you like to 'go out' sometime?" and "Would you like to 'hang out' sometime?"

I had planned on just being direct and asking her to "go out" (considering I have a hard enough time asking anyone out)...but I was told not to do that as it would seem creepy and too forward (quote: "It would make you look like you were asking her on a boyfriend'/girlfriend date")

Is one more direct than the other?

Does one mean "dating" more than the other?

Given the fact I am unsure if she likes me or not, which one is more casual and inviting to a relationship?

Any other thoughts? I have never understood this secret language used in initiating relationships...and if it ends up the best way of resolving things is for me to literally walk up to her and say "Hey, I like you" then so be it...I just don't know what is expected honestly.

Thanks!

Updates

+1 y

(Update: I guess it should be added, that I have tried to drop some hints that I do like her already. You know, the whole catching eye thing and trying to make special considerations for her in things even if it may look a little odd)

[Anonymous]

In my opinion there is a BIG difference in the two. Asking her to hang out (in a group) says you think of her as a friend, though you can hang out in a group once AFTER you've gone out alone to get to know her better. Asking her to hang out (just you two) can say two things; 1: "I like you but I don't want to say anything right now" and this is said only by flirting when you hang out, if not then there is the other thing, 2: "You're really cool and I'd like to be friends" this is said by NOT flirting or showing interest in her. If you ask her to hang out, you need to show her you like her, even if it's subtle. Most girls will pick that up.

Now, asking her to "go out" is direct and is pretty much asking her this, "Hi, I like you, would you like to go out with me on (insert date) to (insert activity)?" It says you think of her as more than a friend. Depending on the girl, she may or may not like the direct question. If you chose direct; 1: you get a direct answer, 2: no wasted time thinking "does she like me? Are we friends? Does she like that other guy? Should I text her? etc.", and 3: if you say it in the right way she may not be turned off by you and be your friend that way she can get to know you and who knows, she might really like you after all :D but don't ask her out like the example, that's just creepy. First get into a casual conversation, then bring up activities, find a common interest (lets say bowling) then say to her, "Hey I like bowling too, do you think you would want to go out this Friday to bowl with me?" She's not feeling awkward, or any pressure because you said "do you think".

So if you're really shy, maybe try saying hang out but remember to FLIRT. If you feel like ripping the Band Aide off then be direct. Just remember to stay calm and collected. If you feel comfortable and relaxed around her she will feel that way too, and that always helps your chances of getting her.

I hope this helped you, let me know how it works out.

[Asker]

Lol "Ripping the band aide off" I like that one

I guess the creepy example you are referring to is "Would you like to hang/go out sometime?" Glad I got a response suggesting that is creepy. I would ask her to hang out, but I really am not sure of how to flirt effectively, so that would probably just shoot me in the foot. I guess the next part is figuring out how to control the tone in my voice so I can "say it the right way"

[Opinion Owner]

lol thank you, and yeah some girls like when a guy is direct but if he's too direct it just comes across the wrong way. Ask some of your friends who are girls to help you with the flirting, I had my guy friends teach me but apparently I already was flirting unintentionally lol. As for how to say it, like I said; stay calm and relaxed and everything will come out fine.

[Asker]

Yeah, I am kind of afraid of the creepy part. I would be OK with the rejection I think so long as there was no awkward thing going on because of it.

The other advice I got from one of my girl friends suggested I should say "hang out" (as mentioned in the original question). I have been told otherwise by some people and that I should be more direct, such as using the words "hang out" or "date". I kind of figure with two people who are shy, being direct might be the best shot. Maybe. lol

[Asker]

I would try and allow the flirting to speak for me...but the extent of that is pretty much playing that whole dodgy eye catching business and generally showing an extended amount of interest in them - that and I suppose I don't think I would stop doing just that until I got some direct answer suggesting I should stop or something. So it probably is to my benefit I use a direct approach...though I think I'll try and do what you said in trying to find a common interest to work off of

[Opinion Owner]

Ok well I'm glad I could be of some help, but trust me if you don't make the situation awkward, it won't be. I hope everything works out for the best.

[chanty123]

Ask her to "go out." Its not creepy, in fact it's the correct thing to do. Girls want a guy to be direct, not vague about it. So go for it, you get major points from girls when you are bold and let them know what you want (I mean that in a PG way.)

[SuRpRiZeD]

if you say hang out, then welcome to the friend zone

YOU MUST SAY that it is a date, drill that in her head if you want her to understand that you hope to be in a romantic relationship with her, say something like

would you like to go on a date with me or something I don't know exactly because I'm not good with words but make sure you say date

[Asker]

In my head I am hoping she will beg the question of "What you mean like a date" after I ask her if she would like to "go out". Upon which I will agree to that. I am terrible with words too, I hadn't considered flat out saying "Go on a date". I will have to consider that one unless I get other feedback suggesting otherwise - definitely don't want to get prematurely stuck in friend zone.

[SuRpRiZeD]

dude if she says no then nothing happens, you go back home watch pr0n and go on the computer, its not like you want to be her friend anyways

[Asker]

I guess one other question...

There is a relatively large age gap between us: 20 and 17. Is there any considerations I should take in phrasing things? Or same thing you said before?

[Asker]

Aaaah...only problem is I am sort of a friend at the moment.

[SuRpRiZeD]

i know your her friend, its not like you "really value the friendship that you wouldn't want to ruin it", be as straightforward as possible because it will show confidence

[Asker]

Very good point on the confidence part. I will definitely think about that.

[SuRpRiZeD]

if your sentence has more than 10 words then its too long,for ex.

"Do you want to go on a date with me?"