Long distance relationship between a German and a cute American woman - do you have an advice/opinion?

[Anonymous]

Hey guys, how are you?

Like I mentioned, am living in Germany an am involved in a long distance relationship with a woman who lives in the States.

It's just meant as a brief summary, so I'll skip most emotional parts :).

I lived a year in the States and met her 2 days before I left the city I lived in. We had sex the first night and met the evening afterward again (she seemed to really wanted me to)... and had sex again, all night long.

Then I left for my final road trip through the country before I had to go back to Germany. During this time she kept calling me and we sent texts to each other all the time. Finally we met in another American city on the other side of the country. She spontaneously booked a flight ticket to spend 3 "last" days with me there before I had to leave.

Since then we stood in contact via sms texts, email, skype (including getting intimate) etc... for half a year, every day. So we had a 16 days road trip through Germany over new years. During this trip I told her that I love her what she did too. It was great and we both were really sad when that time was over... since then I can't stop thinking of her and really wanna have her around.

So, we talked about how to arrange this in the future and are "planning"/thinking about moving together in The Netherlands. I definitely want to "try" it, cause she impresses me so much and I could imagine she could be worth it. She says the same about me (at least to me).

On the other side she doesn't talk much about her friends and it always seems that she keeps me kind of short about whom she hangs out with and what they did or talked about on their weekends. I'm the opposite, She knows most of my best friends form anecdotes I told her etc. And first when we met, she was talking about her best "gay" friend who a few weeks ago turned out not to be gay. When I asked why she did tell me this... she just said she was drunk that night and starts making stuff up... she apologized a couple times.

My concerns are the following:

- Can I really take this seriously or is it maybe just something she thought about for short and thinks it "just" could be fun?

- Isn't it a weird sign when you sleep with her the first night and she already starts to "fall in love" with you (she didn't say this, but she was pretty persistent)

- Can I trust her, since we're so far from each other?

- Am just not sure how to deal with the whole situation... During my stay in the States I got the impression that many women are pretty lose... but can they switch this behavior when they commit to somebody especially when this guy isn't around for 4-6 months?

Don't get me wrong. I really love her and want her by my side... she actually says the same. But since they're some cultural differences especially concerning sexual behavior I'm just kind of nervous about this, especially when I know that she goes out to party. Never told her about my concerns, cause don't wanna seem needy or something.

Appreciate your comments!

[eithyy]

1. You can take it seriously, but given that it's so long distance I wouldn't be optimistic. I had a long distance relationship fail and we were only one state away from each other.

2. I don't know about a weird sign, but that's definitely really fast to have sex with each other. I'd be a little suspicious.

3. You can decide to trust her, but it's going to be much much harder.

4. I wouldn't say most women in America are loose...I sort of take offense to that a little bit, but I suppose it's understandable to think that depending on who you hang out with. Women can definitely commit. Almost more so than guys, it seems like sometimes. However, that doesn't mean she's feeling that way. She's saying she loves you, but does she really mean it? That's what makes the difference.

[Asker]

Hey eithyy,

thanks for your comment.

to 1. Hm, ja that's always a risk..

to 2. Met her at my going away party at my apartment... we "decided" to make out and a couple hours/drinks later when most guests left it just happened. So, it wasn't really a first date which was set up before. The next day we were sober. But ja, was kind of wondering too...

to 3. Noticed that. Before she came to visit me, I kept telling myself not to expect anything, cause we didn't really have an agreement how...

[Asker]

... to act at parties or concerning dating etc... Although she told me during our trip that she didn't date or had sex with anyone since then. But now, since we consider us to be a couple... It bothers me more often and I'm kind of nervous about that.

to 4. Didn't mean to insult you or american women... was just my impression when I was out at clubs etc. Actually don't really mind this as long as you're single why don't make your experiences. Am sure there're also many who act more prudent...

[Asker]

Ja, of course not... although she writes and tells me this in many different ways. And would think that the effort she took with staying in contact with me for such a long time and visiting me over here tells a lot... or is it a normal thing for americans you just do?

Yeah, guess I'm just suspicious and wondering, if it's common for american women who would see such things just as an ego boost, an adventure... and would say such stuff just to keep it going, but without meaning it?

[Asker]

Oh, didn't mean "of course not" regarding to your question whether she really means it. Wanted to say, of course you can't know it for sure... always depends on the person who says it itself. You just got to believe it or not. That's why I asked how likely it would be that it's the way or not, concerning the cultural background

[eithyy]

I would try and have a talk with her about both of your expectations as to where you see the relationship going. It's important to have that communication anyway, and you may be able to strengthen the relationship that way (if you'd like to continue seeing each other).