Where do you expect a 26-year-old to be in life? Where were you in life?

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

At the age of 21, I’d think I would be on my way to be a judge, since I was already judge’s assistant at that time.

I was going to keep studying my master’s and just to become a very successful lawyer, that I could cause I was very ambitious and just about anyone, including my professors, coworkers and anyone who has met me in the professional world expected nothing less than the best from me.

Then at 22, I traveled to China with a language exchange program, worked part-time there and met a man I fell in love with. I quit my law career and instead decided to just be wherever he was and even if I had to put my ambitions away, I’d do that. We planned to get married at 25. We wanted our first child at 27, instead I am here, we broke up short before I turned 26 and exactly 4 years after our first meeting, I am without my career and without the love life for which I sacrificed that career.

That was a good lesson and I’ll keep remembering it, never sacrifice your goals for building someone else. Thanks to my support, he is a successful man now, but me, I am a bit lost, trying to put pieces back and find myself again.

[dynamicyandere]

At 26, I suppose I’d expect someone (with their life in order) to be in a good place career-wise and/or relationship-wise.


That’s more like the fast track to a successful life. Many people don’t figure life out that quickly. Entirely possible, but it won’t be representative of most people.


For me, at 26, I was in a bad relationship that very likely held my career success back for about 4 years. She was unsupportive of my goals and dreams. When my peers and colleagues would cheer me on, she would put me down. And, there’s a whole list of other things I could go through for why the relationship was bad for me. But I kept trying to fix it. But I learned that one can’t fix a relationship when the other person doesn’t want to cooperate.


Part of me felt like I wasted a good chunk of my life in that bad relationship.


But, another part of me is still grateful for the lessons that I learned.


I learned how incredibly important it is to date someone who is supportive of your goals and dreams.


I learned that words can be cheap when they aren’t backed by real actions and intentions. The girl I was with back then had a skill for saying all the right things but without following through. She’d be harsh and manipulative and then she’d pacify me with false reassurance.


After I left that relationship, I found another relationship that was super healthy. A night and day difference. And now I’m at where I thought I would be 4 years ago. I’m in a good place and things are only getting better.


But, because of my experience with my exes, I have a greater appreciation for the good things in my current relationship, and I’m hyper aware of the pitfalls to avoid.


I have more wisdom that I can use to guide the rest of my life. So for that, I can be grateful.

[SnowedIn]

Wow what a story. I'm so sorry to hear what happened and yet I sense determination and drive and strength of character in you. I admire that.

I wish you the best and I believe strongly -- because of what you've written and how you wrote it -- that you're going to go far and have great success.

The year I turned 26 I had been married for 6 months (later than I expected) and was 6 years into a career in the U. S. Navy. That Navy career turned out to be blessing and a joy. That said, it wasn't the path I wanted or expected but several series of events took me down that road.

So, at 26 I wasn't where I thought I would be.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Thank you. It means a lot to me to hear that.

He was my fiance.

When he broke up with me he said he didn’t feel love anymore because he felt like our love made me weaker and that I wasn’t the strong girl he fell in love with anymore.

He, though, he was a “loser” when we met, even though I always proved him he wasn’t, he was at the point of his life where even his own family was ashamed of him and he was constantly fired from works, I made it my mission to make him confident, make him believe in himself and just support him in every way to his success.

Guess what, he got it. He is 27 now and as successful as you can get at 27 and he left, not only he left but also dates someone else now.

Are you still married to the person you were married at the age of 26?

[SnowedIn]

I am amazed and impressed by you. What a story. Wow. You could, genuinely, be a life coach.

And, yes, she and I have been married for 23 years and 6 months.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Haha, thank you so much! But why would I make a good life coach? haha, I guess I was that for him, listened to his worries for hours and thought of solutions together, or tried to persuade him he was much better than he was. I believed belief was everything, once you believe in it, you can do it.

All I can teach to another person now is that, you should never put your goals back for someone else, even if they mean the world to you.

I didn’t sacrifice my career for a mediocre love, what I had with him was very beautiful but still, as strong as our love was, it ended, by him.

The 2nd thing I can tell to women is that, don’t listen to that bullsh*t that you should build your man up, I did that, I did what my parents did for me when they raised me as confident and ambitious as I was. But once he got successful enough to know he could have any girl he wanted, he left haha

You are not his mom, it’s not your job to make him strong and confident. Let him fail, let him know he is very lucky you are at his side. But no need to do more than that.

So, my opinion now is, that is not your ship, you are alone in this world, build yourself, stop helping other people more than yourself, live your life, because in the end when they have to choose they’ll chose themselves over you and you’ll regret you didn’t choose yourself too.

I am genuinely so disappointed because I thought I was a great girlfriend. And I wasted 4 years with someone who in the end found it easy to leave, even though he knew pretty well how much I loved him and how many things I sacrificed for our relationship.

Never again.

The only person you’ll ever do that for - should be you.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I am disappointed in myself, I was so ambitious wasn’t even planning to marry ever and yet I just throw it all away for a man.

While for my family I was the hope and they believed I would become someone very special.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

And what makes it worse is, while he definitely loved me I was wrong about my judgements about him.

[DeeDeeDeVour]

1998: At 26, I was cashing in on killings I made on Nasdaq & the NYSE and bought my 2nd investment property with those earnings. Despite having a boyfriend (my 3rd then), my love life took a backseat to my rising successes. Nevertheless, I was very emotionally & physically happy and proud of myself back then. So many of my plans came into fruition and many more were soon going to be fruitful.

[Still-alive]

other than being more mature i have no expectation on where people 'should' be at any age in adulthood. its a good idea to never compare yourself to other people it usually ends up tearing you apart because you feel like you aren't doing good enough. stay away from that 'all or nothing thinking' like 'if i don't do this at age X then i failed' cause that will end up eating you up inside.

i been through all this myself so i know what its like. i felt like i 'should' in my own home with a great job and a wife. but i don't and i have made peace with where im at even without those things. i suggest you make peace with where you are at too. Definitely stick to your goals but if it ends up taking you much longer than you thought or you even decide to pursue a different career path try to not despair. welcome it and make the best of it.

[Still-alive]

Oh and at 26 i was in college still trying to figure out if i chose the right major or not

[clampfan101]

When I was in school I though I’d be married and in college at that age. Now I’m in my 30s and I’m still living with my parents despite my best attempts and my girlfriend passed away before I became 26yo. Life is unpredictable. You shouldn’t except people to be in certain places at certain ages.

[Oldschool1981]

When I was 26, I had two full-time jobs, plus I owned real estate. I was doing very well for myself. However, I was still a dateless virgin and would remain so for a while longer.

[EaterPeter]

I was no where close to being settled or having steady job.

[Kelly6]

can only tell in DM