Guys, which ones are green and red flag to you in dating/getting married? Why?

[Pinay_ako]

• she wants to be a stay at home mom
• she wants to keep her last name and not use yours
• she has a huge student debt

[ObscuredBeyond]

Who doesn't have crushing debt anymore? I spent years avoiding it, only to get arm-twisted into taking it on, only to get screwed over later in exactly the way I once tried so hard to avoid. By an unsympathetic family.

If she needs her maiden name as a stage name, whatever. But to otherwise refuse my name is sus.

The stay at home depends on income. I wouldn't make enough money for two. But if she's willing to do a work from home, that's fine.

The other issue is, she's gotta respect my needs when doing grocery shopping. Telling me to "make do" with breads I'm allergic to, just because they're cheap, is not gonna fly!

[warsevf]

Is she realistic?

If she is not gonna do the effort in cleaning up her mess then first one is a red flag

Second is green and alright, i kind of respect that

Third is green only if she is gonna make an effort.

Its okay to want to be a stay at home person, But you got to deal with realities first.

[Anemone978]

I would say the name and debt are Red flags... because if she wants to be a stay at home mom she expects the guy to pay off the debt..

Secondly why don't you want the guy you loves last name? I never took the name because I wanted to stay independent and deep down I knew it was never gonna work.. so always question that one...

The stay at home wife is actually better because the kids get all the love and support from their mother that they should be getting, instead of from strangers..

[sadgirl0210]

So the debt ain't a big deal

Now if u choose to be a stay at home mom.. let say ur husband is struggling are u gonna continue to let him struggle or help him out?

And then the last name tbh I dont like the idea because I want to have my husband last name..

[OlderAndWiser]

"she wants to be a stay at home mom" At my age, having children isn't going to happen. When I was younger, I would want this.

"she wants to keep her last name and not use yours" No. Not going to happen. Not if she wants to marry me.

"she has a huge student debt" Me: "We can get married as soon as you get your student loans paid off." How does she respond to that suggestion?

[SteveSmith1985]

I guesss it depends on the guy. But for me, none of these are green flags. I could deal with the last name thing if forced to. But the other two are not for me.

[AviatorTom]

The first two are green flags, not red. The last one might be a red flag depending on how large her debt is and whether she has a workable plan to pay it off.

[Whatnameisnottaken]

Only simps would let their wifes to stay home.

[AviatorTom]

@Whatnameisnottaken Numerous studies have shown that a parent who stays at home to raise the children is much better for the children than being placed in daycare. It's better for their physical, emotional and learning development. If a simp fosters that, then maybe being a simp is a good thing.

[Whatnameisnottaken]

I'm not talking about a woman staying home for a few years until the kid gets a little bit older. I'm talking about woman who never goes back to work, and depend on their husbands.

[AviatorTom]

@Whatnameisnottaken That's a bit different. Remember, though, it's hard for a middle-age woman (after the kids have been raised) to enter the job market.

[Avicenna]

Huge student debt would be more than a red flag- it would be a complete dealbreaker. The other two things would be fine.

[D_Bone_Steak]

Stay-at-home mom... red for me because I don't want kids anymore or to support anyone anymore... maybe I'll support her if the bedroom fun and company is great... but just no more kids.

Keep her last name? I don't care, she can keep that shit... I'll keep mine.

Student debt... here is a red flag. Especially if her stupid degree was just stupid and got her nowhere. A Prerequisite to any sort of union should be to sort your shit out before you're even allowed to think about some bullshit like marriage.

[Kaneki05]

Red - If I ain't rich and neither is she welp she's gonna have a hard time managing to have money while doing that.
Green - Shrugs what does this even matter we aren't in 1800s were names made your position as a worker or something.
Red - Imagine building debt to get education that didn't help you succeed in life so you are still in debt, this either means one wasn't smart enough to know such education is bullshit or couldn't cut it so then why bother. People are always in a better position without debt, getting education just to be in debt isn't smart.
I am not judging based in wealth that would be hypocritical and would date anyone no matter how poor but more on their decision making here.

[stepyo99]

Green flag. Stay at home mom is a good thing and a full-time job in itself once we start having kids. Until then, she should be working and helping me to save money for that day. Also, once the kids are older and don't need constant supervision, she should be interested in trying to be an entrepreneur to again supplement my income. Women are very creative and unfortunately these days thanks to feminism and mass immigration reducing wages, it's becoming increasingly necessary to have two incomes to make ends meet.

Big red flag. Exposes her for being a misandrist. I would immediately break it off if she said this.

Red flag, but it depends. If she's working hard on paying it down and being thrifty, then it's not a problem. If she's not addressing her debt then it's definitely a major red flag and I'd expect her attitude to change immediately or I'd break it off.

[blissinanarchy1]

Stay at home mom depends if she’s fully traditional. I mean, if she’s doing nothing at home, absolutely not. If she’s handling everything at home, sure. But it’s pretty hard in today’s economy.

She wants to keep her last name. No. Because there’s plausible deniability of her being with me.

Huge student debt: If she wants to be a stay at home mom, no. She wants me to pay that bill then, which is absolutely going to be wasted if she isn’t pursuing a career in the path she chose.

[TooHot2Care]

incongruence and mixed signals really are a recipe for disaster…..

One thing I noticed in the girls that did the most damage to me was this weird incongruity in their behavior and words, and a little TOO much emphasis on pulling back and wanting me to chase before we started dating…

Take the worst first date I’ve ever been on with a girl who “doesn’t drink.” Yeah that was a fucking lie and she was basically treating me like shit and when called out on it she said “well, maybe we don’t vibe.” I should have left right then and there.

a week later, was this yoga girl I’ll call “Squidward”. She was texting me all week, initiating convo, asking me questions, but the day of the date something felt… off.

she said she was gonna be 30 minutes late.
I should have told her to stay home.

She managed to top miss. “Maybe we don’t vibe” never been treated like I was lower than dirt by an instagram influencer before.

[Googlemyahoo]

The three you listed would be red flags.

Overly religious, held down by cultural traditions or bias, loud mouth, mental issues, previous history of abuse, controlling, substance abuse, uneducated, poor hygiene, not cleaning up after themselves, progressive left or right, disloyal, not having life experience, no savings, no job all red flags

Open minded, intelligent, good job full time, ability to manage finances, likes a clean house, loyal, honest, good upbringing no bad parenting or abuse, similar interests some green flags

[HippieVeganJewslim]

She can be a stay-at-home wife, but I ain’t procreating. I’m all for adoption, once We’re done paying the debt. However, I find it hard to get a job outside, so maybe We both can work at home.

It is perfectly fine if She uses Her own surname. Many husbands don’t change their surname to match the wife’s! Islam doesn’t culturally do that, anyway.

To pay off the debt, We both must work hard and not pay too much money at once. We both can fast, live with flatmates, go to thrift shops, etc. I reckon I can manage such a wife!

[midnightmoon05]

I’m not a guy…but on the guy perspective:

1. Yellow - If no kids she has to have a career. After kids go to school - back to work or work from home. For her well being and pocket change.

2. Green

3. RED - why huge? Did she become a lawyer/surgery? Can pay off in 2 years? Then okay.

[Nirghata_Vrishaghata]

My girlfriend :-
She stays home and currently out of work.

Ex wife kept her maiden name as I didn’t want a Korean woman using a Western family name especially when she had to be based in Korea.

girlfriend has some student debt and nothing to show for it.

[DermalPunch]

Not a man. Here it goes.

- stay at home mom - yellow. Some women stay at home and don't to anything all day. You would have to see that she already had a dedicated, consistent and driven persona/character. If yes. Green.

- Keep last name: red It's against my religion to do that.

- Has a huge student debt: red flag: I had loans for school and I never let them balloon.

[HighValue]

The second and third are definite deal breakers for me. The first one is okay before the kids are school age, but once they are school age she should work and contribute some. At least pay for her own car, insurance, gas, clothes, and her own spending money.

[HighValue]

If someone has student loan debt AND wants to stay at home and not work, they made very bad life decisions and are too irresponsible to be a good partner in my opinion.

[Kylie_M]

Honestly I can see situations where all of them are green flags and all of them are red flags. It all depends on context which I guess isn't a great answer but it's all I've got. I can give a hypothetical situation though. If someone wanted to keep their last name I'd be 100% fine with that it would show independence and I've never liked traditional stuff like that anyway. As for huge student debt that depends on their financial situation. If they had trouble affording college due to financial stuff (like income or something) then that would be totally fine if it was something like they bought a Ferrari and then couldn't afford college I'd steer clear. As for being a stay at home mom I honestly can't speak to how hard it is to be a mother since I'm not one but I can say that it seems very hard so I'd also be fine with that assuming of course that we'd still have enough money to live comfortably.

[Inquisitive98]

The last two are a red a flag! I need a female who want to have my last name. I can’t have a women who is in debt. Reason being, I need a woman who will help me manage my money. Another case scenario, , if she is on the debt train she may try to spend my earnings.

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

: she wants to be a stay at home mom? She has to go and volunteer in the community to do something if I can afford it. She just can't be home all day.
: she wants to keep her last name and not use yours? Red flag. I won't be into her.
: she has a huge student debt? It's fine.

[Europa789076]

“They're prisons. Manmade prisons. You're doing time. You get up in the morning. She's there. You go to sleep at night. She's there. It's like you gotta ask permission to use the bathroom. ‘Is it all right if I use the bathroom now?’”
— Cosmo Kramer. Kramer explains to Jerry why Jerry should never consider getting married.

[Wraith_Cemetery]

None of those are red flags.

Stay at home mums are the best kind of mums. It's the proper way to raise a child.

Not all cultures take the last name.

Everyone I know has student debt. The only ones that don't had wealthy families that were able to pay fully for their education.

[Miristheiss]

Stay at home mom?

Green - when we had young kids. She can go back to work when they are in school. I didn't want a woman whose top priority is career and would stress the marriage for work. No work travel... no 60 hour weeks or no wedding.

Last name. Stop sign. Dead stop. No marriage. Too much of a feminist. She wants our kids to have multiple last names due do her argumentative feminist pride.

Debt - red flag, I wouldn't marry into debt.

[richardcory]

1st is a "red flag" in the sense that we would not be compatible. My interest is in someone who shares my enthusiasm about science, engineering, technology

Others are fine.

[BungusHighFivePizza]

#1 is most boring to me. I don't mind if she's willing to be a stay-at-home mom. I just don't find it very interesting if that's her goal in life.

[RavVid]

Huge Student Debt - flashing red sign.
Own name - solid red sign
Stay at home mom - I'll give that amber

[Grond21]

Green. She understands and wants a true family
Red. She's been significantly influenced by feminism.
Orange. That's a burden she's going to expect me to take on. It's not an easy thing to ask.

[AliSulayman]

Red flags:
1- no blue ticks in messaging apps.
2- too competitive
3- people of faith
4- people you argue with on relationships 101 rules
5- people with opinions on everything
Green flags:
1- confident and secure, know what they want in life and sure about being in a relationship
2- adventurous in bed and don’t weaponize sex
3- logical conversationally
4- have teamwork spirit
5- mature in balancing between work and fun

[nawtee_me]

I don’t do flags…. What I am comfortable with with one person I may not be comfortable with with another person. People are different, situations are different. There is not one size fits all when it comes to relationships

[Nikki1989]

It is only the third one that seems like a problem.

[DizzyDesii]

I definitely expect them to see the last name as a red flag

[Jamie05rhs]

• she wants to be a stay at home mom
Red flag


• she wants to keep her last name and not use yours
Yellow flag


• she has a huge student debt
Yellow flag

[Andres77]

Wants me to take her last name.
Huge debt.
Fights with her family.
Has multiple kids from different dads.

[Mr1derful]

They could all be green flags to me, especially stay at home mom!

[Still-alive]

1st. Its not feasible where i live. she's gonna have to work too.

[Still-alive]

2. Id prefer to compromise and keep both our last names but hers can come first with a dash.

3. Is not a red flag at all for me because I understand how crazy if an issue this is in our current society.

[Nominal]

she wants to be a stay at home mom.
About debt, nothing comes in my head right now, but it could be a Red flag too.

[LiamJHayden]

Green, if she really want to make a home. Red if it is because she just wants a free ride.

Yellow, till I know her reasons

Red with a detour sign, unless she is starting a career that will allow for easy repayment.

[Guardian45]

Depends. None are red flags, but ALL would require a conversation and a compromise.

[backdoorman]

• she wants to be a stay at home mom - green flag
• she wants to keep her last name and not use yours - red flag
• she has a huge student debt - red flag

[LogicBomber]

Men should never get married.

Marriage ONLY benefits women and most end in divorce which is also initiated by women 85% of the time because even divorce only benefits women.

[Sevenpointfive]

mexico is red and green but also has white. so does italy

[Steelcore5280]

"She wants to be a stay at home mom" is a green flag. The other two situations are huge red flags for me.

[Reddy4it]

I would hope none of those…you’re looking so pretty…

[Pinay_ako]

🥰 you too

[Reddy4it]

Awww… 😘

[BeenThereBefore]

Huge student debt and stay at home mom is more than a red flag. That's a flag with a skull and crossbones, prepare to be looted then set adrift.

[JesseP1nk]

I consider myself quite old school. Only red flag might the the 3rd one. Considering how big the debt is.

[Iron_Man]

When she wants to keep her own last name, and disregard my last name for her

[AimeeKyle]

Red flag: Huge student debt and keep her last name.

[SpaceGalaxy]

1- fine

2- not OK

3- fine

[Fuentes]

She's an SJW feminist

[In_Trance]

All red flags

[krin_m]

None of them are red for me.

[Extraterrestrial1999]

None