Why do people get upset when someone has a preference?

[Anonymous]

So everyone thought me and this guy at work were actually dating than just hanging out. The way we act around each other made everyone think especially since he doesn't talk to anyone like trying to be friends with anyone else, but with me it's different. We will hang out all day and night, one time it was so late he decided I should just stay at his house. So when I told everyone that he's not interested in me because he prefers Hispanic women, they got upset. I mean I'm not hurt or upset about it. I enjoy his friendship.

I'm the same, I'm black and I honestly only dated white guys, yes I have had crushes on other guys that wasn't white but for some reason I end up dating or being in a relationship with a white guy

Updates

1 y

Well one of my friends told me that the only reason she got upset because of how he gets jealous when he sees a guy talking to me or when he sees me hugging another guy. And then she always hear him how he's talking to another girl or liking someone and he will always say, " just kidding" or " I just wanted to see what you would say " so her reason she didn't care about the preference part it's just how he acts.

Updates

1 y

Also he's mixed with Hispanic, that's why his preference is Hispanic, He also likes them older, I guess that's one thing on his list that I have which is being older than him

[D_Bone_Steak]

I think the people most likely to get pissed are the people that wished they were the preference, but they're finding out they're just not the preference. That's in the direct rejection scenario.

Someone on the sidelines might be getting pissed about the same thing because they view people as like being on teams... as their team... like "Oh I'm fat, why didn't you go for her, she's just fat! (As they hold the belief fat is the best)" Or it could be that racial shit you brought up. It could be gender as well or even political. A great example of that is these people that get pissed off that some straight guy doesn't want to hook up with a trans that has a big ole sloppy weiner and a mustache. There is no consideration that hey, maybe a straight guy isn't hawt for a big ole cock, male linebacker-looking shoulders, with a Adam's apple and a mustache. Like I'm sure it's really progressive and everything, but just let the dude have his preference.

That's my take on your question. People can be really pushy and caught up with their own preferences... sometimes to the point of not allowing other people to just have their own as well.

[Summeroflove]

I just…. They’re anger and jealous. Some people aren’t compatible. It doesn’t mean nobody is… it doesn’t mean they judge you as a person just because they don’t wanna be with you.

Honestly, people tend to want to date people who don’t look like them. That’s scientifically proven.

People are allowed to have preferences and standards. Now at the same time people may have very high to even unreasonable standards… and well get angry because the type of people they want don’t want them, don’t make a move on them, reject them, etc. But they’re not entitled to date tjem. Just as much as someone who doesn’t fit their standards isn’t entitled. So it works both ways.

Not really directed at you. Just needed to vent. Lol. People here got me frustrated

[Puppystarfish23]

Jealously pure and simple, I've always dated older men and I can always tell which guys like me from their reaction to when I tell them my partner is 5 years older then me. Most people don't really see it as a big deal because it isn't we are both consenting adults but sometimes guys will make rude comments about my partner and make out like he's some pedophile or something because they know I wouldn't date them because they are too immature

[anon1903]

Some preferences are unjust. Like yours is.

For example, I'm less thrilled about guys older to me by an year or my age. I love guys 18-21. It's just cute. That's my preference.

I'd still date the 22-24 range guys, if they are terrific. Preferences and standards are different.

[Keishio]

A preferrence is only unjust if it's illegal. Having race preferrences in the dating world isn't illegal or unjust

[anon1903]

@Keishio it is if you're too serious about it.

[anon1903]

@Keishio racial preferences are generally based on exposure and gender theories

[Keishio]

No they're not. Preferrence isn't absolute which is why it's a preferrence. Majority of people have a preferrence towards their own race which again is absolutely fine. Some have a preference towards another race which is also absolutely fine. Why should people force their preferences to be more inclusive if they're not naturally drawn towards something?

[anon1903]

@Keishio it's toxic nonetheless.

[anon1903]

@Keishio I'm not saying that you should date everyone. I'm saying it's unwise to have restrictive standards. Aka unjust preferences.

[Erin2003]

@Keishio Exactly! Preferences are about how someone thinks and feels individually. It’s not a group think. Objections to preferences is all about thought control. Sorry, you cannot control my thoughts. And I do have a right to free association, so unless I physically violate a law, I can act on my preferences and date accordingly.

[anon1903]

@Erin2003 free association? My my, big words!

[anon1903]

@Erin2003 it's getting late, almost 12 here. I'm going to bed. But in a few hours, after I wake up, I'll get an example and let you two decide whether it's just or not to have that preference.

[Erin2003]

You ARE the example. Sorry for the big words; no need to be condescending. You seem to have a preference for people who agree with your definition of justice. Is that just? And when you wake up, will you be woke? Apologies…… I couldn’t resist. 🙂

[anon1903]

@Erin2003 I've racial preferences as well. It's unhealthy.

[anon1903]

@Erin2003
for instance, let's say we're all working at the same office. Kei, Erin and me.

Kei loves Asian women, because of the stereotypes that they are cute and submissive. And Asian people are deemed as smarter too. Those are positive stereotypes.

Enter Erin. She also likes him. And when she told him so, he said he wanted to ask Anon out. Because he takes his preferences very seriously.

Fast forward, Kei discovers she's cute, but she's also very reckless and impulsive, which isn't very smart or practical. She says she doesn't want marriage either.

Kei wishes he could get to Erin. Alas, she's dating somebody else. And Erin, despite being the same modern white women Kei isn't much thrilled about, wants traditional things, same as Kei.

Kei regrets letting her go.

[anon1903]

And don't say preferences aren't based on stereotypes. Majority are.

We see it in media, anime, Netflix etc and decide if we want the person or not.

[Keishio]

Well then in this oddly specific scenario Kei is more than welcome to stop pursuing this Asian women and look for another Asian woman, which is his preferrence, who holds similar values to his own. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this and no, maybe your preferrences come from a place of stereotypes but you can't push that same reasoning on everybody else.

[anon1903]

@Keishio okay.

[Sunssong]

@ anon1903 @Keishio Preferences are unjust sometimes. You don't know what you're talking about Keishio. Just because it feels good doesn't mean it's just. Preferences spring from subconscious conditioning. by the way you didn't even program yourself. It's not surprising that many people have the same preferences, because they have been conditioned to have them by the culture/country they live in. @erin2003 Someone gave you your conditioning. Preferences that exclude whole groups of people are bad. It doesn't mean you should or have to alter your mind but don't sit here and act like that's not bad; especially considering you didn't even program your own self. And remember man is who makes the law not God. Blacks were once slaves under "the law". Was that okay? No it wasn't. So forget that law bs. You have a right to think and feel how you want but dont sit here and ever say exclusion based on unchosen programming is just. And if you understand the subconscious it is driving 96% of your behavior... So it's a big deal this thing called preference. So yeah when black dudes grow up in america and people wonder why they have a visual preference for every girl but black women you know longer have to wonder why. They've been conditioned to have it unless they drove in to black culture. And black culture is very different than African culture. Black culture values lighter skin, straighter hair etc etc

[Keishio]

@Sunssong how is dating oreferrence and slavery even slightly comparable? When was the last time you dated someone you weren't attracted to?
Preferrences are conditioned but very rarely are those conditioned preferrences based on race, more often than not they are based on health and youthfulness. I can't get behind someone who wants to tell other people they are bad because of their personal preferrence.

[anon1903]

@Sunssong exactly.

[DarkLegacy]

Who the hell are you to decide. It is not unjust

[MrOracle]

I only mind when people complain about the (negative) outcomes of their preferences, or when their preferences are absolutely delusional (i. e., demanding the top 1% or less when they aren't in the top 25% themselves).

[coachTanthony]

Simple. Because they are usually not their PREFERENCE.

[anon1903]

Yup. The way she put it, those sound like standards.

[Summeroflove]

Yeah that’s it

[snowboarder720]

People always express their insecurities with discontent or disapproval. When they don’t fit in your preference they feel entitled to be disrespectful with their tone and delivery.


I do disapprove of racial preferences when ONLY the race is what’s preferred. What about white people makes them your preference? There really isn’t anything that a white person has that a black person does not. Is their cultural difference what you enjoy?
My fiancé is black and I love how blunt she is and completely honest with what she says. There’s too many things to list why I prefer someone like her.

[Asker]

Where I live it seems like majority white guys likes the stuff I like, music ( alternative, rock, death metal ) movies, anime. Looks doesn't bother me, it's the personality and what they like, I feel like I can get along better when someone has a lot of same interests as me. I have tried before but it just doesn't last, that's why I said I always end up dating or being in a relationship with a white guy.

[snowboarder720]

That’s completely understandable. You’re reasons are valid.

[Kaneki05]

Because they aren't preferences that is judging whether to date someone based on skin colour which is textbook racism.
If you say it ain't then nether is been mean to only one colour because you think that's okay since it's a prefrence who you are mean to or not lol.

Can't just pick or choose what sounds bad or not at the end of the day it's judging based one's race no matter how minor it may seem to a bigger example. If he told he wouldn't date you because he prefers Hispanic woman that's him excluding you as a choice just because of your race. No different to if someone said you must sit at this part of the bus because you aren't hispanic.

[Asker]

When you put it that way, I understand. I guess I didn't really look at it that way. I just figured he probably find Hispanic women more attractive than any other race

[Peter_Penetrator]

People want to hate just to hate.


Haters are going to hate.



I am White, have only dated and married White women.


I however, not long ago, saw a Black girl that was skillet black. She had beautiful, natural hair, was thin, and I could see she took great care with her appearance. Basically she was beautiful and healthy.
Now, I might have been willing to date her, but there was an age gap. Not that, that matters.


I have been around many beautiful, healthy women of several different ethnicities and would not have minded dating them as well.


I honestly think it would be difficult to date them for very long. Relationships are hard enough without external forces making the relationship even more difficult.


Then there is also the cultural differences. The lack of understanding of being a minority.


For me it isn’t a race thing.


If two people connect, that is all that matters.

[RingOfFire]

I think the answer is this. There is so much BS going around today in politics and in the media about "racism" that people are programmed to think that EVERYTHING is racism. The word doesn't even mean anything anymore because it is so overused and misapplied that it has been diluted into oblivion.

So my guess is that the people who don't like the fact that your friend prefers Hispanic women think that he is somehow being racist against you as a black women.

I know, I know, it sounds ridiculous. And it IS ridiculous. But that is the way things are now in the minds of the brainwashed.

[RingOfFire]

Oh I should add something else. My last girlfriend, and one of the loves of my life, was black. It infuriated a lot of black men that she was dating a white man. There were times when we would walk the streets of a major city together and black men approached us and actually called her the most disgusting things you have ever heard for being with a white man. There were a couple of times when I though we were going to be attacked by a group of black men who were screaming disgusting things not to me but to HER.

There is this notion in some parts of the black community that black (women in particular) are not supposed to date or marry white men. And if they do, they are simply tools of white racists.

Again, ridiculous. These people are sickos. But unfortunately it is true.

[hbg84]

Yet those same black men will go out and knock up every white girl they can find. They have double standards.

[RingOfFire]

It's insecurity I think. They feel insecure.

[hbg84]

That could possibly be true for some or most.

[Justaguyagain]

Preferences are okay, but that's just what they are, they are not filtres, just thing you like more. If there is a girl that i like a lot, and we are very close, and she rejects me because im not Asian, i will be furious. But if she rejects me just because she doesn't like me that way, and she happens to like Asian people more, that's fine.

[Asker]

Thank you and I understand now,
About what you said being furious, I guess that's why everyone was upset. I just always felt we just have a special platonic friendship and I tried to explain that but they don't believe it.

[Justaguyagain]

Yeah i get you. If you aren't mad, why would they be mad about it? At that point i just feel like they think he is egocentric just because of what he said

[Asker]

They really thought we would be one of those couples that are just perfect for each other. Like one day he was really upset and everyone got scared because they never seen him upset, he didn't even talk to anyone except for me, I was even able to calm him down during our 10 min break, so after seeing all that and seeing him act a certain way when I'm around and getting jealous when he saw me hugging one of my co workers that quit 2 years ago.. they just think we should be together as a couple.
I can agree on that, probably just didn't like how he said it I guess.

[DermalPunch]

I don't get upset if someone has a preference. I have just noticed that people who have preferences -- particularly men who like white women --- always need to say vile and nasty things about black women. I mean we aren't checking for you so can you just shut up about us. Preferences are great! White guys are cute and some downright sexy. I wouldn't date most of them. Do I bash them... no.

[art84]

I like Hispanic women being white and don't find white women attractive or any other race. Nothing wrong with having a preference when dating someone. I remember one time liking a Hispanic women though she didn't like me. She preferred a Hispanic man who tall, dark, and older than I was. She was taller than me like 5'9 or 5'10 and I am 5'7. She didn't flat out tell me her preference but certain people just date within their race and have a certain type that they are attracted to.

[Asker]

He's the same, he's white father was Hispanic. He grew up where he saw majority Hispanic kids and adults so I don't know I guess when he started to date it was majority Hispanic girls and women. He also liked them older his ex was 39 he's 23. He admitted that he does like me and me being black has nothing to do with. He's just more attracted to Hispanic women which I can understand

[Dargil]

Some get upset that they don't match a preference someone has and they feel discrimination..

Others get upset because they feel they must be limited to a specific preference when they would like to cross the road.

[Apple1996]

From what I've seen most people's preferences are crazy shallow like it's better to just be accepting and not have set preferences if you are actually looking for real love.

[nawtee_me]

If you were not married you would be my preference….

[Apple1996]

@nawtee_me awhh you are too sweet

[worldscolide]

Its the same reason Land whales get pissed of when men aren't interested in them. Preferences make weak people feel marginalized. When in reality everyone is entitled to their preferences..

[Asker]

Exactly, thank you. Sometimes it feels like some girls will have preference but then when a guy has one, they will automatically think he's as a**hole or something.

[worldscolide]

Agreed!

[Anonymous]

I think women put far too much stock in thier physical appearance. Not saying I blame them society reinforces this message too much. So I think women have this expectation that men, all men have to be attracted to them. And if they're not it somehow means or that they've failed.

I think your response is a very mature one.

[SeriouslyFunny00]

Some people just won't respect someone's preferences and will force THEIR own preferences to you. Better to ignore them.. 😊

[Asker]

Thank you and I do, I just hate it sometimes because they're making him seem like a bad guy but he's really not. During my times when I just get depressed no one was there for me, he knew right away what was wrong and he let me just rant all night at times he will just let me lay in his bed and listen to music, we didn't even talk just listening. It just bothers me that no one cares that he's just being a caring friend.

[BoopBoopBeep]

People love their preferences... they just don't want anyone else to have one.

[Asker]

It honestly seems like because they don't get upset when they know I like to date white guys but automatically he's an a**hole for liking Hispanic women. I just don't get it

[BoopBoopBeep]

People are just butthurt children now a days. It's not gen z, it's not the Coasties, it's friggin' every demographic group out there. Plus if they'd mind their own business then nobody would have an opinion.

[Vegasrunner]

Excellent question, people are typically uncomfortable when men provide their standard. I don't date black women or women older than 35 and it upsets a lot of people.

[Asker]

But isn't always better to date someone you really like and attracted to. My ex decided to ignore his preferences in women and we dated, 8 months later he cheated on me and said I was boring, he decided he just likes girls that are wild.

[Vegasrunner]

@anonymous I do date who I'm attracted to. You're mistaking preference w/ options. Your ex cheated on you because another option was available and men are only as faithful as their options. I realize this isn't what you want to hear however it is the reality.

[Asker]

Oh my bad I must have read it wrong, I apologize and no your fine. I understand what you are saying

[lorenzomichael]

Because people are like that, so are you. Meaning how many boy and girls hang out just together not as a group. Couples, or two that are about to be a pair. That's why a guy and a girl cannot be friends. Unless one of them is gay flaming gay.

[Asker]

He doesn't really like everyone at the job, tbh we didn't really talk either, I still don't know how this all happened for us to spend together so much.. Well today we hung out again after he was done working, once again we stayed together til 4 am since 8 pm. This time it seemed different and he even asked me if I liked him, like being more than friends so I don't know know if he meant like he wanted to make sure we are on the same page as friends only or he actually wants to try and date.

[FilmGuy93]

People like feeling desired. If someone has a preference and the other person doesn't match that preference, it makes them feel like they are less desirable.

[Queenaire]

Think of it like this. You like oranges but also apples. You choose oranges over apple and start talking crap about how oranges Is better. Having a real preference mean you would date either or.

[Asker]

I understand what you mean. Tbh he will bash white girls more. He actually really likes me and thinks I'm cute, I mean I wouldn't see why he will lie about that especially since he's the type that will tell it like is, but he did admit he never dated a black girl before

[Daddy_Satoru]

As long as he doesn't discriminate it's all good.