So my girlfriend of almost four years (live together) has always talked about her teenage crush (how she liked his personality, loved hanging out with him, his physical traits and etcetera), they never did anything physical that I know of (kind of untouched chemistry the way she talks about him), they've been friends on FB, Snapchat and Instagram since I met her but they weren't talking until early December of last year. here's the start of my issue, there was secrecy behind it. How I know was during December my phone broke and I had borrowed her spar phone and went on a family trip for a week to go Christmas shopping (while she was at uni studying for exams) and I didn't have the money to fix my phone and shop for presents. I got multiple all cap texts popped up from her best friend basically saying "OMG _____ MESSAGED YOU?". I talked to my sister about it and he said I should respect her privacy but talk to her about it and I did. When I asked her about it and why she was so excited about it and all, I asked what he said and she said he basically just said hi (which I found suspect) so I asked if I could see the message and she said she deleted it because she was scared. Last week she said told me after she went out with her friend in the story at the bar that he messaged her and asked to if she wanted to hangout, she said "obviously I'm not going to but what do you think" I was a little awkward but I told her like it to her but please handle it respectfully. She was acting weird all night after that and I couldn't get it out of my head why for days until I went through her phone and found this
I don't like or find her response respectful. It seems like she gave him a the right away on a night I'm busy. She knows I would never be okay with her going out with another guy and I feel like she completely entertained it. I know I'm wrong, should I feel this way and what should I do? I kinda feel cheated on already. What should I do?
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She belongs to the streets! If she isn't fucking him yet she will soon. This sort of behavior is completely unacceptable in a relationship and the fact that she doesn't know that says all I need to know about her. Start planning your exit in case she's the type to break your stuff or make a false accusation, then break it off and to the streets she shall return.
Well now we are at a conundrum as u would like fir her to have stricter boundaries which in my opinion is more then fair but equally u only know because u broke her boundaries by snooping so
What I will say is from when she stated she deleted texts because she was scared would for me have been a point of clearly somthing shady is going on here
True but she / we have had an open phone policy since after our first year of dating (and I was open for it, she could do the same to me but she wouldn't find much). I doubt if I bring it up that she'd still agree with that policy given the shadiness but I'm just testing the waters for opinions because I really don't know what to do because I love her and I was getting at the point where I wanted to propose this year but that same shade you speak of I was aware of and I wanted to feel right and I'm feeling not even like we're going backwards but moving into a dark stage or even possible the end of it if my feelings are right. What do you think I should do?
Also it was her idea for the open phone policy*
Honestly I dono from what I can see your trust has essentially been broken having a open phone policy now means nothing as that won't repair your trust in her even if u saw her block him its not hard to keep dummy accounts that u log off so its a hard one if u honestly think she is doing somthing she shouldn't I would personally end it
Honestly I don't think anything has happened yet ( maybe I'm just being to naive ), I do think she's entertaining the idea and I don't really have the patience for that but I kind of have to weigh that against the time we spent together, our pets, my stuff that's 1000 miles away. I know if I stay and she cheats it will fuck me up more than anything though. I find it completely disrespectful she entertained going out with him by saying "thanks so much" and then liking his message to basically meet up at a later date and then telling him where she will be. Am I wrong for finding that shady? Sorry I'm rambling it's just 7am I've been up all night having a crisis and I need some advice. Also thanks for taking the time to give me your thoughts man I really appreciate it.
No not at all I understand what u mean by it she stated no but no because she had prior plans not no because it would be inappropriate which in turn means in the future she would be willing on top of her feelings so scared she needed to delete messages ao meh maybe bring it up ask the question of how she wpuld feel if the roles where reversed with this being a girl u crushed on in the past
Shitty thing is we broke up for about a month in the first half of our first year because she was living with her friends and one of those friends didn't like me because of one of my friends so I wasn't allowed to see her at her place and she thought that was a big deal and after the split was talking to a girl I used to have a crush on and hung out with her once and nothing happened and she went through my phone and found it out when we got back together. She went bezerk, I wasn't even talking to her when we got back together but I texted the girl "hey sorry I'm kind of in the middle of a broken relationship, I don't want to mess it up and I don't want to get you involved so I shouldn't talk to you until I figure that out and I'm sorry if I don't after this". Because she wanted me to dissolve that coming back into the relationship as a boundary I did it. So she should know. Also I'm not sweating it but she was seeing other guys (yes plural) in that month (couldn't truthfully if she had sex but I sure didn't and I didn't bother to really even ask). Near the end of the that year stuff was good and she wanted to do the open phone privacy thing and I was fine with it. So she should know better given the way I seen here act and how sad she was when she found out I was talking to an ex crush and hanging out with her. It seems pretty apathetic towards me.
With all of this I don't even know what to say
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