I’m scared that my new boyfriend is a fuckboy. How can I reassure myself and make sure he’s genuine?

[Anonymous]

I started dating this new guy I’ve liked for years. He’s been one of my closest friends, and I’ve always known him as a little awkward, but a cool, nice guy. Since we’ve started dating, he was awesome, himself, and concerned about me the first 3 weeks, but now I’ve been a little concerned. Now, he just seems lazy and talks a lot about sex; he’s pretty sexual in bed and talks about sex stuff (likes to say derogatory names in bed etc). The first week he asked a lot about me, personality, etc. but now it’s been 3 weeks and he’s stopped. He just seems to be on his phone constantly or smokes and when I bring up fun stuff about my day he just kind of seems uninterested. I tell jokes and I feel like the vibe is weird? (I’m extroverted, he’s introverted). Maybe just his personality? Literally the first weeks he was so excited and said he’d marry me someday now nothing.

However, he plans to see me each week and always offers to cook dinner once a week last few weeks. There’s usually always something with friends coming up that we plan for.

I’m pretty insecure and hyper-aware due to my last relationship, where the guy constantly ignored me. So this triggers me; worried it’s happening again.

How can I be confident? I’m so attracted to this man and I’ve loved him for years it’s just hard for me to show it. Now I’m uncomfortable because he’s a little different than I thought (I’m very affectionate and emotional, caring). How do I trust him? How can I chill out?

[RespectfulGuy]

I think about the words "fuckboy" and "genuine".

I'm a guy. And I asked myself what do I really want from a relationship?

Is it to pay for bills? Open the doors? Listen to her nags and complains about life?

Or to appear more noble and gentlemanly, seeking a companionship? Soulmate perhaps? Start a family? Seeking love?

TBH, all of it.

But there is one more I want if I were to be into a relationship with all the above: SEX.

Yes, in all sincerity, I like to have a great friend. I want true companionship and love. I want to have a family where love flourishes. I want to be successful financially and as a family man. And I want sex. Regular sex because to me, sex is a need, like food and shelter. Without which, I'll me emotionally and mentally challenged.

To answer your question, I think you should be fair to your boyfriend and ask him what he really wants from the relationship. And you should also tell him what you really want. And yes, spill. Do you want regular sex?

There is no right or wrong answer. Honest expressions only enhance understandings and help you evaluate if you're both compatible to become long-term lovers.

What do you think?

[Anonymous]

You don't understand? He is showing you who he has always been. This is what happens when you put someone on a pedestal. I'm sorry but his shit stinks just like yours. He has no clue what he is doing. Like most men and women. Has nothing to do with sex. Stop bringing that up. There is nothing you can do. He is who he is. That is his habitual nature.

Now if this were me... I'd figure out a few things... Is he courteous, open minded, culture-less. If he is then I can work with that. Next I need to figure out what he really wants. How does he really want to live. If it is in harmony with what I want then this can work. Next I sit down with him and build a join vision for the relationship. Look if you dont have one of these get one... 100% of relationship problems come from lack of a joint vision. It's like going to the store with no idea what you're going to get... Well it will be random. Going into college with no plan. Well what do you think is going to happen? Like having a life with no plan. What do you think will happen? Lasting Greatness doesn't come from randomness.

Look you are here asking this because your unconscious vision and his unconscious vision are not in-sync. That's the actual problem. Think from the end. Stop thinking like everybody else.

Joint vision is for serious people. Don't bring no casual Joe's to the table. I will even say if you dont have a joint vision you have a casual relationship.

[Asker]

Thanks!! So great. The joint vision thing for the relationship is SO helpful. Maybe I'll try to sit him down when I can and talk about this. Maybe we can get on the same page. This is great advice and should have tried it for the last relationship.

Thanks so much!!

[devilish-cutie]

dont expect men to act like women, it might all be ok just your past trauma

its best you openly talk to him about yout past trauma and how it affects you today in new relationship

[Asker]

Thanks!! so helpful

[coachTanthony]

embrace that fuck boy lol

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you're confusing lust for love, and his infatuation is wearing off causing you to be concerned. I wonder when women will start to learn that as soon as you have sex with a man... engaging in the most sacred and intimate of acts just out of attraction, that there is only weak foundations. No matter how many times you do what's expected, it won't change what it is and your job as the gatekeepers of sex. Thus there is no reason for him to commit, no end game, no point.

[Asker]

Damn :’//, I should’ve never started this then, I don't know what the point of a relationship is if it’s just lust. That makes me so sad. We’re official and everything so I don’t get it

I’d rather be alone forever then be in that situation then, I had no idea. That honestly sucks

[In_Trance]

Keep your clothes on and pay attention to his actions

[Asker]

Thanks!!

[shades777]

better a fuckboi than a lame right?

[Asker]

Ehh :/// lol