Is wanting a traditional lifestyle with a wealthy man, a gold digger?

Question

Hi all, I don't know if this has been asked before. Delete if it has.

I got into a bit with my friend (27m), and I expressed my frustration on working so hard and not really having much time to do the things I love and enjoy. My body, feet, back, neck is sore and aching. It was 10/10 pain yesterday. Plus, I'm going to college and trying to keep up with my work.

I'm not just exhausted physically but emotionally and spiritually. Growing up, I've always wanted a lifestyle where I get to enjoy my hobbies, being a housewife, taking care of my husband, and making his life easier. Have a little part-time job because I enjoy it not because I have to.

I told my friend how I'd like to marry a wealthy man and how I'm going to get fit and be more visually appealing to attract the kind of man I want. Yes, love is important, but I've dated for love and nothing else, and it has gotten me used and abused. So, I re-organized my priorities and placed love on the side a bit. If the man I'm dating is a great guy and wealthy, of course I'd love him. I believe in growing in love. I'm definitely not going to marry a shitty guy for money.

I tried to explain that to him, and he didn't understand what I was saying and seeking. I'd love a traditional lifestyle being a housewife with hobbies and part time job and doing things at my leisure and taking care of my husband.

Tdlr:

I, a childless nursing student, was called a gold digger for wanting a traditional lifestyle that I believe only a wealthy man can provide, not just for me but for our future children as well.

MrOracle · Accepted Answer

There's a huge difference between wanting a traditional "stay at home" lifestyle, and in wanting that with a WEALTHY man.

First, the number of wealthy men is relatively small, so there aren't nearly enough to go around to all the women who want one. This means that most women simply won't get one. It also means that it's the wealthy men who get to pick, and while a few pick women who are the prettiest, the majority pick women who are the most traditional and the most submissive - meaning: she's happy to do whatever he needs her to do, and is more concerned with taking care of him at home than she is having any kind of an outside career of her own. More over, they tend to pick these women from families where this lifestyle has long been the family tradition, and the woman has grown up being taught how to be a housewife.

I don't know you are know anything about you, so I have no idea what your background is, but honestly it doesn't sound like you match up all that much with this description. Nor do I think you quite understand what even these very wealthy men expect from their wives.

I'm FAR from being wealthy myself, BUT my business is the kind that is largely only afforded by the wealthy, so the vast majority of my customers are wealthy. Roughly 2/3 of my customers live in a home that's worth at least $3M, and half-a-dozen live in homes that exceed $10M - and in the case of those half-dozen, they ALL have multiple homes. Not only do I work for these people in my day job, but I also work as a mobile DJ on the weekends, and I do lots of parties and events for this crowd, and so I see them in social contexts on a regular basis. I know who these men marry, and why. My point being: I'm not just inventing stuff off the top of my head, I actually have experience with several hundred wealthy men.

The other thing is: why do you imagine a more average guy can't provide you a stay-at-home lifestyle, even with kids? Sure, you might not have a big house, a luxury car, or European vacations, but your chance of getting those are tiny in the first place. You want a top 2% man (if not higher), but something tells me that if I asked 10,000 men to rate you, you wouldn't fall into the top 2% yourself, so why do you imagine you're going to get one of those men? Why can't you be happy with a man on your level, or even a bit above it? Why do you believe you can attract a top 2% man?

in my opinion, if you aren't a woman at least CLOSE to his level, and you still expect to get such a man, then, yes, you are a gold-digger. Which means, generally, of the wealthy men you COULD get, they're going to be the least-desirable ones - either FAR older than you, or those with serious personality issues, such as being super-controlling, or very narcissistic, or whatever. Those men know they have issues, and are willing to trade their money/lifestyle to get a woman.

The young, dynamic, exciting, attractive wealthy men know full well they can get nearly any woman, and will pursue only the ones they believe are the best, and they'll STILL spend half-a-million to have their lawyers draw up an airtight pre-nup to make sure you don't get your gold-digging hands on his money should you divorce him.

stepyo99 · Accepted Answer

You didn't get burned because you spent "too much time pursuing love" you got burned because you made terrible decisions on what kind of men to pursue as can be evidenced by your decision to be a gold digger.

Here's reality for you: no wealthy good-looking Chad Thundercock is going to want a nursing student just like a 10/10 supermodel Stacy Bigtits is not going to want the average guy. Those top tier people are pursuing each other. Having unrealistic expectations and chasing the top 5-10% of men is going to get you just as burned out as you are now, but with the added bonus of feelings of bitter resentment when you're used up and alone at 40. You're all ready in your mid-to-late twenties. The clock is ticking.

By all means, better yourself - get fit, pursue hobbies, save money, do everything you can to increase your own value, but also be realistic about what kind of man you can actually pull and realize there is no such thing as Prince Charming. Wealth can disappear just as quickly as it came and everybody has their own quirks and flaws. All relationships require hard work to maintain.

SaRang21 · Accepted Answer

Can’t say you’re a gold digger, but if money is the reason why a person marries another person, it means they marry for money.

Well, before marrying a wealthy man. Let’s think about these questions.
1. Are you sure this person will stay wealthy forever?
2. Will you be willing to stay with that man when that man loses his wealth? If there’s no love at all, it’ll be hard for you to stay in a relationship when all the things that attract you are gone.
3. Since many wealthy men are players, are you really willing to share your partner with other women? Even without you knowing it?

I see that you’re frustrated because the relationships which you entered for love didn’t work out, but please know that putting love first is not wrong, the problem here is because the other person didn’t love you. You need MUTUAL.

I don’t you don’t give up on love, but instead enter a relationship with someone who loves you too. Be careful, many wealthy men are players, just like many women want to marry for money and men want beautiful women, they just jump from 1 beautiful woman to next beautiful woman. Be careful that you’ll get hurt in the end.

jorfan3 · Accepted Answer

You are seeking money, gold diggers seek money. In the literal occupation, and duragatory term.

You might not be a bad WIFE. You seem like you would be a good wife. Doesn't mean you're not a gold digger. You can be both. They're not mutually exclusive.

Avicenna · Answer

Well, it's totally normal to want to improve one's circumstances, but I would suggest lowering your expectations of doing it through marriage alone.

RavVid · Answer

If you are a gold digger in your liking of a traditional lifestyle than most women have been up till very recent times. However most men are very comfortable with this traditional deal and look for the type of value you are offering.

What makes you not a gold digger is accepting this classic guy girl deal and honoring it forever. Part of it is being realistic about how wealthy the man needs to be.

If he needs to be a billionaire or earn a million pa that is not only unrealistic and unlikely but it does have gold digger tones.

If it is 100K to 200K pa then it is far more realistic. Look at income stats to check how realistic you are. If only 1% of men earn the income you want, in the age group you want then you are after a relatively rare man. If you want him over 6 foot as well you are down to 0.33%. If you are not in the top 0.33% of women, then likely that rare man will choose another woman who is.
It isn't necessarily superlative beauty and hotness but your character and femininity.

Do complete the college degree you are studying because if you don't that will tell men you don't carry through with deals you make. And maybe won't carry through with this trad lifestyle deal. More than anything college degrees are a certification you work hard at what you undertake to do.

MementoMori777 · Answer

Don't change your lifestyle just cause life beat you up a little, we've all had our hearts broken but your mind is in the right place from what I'm reading, you might have a higher chance of getting used and abuse by wealthy men cause they got "go fuck yourself" kinda money, you just gotta learn to read red flags and I'm not saying you shouldn't have goals for a wealthy man but you can live your housewife lifestyle with a proper man that has a good and decent job, he doesn't necessarily have to be wealthy, but if you aren't just chasing money then you aren't a gold digger, you don't give gold digger vibes but what I do know is that aiming for only wealthy men can lower your chances of finding a husband because the chances are slim if they have a bunch of beautiful gold diggers throwing themselves at them, lots of competition I'm sure.

BeMuse · Answer

That's a typical gold digger move. They go get a degree as a means to meet a wealthy guy but don't particularly want to work at all. They generally work toward degrees and often graduate degrees that grant them opportunity to network with high paying professions like Biology, Chemistry, Nursing, Dental Hygiene, Veterinary Technologists, Paralegal, Business, etc. to get access to Medical Doctors, Dentists, Veterinarians, Pharmacists, Physician Assistants, Research Scientists, Engineers, Attorneys, CPAs, Actuary, Software Developers, etc. You earning a degree to try and justify in your own mind your predatory behavior is nothing new.

Anpu23 · Answer

Up until about the 80s a family could make it on an average single income. Someone working a blue collar job or an average joe could afford a family. That is no longer the case, inflation and the normalization of two incomes has made that a big part of history.

Therefore only a wealthy person, or someone with a very good job could afford to allow their partner the ability to mot wok. This is, by definition, a luxury.

To want to date a person for luxury is the act of hold digging. Sorry but your friend was right.

richardcory · Answer

Think carefully if you really want an "unequal" marriage. By unequal, I'm not talking about worth, or value, or anything like that. I'm talking about one where you are not contributing equally to your combined success.

Most wealthy people are very busy, work very hard. I'm not saying they necessarily "deserve" that wealth but its extremely rare for someone to just sit back and enjoy being wealthy.

So if they are working any you are relaxing - how is that fair? What are you offering? You body?-Do you really want to be in that situation?

In a "traditional" marriage, then man and woman do different things but they both put in effort. Being a housewife at any wealth level is usually real work. If you are wealthy,

Now, I won't judge you if you do want to be a gold digger - sell your beauty, and your body for a comfortable lifestyle, but in that situation you have no power, and when he is tired of you, he will just replace you.

UnknownSwede · Answer

Do you expect to take care of everything at home? Cooking, cleaning, washing clothes and dishes, gardening, mowing the lawn, fix the fence, fix the car and everything inbetween?
Or do you want him and outside help to do some of it? Then yes, if you don't expect to do a full time job where you're very active the whole day, you're not a stay at home wife but just a gold digger.

You said you wanted this because your body hurts from working, so how would it be different from doing all that around the house? Soneone made a post here the other day that stated it is a complete full time job to take care of the house and everything for their partner and one shouldn't be looked down upon for wanting to do that instead of working.

Vegasrunner · Answer

Yes it makes you a gold digger but truth is most women at heart are gold diggers. There's nothing wrong w/ wanting traditional roles, and what it sounds like is that you're maturing as you have gotten older, and realize raking on the role that men take on daily isn't fun. Most women come to this realization right around your age and go 1 of 2 ways.

1) Acquise and start behaving in the manner that will attract the man they want.

2) become bitter and miserable and think of creative ways to blame men for their failings.

Anonymous · Answer

I don't know but honestly  I find it kind of hot...  But that could just be my ego. Maybe I just like the sound of it because I'm well off.  I don't think there is anything wrong with it. People do this with looks, which none of us can entirely control, and nobody gives damn. But with money which we all can control people call it gold digging.  However, I wouldn't date you in my right mind. A doctor or someone earning low 6 figures would be a better fit maybe. But if you just shifted your mindset about 1 thing you'd be all good.

Anonymous · Answer

Well. Be honest about what you’re wanting. We’re all wanting something different. Just because someone isn’t compatible and looking for the same thing doesn’t make them bad.

BUT… Does it seem gold diggerish? Ehhhhh a little. But at least you’re honest about what you’re wanting. I have more respect for you then a woman who hides her true intentions.

Can you really love him? What would happen if you married rich and he lost his money. Would you break your vow?

The good news is that you’re giving a give and take. You’re offering something to your future husband by taking care of him and he takes care of tou. There is some people… Who only want it one way where they’re taken care of and the needs of the other person don’t matter.

TracyF · Answer

You're fine babe. Listen you want a man to be secure for you, and you want him to provide the traditional roles of a man. In exchange you want to provide the traditional roles of a woman. Nothing wrong with that. Two notes girl. One if you want the traditional man you have to be the traditional woman. That means no scurrying around with guys for a roll in the hay. A traditional man wants a woman who is not loose. Two love is blind. I know what you want, you know what you want, but if you see Mr perfect and he takes your heart away and you love him despite him not being traditional, it happens. Just remember that one XD because life is crazy. Hope it helped a bit, love you sister.

ohsheeT · Answer

No what it means is that you're smart you know who you are you know what you want in life now if you don't love the guy and you're doing it just for the money then yes but I mean if you truly love the guy and you guys are one you can do anything you want but if you're going after it just for that one reason yeah you're more or less gold digger

Unknown29 · Answer

No, you are not a gold digger. You’ve maybe watched too many YouTube shorts😁😁. You simply want your man to be a leader and that’s a good thing. Based on what you said, you’re the only type of woman I can get along and have a relationship with. I’m in a serious relationship with someone who thinks just like you.

Bricealan · Answer

Well, are you going to use a shovel to dig, or are you in a stream 'panning' for gold?
If you marry a man that has a decent job and income, and you continue with your nursing career and become an RN, you and your husband/mate can have a 'traditional lifestyle' My wife, an RDA, and I working in Aerospace, made a good living and were able to do what we wanted. It takes two people with the same goals.

HighValue · Answer

Wanting a wealthy partner makes someone a gold digger. Traditional relationships almost never had a wealthy partner.

And the traditional relationships where the man totally provided, the woman had no car, no smartphone, no washing machine or dryer, and did all of the indoor chores and took care of the kids too.

Also remember, MANY wom6go after wealthy men, which means he could easily replace you many times over. Don't be surprised when it happens.

TheThingALing · Answer

All girls want the top guy who is generally seen as the guy with looks, sex appeal, wanted by other women, has a purpose, has resources, etc.

So wanting a man with resources should not be seen as gold digger.. and if the guy is smart, he's going to only commit to the girl worth it anyways. So she going to have to offer something too.

BoopBoopBeep · Answer

It will be more of an uphill battle for you because you want to still work. Let's say you and your clone, who only wants to be a traditional wife and NOT work. All else is equal because you're clones. Why should I pick you over the other one? She'll be more available.

Billlewis · Answer

Absolutely not. Or, if it is, at least you're being up front and honest about it. I know fin dommes receive a lot of criticism, but I think they're hot as hell. I mean, think about it -- a beautiful woman telling you, 'I basically just want to use you and spend your money... and you might not even get any pussy'. How can any guy not be super excited about a woman like that? 8><3

anon1903 · Answer

I don't think you get to enjoy your hobbies or have a part time job even if you take the traditional route.

It's hectic schedule packed with kids, working in the kitchen til noon, feeding into elder's BS, and doing family stuff like church on Sunday and dinner parties.

If that suits you, go for it. But I must warn you — it's not a bed of roses.

DarkWinterNights · Answer

There is nothing wrong with wanting a traditional lifestyle. But wanting to marry specifically a wealthy man does sound good digger-ish.
The problem with both is the society we’ve created for ourselves has created a vast discrepancy. Most women want a wealthy man, and most men aren’t wealthy. So you and most other woman are all chasing the same small percentage of men.
Even if you stand out, why would a guy choose one single woman when he can have any one he wants?

Is wanting a traditional lifestyle with a wealthy man, a gold digger?

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