Am I allowed to think girls look better without makeup? Will I offend a girl if I tell her I like the way she looks better without makeup?

[Anonymous]

I get some girls like wearing it, and if they do I just have to deal with it or find a more compatible partner, but surely it's reasonable to assume that some women are only wearing it to be more attractive for a date, right? If that's the case and I don't like it, shouldn't I be able to let her know to save her the effort?

How do you handle that? It doesn't seem pragmatic to just date girls who don't wear it.

Updates

11 mo

To elaborate, as I just commented:

The more time I spend with someone I like, the more attractive I find their appearance no matter what it is. It's just important to me that the image of a girl I develop my affinity for is the girl in herself.

From my point of view, when people do stuff like that to alter their appearance, it seems like they're really just not accepting their natural self. They're viewing these cosmetics as improvements, but they're not changing their underlying selves—they'

Updates

11 mo

're really just not accepting their natural self. They're viewing these cosmetics as improvements, but they're not changing their underlying selves—they're just hiding it. Isn't that inauthentic? Wouldn't it be better just to become comfortable in one's own skin? What's attractive varies from person to person, but looks don't mean much at the end of the day—especially if they're fake.

See the rest in comment.

[mikan_galena]

You can definitely have your opinion on it, but the thing about make up, hair, accessories, clothes etc. is that they are a stylistic choice. People use how they present themselves and often put a lot of care into that choice. Of course, some people do uses makeup to hide blemishes, but my logic behind this is that you don’t want people to base their impressions on you by whether or not your skin is uneven. Acne, scars, bumps, etc. are natural and should not be a problem, but they aren’t defining features of you as a person.

Additionally, many people use make up to *enhance* their features or express themselves and their personality, and it all takes a lot of skill and practice. Telling someone that you like them better without make up can often be insulting for this reason. Instead of focusing on how they are “masking” their true selves, look at how their make up highlights their features. Or instead of thinking of someone wearing makeup as trying to look more attractive, consider thinking of it as pumping themselves up for a fun time (synonymous to how people would painstakingly pick out an outfit that makes them feel confident) and don’t assume that its for you specifically.

Instead of telling someone that they look better with make up, try saying something along the lines of “Wow, your (blank, maybe eyeliner, highlight, etc.) looks amazing! You are gorgeous with and without” — or something more or less cheesy (also depends on if you’ve seen them with or without). Acknowledge the skill and effort they put into their presentation, and let them know that you appreciate it!

Also, there is a certain point where makeup does get used to conceal insecurities (*all* the time). Like if the person your are staying the night with sleeps after you to take it off and wakes up before you to apply make up. Then that may be a cause for a conversation about esteem and self-worth for later in a more established relationship.

But generally, as a rule of thumb, most people wear make up to enhance, not completely hide :)

(sorry for any typos)

[yallxisxtrippin]

I understand, nice to see this. It's just weird for men because we don't really care that much about small details of our personal appearance, or small details of the appearance of women. Same with clothes. We often just blindly reach in the closet, grab a shirt, grab some pants, and we're out. If we're trying to impress someone they might be clean.

[mikan_galena]

Oh yeah, for sure! Many guys are like that, but I know many men that also put a lot of care into their appearance. Just like I know a lot of women who don’t care as much.
All of which is completely okay, by the way!

[menina]

There's nothing wrong with you having an opinion on this. However, just be careful whenever you discuss this topic with a girl.

I personally wouldn't feel offended because I don't wear makeup. But some women would.

Also, I know that some women wear makeup because they feel better with it. It's not to please men. And they still know exactly who they are.

[Asker]

But why do they feel better with it? Isn't that because they think it's more attractive? If I'm her date, wouldn't that I DON'T find her more attractive with it negate that.

Or if it's truly because it makes her feel more attractive 'to herself,' why? If it 'boosts confidence,' or the like, there must be some origin for that feeling nonetheless and it's certainly not innate to powder. I just don't get it. I would want to look good to my date, and I'd want to know if she doesn't like my button-down shirts and would prefers my T-shirts or something.

[menina]

Maybe they're trying to change what they don't like about themselves. They think they look more attractive with makeup. I guess it's about them feeling comfortable and confident. It's not about hiding who they are.

[Asker]

But that's just it. If they're trying to change what they don't like about themselves, they're not embracing and loving who they are. How is that healthy? Why should that be encouraged? It sounds like giving voice to one's insecurities, but I don't want to have any part in doing that to a woman.

I hope I'm not coming across as hostile. I'm just trying to explain why I just don't get it.

[menina]

I get your point. But I don't think it's a matter of not embracing who they are. It's just making themselves feel better. I absolutely believe that if you don't like something about yourself and you can change it, you should change it.
We all have insecurities, but people have different ways to deal with them. For some people it's with makeup.

No, you don't sound hostile to me. You're just stating your opinions. I understand that.

[zagor]

It is a hard thing to bring up. I used to work with a girl who was a stunning natural beauty. One day she came in all made up because her other job was having a photo shoot; she didn't look half as good that way. I felt like saying something but couldn't think of a way to do so without sounding creepy. And that was someone who I think kind of liked me.

[LiamJHayden]

You can think whatever you want. She can likewise do whatever she wants, and many women will be offended if you tell them, even if they ask you first.

[mandyfire98]

You can absolutely have your opinion. Nothing wrong with that at all.

I will however let you in on a secret.

We aren't wearing makeup for you.

[Asker]

Well surely women aren't a monolith and some women do. If I am going on a date or an outing with my partner, I make an effort to be attractive for them. I can't imagine most women don't care at all vice versa. So surely it's worth knowing I don't like make-up. I just don't know how to say so in a way that isn't going to hurt her feelings.

[mandyfire98]

Most of the time we wear makeup and dress the way we do because we just want to feel sexy or pretty. It's not to necessarily feel pretty for any one person, even a partner, it's just in general.

[thatshydork]

You can have your opinion on it and say it but you have to be careful with how you say it. For example, just saying “you’re so naturally gorgeous” is, to me at least, better than saying “you look better without makeup.” The second statement is like saying you don’t like a painting someone worked on for hours but the first statement is complimenting their natural beauty whilst still being respectful of the work and time they put into their makeup.

[Asker]

Should I do so even if I really don't like the painting?

It just seems so silly to imagine someone would do all that work for a date and not care that their date or boyfriend actually likes that stuff. And if he doesn't, isn't it better to know it's not just an acknowledgement he likes her natural look, but an active distaste for her synthetic one? —that no matter what she chooses, putting on make-up will make her less physically attractive to him? —not that it's a dealbreaker, but it is universal.

I just feel like it'd be rude to sit there, giving the girl the illusion it's a positive to me (even if I also like her natural look), when it's not; especially over time. But then, as you say, some people spend hours on it and are attached, and I really don't want to be controlling or hurtful.

[Anonymous]

I'm not white and I don't look better without makeup. I am Asian with an olive skin and I have to use foundation to appear lighter. My lips are thin and pigmented so I have to lighten them and make them look bigger. I am sure you wouldn't like me without makeup.

[Asker]

The more time I spend with someone I like, the more attractive I find their appearance no matter what it is. It's just important to me that the image of a girl I develop my affinity for is the girl in herself.

From my point of view, when people do stuff like that to alter their appearance, it seems like they're really just not accepting their natural self. They're viewing these cosmetics as improvements, but they're not changing their underlying selves—they're just hiding it. Isn't that inauthentic? Wouldn't it be better just to become comfortable in one's own skin? What's attractive varies from person to person, but looks don't mean much at the end of the day—especially if they're fake.

If it's to be attractive for a man, is it not deceptive to him? Are you not setting him up to get attached to a version of yourself which isn't who you really are? Do you really want to attract a guy who wouldn't want you as you are?

If it's for yourself, I just don't get why. Why is it 'for oneself' to try to look in a way that's different from what you are. It's like visualizing and emphasizing the areas where a person is insecure about themselves. But surely, it'd be better for the person to get over those insecurities.

I just don't understand.

[Opinion Owner]

Because no one likes a natural appearance that is Caucasian. So when you say you like women without makeup what you actually mean is white girls not all girls.

[Opinion Owner]

*isn't Caucasian

[Asker]

I don't mean 'white girls' though. I mean 'any girl who has my interest'. It's not a matter of having a taste for white features; it's a taste for knowing the girl's image I'm getting attached to is her authentic one. Thus, regardless of race, any girl I develop an attachment to will look better without makeup, and I'll be more interested in getting attached if she's not wearing makeup just the same.

[Opinion Owner]

More men look at me when I wear colored contacts and light foundation so I don't think so.

[Asker]

Well, I mean, this post isn't about what attracts the MOST men. What attracts the MOST men will always be what sexualizes the woman the most, because there will always be a majority of men looking for flings whne they pursue women. Makeup serves that end fine (though I still don't like it.)

I'm talking about girls I'm dating or in a relationship with—that is, candidates for a longer-term relationship. And that carries a very different standard.

[imawfulatusernames]

You can have your opinion for sure but you wanna know a secret? We aren’t wearing make up for you. Also depending on how you say it it’s rude because we aren’t wearing it for you and it takes time, skill, and money.

[Asker]

Well surely women aren't a monolith and some women do. If I am going on a date or an outing with my partner, I make an effort to be attractive for them. I can't imagine most women don't care at all vice versa. So surely it's worth knowing I don't like make-up. I just don't know how to say so in a way that isn't going to hurt her feelings.

Why waste time, skill, and money on something that'll make her less physically attractive to her potential partner. I can't imagine doing the same vice versa, unless I REALLY like it. But are most-to-all women really that attached?

[WhitneySnow]

That’s totally cool and you’re entitled to express that opinion to a girl you’re dating. But some girls like wearing makeup for themselves (not for guys).

[TacosRAwesome]

You are allowed to think that. That said, it's best to compliment her when she's not wearing makeup rather than tell her when she has glammed up.

[nerdalert3000]

Probably, some women are insecure of their looks that they prefer to wear make up like most of the timeeee. Believe me, I've met girls who really look different without make and I would have prefer she put her make up on.

[Jamie05rhs]

Back in the day, chicks didn't need cosmetics. Because their cheeks would naturally look red from climbing mountains and running away from tigers.

[menina]

Well, I guess you're thinking about white women. Which is normal because you're white too.
They're the only ones who have red cheeks.

[Jamie05rhs]

@menina Fair point.

[mommymommymommy]

It's ok to like it, but, don't ever tell her. She'll think you don't like her, WITH it on

[DextroShade]

I tell my wife she doesn't need it and so she doesn't wear it much.

[shades777]

allowed to think, watch your language, every you've done you did by choice

[Anonymous]

Why don’t you just date women who fit your standard and don’t wear makeup? It will make it easier for you.

[FunkyMonkee]

Go right ahead! I do!

[Asker]

How do you say it without being hurtful or making them defensive?

[FunkyMonkee]

Just be kind, gentle, soft-spoken and even ask her if she'd be okay with you telling her something nice about her looks. Maybe even preface it with something like, "Y'know, you're very pretty! I don't think you even need make-up!" Tell her that it only hides her natural beauty.

[Jay3344]

I agree

[In_Trance]

do whatever you want