Should I be allowed to have my partner over every now and then?

[Anonymous]

Myself (22), my brother (26) and his girlfriend (23) want to rent a house together. My brother’s girlfriend has a 5 year old kid with someone else and she has her kid every second week.
We will all have our names in the rental agreement.
I got told by his girlfriend that I wasn’t allowed to have the guy I’m seeing over in the week that she has her daughter around. I’m not allowed any guy friends over and even friends in general when her daughter is around for the week.
Now myself, my brother and the guy I’m seeing we are very “traditional”. We have morals and values etc. I know for a fact the guy I’m seeing would never in a trillion years harm a child, never ever. I mean when he has come over to my house, we get home late and sleep, stay in my room unless we use the toilet so her daughter wouldn’t and has never even see him. Usually leave by morning for breakfast and everyone is gone. He’s always fighting for what’s right and is one of the softest guys I’ve met, he reminds me of home and I feel safe.
Yet she still says no to me. I have no clue what to say or do. I feel I’m being looked down on like I can’t even make choices in my own home

[Avicenna]

Well, you need to both put your foot down and compromise with her. It’s totally normal for a mother to be concerned about her kid being in the same house with some adult male she doesn’t know. Tell her that demand isn’t acceptable, but you will have your boyfriend get a background check done d at o she knows he isn’t a criminal.

[Asker]

She doesn’t even want to get to know him… doesn’t like him when she doesn’t care yo get to know him. my problem is that I don’t see him most of the week because of work which means he can only stay around every second week… I’m easy to live with and don’t demand anything until now I’d like to have my partner over once a week or so. I get the thing about her being worried with her child but her child literally sleeps with her on the same bed and again, my partner and I never even leave my room apart from using the bathroom which there’s separate ones

[Avicenna]

If she cannot be reasoned with, you need to get your brother involved.

[BoopBoopBeep]

You need to move out, this is never going to have an acceptable ending.

[Asker]

I can’t just move out. My brother and I haven’t seen each other in 5 years. Not just that but we’re immigrants, it’s only the two of us with our whole family back home. Separation isn’t an option especially since he only moved to me just under a year ago and is trying to get his life in order which I’m helping with etc.

[BoopBoopBeep]

Plenty of people live alone.

If HE moved to YOU then it's your rules.

[Asker]

I don’t think you read the whole thing correctly haha. He moved overseas. Myself, his girlfriend and I have our names on the rental agreement. Yes plenty people live alone, again, him and I cannot be separated for reasons such as, he comes to work with me as he doesn’t have a car yet, we’ve not seen each other for 5 years, we have absolutely no family here other than each other so we need each other for support with a lot etc

[BoopBoopBeep]

So he left the U. S., you are stuck behind with his girlfriend, all three names are on the rental agreement. That doesn't make sense with the next sentence where you say he goes to work with you. All three people are in the U. S. or elsewhere? It matters because of tenancy laws in various countries.

If you work together then how do you say you've not seen each other in 5 years?

I've lived in 6 countries without any family members. It can be done. You may not WANT to, but it can be done. Which do you want more -- Freedom from her since he's not going to stick up for you, or everybody under one roof and you get screwed (or not...). She has no incentive to yield to you.

When is the lease up?

[Asker]

He moved to New Zealand last year August. Before that we hadn’t seen each other for 5 years. So since I was a teen. We’re South African. We moved into our own place not too long ago where all these rules were set for me from his girlfriend. My brother and I work at the same company so he gets a ride with me. Coming from SA he has no money and only now has been able to save. So yes while it can be done that we live together, he has no way to work, we want to make up for lost time etc. I feel if it’s that painful for her that she should move out, why me. More practical since my brother and I need each other and are family. Shouldn’t I have a say if all our names are on the rental agreement? I could easily turn around and say it’s not my kid, not my problem and I don’t want hers at the house. Her kids an absolute nightmare anyway.

[Asker]

Financially it would be harder for my brother and I to be separated as well. His girlfriend could easily move back to her moms who lives here in nz along with her whole family where she contributed only $120 a week to her parents 💀

[BoopBoopBeep]

If all of this is true, then your brother needs to open his mouth and fix her. Otherwise when you say "This is intolerable I am not renewing the lease" he's going to have to find a way to un-F himself or her and you'll be free. YOU don't need to be together. HE does. So it's on HIM to keep YOU around.

[RavVid]

What does your brother say? I think it is unreasonable of her but the reality is it will be an inhospitable home if there is conflict and all you can do is move out. Did this girlfriend tell you her rules before hand? How do you brother and boyfriend get along

[slatyb]

Don't sign a lease with them until you get this resolved. It's perfectly reasonable for you to decide this is a deal-breaker.

[Nikki1989]

Yes, you should be allowed. This is so wrong.

[DextroShade]

You are all adults with your names on the lease, she has no authority over you so you can have your guy over and tell her to fuck off.

[ImalwaysrightOK]

You have just as much rights as she does.

[Asker]

Any idea of how to tackle the situation?

[ImalwaysrightOK]

Just stand up for yourself and tell her you're going to have guests in your own home if she doesn't like it, SHE can leave and take the kid with her.

[ShesRad80]

of course you should

[In_Trance]

Yeah