Do you get scared you will screw things up when things get serious in a relationship?

[Anonymous]

I feel like now that our relationship is getting serious, I am afraid I will do something that ruins the whole relationship. Sometimes I get these thoughts where I feel like I don't trust myself and that I could potentially do something to jeopardize our relationship. Then I start thinking about the fact that now his parents know me well enough and I just feel this added pressure of like 'will I fuck things up?' 'will I just randomly shag another guy?'. Now I know I got good values and wouldn't even go close to that. I don't know why I still have this fear instilled in me. Maybe it's my fear for commitment, I don't know. I just don't want to ruin things between us. I am 8 years younger than him and I'm well aware of the amount of life experiences, and mental and emotional maturity he has ahead of me. I think I am quite mature for my age though, and I know what I want. I can't even look at him without smiling big so I have no clue why I am so scared I will do something that goes against my moral values and my love for him. Did anyone else ever fear this when things got serious?

[Finchie40]

It happens to the best of us because we are our own worst enemies , I take relationships seriously and for me to even consider getting into a committed relationship, she pretty much has to prove that she isn’t a selfish person that treats me the same way I treat her , that stays loyal and faithful to me the same way she expects me to do for her , The biggest relationship killer is selfishness , we all have selfishness in us , if you can’t remove selfishness for your partner they will not be able to remove it for you , My advice to you is to prioritize him the same way you want him to prioritize you , it won’t always be perfect but we can’t force someone to love us and we can’t force someone to be faithful to us , all we can do is give to them the same way we want to be treated in return. If you truly love this guy and you want to be by his side for the long haul you need to remove your inner selfishness for him and prioritize him over everyone else , by you doing that for him, will make it easier for him to do that for you. For love to grow between 2 people you have to learn to remove selfishness for each other , what you don’t want him doing to you , has to go for you as well, it’s ok to set boundaries in a relationship as long as you follow those boundaries as well, or you will head into double standards and start resenting each other , understand you can’t always be right and he is wrong , understand for love to grow you have to be able to sacrifice for your partner the same way he should be sacrificing for you , You are no longer single , your single days have got to come to an end , You are choosing to be committed to someone the same way they are choosing to commit to you. Always Remember what you can do to your partner, they can do to you as well. Relationships are all about give and take , and it’s not just about you anymore. My advice to you is do not make decisions without including your partner , when your partner notices you don’t exclude him when you make decisions he will not exclude you when making decisions , Your friends and family should never be a priority over your partner , Remember that

[JesseP1nk]

Thats a mindfuck... Reading the the book Mindfuck Love by Petra Bock

"The term MINDFUCK refers to thoughts and feelings we use to sabotage ourselves every single day. Those are thoughts and feelings that cause us – based on the same fears and doubts – to make ourselves feel smaller than we are, to have not enough confidence in our own or others’ abilities or indulge in other thinking patterns that cause us to chronically pull ourselves down and keep us far from reaching our full potential."

[sheikalana]

I do. To be fair I sometimes have obsessive thoughts about this. Me and my partner have been together for seven months now. We moved in together recently and things have been going great. I'm loving this new phase in our relationship and we've had conversations about marriage and having a family. We're both on the same page but I just can't help it sometimes I think this might be to good to be true and maybe one day something bad is going to happen. I HOPE I'M WRONG.

[provokeesmokee]

Wtf "will I just randomly fuck some other guy"?

If this is a genuine concern, you need therapy. Because choosing to cheat is an active thing.

I mean, in general, get therapy. It sounds like you have trouble with intrusive thoughts and anxiety.

[qwert1234]

My advise?

Just go with the flow and most importantly, be yourself.

Nothing painful than trying to be this perfect partner then in the middle of relationship, everything comes crashing down because you cannot keep up with the facade.

Let your partner accept your flaws early on (and you do the same to your partner). If one or both of you realized that these flaws are unacceptable - then at least you tried, put your best foot forward.

[DizzyDesii]

I’d likely be more nervous about screwing things up before getting serious. Once serious, its usually a fun comfortable ride until its not anymore

[Anonymous]

Well if you're worried about WHETHER you might shag another guy then you should do both of you a favor right now and end it. Clearly you're not mature enough for a real relationship yet, if ever (I mean you're over 25😆).

[Asker]

I'm younger than 25. I don't know how to change the age here. But besides the point, you took nothing out of what I wrote except the shag part (where I clearly stated that I know myself well enough to know what I want and I wouldn't). It's just an intrusive thought I get. I am pretty sure I am not the first one in a relationship to get them.

[Opinion Owner]

That Shaggy part is a very important part hun. Sorry you don't seem to get that.

[slatyb]

No, I don't. Relationships aren't that fragile. Just be your lovely self and it will last as long as it's going to last.

[ChooChooHaha]

Of course. But communicate with him alone. Tell him where you are mentally.

[asphaltrhymes]

I guess that's why I've remained singled all this time, plus my baggage. Lol. No suitcase lol 😋🤪

[serious_miss419]

Get some hangers 👌

[asphaltrhymes]

Pardon? Lol 😆

[LiamJHayden]

Scared? No. Expect it? Probably. I know I am difficult in relationships, so if she can endure me she can probably do a lot better than me.

[Asker]

I know this is supposed to be an opinion on my comment, but I do think you should be more fair with yourself. It's not like you would be forcing a woman to stay with you, so if she is, that must mean something. Try looking into what makes you difficult in a relationship and working on improving yourself. The good thing is that at least you are aware that you are difficult in relationships. I believe no man is an island, so regardless of how many times one states they don't need a companion in life, I do believe deep down we all search and thrive off human connection.

[ProbablyClueless]

No. But I do get scared the woman I'm with do something to screw the relationship up.

[Nikki1989]

No, I stay positive with most situations.

[justabuddy]

Yeah, but that's self sabotage. Best to come on with the right mindset.

[Christoff92]

All depends on communication and body language.

[In_Trance]

never

[SunnyRS]

Yes sometimes I do.