I really like a guy, but I don't feel attraction because he's fat. I would want to get to know him, but I am somewhat stuck on that?

[Anonymous]

I would keep him, but the thought of sexual relation is somewhat... Expecting him to lose weight seems unreasonable as I know his schedule and I am sure he considers his work much more important than going to gym.

As do I actually, but I would have really liked if he was normal sized. What do you think? by the way this is before any asking out or something, just my thoughts if our relation can go from being colleagues to more.

[Finchie40]

If you can’t accept him for who he is , then you will not be able to accept him period and he will not be able To accept your flaws as well , people that focus on image over focusing on the heart are selfish dumb people that are in this fantasy illusion of false reality , no one’s image stays beautiful forever, but someone’s heart does , People that focus on image to be the most important thing when meeting someone are in for a rude awakening when they realize the heart is the most important thing , People like that , shouldn’t be getting into relationships period , if you can’t accept someone’s flaws , they will not be able to accept your flaws , It needs to go both ways or the relationship will not work, and just be a waste of time , if you clearly aren’t attracted to this guy physically , then you are best to not get involved with him period , it would just be a matter of time before you break his heart and cheat on him or meet someone new that you feel is better than him and more attractive then he is. You are kidding yourself , if you feel image is the most important thing about someone , cuz I got news for you , No one stays beautiful on the outside forever , do you want to be traded in when you become less attractive?

[CMeow]

I once was in a similar position as a teenager. The guy wasn’t fat but he was short (5’2”) and had extremely severe acne. His face, neck, chest, and back were all covered in inflamed large whiteheads and blackheads. We were friends for a while, seeing each other daily. It was obvious we both liked each other, yet he had poor self esteem, and never had dated or kissed a girl before… and I didn’t make a move because of the conflicting feeling between loving his personality and feeling unattracted to his appearance.

Eventually I realized that personality wise, I was so attracted to him, that I needed to give the relationship a chance. I confessed my feelings to him and we dated. We had a normal relationship intimacy wise, but I could never get “into it.” It felt like a chore I was doing out of love for him, without much enjoyment for me. After a few years I noticed myself making excuses not to have sex with him. I felt really horrible about doing that because I loved him, but I genuinely had no sexual attraction, and I couldn’t force myself anymore.

We ended our relationship when I was in college and thankfully I didn’t have to dump him by telling him I wasn’t attracted. That being said, I think the relationship cannot work if you are completely not attracted to him. I really loved this guy but the lack of attraction did get in the way. In reality, he deserves a partner who is happy with him as a person, both physically and mentally. If you aren’t, then I don’t think it can work.

I’ve dated a few guys who I didn’t find attractive, and was completely satisfied in those relationships, because I didn’t find them UNATTRACTIVE either. If you are disgusted at the idea of sex, dating will not work long term. If you are more neutral to his appearance, then I think the emotional connection that comes from being in love could make the sexual experience a positive one still.

[Anonymous]

It’s important to feel attracted to someone in my opinion, i always say go for personality over looks, but attraction plays a huge part. Attraction can also be non physical as well. Are you attracted to his personality and character? If yes, then a good friendship can be formed and potentially a relationship. Physical looks and always change, and he may or may not change in the future. I think once he’s healthy that’s important, if he can improve his health via diet and exercise you can perhaps be his gym buddy, or you two can support and motivate each other. It may be a good ground to strength the friendship and further take it outside the office. But if he’s a good guy and you too like each other, give it a go! It’s rare to find good guys these days lol. But as always, be cautious as I don’t wish for anyone’s heart to be broken.

[DonkeyKong1979]

Eww, you're right to be reluctant, fat guys are gross! And what if he rolled over on you in bed?

Seriously though, if you're trying to talk yourself into liking someone it's not going to work, you will just end up hurting them. Better for everyone if you look for someone who you are actually into.

[Reem12345reem]

If he's not your type then don't date him , just find another guy to like , there's like 8 billion people on this planet im sure you'll find someone that almost has the same personality traits as him , don't just date 1 guy , date several guys so that way u don't feel attached or stuck and then u can drop them off and pick one of them in the relationship stage

[Staximus]

No guy wants a girl who dates more than one guy unless he's just using her for sex

[Reem12345reem]

@Staximus it's only dating stage it's not that big of a deal , just like a talking stage

[Staximus]

Listen here young whippersnapper

[Reem12345reem]

what's wrong with keeping your options open when you're not even in a reltionship? It's better for women to keep their options open , it's wrong when a women does that but guys do that all the time , and don't call me that

[Staximus]

No guy is going to take a girl seriously if she dates more than one guy. That's how guys think. And no girl with a brain is going to take a guy seriously who dates more than one girl.

[Reem12345reem]

ogay

[Staximus]

Just remember that, small fry

[RyanK9b]

Gym can be optional. he's fat bc he doesn't care what he's eating. 70% of body changes comes from eating habits. Also walking 10k steps a day will help him reduce his fat.

Just tell him he should eat more healthy. It would benefit him on multiple levels

[EricSummer]

This is not going to work out. Without physical attraction you will not be able to fully enjoy your relationship. What is more, you might unconsciously expect him to be perfect in other ways to compensate for his weight and to reward you for putting up with that. Not the best basis for being happy together.

[MikeTheBartender]

If this is a problem now before you are even dating, it will be a humongous problem once you are dating. You are not attracted to him now, what's it going to be like in 10 years when he was even fatter? I would spend your energy on somebody that is more your type.

[RationalMale]

If you date him, the odds are extremely strong he will only gain weight, and he will push unhealthy habits on you. Think of someone on the couch with you acting insulted because you don't want to share a 1000 calorie ice cream at 11pm. So you will find it harder to be healthy.

The new relationship energy will wear off, your sex life will dry up, he will be hurt you're not attracted enough to want to bang him more and you'll be lusting at healthy weight guys at the gym or store.

[provokeesmokee]

Don't date him if you can't love and accept him as he is, physically.

That's a shit move on your part if you do.

Someone else out there will love him more than you, as he is. Let him find that person.

[Yannishka]

You could miss on a great opportunity here, but if you can't get over the fact that he's fat, look further. Because it would be unfair to him to want him to change after you get together. That is just not going to work.

[virtualwasp]

either accept him for who he is and how he looks or move along.

[slatyb]

That depends largely on you. If you can't love him as he is today, then don't start anything.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I’ve heard fat guys give the best orgasms, penetration + the pressure of his belly to your clitoris, worth trying if you are really that into him.

[inhua]

nothing wrong with that. it's human nature to prioritize looks first over other factors

that being said, men get unfairly shitted on for doing the same

[Adam1978]

That is a friend not a partner, so unless your friendship comes naturally. Don't do anything, approaching him will make him believe you are hitting on him. Ie you will send the wrong message.

[BoopBoopBeep]

You didn't make him fat and you're not going to make him thin. It hasn't been a priority for him to get in shape this long so how long would you wait before you throw in the towel?

[Christoff92]

Get to know him. Being fat doesn't mean he's not a right fit for you. Also depends on his body type. Must've been like that since he was a kid.

[DextroShade]

You should tell him that. If you were a woman who was interested in me but you were fat I would tell you.

[luvstoned4him]

U think it's normal to have a preference but it's his choice to lose weight if he wants to or not. Does he know you are interested?

[hahahmm]

You are exactly the kind of woman who will one day get fat & fugly and be whining about how your husband who is fit and successful wants you to exercise.

[LiamJHayden]

I kind of get it. I won't date an obese girl, but not because of aesthetics. It is because I run and surf and am very active and even a lot of fit girls can't keep up, so a couch potato is a no-go for me.

[Sasha0426]

“I would keep him, but I won’t have sex with him.” The fuck? So you would lead this guy on making him think you’re actually interested? The fuck is wrong with you? Don’t do that because that’s not fair to him. Just go for someone that’s already fit.

[California_Poppy]

Never get in a relationship hoping someone will change.

[Nikki1989]

It is your choice but remember you could be missing out on something special.

[Jazzy54]

You might be missing out on a great guy. If he treats you well and is a gentleman, why would his weight matter? Just think about it.

[strateguy632]

that is friend zone meet at places as friends

[Extraterrestrial1999]

If physical attraction is important to you, consider his other features. Do you like his nose, his eyes, etc? If so, I would say you can make it work.

[RHK36]

Your shallow, so move on. Haven't started anything with him, but you see issues already. So go meet someone else.

[magiusX26]

this is a part of why i dont date, women are unable to be uncontional in their feelings.

[magiusX26]

also, think of how this question would have been recieved had it been a guy about a woman's weight. people would be calling for his head on a platter for thinking like this.

[Asker]

I agree there's bias. However is it not the same for a guy? To find less sexually attractive someone who is not at least normal weight? Just an honest question. I don't need politically correct * Also is there really a person who is unconditional?

[Asker]

Especially unconditional in the get to know phase?

[metacidal]

that's an interesting neologistic choice, guru. totally contional.

[magiusX26]

@ asker, yes we do often take issue with a woman's weight, but instead of going through the "if she just lost weight..." we instead just move on.

as for conditional versus unconditional love, historically men have more often than not given that unconditional type, though i will agree if you dig deep enough that you can find some degree of conditions even on that (such as no romantic cheating) but women modt times have conditions for even speaking to her, often finacial. lets not forget the trope of "love me for the way/who i am" which has mainly been women who use it followed closely by religious orginazations. when men try using it, they most often are laughed at. before you go into beauty standards, look closely at who really sets those standards, moastly it is other women where as men's "beauty" standards are mostly set by women also. except men's standards are, again, more about finacesl and material things.

[MizzArtFreak89]

Move on. He deserves someone that will appreciate him.

[iheartwomen]

girl then just don’t date him?😭 plus you don’t need a sexual relationship

[Anonymous]

I think it's irrelevant. There's plenty of girls who don't have this hangup that's probably a better match for him anyhow. It's all good.

[Anonymous]

Girl then if you choose to be superficial free this man lmao. He deserves to be with someone who respects him.

[boggboss]

So why not look for friendship

[belle_kai]

Don't waste his time

[Staximus]

Is he like kind of fat or like really fat

[Raaj4you]

You are shallow.

[legalboxers]

Shallow Much?

[In_Trance]

Wasting your time