He won’t let me see his phone?

[Stephanie0303]

I discovered my boyfriend was looking through my phone while I was sleeping. I had a suspicion when I woke up and saw my phone (since all of the social apps i never use were open) but shrugged it off as maybe I opened it half asleep or something.

My sister messaged me the following morning to ask if I was okay, turns out my boyfriend asked her for my passcode but she said she didn’t know it, confirming that he tried to look in it and most likely ended up using face id to get in.

After coming home from work, I confronted him about it and asked why he would do it. He basically said that it was there and he should be able to go through it because I live alone. (Context: this is long distance, he's a barber in my hometown and I live in the same state, about 5 hrs away working at my first full time job after college) I told him he is also technically alone (he lives with his parents) so I should be able to look through his as well.

He says he didn’t even look through my phone like that (photos + 3 other opened apps were on my phone when I woke up) and I told him it didn’t seem like it. I asked him to let me see his phone multiple times and each time he refused.

I then told him I wouldn’t want to be with someone like that and he continued to say that not even his parents look through his phone. I just said same, and continued with my day.

We didn't talk to each other after that and when I went to the bathroom he packed his bag and sat in the room for about 2 hours. I heard him call someone but I couldn’t tell who it was. He eventually came out and said he was leaving and to lock the door. I just said okay and he left.

I feel dumb typing this all out since all signs kind of point that he’s hiding something… I had a dream before he visited me that he cheated so everything is just pointing to that. If he wasn’t cheating or doing something shady, he would’ve let me go through his phone as well. But i just want to hear others’ thoughts and advice. thank you :)

[richardcory]

A relationship where both can see everything is OK. A relationship with privacy is OK. One which is unbalanced is totally NOT ok. Looking at someone's personal information without agreeing first is NOT OK.

There is an old saying the men who look behind curtains for hidden lovers have probably hidden there themselves.

To me this is very serious. I would leave even in a long term relationship because it shows a lack of trust, lack of trustworthiness, and a sneakiness (asking your sister) that indicates an immoral controlling person.

I'm particularly sensitive to this because privacy matters a lot to me - but for me this is a "no second chances" behavior. I view it as serious as if my partner hit me.

[RavVid]

I think going through your phone whilst you were sleeping and ringing you sister for your passcode is unacceptable. It is pretty goddamn sly and stupid at the same time. Your sister even, if she knew it, is unlikely to give it. Quite obvious you weren't available.

Dump him for that but the reality is you just don't need to resume contact.

Honest people labor under the burden of assuming others are honest as they are. Dishonest people will assume others are as dishonest as they are. So I'd say you have a basis for distrusting him because he has shown distrust in you.

I don't think you need to know more.


I can understand you asking for reciprocity

[LazerBean]

LOL he did not want you to see his collection of porn and the girls he's been talking to. But of course people like that always assume that everyone else is just as low as them, which is why he wanted to look through your phone secretly. I'm glad you dumped his worthless butt

[kylee2437]

Automatically dump him. Any person that does that is trying to be toxic in the relationship and doesn’t want to be honest about the trust issues going through their head. This won’t get better and he most likely won’t stop attempting to attack your personal space

[MzAsh]

He has a guilty conscience. He’s up to no good, not to mention how he disrespected you by going through your phone without your permission. He needs dumped. Continuing with him will only prove to be a big pain in your ass.

[ProbablyClueless]

Dump him... why on earth would you stay in that relationship one moment longer, when you know that he has no problem violating your boundaries to hold you to double standards that he won't hold himself to?

[Alex8736]

He's very insecure and narcissistic with a sense of entitlement and by going through your phone without your consent definitely means he has something to hide and is NOT being honest with you where he has the "Do As I Say And NOT what I do "

[strateguy632]

what a jerk. i totally agree with kylee here.

[Typhon_]

I'm glad you see the dumbness in typing all dat but I understand your reluctance in accepting the truth, if what you wrote was right than he's a cheater.

[mommymommymommy]

Well, think about what you'd be doing if you did the same. if you weren't letting him see whats on YOUR phone, what are YOU likely hiding from HIM

[Christoff92]

He sounds like the jealous type from what you're saying 🤔

[BLP11520]

If you are engaged or married then you are more entitled to snoop

[boggboss]

U are a fool if u think he has nothing to hide

[shades777]

so get a life