My boyfriend moved back to his home town for his dream job but spends all his time at work/gym/with his old friends. How to stop feeling left out?

[Anonymous]

We’ve been dating 10 months and just finished our first month away from each other. Before he moved he promised we would talk all the time and there’s already been several days where he barely texts or doesn’t video call for multiple days in a row. He claims he needed time to work on his career and focus on building himself but he went out with his old best friend 4 nights in one week and hangs out with other friends most other nights. i try not to be jealous because he has talked a lot about a future with me but I feel purposely left out at this point in his life. He has had a toxic ex in the past and will sometimes assume that I will get mad at things before I even get a chance to hear what he has to say, and in turn this makes me feel guilty and sad because I hate him feeling that way towards me. This whole situation is very confusing to me and I don’t have a lot of close friends i can personally talk too so any advice would help.

[Anonymous]

This is the hard part of LDR and what makes it worth it or not. Communication is key in general, but once you add in the distance, aside from trust that is all you have. So when he moved away and suddenly starts acting way different, that’s a red flag in my opinion. You could talk to him about it, maybe plan for a visit soon or figure out some ways to make you feel included. But I have a feeling that it isn’t so much about involving you in his activities and more about the distance in general. Like do you have a plan to move closer?

[Asker]

I’m in college rn, it’ll be at least 1-2 years before I can move over there, out of state tuition would be too expensive and I’m scared of the potential delay I could have if I don’t stay at my current school. Plus I worked really hard to get into the college I’m at right now and I feel like it’ll help me in the future to graduate from there. I think another issue is that I’m and introvert and he’s an extrovert so when he lived close he was the spontaneous lets do this or wanna hangout and I loved it but after he left I didn’t have very many friends and the ones I do have are introverts too so I have to plan a hangout at least like a week out in advance and usually with just one friend at a time and it’s a lot of work but he has friends he can just call on same day and do random stuff.

[Iron_Man]

Spend some time with him work it out go over time slots

[Asker]

He’s such an extroverted go with the flow guy and I’m a very analytical enjoys stability type of person and one of the reasons we were attracted to each other is bc we each offered what the other person was missing in their life but that’s so much harder to do from far away.

[Iron_Man]

What will you do

[Asker]

I’m going to visit him in person in about a week, and hopefully visit for a couple days once a month will be enough for now. I’m hoping visiting him will remind me what I have to look forward too in the future.

[Iron_Man]

That’s excellent good job

[Avicenna]

How long is this current arrangement expected to last?

[Asker]

At least 1-2 years, I’m starting my junior year in college and if I pass all of my classes I could potentially graduate early or have only my electives left and pick online classes my college offers for the senior year.

[Avicenna]

That's a really long time, probably too long

[Jamie05rhs]

He's a fucking liar. He's cheating on you.