My ex called me and told me he feels sorry and feels like he owes me something, why?

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I just finished audio call with my ex, he talked to me and said his mom told him I am depressed and he wanted to know how I am, he said deep in his heart he always thinks of me and feels sorry for what he has done, he feels like he will always owe me something.

He also said he has heard about my friend who took advantage of me and he said “You are very kind, everyone who gets close enough to you, will just get up and selfishly take whatever she/he wants. Don’t let them. Don’t be so giving. If that girl ever comes to you and asks you for money, don’t give her”.

I told him I changed and I kicked her out after helping her for 4 months.

He also said “Shit… I am sorry, for everything. I am stupid”.

I always care for you.

I don’t mind you talking with my family, if you ever have a trouble in China, they are your back up plan, you can get to them for no matter what.

You are also 26 now, you always wanted to have children before 30, don’t wait for me…

I told him, I am not waiting for him, I am living my life happily and even though I am 26 there are plenty of men interested in me.

He laughed and asked me, if I know how to move to Shanghai. I told him I know and that now I live very independently and know a lot of things and that now I am the the of person I always dreamed to be, I can rely on myself and solve any problems on my own.

He said he is happy. He was outside and would often just get quiet as if he was trying to find words, I told him I am happy he is okay and likes his new job and that I hope he doesn’t feel guilty or doesn’t feel like he owes me anything, because I feel very happy with the person I’ve become thanks to the past year.

That was all.

Updates

9 mo

I think long distance relationship and me being dependent on him - eventually killed his passion and love to me and even though, he still deep down cares for me as a person, he knows these feelings are not coming back for him. I don’t think he regrets, I think he is fine, he just feels guilty, because I’ve not hurt him ever. But that’s not a good enough reason to love someone and he loved me more when I was selfish enough to hurt him. You can’t force someone to fall back in love with you.

Updates

9 mo

“Don’t wait for me, you’re 26, don’t waste your years waiting for me, women must have their first child before 30”- says the mean who got a 28 yo girlfriend right after he broke up with me when I was 25. (They broke up 2 months ago)

I actually wished he never called, because I don’t think it changes anything for me or him to have had that conversation. He told me the exact same thing in January. Why does he assume I am waiting for him?

[Jakoesu]

I'm taking your opinion, if a girl asks for money, don't give it to her.

There's this girl that's special to me and I'm special to her. There's this problem I have going on is that, I'm not being seen heard or validated enough from her because she always ignores me when I need her but when she needs me, I'm always there for her to help and when she asks me for money to buy a gift for her sister birthday which is Thursday this I highly doubt because her birthday is in December. I gave her the money instead because I know is probably not going to that but my dumbest did it because I care and love her.

She always says that she's busy but really, she's always on social media which bugs the fuck out of me and I'm just regretting doing things for her. She gave me her promise that she is getting a gift for her sister birthday but I have this doubting, regretful feeling since Tuesday night and ever since Wednesday, she hasn't got back to me. I dont know, I do everything for her, being there for her and I dont anything more than her in return. Not that it makes sense to your situation but I just had enough with this girl

Like if I'm special to her, I should never be ignored if I need her to be there for me when I'm feeling low.

[BoopBoopBeep]

Well... i guess this answers your other question.

In a way you are fortunate to have that conversation to provide closure that most people don't get. You have grown very mature, and you are wise in your introspection and personal growth over the years. You should be proud of that, and of who you have become.

"A delicate sword must still be forged in fire and steel" (beating it). I don't remember who originally said that. Decades ago, my ex's (different one) trainer/sensei told me that. He used a different word than sensei, but it was essentially that. Maybe it was "nimble" not "delicate." Whatever... either way I like that quote.

When metal is welded together (properly, because cheap welds will fail), the weld is stronger than the surrounding metal. When broken wood is glued together, that joint is stronger than the wood it glued. Our scars are the same, physical and mental.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Thanks, I agree.

I have become more a bit mature and wise thanks to this experience.

I just wonder one thing, why’d he bother telling me he’s stupid, he is sorry and ask me if there’s something he can do for me and then tell me not to wait for him?

[BoopBoopBeep]

Maybe that was what he needed for HIS closure. To apologize and atone for his sins.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Maybe… He has done the same in the past, has called me and told me “Please, forgive me babe… Please, forgive me. I am guilty, I can’t sleep at night, knowing how I hurt you. I need to know you forgive me. I fucked up, I wish I didn’t do what I did. I fucked up everything. You didn’t do anything bad. It’s all my fault. But it’s too late now.”

That’s what he said after he got a new girlfriend 2 months after break up.

I guess that’s his burden to carry but I don’t want him to feel guilt every time he remembers me, I wish I let him know today that I have forgiven.

[justabuddy]

This all seems like a plot to get you back. Proceed with caution.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

What makes you think that? He said “Don’t wait for me”.

[justabuddy]

People say a lot of things and mean the opposite. It just has that familiar feeling, the mother all of sudden coming into your life and putting the guilt trip on, him calling just after. Seems like they are planting seeds in your mind.

[justabuddy]

I'm just saying be careful... seems odd to me.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I was thinking maybe his mother also kinda pressured him to contact me. But I don’t know he’s too rebellious to do something just cause his mom wishes so.

[Andres77]

Are you like this all the time?

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Like what?

[Christoff92]

Just to take him back. Assuming.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Have you read the description?

[Christoff92]

Yes. He's thinking that you want to come back to him. So he'll be waiting. But you don't want him back. Because their are men that you can see yourself with

[Christoff92]

Also, he feels that you owe him for never stopped caring for you.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

If he is, then why did he ask me not to wait for me?

To which, I answer that I am not waiting for him.

I must be an idiot to wait for someone who betrayed me.

[Christoff92]

He would probably move on with his life and start a family. Basically, it'll be too late for you to want him back. Assuming.

[Christoff92]

He feels like you owe him appreciation. Assuming treating him for lunch.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Hmm… I don’t understand your logic behind this.

[Christoff92]

So he wants you to give him children. But feel you're backing away. Because of your age. So don't wait for him, meaning he would find another woman who can accept his wishes in being a daddy.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

What makes you think that? He broke up with me, I wanted us to marry and I wanted to have his children.

[Christoff92]

Because you broke up with him. He feels now that it's too late to reconsider another relationship with him. You don't want him back. So believing he doesn't want you back either.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

He broke up with me…

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I asked him to stay and he didn’t stay.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

He said his feelings faded and wanted to experience something new.

[Christoff92]

Oh, sorry... I meant to say he broke up with you.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I don’t understand your logic… To me it seems that he doesn’t regret his decision and wants to keep living the life without me.

[Christoff92]

He wants to move on

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Yes, I feel so. So why call me?

[Christoff92]

Him?

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Yes, why did he call me?

[Christoff92]

Is their anything that he misses about you?

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

He hasn’t mentioned that, but he told me after break up that I am the most understanding, loving and kind person in his life and that someday he might regret losing me but it’s not now and that during our long distance his feelings were alowly fading for me and that I am just a dream who never happened to come true and he changed, during our long distance, he is not the same as he used to be when we lived together and that we both must have moved on. And that had it not been our long distance during pandemic we’d already be married and that he knows I am someone who loves him the most in the world and most likely he will never meet a woman who’ll love him the same way but he wants to live a life and make mistakes.

[Christoff92]

So that's why he called you. Because of your personal traits of being loving and a kind person in his life. So he does regret it. But he broke up with you. Which something went wrong. It was him just going off the wrong tracks.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Why did not he say that though instead of asking me to not wait for him and be happy?

[Christoff92]

Because his mind is twisting. So, apparently, this is becoming double standard.

[Christoff92]

He can't really fellowed that pathway. He's lost.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Okay, got this. Thank you for your insight

[Christoff92]

You're welcome. I try to help as much as I can 😊

[MementoMori777]

damn clown 😂😂

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I know right? Why would he call me to tell me again that “I shouldn’t wait for him?”

[MementoMori777]

he's full of 💩, i knew he would crawl back, pure misery and regret, thats a W lol

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I don’t blame him. I don’t think he regrets. I don’t regret either. I think he called me because he cares for me but we no longer have any passionate feelings to each other. The long distance killed it. Even people who love each other and are together, find it hard to awaken passion sometimes, he has lost it. To be honest, even I have lost it probably. Have I not been as loyal as I am, I might have been the one willing to break up. I understand him. We were each other’s first loves, maybe we weren’t destined to be each other’s last loves. I can’t force him to love me. He’s a good person though.

[MementoMori777]

whatever you gotta tell yourself