I'm surprised feminists don't suggest that young boys be trained to date.
I feel like that's the only solution. You literally have to teach them in a class how to do it right.
Or else you get what we have today. A massive population of men who are utterly clueless.
It's a social skills thing and we don't get to learn inter gender social skills because most of us are unwanted.
Being unwanted leaves you emotionally and socially immature.
Most men are emotionally and socially immature. Socially meaning male and female dating relations.
And it will never change and it will never go away.
Because men desire women and women don't desire us the same way back.
And unless you teach boys those social skills at a young age, directly, in a class, than the masses of confused and ignorant males with absolutely no path towards adept dating social skills will run around doing weird shit forever.
It's just the nature of our imbalanced mating strategies.
Kylee, don't mean to burst your bubble but it's always good to keep an open mind. Always look for at least two or three undeniable facts. Try playing devil's advocate, only after that, make a conclusion that the guy really wants to squeeze everything it into a date. May be the guy just wants to eat.
There are some despo guys, just like there are despo girls. But there are many, many guys out there who just dread going on dates with most girls. As a rule of thumb, if a guy needs a date, as the only way he can score,,,,, then you need to avoid those loser motherfuckers. A real guy goes for a date when he is looking for love not a pump, ( relationship etc.) and if it is not that, then they are just horny pilon bums. If you still feel the way you do, after double checking the guys,,,, you should then get a new set of guys. Best of luck, my pretty one.
He thinks highly of himself and I'm sure he plays the numbers game. Hits on loads of women and occasionally makes pay dirt.
You could ask for your money back and try to find another cheer camp, or play hardline and say you don't want a date, you want to hone your cheer skills.
Unfortunately asses like him set themselves up in these kinds of situations for women fodder. I don't know how angry he'll be with your refusal. He might refuse to refund your money too, if he's a dyed in the wool ass.
It's all up to what you can take. It's too bad there are so many cockroaches. If you leave, you squash his efforts, but might lose your money. It's up to what it's worth to you to have peace. I'd look elsewhere.
People are apparently missing the point that this is a coach for a class you signed up for and he shouldn’t be hitting on the people he’s being paid to coach. It’s both unprofessional and unethical.
Nah, we didn't miss that. We just didn't think it matters since she knows this guy was trying to get her before & they have a personal history on that. From his POV she went out of her way to come to where he works and shake her tatas in his face while pretending not to be interested. Sure, he could be totally wrong but men tend not to believe in coincidences because if we did we wouldn't be the type of people who take the risks needed to get what we want.
The experience guys have is of women trying to send messages indirectly in 100 different ways from very subtle to practically running the guy over with a car to get his attention. So, "I'm just here for business" won't work when you're talking to a guy who you 100% know wanted you before. It'd be like some chick who Harvey Weinstein talked about a business deal with coming to his condo, talking about, "it's just business". Yeah, I know, you have dealt with a lot of guys who were able to be. business professional. But not all guys can or want to with every woman. And he doesn't have to since you're not an employee or random stranger.
She didn't frame the question that way, though. She asked the question in general "Why do men do this?" rather that a specific situation.
What's the big deal, the guy asked you out? You said no, so move on. Damn, you are such a "victim".
@ericclayton she did though if you read past the question title and read the full details
@kylee2437 That’s not how life works. . Life isn’t fair. Make sure to add CONTEXT.
@Goofy9009 why? So you didn’t make yourself look stupid while trying to argue? Lol
Makes everything clear , so everyone can understand instead of you confusing your audience. Instead of labeling them as salty. Your title generalizes /discriminates. To answer your problem is report him if he tries to touch you, go find a different person to help better your skills.
I agree. He shouldn’t hit on her and it’s totally unprofessional. But that doesn’t stop most guys.
@BadApple69 true true… some guys can work with females and just treat them like coo workers, some guys mistake work place for dating pool 🤷♀️
@Brainsbeforebeauty yes it’s something I see at my place of work all took often 😩
@Goofy9009 mine too… and I’ve had people hit on me on the job… I just tell ‘em I don’t shit where I eat😁
@Brainsbeforebeauty i understand that , a lot of my coworkers miss take me being friendly and pleasant (as flirting) I sm in general a really nice person.
@Goofy9009 haha I get that too… I’m friendly not flirty, but some people mistake one for the other
@hahahmm but she's said no to him 5 times already. so why would he still think she's only going to his class because she likes him?
Opinion
98Opinion
As a man I can definitely understand your frustration with that. A lot of guys do tend to think they can ask some woman out, whether it's at work or even a client situation. I personally don't really do that unless I've gotten to know her on a pretty even friendly, comfortable basis for some time, and if I can gauge well enough how she feels about me. I'm a guy too and I think it's kind of annoying when a dude tries to date some chick right away.
u So he's at fault for asking? Was he aggressive or pushing himself on you? You are 26 years old; can't you just say "no?"
Well that's an extremely important detail that you left out of your post. After being rejected once, I'm not going back for another round of the same. After you make yourself clear that you have no interst in the dude, it is rude of him to continue pursuing you.
I learned, many years ago, that there is no point in trying to create a situation where a girl must spend time with me if that is not something she wants to do. What a waste of time!
@kylee2437 i don't see where he's asking to date you.
@dreamlife7 then you aren’t reading the 20 comments where I specified and are only trying to contribute to conversations to be a hater towards another woman that has explained herself. Read or don’t read, but stop commenting the say thing over and over again because you are only reading what you want to read
@kylee2437 If your definition of asking you for a date is what you posted then he's never asked you
@kylee2437 I have a life. Why would I read through 20 of your comments?
He’s not at fault for asking. However, I feel like he is being unprofessional by asking one of his students out for a date.
@musicbrain5 My impression is that this is not a teacher at a formal educational institution but just a leader at a commercial facility, so he doesn't have a code of ethics. It does violate MY sense of professionalism.
Oh I realize that. I imagine that if he is working with some sort of agency or community centre, that there is some kind of policy regarding conduct towards paying students/clients. If he is self employed, that’s obviously different. But nevertheless, I also see this as unprofessional and he shouldn’t have asked in the first place.
@kylee2437 No offense, but why did you sign up for a class where the coach was someone who had asked you out before? Didn't you know that there was a possibility that that could be awkward? See, I just don't understand the logic in that. Sorry; that's just my opinion.
@Jamie05rhs I didn’t “sign up” I asked him about a business he is running where he runs an hour class. I didn’t ask him to hang out after, I didn’t ask him anymore than when the class is running so I can enjoy myself. It’s not awkward and it’s nothing personal. I have no awkwardness against him at all. I just don’t want to date him and am not interested in dating anyone.
"I’m going to see if I still have my cheer skills, so I’m signing up for a class where I can test those skills"
**"so I'm signing up"**
@Jamie05rhs yes for an hour class, which isn’t a life time commitment
@kylee2437 Blocked
@kylee2437 You must live in a pretty small town, if he was the only teacher available.
@Jamie05rhs or I just saw he has classes about it and asked him about them because there’s nothing personal about how I feel about him, I just don’t want to date him.
@kyless2437 And yet you're appearing before him in a cheerleader outfit.
@kylee2437 I see that I've hit a nerve.
@Jamie05rhs ummm no you sexualized an outfit that little girls also wear for competitions, so take that upon yourself and really think about what you say before you say things.
(And yes, I was attracted to cheerleaders in high school. That was kind of the point. They dress that way to inspire the athletes, including me.)
You're really naive, aren't you?
@kylee2437 Varsity high school cheerleaders are 16-18. Their target audience is high school boys (and middle school boys as well, if we're being honest). College cheerleaders are 18-22. Their target audience is college boys, high school boys, and any other male college sports fans. Same with professional cheerleaders in the NFL. Cheerleaders are not little girls. Maybe get your head out of your ass and come back to reality.
Gym attire is ALSO attractive to men, and you KNOW this. FFS 🙄
@Jamie05rhs I started cheerleading at 10 years old and my career ended at age 18 so come again?
@kylee2437 "Come again?". No, you come again? How did this guy see you naked? 👀👀
@Jamie05rhs I said a bunch of different times already that me and him have a sexual past, 6 years ago.
Only when they like you. Or somewhat into you. If not, it’s just lunch or dinner. Nothing else
Men don't generally do that
Because most men in general that see a beautiful girl want more than just friendship with her , it’s Most Mens’ natural instincts to come on to a girl he finds attractive, Most men will not invest time into a girl that he isn’t attracted to , He is investing time into her because he wants to pretty much get her naked in bed and have his way with her and wants her to fall for him , Why most men can’t just be friends with girls’ unless he has no attraction toward her. Most men our sexual predators, that’s pretty much how we were made , wanting a beautiful girl in our arms that wants us the same is a huge turn on to us. Sadly most men don’t care what a girl’s relationship status is , if he is attracted toward her he will still try to go for her , Women do this as well.
Yes! Us guys will take every opportunity to try and date a attractive girl. It’s coded into our genes. Girls on the other hand seem to see everything’s differently then guys.
a beautiful lady I have known for over 12 years, I just confessed my love for. Now we have been on many dinners together, lunches, hiked, kayaked together, even camped out together. When I confessed that I loved her she was shocked! She said we’ve never dated, we don’t know each other. Now I was shocked. I think now we are dating (but honestly I’m not sure lol).
But this is a perfect example how guys see things one way and girls see it another.
Guys see dinners out as dates, movies as dates and anytime we are taking a girl out as a date. Guys here will disagree and say “ No we are only going out as friends”. It’s not true, deep down they want more. So I hope this helps. Feel free to ask anything of me… and I promise not to convert our conversation into a date 😉
Guys aren't women. We have to work for stuff. We don't get things handed to us by women just based on our looks... NOT even if we look hot. So the guy is used to putting in some effort. You might as well complain about how you went to the dock & the fisherman kept trying to catch fish instead of acting like the person who just buys fish at a restaurant.
@KrakenAttackin Yup.
@KrakenAttackin I already had his attention back in 2018, I don’t want him lol
Because nature is nature and mankind is not exempt from it.
Men were programmed by millions of years of evolution and nature to be the hunters. They are the relationship initiators. They are the ones who light the sparks for the fire of procreation and the continuation of the species. You should be thankful for that or you would not be here today to discuss it.
You should also be thankful that you live in an age where it is acceptable for women to decline the invitation. In ancient eras they didn't have that choice. Men just took what they wanted.
LOL I wish I could find an old cartoon I saw years ago entitled "How to know when a woman wants you"; it is perfect for what you describe.
It says "She talks to you", and the woman is saying "Please leave me alone". The next panel says "She introduces you to her friends" and the woman is saying "There he is, officer". Finally "She writes to you" and the guy is reading a restraining order and his thought bubble is "Damn, this chick's a nympho!".
Up to there I think he has done nothing wrong. Imagine if you were actually looking for a partner. You might appreciate such opportunities.
It becomes a problem only if he cannot take no for an answer and keeps inviting you again and again.
Best tell him that you really just want to focus on your skills.
Why do women Always Give that "date/hooking up/teasing" impression?
Dress up appropriate for the occasion and should be just fine... Just don't make/give reasons for (date). And if is not working just say No, or say "this is unprofessional", and that should calm him down. 🤷♂️
Well then simply reply to him that is not Ethical to call out a client/customer! 🤷♂️
@kylee2437 Dave Chappelle explained why how you dress matters
https://youtu.be/J7QNw1LRJv4
It follows through later on in life with employee & boss scenario's, hence having all those boring sexual harassment meetings to attend. Seriously I've seen the worst of worst be totally disrespectful to women in the workplace. Thankfully I never rhad to go through it in college.
If a guy asks once, it's okay. Everyone has the ability to say no. If he's pestering and keeps trying to push it on you, then that's a different story. People need to accept when someone's not interested. However, if you don't want to be approached, don't go out at all. Life isn't fair and if you're an attractive girl, then you're most likely going to be approached by many men. Either accept that fact and handle it accordingly or don't go out.
That's fair enough , just politely refuse , he will probably ask again , take it as a compliment , all in the world cannot be exactly as you want it , and we could have had a question " Why did the coach NOT invite me to dinner? " we see them here all the time , catch 22 , he can't win , just be happy that he asked you. That shows you still have it , you are at prime age , its a reasonable request.
It was very unprofessional of that guy to ask you out, especially in light of your past history. Giving cheer leading classes is a really good gig for a perv.
This story did remind me of a funny video though, about a yoga student and her male instructor. It's not the same situation. I'm only sharing it because it's funny.
I go out of my way to make it not a date I don't like dating I would rather do something together as either your best friend or significant other or just what have you but in my friendly playful way not as a date if it's a date I'm going to freeze up and I just can't be myself because I try to be the perfect gentleman and I hate that I don't like that at all LOL I like just being me and if you knew me you would understand what I'm talking about
Not a fan of any sort of intimate things between people who regularly see / interact with each other because if it goes wrong it’ll create a toxic atmosphere. But back to the question - in this day and age people don't really have the time/attention span to meet someone new, so some jump at the first opportunity which usually is in professional setting
The main reason is many men want someone in their life, and because of it many misunderstanding situations happen, they will translate every good word into flirts.
Men's life is like an empty desert and the see women as the rain, they don't want it to be temporary.
I read some of your replies and you left out some crucial information that I think would've changed the majority of the initial opinions. You didn't mention he kept on asking for a date after you told him you weren't interested which is harassment which respectable individuals wouldn't condone. Reading the question alone I thought this was just a case of a man interested in asking a woman out, without the harassment part do you see how this is a bit misleading?
Not the case for EVERY single adult male , definitely not in my own case , I keep my distance from everyone , bar a very select view. If you are paying for a service , the business proprietor / representative, should NEVER hit on any clients , unprofessional and unwanted.
Not everything has do be a date for me, and honestly the only reason I meet up with other women those days it's just for business or politics. Or if they are bringing me a gift as it's customary here.
Are you planning to tryout to be a cheerleader for a professional team? Are you asking him for a professional opinion? I agree that it's a bit credit for him to ask you for a date, but did you expect him to work for you for free?
This is a problem of women's own making.
As a man, I never know if a woman is interested in me unless I take the initiative and ask her out. Women almost NEVER do that, so leave it completely up to us men. That means we will ask women out who don't want to be asked out.
If you women would stop being so cowardly and entitled and actually take some initiative yourselves, this would not be nearly the "problem" it is for you.
That's YOUR point, but it doesn't change the validity of anything I said.
Here's the real point here. If you thought the guy was attractive and were interested in him, this would have been a positive thig for you, not a negative one. And the only way he would knw which it was is if he tried. You women want what you want when you want it. You don't get to have it both ways.
That's fine, but how would he know that?
Well you left out that important and very relevant fact, didn't you.
@kylee2437 Nope, I don't just want to argue. My only motive here is to help you see the light that so many women are willfully ignorant about. But as they say, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make her drink.
You didn't include ANY of that in your original question. Why is that? You've completly changed the facts.
The real issue here is completely unrelated to what you told us in your question. It has nothing to do with the fact that "guys turn everything into dates", or that this guy was a coach and you just wanted to test your skills, or that your "initiative is towards his business".
The real issue here is that he complained to you about his ex and then when they were fighting he complained to you about their sex life, and that you had already told him you weren't interested in dating him. The fact is you would have welcomed him asking you out if you were interested in him.
If you want honest answers, ask an honest question. Otherwise don't waste our time.
Why did you feel the need to tell us those facts when you were trying to justify your question if they weren't relevant? Hmm?
Look, I know you know I'm right. Anyone with half a brain and a shred of honesty would. I've made my point and am done here.
Buh bye.
are you sure its a date, and not just a meal with a friend? Why don't you say, I will go for a meal with you, but just as a friend nothing more. Otherwise just ignore him, and walk away.
Look you can go on dates, but doesn't mean you have a relationship with him, but you state, you will pay your own way, But i don't want a relationship. At least he know were he stands, and your not leading him on.
ok fair enough. Just ignore him and walk away. Or speak to someone else about the situation, like a teacher or a parent to leave alone. But get them to do it a nice fashion.
He probably thinking you are playing are get or something, sometimes men, think strange things about women saying NO.
Can't you do it somewhere else. Your in a difficult situation lol. I feel for you, I hate it when people make you feel uncomfortable, when you just want to focus on your job etc. Speak your parents, see if they can help, I had to leave a job, because a girl was making me feel uncomfortable.
unfortunately we live in a world today, were a lot of people don't have a lot of emotional intelligence, and then things become uncomfortable. The guy obviously lacks something.
answer, they don't, also if you don't like someone wanting to grab a dinner with you then do the mature think and just say no, like he isn't doing it to be evil or anything so a simple no will do.
well i don't and so do lots of other dudes, so please don't assume men are like this just because your bad experience "something that my mother also agrees with" as with you rejeting him 5 times already i don't really know what advise to give other then to just try and ignore him.
It’s not about ignoring him - it’s about me giving money to his business , in exchange for me being able to practice what I wanted to and have fun- without the add on “after dinner date” . I’m not assuming. I’ve kept away from a lot because men think everything needs to be turned into a date
how many men have you been with? and how many have tired turning a talk into a date more then ones?
most of them is not a number, also sad you been keeping to yourself a lot this year, and see it on the bright attleast i and some the guys here aren't hitting on you.
well you kept track of how many times your coach hit on you, so is it really that weird to assume you kept track of how many men hit on you as well?
oh your not sad about it? well then all the power to you and good to hear you been able to accomplish a lot.
eh not really? but each to there own i guess lol.
I’m not sure this fits my definition of guys turning everything into a date. This sounds like a straight up creep. I always understood the former as a guy not taking enough time to know a girl and assuming just because he asked her out and she said yes, that it was a date. In those situations, guys need to take time to get to know the girl, and not just go head first into dating. The coach though, totally unprofessional and definitely creepy.
because most will shoot your shot if you are attractive, most are very superficial like that and cannot see a woman as human being but rather sexual object
Find out how he treats you when you turn down his invitation. If you begin to feel you are being treated in any way other than positively. Sue his ass!!! His actions would be sexual harassment.
Well that's super sketch. Especially because the guy is the coach and would have authority over you.
I do think it's a little werid and unprofessional coming from your coach. But why do "men" turn everything into a date? They are interested in someone and want to get to know them better. That's what dates are for.
Sounds like a weird person who doesn't understand professional boundaries.
You're taking his class, not looking for dates.
men can be desperate.
on the other hand, i'd find somewhere else to get classes from in case he did something weird... or at least one with a female coach. it's a shame women have to deal with this on a daily basis...
As a guy I find that unprofessional that a coach wants to get something to eat afterward, I would recommend coming down on him about these things.
I don't know the girl I am with away want me take her out. if I just pick her up and do nothing she like why did you even call me. Sometime I just want see her or just be with someone.
It’s JUST Dinner not a marriage proposal & it doesn’t have to be a date.
As for you if he has been insinuating the dinner date all year be open & honest with him & tell him your thoughts about it. In life if you never try you will never know & maybe he thinks you are worth trying for. If guys didn’t try to turn everything into dates there would be more single women in the world.
Because women don’t come to us 🤷♂️ We don’t have the luxury of being able to sit back and choose
Ok well at some point a guy had to take a hint, but you have why guys can be so persistent and it’s mostly womens fault. What you guys seem to think is a clear rejection is often anything - we’re clueless, yes you do have to speed it out for us. This whole ridiculous idea that playing hard to get is something you need to do. All the stupid rom coms where the girl ignores the guy, he keeps bugging her until eventually she comes around and they fall in love.
I get it’s frustrating, I was just trying to offer up the reasoning why guys do that. You have to understand how wildly different dating is for men vs women, it sucks all around in different ways.
All I can say is be completely, 100% brutally honest - don’t leave anything open ended, NO room for optimism. Like I said, we’re stupid, you have to spell it out for us
Because it's just human nature. But in this specific situation, the way he phrased the invitation for dinner, sounds like you guys either have history or you both knew each other outside the cheer.
If you don't ask you will never know. Spreading suggestions is the precursor of spreading your seed.
The coach shouldn't be hitting on you. But as for other guys. Well I know I know many older lonely women that would kill for a date so what rules if any would you want to be teaching guys?
Guys, it's only a harrasment if you are ugly. We would be all be hoping for a hot guy to do it.
Maybe we can go grab dinner after this question? 🤔
Okay I'll go stand in the corner now in shame and think about what I've done. 😂
I totally agree with you. Good luck in cheer class.
i do think it’s weird for a coach to try to date a student. That being said it sounds like ur both adults, he shoot his shot and u said no so just move on.
I'm not gonna ask a girl I'm not interested to hang out alone.. I'll tell you that.
You just happened to sign up for a class with incompetent staff.
Maybe at the back of his mind he had intention of hooking up with one of Y'all who showed up
He's probably a lonely guy just looking for some company. You don't need to go out with him if you don't want to tho.
Asking you to dinner once and getting rejected is one thing. Asking 5 times is very unprofessional. You should go over his head and report him for harassment. That is no way to treat your students.
There are some or enough bad people out there but not all males are like that.
That seems very unprofessional on his part.
He wants to try out his 'getting into your 'cheer skills" pants?
In fourteen years you will be on here complaining about feeling “invisible”. Enjoy it while you can.
He never said it was a date or that he wanted to date you.
That's not asking you out.
because someone to love is life's greatest prize, compared to that... your friendship just couldn't compete. it isn't worth losing that vastly more valuable thing
I think especially now days, when a dude ask a girl out, 90 % of the time its just a twisted way of telling you he wants in your pants. Dating has gone to shit. Which sucks cause it ruins it for the guys that are serious about it.
We don’t. Why do a lot of women assume all men are the same?
No we don’t. I don’t just cause a lot of women are annoying lol same as men who are annoying g to you
Because life as a man is nothing but endless torture without a woman in it who loves him, so we hope we can turn a friendship into something more
I guess he doesn't understand being professional since you hired him as a coach. Was this the 1st night of class?
Women complain if we ask, and complain f we don't ask, and refuse to do the asking themselves.
I suppose it's just in our nature to keep shooting our shot though sometimes we need to get the hint and move on.
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