How should I move forward?

[Anonymous]

I’ve been seeing this guy who works in Air Force & our chemistry is great but his job is very hectic. I met him in January.

Recently he told me that work has been piling up on him, he has a lot on his mind & needs to do some self cleansing & just mentally needs to get himself together while also stating that he really does have a lot of love for me & appreciates me but right now he can’t focus on working towards a relationship that he just needs to focus on his job/goals for a little bit first, he also deleted his socials.
I responded back with a caring message.

I want simply to know how I should move forward?

I have some friends telling me to move on ASAP, I have others telling me to wait for him to reach out to me but only give him until the end of the year at the most, I have other friends telling me to reach out in a couple of months to see how he is & if he’s still feeling that way then to move on.

Yes, I have strong feelings for him & the fact that he said he has love for me & the fact that things haven’t been bad is what makes me want to wait for him.

[Alli39]

I always really struggle when people try to tell someone how much they care, but also don't have time for the person and don't know when they will. On one hand, I get being busy. But on the other hand, as far as I'm concerned, if you care for someone, then you make time.

I'd say have a conversation with him on how to move forward together. If you want to stick with it out of respect for you guys' feelings for one another, discuss what you're going to do to maintain your relationship and when you're going to re-evaluate*. (How much space does he need in order to re-orient? How long until you guys discuss it again? What kind of rules on exclusivity do you both want to follow? What level of contact is appropriate in the meantime? etc) It sounds like he's asking for a break in your relationship, but unless you guys determine this stuff in advance it will pretty much just turn into him leading you on indefinitely, which isn't ok.

And frankly, if sorting this stuff out with you is too much for him then I say just dip and move on. If he cares about you, he cares about you enough to be clear and honest with you when asked to.

(*Just to be clear, the time your determine for "re-evaluating" isn't when you jump back into your relationship or whatever, it's just a chance to revisit where you're both at and see if anything has changed/either person feels differently. Make this clear to him because he himself may not be sure what kind of timeline he needs and unnecessary pressure or the idea of a deadline for his own personal issues may push him to reject the entire situation.)

[Avicenna]

If he isn't all in, don't waste your time. And I think your friends are right.

[boobliker]

check him out first that he is single and not got a wife some where?

[Asker]

Yes single. No kids or wife.

[boobliker]

then just be there for him with every thing you have to give. enjoy him

[Nikki1989]

Your friends are right, move on.