I'm not here for comments about my boyfriend, I believe he is innocent and I believe that because I was in court through the whole trial and have read all the documents in the case etc.
The thing is that I used to have a friends with benefits for 2 years, before he suddenly was convicted of raping a girl 2 years prior (took police a long time to get a case together). The police had contacted a lot of girls he has been texting in 2015-2019 and found 3 others who were willing to come forward and say that he had done things without consent during sex to them as well.
He got convicted for 3 rapes of girls that he was seeing and who wanted more than sex and were hurt.
He appealed, and he only got convicted for the first girl. He had screenshots of the other girls trying to booty call him AFTER he "raped" them, where he told them no and unfriended them.
The first girl had an abusive boyfriend, and met my guy on a dating app and agreed to sleep at his place. After they had sex, she acted normal, but then when she got back home she talked to her friend, who talked to the girls' boyfriend who then called the police on my guy.
The guy now been in jail for a year, and we have been seeing each other when he gets some "free time" in the weekends. (i live in a weird country haha)
We have had some very deep conversations -especially he is coming to realize that his prior fuckboy-life was a waste of time that he could have spend on his family and career.
We have pretty much fallen in love, and I know he wants to make me his girlfriend when he comes out in a month or two. However, my family would diiiie if the heard that the guy i'm dating is a convicted rapist!
But if I don't tell them. they would be able to read a couple of articles written about him if they google him. even if he changes his last name, his parents have his real name.
Should I let my family get to know him first, or should I be up front with them? He does for sure not look or act like some criminal
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1Opinion
Always tell the truth, but don't always be telling it. I think you/your boyfriend should wait for a while before mentioning anything. Maybe wait until the guy is about to come over to the house or something. TELL THEM BEFORE YOUR BOYFRIEND SETS FOOT IN THEIR HOUSE.
That kind of information is going to sound a lot better coming from you or him than it will if they just discover it on their own. Even then, it's going to be a lot for them to digest.
If you really and truly believe your boyfriend is innocent, you guys need to collect the evidence and say "hey, this is what happened. I know it is/it looks fucked up and I'm not going to make any excuses for my role in how I got here, but I'm trying to turn over a new leaf.
That's a good point about not bringing him to their house before they know! Didn't really think about that.
I would definitely tell them while he wasn't there in either case. He has a lot of feelings around the matter, and I'm also not sure how much detail I would want to go into.
There is a lot of debate about "consent laws" in my country at the moment, and a book will be coming out soon where his story is told through this woman who has followed a lot of cases. I might show them that, even though it goes into a lot of detail..
Oh wow, so this guy's story is pretty well known? I do not envy your situation lol
Yeah it is, however i forgot to say that the book portrays him as innocent
be upfront and honest with your family, decide if he is worth it or not, it is your life.
to answer your one statement, you made in the post at the end, lots of people are criminals who dont look like the stereotypical criminal
If you want a relationship with him in any serious capacity, then you should tell them.
Even before they meet him?
If you're wanting a serious relationship, then yes. Because if he actually is this nice dude, it may be better to win them over by being upfront, honest and open about it and then let him actually show them how he is.
Because, for most people, your family will be around and sometimes the boyfriends don't stick around. If you get on with your family well, its definitely another sign to tell them.
I'm just afraid that they then will paint a picture of him, and they will see him through tainted glasses if you know what I mean
I get that, but they'll also do the same, if not worse, if you don't tell them first too.
Unfortunately there isn't really a "good" outcome either way, but I think sharing first shows both you and him off in a better light. Because it's part of his life, and hiding it makes it feel sketchy and as if is he guilty.