Boyfriend admitted that he has a criminal record in the past. What should I do now?

[Anonymous]

He kept it from me for 5 years and suddenly he decided to tell me about his past. I freaked out and cried. He was swearing that i changed him and he is different now and not a bad guy. I told him that i need time alone but he lost his mind when he felt that i might leave him. He said that i don't have the right to disappear from his life or prevent him from his daughter. He asked me to think about our other baby on the way. He told me that he'd do anything to prove that his love to me and his kids changed him. I'm crazy about him and i won't lie about it but what about my kids? Should i believe him? It's been a week now and he didn't call or come to see us, i'm worried about him and confused. God i feel like I'd give birth any minute because of this stress and thinking.

Give him a chance

Just leave him

Other..

[GingerGuy]

First, breathe! Deep slow breathes. Relax and don't over think this. Truly look at this and don't just focus on the fact that he's been in trouble in the past. How has he been with you in the time you've been together? Sounds like a great guy/normal as you had no idea about this right? Understandably, he didn't want to tell you this as he's not exactly proud of it and didn't want to risk loosing you (think about if it was you in his position, you'd do the same thing probably right?). How's he been with your daughter? It sounds like you HAVE changed him and he's "grown up" and matured. What you're truly upset about and you have every right to be, is that he kept this from you! That was a mistake, no doubt about that, but he has come clean now. Take some time if you need to to digest this information but don't make any rash decisions yet. When you've calmed down, talk to him rationally and calmly and discuss the true issue, which is keeping this secret from you for so long! And the reason he hasn't contacted you is he's just giving you space and time. That's the ONLY reason. He's thinking of you.

[slatyb]

He didn't tell you because he is ashamed and was afraid that you would reject him because of it. Five years is a good long time to stay straight.

What happened and how long ago was it?

[Asker]

It was 7 years ago before i even know him and i was probably still in school.

[slatyb]

And what was his crime? Was it a crime against a person, against property, or a conviction for some consensual but illegal activity?

[Justanswer90]

Everyone deserves a second chance , ask yourself and don't ask anyone's advice. It just makes you confuse more. Take a deep breath and close your eyes. Imagine that you're going to spend the rest of your life with him. Do you think it's worth it or not? and think about your child, it's either going to grow up without father but who cares women are capable of being both. Think wisely before you make any decision. It's just not your life, it includes 3 lifes here. Baby, you and your boyfriend.

[samhradh_leannan]

Talk to him. There is no right answer here. What you should do depends on what you feel comfortable with and what you think is right for you and your daughter. Consider what kinds of crimes he committed, and whether he really has changed. He should have been honest much earlier, but this is the situation now. So just assess whether or not you can trust him.

[xobrowneyedbeauty]

5 years? he is a criminal and didn't tell you for FIVE YEARS?

what is the crime exactly? did he, like, shoplift, or did he murder someone? because i feel like that is extremely important here.

[EmmaMary]

Personally for the sake of the children perhaps you should consider giving him a chance, after all what sort of father has he been to your daughter?

[Asker]

He is good, kind and he his so attached to her.

[EmmaMary]

Well I think there might be your answer.
You very obviously need to talk this through in a calm and controlled manner and for both of you to listen to each others concerns.
Also for the sake of your unborn, you really must try not to get stressed out over this, so you really do need to start the talks as soon as possible.

[WalterRadio]

If you did not use birth control with someone who is not your husband, then you seriously screwed up.

You screwed up again when you didn't have an abortion.

You screwed up a third time when you didn't go for an adoption.

And you repeated all of these mistakes?

As far as this guy's record, there are good people who do something stupid (hopefully without hurting anyone) and would never do it again, and there are bad people. You need to understand which he is.

He obviously isn't very smart, otherwise you wouldn't have gotten pregnant. But being dumb doesn't mean being bad.

[JThomas]

why are you making this about the kids? why are you telling her she screwed up?

[WalterRadio]

@JThomas
I am telling her she made mistakes because she did. Having children without being married and financially secure is child abuse.

The kids here are also important because it means he does have rights and that because of her stupid mistakes, she is probably stuck with him.

[JThomas]

are you assuming they aren't financially secure?
you don't have to be married to have a family either

[Goochbreaker]

Is the law moral? Does man's law reflect what is truly right and wrong, or is it completely arbitrary and often very far from what is actually right? Is it right to imprison nonviolent people minding their own business because of what they might have in their backpack? Is it right for the robber to sue me after falling through my skylight and breaking his back on my granite countertop? (this actually happened in canada) FUCK MAN'S LAW A CRIMINAL RECORD MEANS NOTHING find out specifically what he did in his past, many legal actions make someone a far worse human being than dealing/smoking pot

[GracefulCharm]

You both were together for 5 years, you are probably unhappy that he kept a secret from you for this entire time. He's probably unhappy from how you reacted because you didn't show much care about him and what he has been through.

I think you care about how you and your family will be treated and accepted in your community. I understand your concerns, there is nothing wrong with them. Just remember that he has his own concerns. I'd recommend you listen to his and he listens to yours. You both are responsible for a family now. Please work together, no matter what past either of you have.

[hammeronfire]

you've been with him for five years and you didn't have any questioning about if he was a bad guy or not. you have two kids with him and you did not think he was a bad guy. he's been around your family and friends and they didn't think he was a bad guy. therefore he is not a bad guy. yes it is shocking news and i understand and he understands why you feel the way you do, but the fact that you and nobody around you thought that he was a bad guy means that he has changed and is no longer the person that he used to be

[hammeronfire]

and the fact that you've been together for 5 years and you are anywhere between 18 and 24 means that it couldn't have been that bad that he did not get a long time in prison

[markscott]

You don't say what he was convicted of. That makes a lot of difference. That he took years to tell you, probably indicates some distrust, at least in the past. He should have told you before you got pregnant. Bottom line, what he was convicted of make a whole lot of difference here.

[melendezm651]

If he has stayed straight for 5 years, I would say he is a changed man. Give him another chance. He wants to be in his kids life and yours and he isn't going to let his past dictate his life now. He might have had problems in the past, but they are all behind him.

[Blake0048]

Hmmm... that depends on what his criminal record consists of.. there's a big difference between possession of Marijuana with intent to sell versus say.. kidnapping and armed robbery or sex crimes. Find out the circumstances surrounding it. Now if he has had multiple arrests throughout childhood and adulthood and was institutionalized then he probably won't ever be normal again. He might not break the law anymore but people like that almost always maintain an antisocial state of mind.

[Anonymous]

I got a feeling it might have been a sex related crime since you are wigging out about this. If it had something to do with physical assualt/grave bodily injurily I think that might actually turn you on more.

But you have been dating this guy for 5 YEARS. You are pregnant with his child. You have had. plenty of time to get the better and worse things about you. He admitted this to you on his OWN ACCORD. Its not like you did a background check and found out.

He sounds like a changed man to me.

[TreyLong]

Leaving someone your crazy about would cause you great stress. Very harmful for the babies in you and around you.

[Asker]

I'm confused

[TreyLong]

You have a baby on the way. Leaving him would hurt you and the baby.

[ShaHills]

If you liked the person before you knew it and he hasn't given any sort of indication that he is a criminal then it shouldn't matter. People do have the ability to change themselves for the better. People deserve a 2nd chance. Put yourself in his position, if that happened to you and you did change would you want to be judged based solely off of a mistake in the past? People make mistakes, but people also learn from those mistakes and learn not to make them again.

[winterfox10]

You're kidding, right? If you didn't notice for 5 years, you never would have known without him telling you. He has proven that he changed. What more do you even need to know?

[lumos]

I'd say that if it was related to drugs, murder, rape/sexual assault, weapons etc, I'd leave. If we're talking about him stealing a loaf of bread and getting caught, I'd probably laugh and stay.

[Jassyw]

If you've been with him for five years, I think it's safe right sat he's changed. What was the record for anyway? Fighting in a club is a lot different to murdering someone

[OlderAndWiser]

What you should do depends on what the crimes are and whether he has any history of being dishonest with you.

[madgoat]

In 5 years you've had no cause to question his criminality so he's not obviously a risk.
What did he do? Or can't you say?

[bennythedog]

Depends what kind of criminal past. Some deeds by the law are characterised as criminal but it ain't a big deal. And there should be considered circumstances at the time.

[BrittBratt2416]

Well... what he do? It's the past hun, if he's a changed man and doing good in his life now then don't let it ruin your relationship.

[magic30]

People, motive, and maturity levels do change over time. Hell it's been 5 years. Give the guy a break, he maybe was afraid to tell you sooner because you would respond the way you did.

[Anonymous]

5 years.. I mean. It is better that he told you that you learn by someone else, no? He trust you, that's all. The mood sounds electric between you, calm down the game. Do you love him? and what kind of criminal record?

[whoop12345]

All depends on what he did. If he murdered a dude i think i may have an issue. If he goyr busted stealing a case a beer. Who hasn't?