Should you give people with kids a chance?

Question

Should you give people with kids a chance? My mom keep saying how I should give people who have kids a chance? single mom and things. maybe she saying it cause my cousin have a relationship like that he have his kids his wife kids and his new wife kids.

I not sure if my mom just saying it cause she want gran kids like her sister. But anyway I date a single more and we broke up over money. Also I had sex with a single mom but we stop cause I did want give her money and I did not like some of the thing she did. Also she did not want a relationship she just want money and things.

A lot of Guys say it bad to take care of kids that are not your own? why? I kind want to have my own kids. I not sure why my mom saying this. maybe she think I not open to the ideal. It bad to have kids now I live at home and have no job right now.

where I like to be with the girl I had sex with she bad for a relationship and she dose not want that type of thing. She just want me give her money for her kids and thing and be with a lot guys. I just want her cause she ok looking and could be nice if she was not with a lot people.

any way can someone one tell me the pro and con of being with a girl or a guy who have kids already? Also why my mom want me have kids?

I think single mom are hot when they a re pregnant.

I also think my dad is dying

Should you give people with kids a chance?

lightbulb27 · Accepted Answer

I'm married and have 2 step kids as does a relative. I know someone whom adopted a child, so I have some experience. I had job and career but now I'm stay at home dad and take care of the house. I like working, but hard to do both.

I have no idea why your mom is saying that, you need to ask her and what her thinking is. Maybe she wants you out of the house?

You need to get yourself together so you can contribute to make a family.

Taking on anothers children is a special calling and depends upon how well you bond with the kids and how they see your roll as well as the stability with the other parent.

Our situation is working out well, more thanks to my wife whom pulled it all together. I can answer what you want... there are tradeoffs. For example, the kids strive for their parents attention and focus... not mine so much. It's less likely the kids are there for me when I'm older.. assumption... who knows. Most kids fly out of the nest... but how much can I rely on them even given all I put in. They listen, but it's different when their parent talks to them. They have the traits of their parents and other influences I cannot control, sometimes not good. That creates new challenges to us, stresses. There are restrictions on where you can move since kids need equal time with the parents. etc..

If you want more kids... can she have them, does she want that, can you both handle that... how will the new kids get along with the others. $ may be a factor.

There's all kinds of things different. If you've got a big heart, maybe it's for you. If not, stay away and leave them for someone whom does.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Yes and no.

First off I really doubt your mom is saying it just for grandkids. Your mom isn't going to sabotage your life just for the sake of getting grandkids.

Now having said this you have to understand there's a reason she's a single mom. It's NOT bad luck as some women would have you believe. SHE made that choice believe it or not. It doesn't matter how she got there she chose it. If the guy left her she chose it by choosing a very weak man and not doing her homework. If she left him she chose it by directly choosing to leave. We can talk about the many different factors that made her single. But inevitably she chose it.

Now does this mean she's damaged goods? No. But the fact that she got pregnant without choosing a proper mate tells you she doesn't make good decisions. Now maybe she's learned from this. But do you want to risk YOUR future on a maybe.

I guess what I'm saying is a single mom should NEVER be your first choice. And if you consider one you should as a rule spend twice the length of time vetting her as you would a non single mom. Risk vs. Reward man. You're assuming greater risk with a single mom. It's incumbent upon her to prove she's worthy. Because her actions to date show otherwise

Mamaliv · Accepted Answer

I don’t think weather some one has children or not should be a deal breaker. A relationship is about the connection you have with another person and if you really click with said person than you should take a chance!

The dynamic will be different because most single parents will put their children before you as they should. A good parent will not expect or want you to be the father/mother to their children, a good role model is important though. You will have to sacrifice time and energy and understanding that your partner can’t always drop their responsibilities to fulfill your needs. But I believe if you really have love for someone you will find a way to make it work.

I am a single mother of three, my priorities are first my children, second my job because I support myself and my children. I don’t want a man to help me or to parent my children. I want a man that is willing to be there for me, someone I can have fun and free up with when I’m not overloaded with my responsibilities. I want a man that is there is hold me up when I’m feeling overwhelmed and I will return the favor. It’s not an easy spot to fill and I’m okay being alone. I do believe that if the right one comes along that making it work will be easy if it’s what the of us want.

WiccanLady2023 · Accepted Answer

Single mothers are statistically very often welfare tramps, high school dropouts, with drug / alcoholism issues and generally undesirable except for cheap sex - unprotected at that hence their god knows who daddy was children (or how many different men).

You experienced twice with two different women.

Not interested in a relationship - likely have multiple men going at the same time.

Not good for much except sex - no relationship interest, so just hookups.

And only interested in you for money & things - emulating how they leech off of welfare (or off of decent respectable contributing members of society) while contributing little.

.

Tell your mother that where you live single mothers are what they are... tramps, cheap, and undesirable.

You can even tell her you're not that desperate as to take on someone else's brats with a woman who is not reliable, using you for money & contributing nothing to your life that a prostitute couldn't (the cheap sex - no relationship these women want).

OlderAndWiser · Answer

"I live at home and have no job right now." You shouldn't be considering taking on responsibility for ANY children at this time, regardless of who the father is. You need to focus on becoming self-sufficient before you start looking for a serious relationship.

Avicenna · Answer

Honestly, at your age you should not even consider dating single moms, especially since you want your own biological kids (women who already have kids are much less likely to want more with a new guy).

There are plenty of women out there without kids- find one and date her.

monorprise · Answer

It depends, on how she ended up single. If she filed for divorce stay away from her, if he simply left her, look very closely as to why.

Yes some men abandon their families for selfish reasons but many more are driven out by the mother with mental issues, or operating on unrealistic demands. You need to figure out what the story is.

This probably isn't worth it if you got plenty of single options but it becomes more and more advantageous to try the older you and thus she gets. Her issues become less likely, and the single women's issues become more of an issue if they are still single that long.

Kiran_Yagami · Answer

A chance has nothing to do with. Nor does fairness. Women with kids are a massive risk to men, especially single men with no children of their own. The government can and will put you on the hook for another man's bastard. They're foaming at the mouth to do it, because then they don't have to foot the bill. You do. Until the laws and the policies change, there are no chances to be given. My advice to women is, if you don't want to be a single mother in the dating world, choose the men you sleep with much, much more carefully. There is no such thing as risk free sex for you, and I will advice any man to stay 1,000 feet away if you draw the short stick.

Telekinetic-Potato · Answer

I think it's very different with younger people these days. My mom met a good enough guy when he backed his truck into one of our deck decorations outside our apartment. He just broke up with the girl next door but she took things slow with him and he ended up being a good dude. Granted, my mom is a nut job.

I'm a little more skeptical about something like that happening now.

A mom with a kid is a sign she has problems being in a relationship. Usually it's the woman who breaks things off and usually the guy wasn't all that bad. I mean, think about making the decision of breaking up your family so that your kids don't really have a father. That's a massive decision. It's usually made selfishly. Not always, and we should never assume. But it's often enough to warrent extreme caution.

Kaamraj · Answer

Nope, as a man I would never give a woman with children a serious consideration because this is against my reproductive interests. She has already fulfilled her genetic destiny by having a child and so has another man (biological father). So raising someone else's genes using my resources is cheating my own genetic legacy. Secondly, in such a relationship I will always come third, after her and her child, which is only okay if it's my child.

Sarahr123 · Answer

You’re way to young to consider that. If you were 40+ I would have said it’s fine or like suppose if you couldn’t have biological kids then some young boys do consider widows and stuff but because you’re a young boy who is capable of having biological children I think you should go for a young woman who doesn’t have children and has never been married. I think you need to be on equal footing.

Mehrsia · Answer

I guess, it depends on if you want to put lots of effort to also act as a father for that kid.

I myself, prefer single guy with no baggages, but if I meet a man who has only one kid and he is responsible for his kid and provides for his kid then I have no issue with dating someone who has kid.

So, if you decide to date a single mom, it would be wise to make sure mom takes responsibility for her kid and needs. She is financially independent and kid has good upbringing.

Regarding your mom expectation for you to have kid, I belive having kid is lots of responsibilities and very expensive. Therefore, it should be with someone who is responsible and mature enough to take part in parenthood with you.
For having a child it is a must to have a stable job and also a house and good partner. Other than that do not even think about it.

provokeesmokee · Answer

Unless you also want kids, no.

I won't date someone with kids. Not because I don't like kids, but because I don't want kids nor do I want to be a parent.

But I'm not about to let my wants come before the needs of that child. That kid deserves two parents who love them and will support them.

So it's best for everyone if I let the parent find someone who wants to join them in raising their kid.

Grovermint · Answer

I don't want to. I'm not interested in taking care of someone elses' kid. Many women with kids have one or more deadbeats that don't contribute to their child's upbringing at all. It's not in my interest to develop a relationship with someone that made such a poor decision or poor decisions.

I can deal with not being the priority as kids do and should come first, but it depends on how this came to be.

The only situations I would is if she's a widow and that's the only father or there's only one father and he actually contributes to the care of his kids.

Being a stepfather would come as it's own rewards, I guess. If I get a long well with the kids and she wants more, I guess it's ok.

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

Nope.

I don't want kids, but if I did, I'd still not want another guy in the picture, or to raise his kids.

I also don't want to be her next mistake and be stuck with her because of kids of our own, and never able to find a permanent relationship afterwards because of that.

I'm only interested in being with a virgin, a woman smart enough to be sure a guy is "the one" before humping him.

Moms are an automatic no from me, zero exceptions.

Miristheiss · Answer

NO!!! If you are single with no kids then just date single girls with no kids.  Let the single dads date the single moms Trust me, it will work out a LOT better for you that way.

Anonymous · Answer

I almost did once, but then he turned out to be a bit too much of a party person and I thought: I don't need this crap.

nastyb · Answer

listen to your heart.

if you don't want to raise someone else's kids but you do so anyway because your mom told you so... you will hate your life and you will be a terrible step dad.

its not worth it.

ariadneR · Answer

Absolutely. I did, and it turned out to be a big fucking mistake cause he was a duck head but I don't regret it.

My brother did, and he is on cloud nine, and my step neice is one of my mini bffs. I wouldn't even call her my step neice, she's my neice

Apple1996 · Answer

If you are open to single moms then go for it but don't do it just because your mom wants grandkids.

Smashingdoozy · Answer

Gross that you sexualise pregnant people.  You don't have to date single mums. If you aren't ready for kids then don't do it.

red324 · Answer

I have, but the kids always came first and they never seem to be able to set aside time for me, or even me and her kids so it's never gone anywhere with a girl who has kids.

exitseven · Answer

When I was young I would never date someone that had kids. The kids were always toddlers and required a lot of work and besides I was not interested in raising someone else's kid. Now I would date someone that had older kids.

sheikalana · Answer

I did give a guy with a kid a chance and we're married now. I never thought I would ever have a relationship with someone with a kid but he really stole my heart.

Should you give people with kids a chance?

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